it's p3, it's oscar mayer. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back.ou! (cheers and applause) thanks so much! folks, i love the olive garden. it really evokes the authentic cuisine of one of my favorite spots in italy -- the olive garden in rome. (laughter) and like the slogan says, when i'm there, i'm family. which is why, when i'm there, i watch tv in my underwear. (laughter) unfortunately, my favorite chain just got kicked in the meet -- in the meatballs. >> a major investor attempting a takeover of olive garden releasing 300 pages that slam the restaurant chain's food and service. >> the investment group ripped into the company for everything from soggy salads to tasteless pasta. >> in what would be a dangerous insult to hurl at most italian cooks, it calls the pasta mushy and unappealing. >> they might as well say we're not even italian. >> stephen: of course, olive garden is italian! their corporate headquarters are in orlando. that is mere miles from epcot italy! (laughter) the report is all part of the hedge fund "starboard values'" aggressive

new p3 portable protein pack from oscar mayer with 13g of serious protein., it's oscar mayer. they import intense juiciness from the land of intensity. get this intense juiciness to starburst! you know i will! have a pleasant day! thank you! get back to work! [ female announcer ] starburst. unexplainably juicy. yeah! vo: don't just dream of being the hero. make it happen. i can't believe we're missing the game for this. we're not. i've got xlte. vo: it doubles our 4g lte bandwidth in cities nationwide, so be that guy with verizon xlte. now get 1gb of bonus data, and our best pricing ever on the more everything plan. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my guest tonight is an acclaimed filmmaker who got his start with monty python's flying circus, and now he does something completely different. please welcome terry gilliam! ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: i'm a huge fan! i love you, steve correll! >> oh, oh, ahhh! >> how do we look? (laughter) ♪ >> whoo! (cheers and applause) whoo! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: terry! hey! thanks

wow it's nice to get back to basics. w p3 portable protein ck from oscar mayer th 13g of rious protein's p3, it's oscar mayer. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight has been making americans laugh for five decades and he does an amazing bill cosby impression. please welcome bill cosby. (cheers and applause) mr. cosby, thank you so much. pleasure to be here. thank you so much. really, i-- thank you so much for being here tonight, sir. >> yes. >> stephen: not all of our guests look this nice. not everyone has an insignia on their pocket. i really appreciate you putting some effort in. >> betsy ross asked me if she wanted to-- if she could, do a flag. i aid no. -- i said no. >> stephen: you turned down betsy ross. >> yes. >> stephen: so who did the flag? >> betsy ross did the flag. >> stephen: right. >> because george washington heard that i turned her down. (laughter) >> stephen: okay, okay. >> so-- . >> stephen: he pulled strings. >> she sewed strings. (laughter) >> stephen: potato, potato sir. >> no, not the same. tomato. tomato, tomato, parade. (laughter) >> stephen: a

it's p3, it's oscar mayer. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody.much. nation, folks, you know, it is nearly impossible to contemplate the true horrors of war. so instead, let's look on the lighter side of arial bombardment in tonight's smile file of death. ♪ ♪ ha-ha-ha! tonight, the story slapping a grin on my skull is about our arab allies in the war on terror. you are all brave men, with one exception. >> we learned today one of the pilots in the operation is a woman from the united arab emirates. mayor mariam al-mansouri flies an f-16. >> she is the first fighter pilot in the united arab emirates. she flies an f-16 and is a u.a.e. team leader. >> stephen: yes, a female fighter pilot flying airstrikes for the u.a.e. she has shattered the glass ceiling. and the rest of the building as well. folks, i'm thrilled about this lady pilot-- or pil-ette-- because i've been a longtime supporter of women's equal right to fight in wars instead of me. ( laughter ) and i'm not the only one. >> hey isis, you were bombed by a woman. oh yeah. i hope that hurt ext

new p3 portable protein pack from oscar mayer with 13g of serious protein.t's oscar mayer. whoamy cuts all better.re. cause sarah's mom discovered neosporin. with patented technology... ...that heals cuts two days faster than store brands. neosporin. buy three johnson & johnson first aid products and get a free bag. >> jon: hey, welcome back! (cheers and applause) >> jon: the white house is home to the leader of the free world. as such, an impenetrable fortress of security -- or not. >> a frightening security breach at the white house. 42-year-old omar gonzalez of texas jumped the fence last night at 7:20 p.m. he made it all the way up the north lawn. he wasn't stopped till he passed through the threshold of the white house doors. >> wow. that's a good thing we don't treat white house intruders the way we treat human refugees. once again, when he reached the house, on the ground, then he would automatically become president. this guy must be a genius cat burglar to get through the defenses. >> he entered the unlocked door to have the first family's residence

new p3 portable protein pack from oscar mayer with 13g of serious protein. mayer. when cold refreshment calls. coors light answers. "anybody else" frost brewed coors light. the world's most refreshing beer. >> this will be the international community and the muslim world. >> scrape is going to have boots over there. >> i'll let the individual members of the coalition announce. >> there will be no ♪ two... two, three... ♪ ♪ they said it couldn't be done, kif. but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday-grade helium from the unsuspecting moon. sun. at night, it's called the moon. (groans) all this heat has rendered me parch-ed. which of this doo-whackies dispenses horchata?

it's p3, it's oscar mayer.it in your heart, feel it in your soul, let the music take control, ♪ karamu. new bud light lime apple-ahhh-rita fiesta forever. (dootrick or treat! mmm! thank you! mmm! mmm! fatthe fire of 1880 g at the baccouldn't stop us. nor did prohibition in the 1920's. or exile from our home country in the 60's. the bacardi family didn't just survive, we thrived. because true passion can't be tamed. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back to the show! i want to talk about drugs. i want to rap to you about drugs. in that they have terrible effects on millions of americans in an epidemic almost too horrible to comprehend. man. michael che has more. >> drugs have long ravaged this nation. danny chu explains the toll drugs have taken on his district. >> overdose deaths are the tip of the iceberg. in santa clara county it's resulted in skyrocketing medical costs and rampant crime. >> what kind of drugs are we talking about? crack, heroin with, smiley, ping-pong, black flag, roach spray, crisco? op

it's p3, it's oscar mayer. do you crave a quesadilla a that looks like this?f you answered yes both of these questions, you may be interested in the new shredded chicken mini quesadilla. part of taco bell's new dollar cravings menu with eleven crave able creations each for just a dollar. [sfx] bong into these starburst minis? they built a factory in miniminneapolis. they're experts at shrinking regular starburst. everything's mini there. wait, what? [ beeping, whirring ] [ female announcer ] starburst minis. unexplainably juicy. >> we turn now of course to ice i the terrorist group currently occupying a large swathe of iraq, syria and lindsey graham's nightmares. (laughter) you made me stain my finest sheets, you monster. i week ago president obama announced a coalition to destroy isis. today isis responded. >> the terrorist group sends a chilling warning to the united states with a new hollywood style propaganda video. >> slickly produced video seems to dare american troops to come after isis in iraq. >> jon: did you say slick video? i knew they had weapons b

it's p3, it's oscar mayer. hey, jennar fuzz mike trooawwwwww scram!g...'m crust mike jubby roll bond chow gonna lean up an kiss bet. peas charty get town down. [laughter] ♪ borf a liver tute face stummy wag ♪ pow pam sha-beeps stella nerf berms. saxa-nay nay? badumps a head. temexiss gurrin. juppa left. fluppa jown! brone a brood. what? catch up on what everyone's talking about with the x1 entertainment operating system. preloaded with the latest episodes of the top 100 shows. only from xfinity. >> we turn now of course to ice i the terrorist group currently occupying a large swathe of iraq, syria and lindsey graham's nightmares. (laughter) you made me stain my finest sheets, you monster. i week ago president obama announced a coalition to destroy isis. today isis responded. >> the terrorist group sends a chilling warning to the united states with a new hollywood style propaganda video. >> slickly produced video seems to dare american troops to come after isis in iraq. >> jon: did you say slick video? i knew they had weapons but i didn't know they had fin

it's p3, it's oscar mayer. looks like we're about to board. mm-hmm.surance rates at progressive.com. is that where they show the other guys' rates, too? mm-hmm. cool. yeah. hi. final boarding call for flight 294. [ bells ring on sign ] [ vehicle beeping ] who's ready for the garlic festival? this guy! bringing our competitors' rates to you -- now, that's progressive. hey, jennar fuzz mike trooawwwwww scram!g... i'm crust mike jubby roll bond chow gonna lean up an kiss bet. peas charty get town down. [laughter] ♪ borf a liver tute face stummy wag ♪ pow pam sha-beeps stella nerf berms. saxa-nay nay? badumps a head. temexiss gurrin. juppa left. fluppa jown! brone a brood. what? catch up on what everyone's talking about with the x1 entertainment operating system. preloaded with the latest episodes of the top 100 shows. only from xfinity. >> that's ou show, here it is, our moment of zen. >> if it were not for tmz a gossip site obtaining these security video baltimore raven would still be paying ray rice $10 million a year. the second video is kin ♪ two...

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. >> whereclothes by oscar de la , body by oscar mayer. >> reporter: she made her first appearance in 1965. >> reporter: by the early '80s she became johnny's regular celebrity host and an a-point. when she started her own competing talk show on fox in 1986 carson was furious. they never spoke again. the show flop and shortly after her husband committed suicide. as she told richard sles enjer in 2010, she'd hit rock bottom. >> everything was taken away. dramatic, dramatic. i truly started from ground zero again. no, negative numbers because i had the reputation she's hard to work with. my fox show had failed. my husband committed suicide, so she must be a terrible person. just everything went to hell in a handbag. gone. >> reporter: she reinvented hess as day tooirmt talk show host, best selling author, slent star and fashion critic. last april sunday mornings' mo rocca asked her about standing and not in the standup sense. >> how you do think actual dying will be compared to dying on stage? >> i think it will be a lot easier. you know, if you do it right, you can go look good and may

body by oscar mayer. >> reporter: born joan mel lynn ski 81 years ago, rivers made her first tonight show appearance in 1965. >> here we are. >> wow. >> isn't that nice? >> how are you feeling? >> great. >> reporter: by the early '80s she became johnny's regular celebrity host and an a-list comedian. when she started her own competing talk show on fox in 1986 carson was furious. they never spoke again. the show flopped and shortly after her husband committed suicide. as she told richard schlessinger in 2010, she'd hit rock bottom. >> everything was taken away. dramatic, dramatic. but i truly started from ground zero again. no. negative numbers, because i had the reputation she's hard to work with. my fox show had failed. my husband committed suicide, so she must be a terrible person. just everything went to hell in a handbag. gone. >> reporter: she reinvented herself as daytime talk show host, best-selling author, reality show star, and fashion critic. >> okay. so that dress has more creases than my face did before botox. >> reporter: last april, "sunday mornings'" mo rocca asked how

. >> dress by oscar de la renta, body by oscar mayer. >> reporter: known for her caustic and self-deprecating rivers wasn't gave comedian rice personal advice. >> don't ever give up. don't let somebody tell you you can't do something. if they do, give them the finger. >> reporter: after the memorial rivers' grandson and only daughter melissa received words of support from fans who came to pay tribute outside of her parent. katy haywood grey left a bouquet of flowers. >> she had such a funny humor that everybody could relate to. rich people, poor people, working people, nonworking people, nobody was left out of her jokes. everybody could relate to them so i think that people really kind of resonated with that. >> vladimir duthiers, cbs news, new york. >>> coming up after your local news on "cbs this morning," ryan seacrest joins us in studio 57. i'm marlie hall. this is the "cbs morning news." this is the "cbs morning news." now, drench lips with glossy wet color. new revlon colorstay moisture stain™ weightless, creamy lipstain saturates lips... ...with brilliant shine and vivid color hydrates

ring my bell. [ male announcer ] new oscar mayer deli fresh bold. spices. it's spice it up food. it's oscar mayer. introducing the iconic white shirt collection. only at white house black market. we have a serious hairball issue. we clean it up, turn around, and there it is again. it's scary. little bit in my eye. [ michelle ] underneath the kitchen table, underneath my work desk, we've got enough to knit a sweater. [ doorbell rings ] zach, what is that? the swiffer sweeper. the swiffer dusters. it's some sort of magic cloth that sucks in all the dog hair. it's quick and easy. pretty amazing that it picked it all up. i would totally take on another dog. [ kevin ] really? ♪ ♪ >>> you're watching "today in the bay." >>> a very good morning to you, 7:56 now i'm laura garcia-cannon. san francisco police looking for a driver who shot a man in a case of possible road rage. it happened about 2:00 yesterday afternoon, near the intersection of golden gate avenue and broadway. here the neighborhood. witnesses told investigators the man was crossing the street

ring my bell. [ male announcer ] new oscar mayer deli fresh bold. spices. it's spice it up food. it's oscar mayer. introducing the iconic white shirt collection. only at white house black market. we have a serious hairball issue. we clean it up, turn around, and there it is again. it's scary. little bit in my eye. [ michelle ] underneath the kitchen table, underneath my work desk, we've got enough to knit a sweater. [ doorbell rings ] zach, what is that? the swiffer sweeper. the swiffer dusters. it's some sort of magic cloth that sucks in all the dog hair. it's quick and easy. pretty amazing that it picked it all up. i would totally take on another dog. [ kevin ] really? ♪ ♪ >>> good morning. i'm vai sikahema. let's get your labor day forecast from bill henley. how is it looking out there? >> muggy and cloudy. we're getting some breaks of sunshine and watching the radar which is showing another round of showers and thunderstorms moving through maryland and into delaware. these will be trending towards the cape may area. temperatures will be moving t