i'll ask him which country has the best olive garden. cargill has recalled ground turkey.ersonally, i don't know why anybody would buy ground turkey taint. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. welcome to "the report." thank you for joining us. [audience chanting "stephen"] [cheering and applause] thank you so much. thank you. thank you. that sound of your chanting is so soothing it's like putting a seashell up to your ear into which you have stuffed your own ego. [laughter] nation, it's barack obama's 50th birthday. [cheering and applause] [laughter] that's right. it's that time of year again, folks, when the president tries to convince us he was born. [laughter] we're not buying it, obama. everybody knows that american presidents are born in february. that's why it's called president's day. i'm not the only one who is angry. so is sean hannity's voice. >> economic armageddon has been avoided, but the economy remains in tatters, so how does the president react? he

>> stephen: i'll tell you what makes me mad about olive garden, i appreciate it.et that. what makes me mad, i go to the olive garden, they say, unlimited bread sticks, but if i back my car up and say fill the trunk, they say, "no way." it's a lie. not unlimited. there are limits. but why even leave america to get exotic fare? i can go to my local food mart and get a panda express and chipotle and taco bell and other things. [laughter] you know, i can travel the world in my jazzy. >> you know, people ask all the time, what's nose exotic or unusual or grotesque food you've ever eaten, and i still maintain it's pretty hard to beat for sheer grotesqueness and bizarreness a cinnabun. [laughter and applause] >> stephen: really? really? is it that they're larger than your face? >> that's one worrisome aspect. >> stephen: but isn't the fact that our portions are so large one of the reasons why americans have the best food? we certainly... we seem to eat the most food. we're a large people. >> that concerns me also. as a patriot, i'm concerned by the ballooning of america.

at olive garden.njoy our new pancetta and parmesan-filled carbonara ravioli with pan-seared chicken. or with sauteed shrimp for $12.95. at olive garden.

dy ♪ come in for a great time at olive garden.$10.95 enjoy our new pancetta and parmesan-filled carbonara ravioli with pan-seared chicken. or with sauteed shrimp for $12.95. at olive garden. 1800contacts we deliver your contact lenses fast ♪violin musical theme so you walk to your mailbox, not to your car. you'll also save money so you can buy a new shirt mailbox no car (sound of game show buzzer) new shirt free shipping when you order now at 1800contacts.com >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. ["the colbert report" theme music captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by >> stephen: tonight, president obama makes a deal with republicans. and in exchange, he gets really good at guitar. [laughter] then, a new technology to honor the dead. that burp you hear means the coffin has sealed in the freshness. [laughter] and my guest tony hsieh is the ceo of zappos which means if i don't like him, i can return him for free. [laughter]

dy ♪ come in for a great time at olive garden.or just $10.95 enjoy our new pancetta and parmesan-filled carbonara ravioli with pan-seared chicken. or with sauteed shrimp for $12.95. at olive garden. for $12.95. the eagle flies at dawn. the monkey eats custard. price-line ne-go-ti-a-tor. so, you've been double crossed by other travel sites and now you want to try the real deal. yes, is it true that name your own price... ...got even easier? affirmative. we'll show you other people's winning hotel bids. so i'll know how much to bid... ...and save up to 60% i'm in i know the lady in leather travels on three wheels. wait, is that code? that's my secret weapon... ...naomi pryce see winning hotel bids now at priceline. >> welcome back. welcome back. [cheering and applause] folks, i said it many times on this very broadcast. i am no fan of the department of health and human services. i am an originalist. i say we live our lives the way our founding fathers intended, four feetfall, crippled with ricketts until we die of old age at 28. but

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come in for lunch today, just $6.95, only at olive garden. [ child's vovoe ] can i have some? child's voice ] you guys should rock, paper, scissors for it. ok. [ chuckles ] best of three? sure. one-two-three-shoot. one-two-three-shoot. [ scoffs ] one-two-three-shoot. one-two-three-shoot. one-two-three-shoot. one-two-three-shoot. i win! oh, man. [ muffled ] congratulations. [ male announcer ] get your own bbq pulled pork sub at subway®. tender, slow-cooked pork with irresistibly bold barbecue sauce. subway. eat fresh®. hey, uh, what's up with your naked toilet paper? yeeaah, i noticed that, man. inappropriate. naked toilet paper? i don't know what you're... your cottonelle roll just sittin' out? seriously... it's primitive, man. yeah, you're taking it for granted. just cover it up. huh. a roll cover...fancy. that stuff will make your day. toilet paper that nice? deserves respect. respect the roll. [ female announcer ] new cottonelle clean care toilet paper. get a free roll cover at respecttheroll.com. have you ever won anything before? no. [ radio dj ] alright, well here's your

come in for lunch today, just $6.95, only at olive garden. here, take the card.l meet you at the gate. thanks. please remove all metal objects out of your pockets. with chase freedom... you can get cash back on what you buy everyday. that's 5% cash back in bonus categories every three months. and an unlimited 1% everywhere else. and this too... i'm going to need a supervisor over here at gate 4. activate your 5% cash back today at chase.com/freedom or at your local chase branch. >> jimmy: hello, we are back. what are you -- what are you -- guillermo, what are you wearing, guillermo? >> i am ironman. >> jimmy: you're ironman? i think you're a movie late or ahead, i'm not sure. why are you ironman? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: jon favreau is recting our show tonight in support of his new movie "cowboys and aliens." from that movie, adam beach is here tonight. and then a real cowboy type, with the number one song on the country charts, with music from this, his latest album, "neon." chris young from the bud light stage. tomorrow night, "cowboys and aliens" week contin

only at olive garden. featuring four homemade soups.-buck jeans.ns... maybe a college fund... keep trying combinations...♪ vo: get jeans for ten-bucks and a chance for a ten thousand dollar college fund at old navy's lucky locker-ama! hey, uh, what's up with your naked toilet paper? yeeaah, i noticed that, man. inappropriate. naked toilet paper? i don't know what you're... your cottonelle roll just sittin' out? seriously... it's primitive, man. yeah, you're taking it for granted. just cover it up. huh. a roll cover...fancy. that stuff will make your day. toilet paper that nice? deserves respect. respect the roll. [ female announcer ] new cottonelle clean care toilet paper. get a free roll cover at respecttheroll.com. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very nice. thank you, buddy. sounds good. [ cheers and applause ] oh. all right, welcome back, everybody. it's time for part two of tonight's "jersey shore shared experience." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sharing a thing with one another it's a shared experience ♪ >> jimmy: oh, that's so bea

only at olive garden. featuring four homemade soups.5. ♪ [ female announcer ] new 100% natural lipton iced tea. you are what you tea. of these abandoned racetracks in america today. automotive performance is gone. and all we have left are fallen leaves and broken dreams and -- oh. wait a second. that is a dodge durango. looks like americacaperformance is doing just fine. ♪ carry on. ♪ you carry them around everywhere. yes i do, because cravings are everywhere. would you take a craving for me, cartwright? how would i -- exactly. [ male announcer ] nicorette mini goes wherever you go, to help make quitting suck less. a network of possibilities. in here, the planned combination of at&t and t-mobile would deliver our next generation mobile broadband experience to 55 million more americans, many in small towns and rural communities, giving them a new choice. we'll deliver better service, with thousands of new cell sites... for greater access to all the things you want, whenever you want them. it's the at&t network... and what's possible in h

come in for lunch today, just $6.95, only at olive garden.a. i love the fragrance of rosemary mint. her hair is very smooth, shiny. i can't tell the difference. [ male announcer ] new suave professionals. reformulated to work as well as top salon brands. summertime is now a happy time. when we can eat what we want and sleep soundly through the night. prevacid®24hr prevents the acid that causes frequent heartburn, all day, all night. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >>> jimmy: our first guest served two terms as mayor of new york city and is widely referred to as america's mayor. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome rudy giuliani. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. rudy giuliani. rudy! [ laughter ] audience: rudy! >> jimmy: yeah. that's a great name to yell out. >> hey! >> jimmy: yeah. i always see you at the yankee games, i go down and see the yankees, and you're always there. >> oh, yeah. >>> jimmy: and people -- do you like going to those games? do people bother you there? >> no, it's great going to yankee stadium. you should see what happens

come in for lunch today, just $6.95, only at olive garden.ls rosemary mint versus aveda. i love the fragrance of rosemary mint. her hair is very smooth, shiny. i can't tell the difference. [ male announcer ] new suave professionals. reformulated to work as well as top salon brands. the 3.6-liter v6 engine of the jeep grand cherokee has a best-in-class driving range of over 500 miles per tank. so you can catch morning tee time in pebble beach and the afternoon meeting in los angeles all without running out of gas. just make sure you don't run out of gas. ♪ >> jimmy: hi, welcome back. tonight on the program, a man who over the years has facilitated more random hook-ups than the casual encounters section on craigslist -- host of "the bachelor," "bachelorette," and "bachelor pad" chris harrison is here. and then, with music from his new album, this is the number one album in the country, it's called "chief." eric church is here -- from the bud light stage. tomorrow night, jessica alba will be here. we'll make sandwiches with steve martorano and w

come in for lunch today, just $6.95, only at olive garden. >> welcome back. as you know, i watch a lot of fox news. (laughter) >> jon: because i hate my own head. (laughter) but my favorite fox news personality and this is true, hands down, megyn kelly, host of america live runs in the afternoon, she went on maternity leave and folk tried foul a toss one replacing her with this lady for a little bit. (laughter) >> jon: and in some cases, this other lady. come on fox, you think you can stick any pretty blond lady into megyn kelly's chair and we won't notice. october continuation did take me a couple days to notice but by the way i happen to know it is anchor lady harvest season until october. good news megyn kelly back in the studio. this week. new hair-do but the same take no prisoners attitude. watch her take on this talk radio host who had a nerve to make a crack about letter while she was on leave. >> here is what you said. >> megyn is still on maternity leaveness. >> right. >> are you complaining. she's bonding with her baby. >> what a racket that is men

i'll ask him which country has the best olive garden. cargill has recalled ground turkey.t know why anybody would buy ground turkey taint. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. welcome to "the report." thank you for joining us. [audience chanting "stephen"] [cheering and applause] thank you so much.

only at olive garden. welcome back. the iowa straw poll isn't the only poll to reveal surprising results. congress was the subject of a recent poll. fortunately no one in there appears ready to follow pawlenty's lead and bow out. samantha bee has more. >> reporter: in the wake of the debt ceiling debate congress has reached a new low. >> congress's job approval number, according to our most recent poll, is 14%. >> reporter: 14%. who the (beep) are these people? there's a higher percentage of dentists who recommend sugary gum than people who approve of congress. i hit the streets to find one of these elusive approvers. >> they're screwing it all up. >> they're doing a terrible job. >> i haven't approved anything congress has done since perhaps 1970. >> congress stinks. >> reporter: statistically there had to be someone who approved of congress. >> no. >> no. >> no, not at all. >> yes. >> reporter: what? >> yes. yes, i do. >> reporter: and there he was. an actual 14%er. james schmool. >> i totally approve of congress. i h

only at olive garden. >> welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is america's un ambassador, unfortunately i don't speak unese. please welcome susan wright. (cheers and applause) thank you so much for coming on. now that little greeting i gave the audience cheering for me, did that remind you of any dictators or mad men who come speak at the general assembly. a hugo chavez feel? >> every september we have a bit of a sideshow. sometimes it feels a little like the star wars bar scene where some of the most colourful dictators of the world will come and give their speeches but most of the year it's actually a pretty serious place where we get a lot of good work done for the american people. >> so the they are up there, just going-- that's that white-- what is playing in the whitehead phone of yours. i don't want to hear the speech. >> now you are the official title, you are the u.s. permanent representative to the united nations. >> i think that's correct. >> your predecessor was john bolton. >> yes. >> he of the walrusy mustache. what is it like to follow john bolton. dow still find whiskers

only at olive garden. dad: has football gear for your favorite team and more. styles galore!you're wearing! together: a shirt that fits so right! friend: college and pro... mom: hey, who's that guy? kid: he brought pizza... everyone: he's alright!! vo: it's superfan nation! college and pro fan gear from just $14 bucks. only at old navy! >> thank you very much. welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is a feminist icon and the subject of a new hbo documentary. and it's only 75% as long as documentaries about men. please welcome gloria steinham. (cheers and applause) gloria, good to see you again. how are you doing. >> very good. >> stephen: i don't have to introduce you, you are a feminist icon. >> no, no, no,. >> stephen: no, you are, you are a feminist icon. there are people that wear pictures of you around their neck. >> but icon is really dangerous because then you get an iconoclast. it's not a good idea wz. >> stephen: people attack you for being an icon and here we go. >> okay, okay i'm ready. >> stephen: this documentary is gloria in her own words. why do you need to

try it tonight at your olive garden.ou're here, you're family. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] unlike some car companies, nissan is running at 100% which means the most innovative cars, are also the most available cars. nissan, innovation for today. innovation for all. >> safer: the past decade has been devastating for the catholic church-- seemingly endless cases of sex abuse by priests, and bishops who turned a blind eye to it. and multi-billion-dollar payouts to victims, all of which led to a steady loss of the faithful. as we first reported last winter, the one man the american church hopes can change all that is timothy dolan-- for two years now, the archbishop of new york, the nation's most prominent pulpit. he's also been called the "american pope," after his election to head the u.s. conference of catholic bishops. his mission, as he sees it, is to change a perception of the church that ranges from negative to irrelevant. he wants to see the old church made new-- zero tolerance of wayward priests, and an emphasis on what

try it tonight at your olive garden.ou're here, you're family. [ eves ] years ago, i hurt my shoulder drag racing. that's when i decided to take it easy, so i took up hang gliding. [ female announcer ] a grandpa who refuses to grow up. [ eves ] the pain was bad, but the thought of not being a hang glider pilot was worse. [ female announcer ] that's when eves turned to sutter health's palo alto medical foundation. [ eves ] the doctors that i dealt with, they got it, that this old guy wanted to return as a hang glider pilot. they got me flying again. [ female announcer ] palo alto medical foundation, and sutter health -- our story is you. >> safer: the past decade has been devastating for the catholic church-- seemingly endless cases of sex abuse by priests, and bishops who turned a blind eye to it. and multi-billion-dollar payouts to victims, all of which led to a steady loss of the faithful. as we first reported last winter, the one man the american church hopes can change all that is timothy dolan-- for two years now, t

come in for lunch today, just $6.95, only at olive garden.rous plaque that can build up in arteries over time... high cholesterol is a major factor. but these other health factors can also contribute to plaque buildup. so if you have high cholesterol and any of these other health factors... it's even more important to get your cholesterol where your doctor wants. talk to your doctor about crestor. when diet and exercise alone aren't enough... adding crestor can lower bad cholesterol by up to 52%. and crestor is proven to slow plaque buildup in arteries. crestor is not right for everyone, like people with liver disease... or women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant. simple blood tests will check for liver problems. tell your doctor about other medicines you're taking... or if you have muscle pain or weakness. that could be a sign of serious side effects. ask your doctor about high cholesterol... plaque buildup... and if crestor is right for you. if you can't afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help. >> stahl: it's

come in for a great time at olive garden. with sauteed shrimp for $12.95. at olive garden. for $12.95. and off we go! seeking inspiration from the world's best yogurts for activia selects in paris we discovered the inspiration cc1: for a totally new yogurt. activia selects french so silky and smooth with lots of juicy fruit. then our search took us to beautiful greece and this thick and creamy greek yogurt, so rich and full of flavor. it was a grueling trip! try new activia french and greek yogurt. a world of great new tastes. >>> if morning on "today's" relationships. what would you do if your partner put on some extra pounds? according to a recent poll nearly 50% of men say they would dump their partner if she gained too much weight. nicole is the executive editor of "cosmopolitan" magazine and robi ludwig is contributor to care.com. ladies, we are shocked. cosmo did this survey of 80,000 men. men who are basically not married yet, though. they're boyfriend and girlfriend. this was the result. half of them. >> askmen.com, d

. >> the president took his family to the olive garden and his credit card got declined. >> travolta'sterview.

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only at olive garden. featuring four homemade soups. enjoy all you want for just $6.95.re concerned about wide spread outages today, especially at a time when fans and air conditioning, they are not just creature comforts, they are necessities. and not just here in texas, all over the south. >> do not take these temperatures lightly. there is nothing -- there's nothing trivial about this at all. >> reporter: in memphis, where the heat is being blamed for the deaths of a police officer and public works employee, city leaders are pleading with residents to look after their neighbors. >> please, just check on somebody. >> reporter: a gardener in texas did just that and saved an elderly man when he spotted him on the floor passed out from 100 degree temperatures inside this mobile home. carla allen is one of thousands left without power in benton, arc, a, after a malfunction at the area's utility plants. with no air-conditioning to keep cool, she worries for her pets. >> and they can't stand the heat, too, so i don't know what we're going to do. >> reporter: nightfall provid

cut out gift cards to people to the olive garden and walmart? you have to be creative at this point and no political bandwinel for that in d.c. you saw they were at their throats last week on the debt ceiling. >> you also need to get housing back on track. in 15 seconds we have left. >> that is a whole other can of worms. housing come off a record high and that will take years. we have years of inventory to eat down. >> and real estate agents saying homes sitting there. >> thank you so much. >> terrell brown is standing by with a check of other headlines of the day. terrell, good morning. >> good morning to you, erica. >>> the senate this morning is scheduled to pass a bill to end the partial shutdown of the faa and put 75,000 people back to work. the bipartisanship deal will extend the faa -- >>> rebel forces in libya say moammar gadhafi's youngest son killed in a nato air strike this morning. the strike centered on 90 miles southeast of tripoli. 32 others were also killed. nato is investigating. >>> former beatle paul mccartney says he may hav

century scientists were surprised to see them bearing fruit kochi to palms and olive trees a research be found in the botanical garden but most of all a botanist pride themselves on the sago palm. him here in the garden you can find plants which are one hundred to one hundred twenty years old they are thought to be some of the oldest on earth the history goes back to the coal age that is to say they're related to the tree fern. today the park is still being restored to its former glory but soon it will once again open for the public to enjoy. the first. place. if. it was the fourth quarter. of. this industry still keeps its secrets a denounced time to reveal that in the soviet files an aussie some. wealthy british style seinfeld's that's not on my list of. markets why not scandals. find out what's really happening to the global economy in these kinds of reports on r.t. . if. if pete is. just so pleased. to. see. the movie and foreign ministry is situated on the black sea coast twenty kilometers from some whom it was founded eight hundred seventy five by monks who had a right. the next year from greece soon after that

scientists was surprised to see them bearing fruit kochi to palms bamboo and olive trees only search be found in the botanical garden but most of the botanists pride themselves on the sago palm. him here in the garden you can find plants which are one hundred two hundred twenty years old and they are thought to be some of the oldest on earth the history goes back to the college that is to say they're related to the tree for. today the park is still being restored to its former glory and soon it will once again open for the public to enjoy. glenn. martin here broadcasting live from washington d.c. coming up today on the big picture. x x. x x. x. x. me to eat. if. you. please. the movie and phone ministry is situated on the black sea coast twenty kilometers from sukumar it was founded in eight hundred seventy five by monks who were right in that cause here from greece soon after that the close to became a leading religious sense out in the caucuses the ministry stands on an elevation surviving defensive force of cations of the end a copy a fortress around a nearby hill and a copy is the name of the capital of the anci

scientists were surprised to see them bearing fruit kochi to palms bamboo and olive trees only search we found in the patella garden but most of all a botanist pride themselves on the sago palm. hume here in the garden you can find plants which are one hundred to one hundred twenty years old and they are thought to be some of the oldest on to the history goes back to the college that is to say they're related to the tree fern. today the public is still being restored to its former glory but soon it will once again open for the public to enjoy. this is a cable from the u.s. embassy in colombo to talk about here it apparent june seventh incident of extrajudicial executions the military according to the press there on that date filled nine your religion with desiccation right instructs your own couldn't you know and therefore according to the strongly suggest however that the nine were executed by the army and then dressed in military fatigues. explain how you know this kind of phenomenon where bodies are dressed up as guerrillas and presenting is killed in action and this and this the idea that you need to produce bo

scientists were surprised to see them bearing fruit gokey to palms and olive trees only served to be found in the botanical garden but most of all a botanist pride themselves on the sago palm. him here in the garden you can find plants which are one hundred to one hundred twenty years old they are thought to be some of the oldest on earth the history goes back to the college that is to say they're related to the tree for. today the park is still being restored to its former glory but soon it will once again open for the public to enjoy. her. good. news. if. i am a. damn lucky official on t.v. application i phone i pod touch from the i choose apps to. enjoy life on the go. video on demand i'll teach my old costs and r.s.s. feeds now in the palm of your. question on the call. if. the movie and phone ministry is situated on the black sea coast twenty kilometers from some. it was founded in one thousand nine hundred five by the monks who had arrived in that cause here from greece soon after that a close to became a leading religious center in the caucasus the ministry stands on an elevation of surviving defensive for

scientists was surprised to see them bearing the fruit cookie two poems and olive trees only served to be found in the botanical garden but most of all a botanist pride themselves on the sago palm. him here in the garden you can find plants which are one hundred two hundred twenty years old they are thought to be some of the oldest on earth their history goes back to the coal age that is to say they're related to the tree for. today the park is still being restored to its former glory but soon it will once again open for the public to enjoy. the economy. moving. subsists . is the first step to. the so. odd. wealthy british scientists. rightly. market why not a single. find out what's really happening to the global economy with my stronger for a no holds barred look at the global financial headlines tune into cars a report on our cheap. emissions and free credit station free transport charge is free to make amends three risk free. choose priests the old free blog can split videos for your media projects a free media don carty dot com. the novi african ministry is situated on the black sea coast twenty kilometers from s

scientists was surprised to see them bearing fruit kochi to palms bamboo an olive trees only serve to be found in the town of garden but most of all the botanists pride themselves on the say got a part of. him here in the garden you can find plants which are one hundred to one hundred twenty years old they are thought to be some of the oldest on earth the history goes back to the coal age that is to say they're related to the tree for. today the park is still being restored to its former glory and soon it will once again open for the public to enjoy. last time the close of team was in the cool gum region where men flock from all over the world saga few centimeters to their self-confidence. this time archie goes to the amore region. for the gold rush still gets people like ducks. an ancient tribe fights to save its culture. where cranes are protected in the first an unofficial nature reserve. to the original. bush a close up on the r.t. . if. you want to talk over the first. six. issues st still keeps in sequence the balance times reveal that the soviet files on the hot seat. the movie and foreign ministry is situat