old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. riding the dog like it's a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment! luckily though, ya know, i conceal this bad boy underneath my blanket just so i can get on e-trade. check my investment portfolio, research stocks... wait, why are you taking... oh, i see...solitary. just a man and his thoughts. and a smartphone... with an e-trade app. ♪ nobody knows... [ male announcer ] e-trade. investing unleashed. >> welcome back. my guest tonight, an actor in crazy stupid love. >> i got the report on the end of the year financials. >> good, good, really great. >> okay. >> seriously. >> all right. okay. >> seriously. >> who told you that emily and i are getting divorced? >> amy heard you crying in the bathroom. we all thought it was cancer. >> oh, thank god, man. >> jon: please welcome back to the program mr. steve carell. [cheering and applause] first of all, i'm going to say something to you, and i mean this sincerely. i know this is a difficult time for you with "the office" and every

old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. the eagle flies at dawn.eats custard. price-line ne-go-ti-a-tor. so, you've been double crossed by other travel sites and now you want to try the real deal. yes, is it true that name your own price... ...got even easier? affirmative. we'll show you other people's winning hotel bids. so i'll know how much to bid... ...and save up to 60% i'm in i know the lady in leather travels on three wheels. wait, is that code? that's my secret weapon... ...naomi pryce see winning hotel bids now at priceline. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: well, that's it for "the report," everyb ♪ [rock] [man] testing. testing, testing. one, two, three. ♪ ["sweet home alabama"] turn it up. whoo! ♪ big wheels keep on turnin' ♪ carry me home to see my kin ♪ ♪ singin' songs about the southland ♪ [all shouting] dang! whoo! ♪ i miss old bammy once again and i think it's a sin, hey ♪ that's what i'm talkin' about. hold up. ho. - radio station i.d. - coming to work. joe dirte. don't try and church it up, son. don't you mean joe dirt? naming y

old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. everybody. thank you. my guest tonight is a harvard professor of philosophy. i'll ask him, what is the sound of one audience clapping? please welcome michael sandell. [cheering and applause] thank you. professor, please, sit down. all right. sir, let's get the crm v. out here. it's kind of impressive for those who like things. you're a professor at harvard, so you're smarty pants. you have thought political philosophy since 1980. you teach a special undergraduate court called "justice." 15,000 students have taken it so far. you can watch this on youtube. you can buy the whole thing on d.v.d. "justice: what is the right thing to do." i'll bite. what's the right thing to do? [laughter] i got my own answer, but what's your answer, smarty pants. yeah. come on, you're the teacher. >> well, especially i teach by asking students questions. >> stephen: fire away. >> all right. shall we try one? >> stephen: yeah. >> okay. alex rodriguez of the yankees... >> stephen: sucks. did i get that right? did i get that right

old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. >> jon: welcome back my guest tonight, he's a writerook is called the president and the as assassin: mckinley empire at the dawn of the century." please welcome scott miller. thank you so much for being here. [applause] thank you for joining us. >> my pleasure. >> we're very excited. big mckinley fans out there tonight. [applause] i got to tell you, i know i'm not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but i got to tell you, beautifully done. mckinley gets no love. why does mckinley get no love? you have your assassinated presidents, your lincoln, your kennedy, garfield gets a little love. mckinley, no love. the last guy in the trivia question. >> he had the misfortune of being followed by one of our most beloved and charismatic presidents, theodore rose vel, and mckinley, because he was assassinated, he didn't leave a lot of written record. his wife was an inhave a lid, she didn't survive to write very much. if you look at his five years in office from 1897 to 1901, they were filled with great drama, great excitement. he led the u.s. i

old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. >> jon: that's our show.s next week at 11:00. so there you have it. finally. stop with the letters and the cards and the e-mails. we had the mckinley guy on. done. [cheering and applause] here it is, your moment of zen. >> honest to god, my favorite no peanut butter. stracaptioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. vo: get a free ice tray.lege. or -- buy a pc for college. get a free xbox 360®. get yours at windows.com/freexbox. buy a bean bag for college. get beans. or -- buy a pc for college. get an xbox 360®. get yours at windows.com/freexbox. while supplies last. [ male announcer ] if it's true that sharks can sense even a drop of blood froroa quarter of a mile away, which razor would you use? ♪ ♪ ♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- harrison ford. and lady gaga. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, if there are no onon objections, here's jimm kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everyone. it's very nice. thank you, i appreciate. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for pretending you care about me so you can see lady gaga. lady gaga is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i want to -- i don't want to spoil the surprise, but i took a peak backstage to see what she's wearing. she's wearing maybe the most

old navy khakis from $12 dollars, john stamos, so stick around.things stacked. [ male announcer ] applebee's knows what the neighborhood likes. we like things stuffed. [ all ] topped! [ male announcer ] so we're serving up stacked, stuffed and topped entrees! like the amazing new chicken parmesan stack stuffed with italian cheeses and topped with spicy marinara for only $9.99. there's also provolone stuffed meatballs, new florentine topped house sirloin and more. stacked, stuffed and topped! i like things smooshed. we'll work on that. [ male a aouncer ] only at applebee's. open 'til midnight or later. >> jimmy: well, hello there. we're back. tonight on the program, a young woman who has a show called "pretty little liars." ashley benson is with us. and then, with music from his enormous cd. it's called "all things bright and beautiful. owl city from the bud light outdoor stage. our music guest tomorrow night is bush. the band, not the president. our first guest tonight has been on tv since he was an uncle. he is adopted beach boy and an all-around

old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. here, take the card. you go to the shops... please remove all metal objects out of your pockets. with chase freedom... you can get cash back on what you buy everyday. that's 5% cash back in bonus categories every three months. and an unlimited 1% everywhere else. and this too... i'm going to need a supervisor over here at gate 4. activate your 5% cash back today at chase.com/freedom or at your local chase branch. this flat-out delicious -- the new $3 flatbread breakfast combo. [ moos ] a toasty 6-inch flatbread breakfast sandwich and a 16-ounce cup of freshly brewed seattle's best coffee. all for just $3. [ clucks ] build a breakfast of epic proportions, like the crispalicious bacon, egg, & cheese with everything from juicy tomatoes to zesty jalapenos, for a delicious way to start your day. the new subway $3 flatbread breakfast combo. build your better breakfast today. a man can only try... and try...and try. i heard eating wle grain oats can help lower my cholesterol. it's gonna be tough...so tough. my wife and i want to lowe

old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guestr whose new film, "crazy, stupid, love" is in theaters friday, july 29th. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome ryan gosling! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome buddy. hey, welcome. welcome. welcome to our show. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: that's for being here, yeah. >> thank you so much. >> who is this -- who's guy here? >> that's george. >> jimmy: hey, george. [ dog barking ] >> jimmy: oh, hi. thank you. oh, very good. >> okay, george. >> jimmy: thanks for saying hi. >> george likes apples. >> jimmy: oh, he eats apples. good. now, what's going on with george's mohawk? is that is style? >> he insists -- he insists on it. >> jimmy: he insists on it for the summer? >> ten years ago i shaved a mohawk, you know just for the summer. >> jimmy: yeah, of course. and then every time it started to grow out, he turned into a total jerk. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not true. look at george, he can't be a jerk. >> it is true. no, he would. and then i'd shave it back and then