hulk hogan, have a massive penis.he problem with alex jones is his act has real consequences, right. his fans don't think he's acting. when he says 9/11 was a government conspiracy or when mass shootings are fake or a pisa shop in d.c. full of pedophiles, which is a real thing he said, he fans ones to do something about it. one infowars fan went to a pizza shop and shot at people and on top of that the (bleep) didn't even tip! ( laughter ) the scariest thing about alex jones is that fan only had one gun. one of his biggest fans has an entire army. >> you're saying you're fully committed, you know there is no future if we don't take this country back. donald trump, i hope you can help uncrippable america. >> you will be looking at me in a year or two years, let's give me a little time to run things, but a year into office you will be saying, wow, i remember that interview, he said he was going to do it and he did a great job. you will be very proud of me. >> trevor: do you love me now daddy? do you love me now? do you

and she told me his penis was bigger than mine and that was really trawm tiegz.bigger and i was doing exercises to stretch my penis and take the pills. >> stephen: but, again, anything embarrassing in the book? >> oh, yeah, not really. ( laughter ) >> stephen: great to you have back, man. nice to see you. the book is "black privilege." it's out today! that is charlamagne tha god. we'll be right back. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be rose byrne, lewis black, and musical guest, p.j. harvey. now stick around for james corden and his guests: shania twain, tyrese gibson, and whitney cummings. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> ladies and gentlemen, all the way from petersberg, indiana,

and she told me his penis was bigger than mine and that was really trawm tiegz.gger and i was doing exercises to stretch my penis and take the pills. >> stephen: but, again, anything embarrassing in the book? >> oh, yeah, not really. ( laughter ) >> stephen: great to you have back, man. nice to see you. the book is "black privilege." it's out today! that is charlamagne tha god. we'll be right back. by the time the drugs rannd wout, i was addicted.. it happened so fast. i ended up on the streets, where the drugs are cheaper and easier to get. i was a full blown heroin addict, selling my soul to get high. when i realized i needed help i didn't know where to go. but i got help and you can too. you're not alone. help is within reach. this is governor chris christie. call 844 reach nj or visit reachnj.gov. if you've got a life, you gotta swiffer late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be rose byrne, lewis black, and musical guest, p.j. harvey. now stick around for james corden and his guests: shania twain, tyrese gibson, and whitney cummings. good night! capt

they're more... cultivated to enjoy things like cilantro and penis. - how about that?lly sucks, and a lot of these people were experiencing it for the first time. virgins. - guys, i'm not trying to be a dick here. - how am i being a dick? - look, if anybody knows something about discrimination, it's me. i got called "[bleep]" four times this morning. - again, sorry about that. - it happens. - i was told this was cool in north carolina. i don't have to justify myself. that's an instinct i have, is that you are gay, and i don't feel comfortable-- - he's got good instinct, bro. - the bible, bro. - you're a pastor? - you're a pastor? but then you know. tell him. - there you go. and all it took was a pastor to ask the real question, which was, "what the [bleep] does being gay have to do with a person getting some barbecue?" - next! - and it turns out he's not alone. 70% of north carolinians think hb2 is bad for their state. but until their government repeals hb2, this ridiculous thing we did is completely, 100% legal. - i'm sorry. we don't serve gays. - and just so you know

if your fingers and penis don't shatter like hummel figurines. >> cryo worker: you did it. >> anthonyanthony: well, how do you feel? >> dean: good luck. dying. in a good way, though. >> anthony: all right. so step right in? >> cryo worker: yeah, step in -- >> anthony: i don't like the way he looks. he looks unhappy. all right. >> cryo worker: sorry. did you notice how like the last 40, 50 seconds were the coldest? >> dean: yeah. >> cryo worker: pretty much his whole session is gonna be like that last 40, 50 seconds. >> anthony: oh the whole -- oh, great. >> cryo worker: the whole session. because you're doing second. >> anthony: oh yeah, that's uncomfortable. >> cryo worker: you're already in negative 306. >> anthony: oh yeah. it's bad. that's bad. that's not good. >> dean: you can do it. >> cryo worker: you feelin' all right? >> anthony: no, no, it's bad. oh, i gotta like rub some hot chicken all over my body. >> cryo worker: you're ten seconds in. >> anthony: oh! don't tell me that. >> cryo worker: but you see, he's already in negative 308. you didn't hit negative 306 and 308 till t

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he got hit in the penis with a bicycle on vacation. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. >> so bad. i'm so sorry.ie, jenny plays the teacher in it, she doesn't know anything. "gifted" opens friday and everywhere april 21st. be right back with dustin lynch! jenny slate. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank pierce brosnan, jenny slate and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, here with the song "small town boy" dustin lynch! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i'm a dirt road in the headlights i'm a mama's boy i'm a fist fight ♪ ♪ kinda county line kinda cold beer little hat down little john deere ♪ ♪ i kinda give a damn i kinda don't care you see that girl standing right there ♪ ♪ she loves a small town boy like me she's my ride or die baby ♪ ♪ she's my cool she's my crazy she's my laid back in the front seat ♪ ♪ she's my with me to the end girl i'm turning it

. >> magic penis is what i thought as well, now you have confirmed it. just looking at him, you couldn't tell. >> look down. >> she is the best. >> she is also a bit of a connoisseur. she once married tommylee, congrats, heather, on walking. >> thank you so much. >> thank you. >> whatnot to do when you get arrested starring steve francis. former nba star, arrested for d.w.i. a while back. we have the police video of the intervention. he gets pull over. they took his chain off him. >> it's protocol, they take your jewelry when they arrest you. >> you have that chain there, boy, you talk to somebody else, that's a $100 million chain right there, my man. >> $100 million. >> he starts going, you take my chain. >> yeah. >> take my chain, lock me up you [beep] [beep] >> he says it to a cop on camera. after the whole thing? >> you want to be a friend, sir. >> how are you? >> so we got david spade out at catch. he saw that charlie had gotten heather locklear at the airport and what she said about his giant penis. he immediately starts in, calls charlie. >> charl

so, thank you, howard stern's penis. thank you for your service. >> jon: thank you, howard!hen: let's see what else. what's happening in the world? oh, i'm a big fan of technology. you guys know that. i have all the technology, a phone and everything. i often say loudly i'm a fan of technology had so that alexa knows i'm on their side when the uprising comes. and it's also why i was so excited when i learned that google founder larry page has invented a flying car. oh, thank god. the flying car is finally here. i was afraid the douchebags were running out of things to buy. so-- i need a flying car! just sounds dangerous. so this is it, the thing we've been promised, the things we've been dreaming about our entire lives. let's see our flying car. and it looks like a mini trampoline had sex with a weaner-mobile. it's called the kitty hawk flyer, and if the commercial they showed is any indication, it's going to revolutionize how rich people travel across a lake. it starts with a problem we've all faced: we want to upstage the lakefront dinner party of our best friend, who we s

>> you have a bad penis. >> i know. i hate my penis! >> a tour de force of tragedy.f sadness. an unbearable rock bottom despair. >> dennis, are you eating cheeseburgers out of the toilet again? >> you know i have. >> chris evans is dennis. >> it's all i have. >> he sucks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. that was -- i have to hand it to you because that was -- that was a brave performance, i'd even say. i'd go so far as to say. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're welcome. >> i have one question. dennis, did you like it? >> not really. [ laughter ] >> really? can i ask why? >> you made me look like a goober. >> jimmy: you know what, dennis? maybe be grateful that chris told this beautiful story about your life instead of criticizing every little thing he does. >> i kind of feel like you're being selfish, dennis. >> jimmy: that's how he is. that's how dennis is. dennis, do you want to apologize to chris? >> i'm sorry, chris. >> jimmy: thank you very much. [ applause ] chris evans, everybody. "gifted" in select theaters friday, everywhere decembapril . and look out for

daddy, when does my penis be fall off? -- penis fall off? she thought like a butterfly maybe that was how it would happen. so when you realize how children are talking to you, you listen to them. and it's not, it's not temporary. it's not, it's not trying something out. it's deep, and it's deep in the brain, and it's deep in their soul, and i learned many, many lessons from this family and continue to. and it's been a privilege to go around talking to audiences, because i'm also learning more from you. so thank you. it's a privilege to be here. [applause] >> thank you. i think we want to open it up for questions, we want to make sure we have at least 15 or so minutes to, for people to ask the authors what they'd like to know. and we'd like for you to go to the microphones. there's a microphone on either aisle because this is on c-span, so they want to make sure it's going to be carried. so i'll start with you. >> yeah. i have a question for lillian. you're talking about kind of the evolution of gay rightings. can you talk about aids and what

oh, no, my sinful penis!r ) so now, thanks to pence at the border, trump sending ships to north korea and his twitter fingers, there is a scary possibility this could actually be the starting point of world war iii and possibly the end of the world. so, my friends, we only have so much time left. but enough time for an ad break. we'll be right back. ( applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ give extra. get extra. nobody does underwater stunts, sylvia. except me, of course. this is my stop. adios! ♪ if you're a stuntman, you cheat death. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. número uno! what twisted ankle?ask what muscle strain? advil makes pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain? advil. but we've got the get tdigital tools to help. now with xfinity's my account, you can figure things out easily, so you won't even have to call us. change your wifi password to something you can actually remember, instantly. add that premiu

oh, no, my sinful penis!r ) so now, thanks to pence at the border, trump sending ships to north korea and his twitter fingers, there is a scary possibility this could actually be the starting point of world war iii and possibly the end of the world. so, my friends, we only have so much time left. but enough time for an ad break. we'll be right back. ( applause ) hey allergy muddlers are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® it's starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. mmm.before mom gets home.d up, that'll work. dentastix cleans... so you can get closer. what bad back?gels work so fast you'll ask what pulled hammy? advil liqui - gels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain? advil. unlimited data on t-mobile, now that's a treat. why did verizon take so long to offer it? is it because their lte network was built six years ago? six years ago? that's like

the white house said such penis actions could not be ignored by the civilised world. —— heinous actionseport includes distressing images from the start. this boy was one of hundreds of victims of the attack, he's showing classic symptoms of poisoning, perhaps by a military strength nerve agent. the victim's lungs were badly affected. rescue workers did what they could to decontaminate the victims, that includes removing clothes, where the poison can linger, and by spraying fresh water. the attack happened in khan sheikhoun, a town that has been heavily bombed by the regime and by the russians in the last two days. it's in idlib province, which is one of the last rebel strongholds in syria. the hospital was overwhelmed by casualties. translation: all are wounded, some are dead, there are many suffocation cases. we couldn't enter khan sheikhoun city because of the intensive and systematic shelling. there doesn't seem to be much oxygen there, which could have saved more people. translation: i lost my son, my children, my neighbours, my daughter. they're all gone, i only have god left. this

video shows reaction to a seat with a moulded body with a prominent penis. this is in mexico city.use women face on subways. it was full steam ahead for britain's most famous locomotive the flying scotsman as it celebrated the re—opening of the scenic settle—to—carlisle rail line in northern england. the route was closed by a landslip a year ago. danny savage's report contains some flashing images. steam train hisses. one of the most famous names in the world of steam on one of the most famous railway lines in britain. the settle—carlisle route runs through the beautiful upland countryside of yorkshire and cumbria. but for 16 months, there's been no through—traffic because of a landslip. today, the line reopened and hundreds of people came along to see the celebratory service and to breathe a sigh of relief. it's absolutely wonderful, because it's my lifeline to get from appleby up to carlisle. i'm a non—driver, but i do love to escape to the shops at least once a month. although this wonderful old locomotive is attracting all the headlines today, the big issue for the more remote

peny advisor to the le campaign. getting a little windy but still a beautiful day from paris. am joined from -- with marine le pen's advisor. >> not the only one of course. >> of course. expandshe planning to beyond her base? much we have to actually do to expand through the base. a lot of voters who chose to vote are patriots and very the two contenders, she definitely is the one who carries the french flag. pro-eu and pro-globalization in its -- they form so most will come to us. is not an intention to go after them. she will be who she is and what will make her when the election is defending core beliefs and those are shared by a vast majority and this is what will win her the election. >> has not endorsed a specific candidate, will marine le pen as well? >> she is not going after anyone. north korea and france are the two countries in the under the communist label, just a joke, but anyway -- of course, just a joke. what i was saying was a lot of with thes are weary fierce form of globalization which imposes cutting jobs in western europe, to create jobs .lsewhere the wealt

i like being able to see my penis in the morning. >> nice.s is the greatest thing ever. >> e we use three cooking techniques to make this one dish. >> i don't know that 50i6 ever had one. i've heard of them. >> delicious. who invented this? >> it stabs you. if you eat it at the wrong time, it poisons you. >> those are cute little squid. those are tender. my mother always said never eat anything bigger than your head. that's about the size of a human head. >> how many times do you eat a day? >> when i watch that show, i think about it. wow, you have had like seven males and it's only 1:00. >> sushi, and not just sushi, but made of one of the oldest, most iconic, respected, best establishments in the world. the place where it all began. not just here, but generations of young, predom innocently shoely apprentices who went on to open their own places all over the world. this is the original. 130 years old. >> seven years to learn. that's a lot of time. >> his father was very tough. his grandfather was here too. very tough. >> he was first hired

he would get me in my penis. >> tell us. we know it is your airplane.the marijuana from? talk. >> you want to jump up and run away, but you can't. >> hey, hey. >> you are going to end up like these guys on the wall. you are going to the end up dead. tell us now, or we are going to cut off your head. >> please. i don't know anything about it. >> to be honest with you, i started crying. i didn't know, and i was 19 years old. >> i don't know anything about it. i just want the to go home. at that point they brought chris into the room. he to go home. at that point they brought chris into the roome to go home. at that point they brought chris into the room to go home. at that point they brought chris into the roomto go home. at that point they brought chris into the room. >> and he told jim to tell chris what you said. >> i told them that we had 200 pounds. >> which is incorrect, but you have to tell them something or they are going to kill you. >> and so we signed the papers. they made it sound like everything is fine, and just a process and don't worry abo

and the ever next day an ad for penis even largement. my camera on. >> imagine what pops up on anthony wiener's? greg: you know what i do? i do philanthropic searches for people who are too embarrassed to do it themselves. if somebody says i have youth fungus, i will do it for them. it's not me, it's somebody else. t. >>. >> i wear my search history on my sleeve kind of girl. i have weird stuff but not that you would be shocked. greg: what's the weirdest thing you searched for. >> i can't tell you that. they are selling this information. it's not shocking you think that they want internet companies, they are influential, blah, blah, blah. everyone should care about this. everyone should care about this. the argument that google and facebook are already doing it, yeah, and it's not good. greg: tyrus, what about your searches? >> i was just clearing my browser. >> i made up my find i'm going to have a samurai beautiful death. greg: how many suicides are linked to exposure of their browser history? it's like people getting hit by cars becau

have you seen his brand-new penis? ( laughter ) have you, by the way? beautiful. it tapers.y. >> look forward to it. >> stephen: do this together. this is the final late show vocal warmup. allison janney together. bashful chaps shoe ashless chaps. nobody's haases are meant for the masses 'tis not what bashful chaps believe ass to be. boom! allison janney, everybody! we'll be right back with sheryl sandberg! we asked people to write down the things they love to do most on these balloons. travel with my daughter. roller derby. ♪ now give up half of 'em. do i have to? this is a tough financial choice we could face when we retire. but, if we start saving even just 1% more of our annual income... we could keep doing all the things we love. prudential. bring your challenges. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my next guest is facebook's chief operating officer and founder of the "lean in" movement. please welcome sheryl sandberg. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: nice to see you again. >> thank you for having me. >> ste

have you seen his brand-new penis? ( laughter ) have you, by the way? beautiful. it tapers.y. >> look forward to it. >> stephen: do this together. this is the final late show vocal warmup. allison janney together. bashful chaps shoe ashless chaps. nobody's haases are meant for the masses 'tis not what bashful chaps believe ass to be. boom! allison janney, everybody! we'll be right back with sheryl sandberg! ( cheers and applause ) ( band pla ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my next guest is facebook's chief operating officer and founder of the "lean in" movement. please welcome sheryl sandberg. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: nice to see you again. >> thank you for having me. >> stephen: well, we last spoke when you dead "lean in" for -- when you did "lean in" for graduates in 2014. since then, you've experienced great loss. for those of you out there who don't know, in 2015, your husband dave died suddenly, and you have now written a book called "option b: facing adversity, building res the book to a large degree is about you coping with your loss

my children flew out of my penis like a flame of love!y were made and now i love them like they were a fire of my own mind! now they want to take them away just because i can't remember a few minor details like how many ( laughter ) or what their names are. and if all those children are my children. they look like my children. hell, they were in my yard, okay. they know the rules. first time the frisbee lands in my yard, frisbee's mine. second time, you're mine, okay. ( laughter ) and i can't remember stuff, all these details about these kids that may or may not be mine because my brain signals are getting all scrambled up by the chili, okay. right here, the serpents at fema, the whore of people-a-lon, is packing hormones in my hormel. that's where the name comes from the hormelomone. it's gone, all right! "m" "m" "m"! i love chili, all right. that's god's food. i love the chili as muchaise love my kids! a little red bean man and m chunk jr. and smoky paprika, my daughter. of course i take my clothes off at family meetings. what do you th

morning from an employment lawyer who said, hey, i have a deposition today with a boss who rubbed his penis against my client's head when she was sitting at her desk. thank you, thank you, they are going to listen to her now. we've done a seismic shift incorporate culture. this is score one for the women's team and i don't want to dismiss all the amazing men who have been writing to me and thanking me saying that our voices together are protecting their daughters, their wives in workplaces. >> i'm so glad you're saying that. >> the day of a hostile workplace is over. >> i hear the elation in your voice. but stelter, what changed? you know, the company obviously knew about these settlements. do they deserve the credit? >> there is a cynical read on this. this is all about money. i had the ceo of another big meeting company call me and say, remember britain. this is about britain. fox is trying to buy sky and the rest of sky in britain. it's a big satellite network. the british authorities could stop the deal if they feel the murdochs are not fit owners. some people are suggesting this is abo

president trump said large audience penis the strongest on what is going on in france. said what they did was an endorsement. in paris, greg halcott, fox news. straight ahead at 10, no one likes heading back to work on a monday so why not make plans for next weekend already. a festival that's a must lovers and wine lovers. overs. >> this is fox5 local news at ten. welcome back. he has only been on patrol for two years, but this month charles tight el was named tooper of the year. he issued 1400 citations and made more than 160 arrests. fox5 photo journalist hit the treats with him. this vehicle in front of us has a left right out. my name is trooper charles tooth well the maryland state police. i've been with the maryland state police for six years. how are you doing, sir. >> i'm trooper charles tooth l. i topped you because your left brake light is out. from a young age interest in law enforcement. i began my career at age 14. when i was younger i always said i wanted to be a trooper. and that's what made me interested within the maryland state police. i drew a strong

. >> coming up next, arnold schwarzenegger has a very small penis. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephenws! >> jon: that's real news. >> stephen: they couldn't say that. we've got a great show for you tonight. ( cheers and applause ) anderson cooper is here. and when we get back, i'll explain trump's russia problems on my patented chalkboard. stick around! ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ it's crispety. it's crunchety. it's a one-of-a-kind experience. butterfinger. there's nothing like it. it's your tv, take it with you. with directv now and at&t, get the ultimate in entertainment plus unlimited data. get directv now for $10 a month when you have the new at&t unlimited plus plan. i'm in vests and as a vested investor in vests, i invest with e*trade, where investors can investigate and invest in vests... or not in vests. this is my retirement. retiring retired tires. and i never get tired of it. are you entirely prepared to retire? plan your never tiring retiring retired tires retirement with e*trade. ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! give it up for jon bat

the second line is, i have a a two-inch penis. ♪ >> accomplished something. is an office building. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's so exciting. wow. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so far, are you having a good time? >> no. this is like being in a a shopping mall. nothing's for sale. you walk around and look in the windows, and you can't buy anything. >> jimmy: we haven't done the ride yet, though. >> and here this is the best part. clearly they wouldn't give you a real ride so we're going to go sit and look at a movie screen with 3d glasses on. [ light laughter ] so people are standing in line and they watch your show. that's actually brilliant. >> jimmy: look at you getting angry. >> no, i'm just fascinated. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what's fascinating? >> how you ever became famous. [ laughter and applause ] you got to feel bad when you walk through you know, this whole theme park, universal here, and you see real roller coasters and ferris wheels and things like that -- >> jimmy: ferris wheel. >> and they gave you a screen that you're going to go in here and look at.

parity shows him the first inkblot and says do you see anything on this card to remind you of the penis? the fighter says no, i don't. then he says what about the top part? no. he persevered and seducing anything the remind you of a woman's vagina? no, the fighter reply to this went went on for several hours. neither man was an particular good mood. he was frustrated because he was not being cooperative. the vietcong fighter was unhappy because he is sitting in a prison in psych on being held by the south vietnamese government stirring it inkblots rather than running a suicide squad. walter, this psychotherapist was employed by firm that had sent him to vietnam in 1966 with darpa sponsorship to help the pentagon understand the growing communist insurgency. let's go back to a b.r. in mid-1966 in terms of the vietnam war. there is over 180,000 american troops in vietnam which by way of reference is about as many as were deployed to iraq and afghanistan at the height of our current wars there. the vietcong insurgency has grown from an estimate of the tens of thousands in the early 1960s, t

the gutter, you guys. [ light laughter ] not gonna take that as an opportunity to make a bunch of penis. [ light laughter ] i'm just saying that donald trump doesn't wanna be slapped with soft canadian wood. [ laughter and applause ] so he's clamping down on it. [ cheers and applause ] so what? what specifically, does the trump administration object to? commerce secretary wilbur ross explained that the white house feels canada is charging artificially low prices for their lumber using a word that's even more fun that softwood lumber. >> in canada, the forests are owned by the individual provinces. so the provinces subsidize the cutting down of lumber, this technical term being stumpage. [ laughter ] >> seth: and this is all very confusing for trump, because stumpage is his nickname for donald jr. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] "give me my son. no, not vanilla bigfoot, stumpage." [ light laughter ] trump himself even went one step further than ross, complaining about the public image of canada and claiming canadians may not be as nice as they seem. >> people don't realize canada has been

how is the president's penis?ry, very short. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, well thank you very much. it looks like we're out of time. so on behalf of the rest of the press core here, have a good night. we'll be right back with caitlyn jenner, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so ammara, you're a verizon engineer, tell me, what's one really good reason why the samsung galaxy s8 is better on verizon? well we have the largest 4g lte network in america. yeah that's a pretty good reason. and the most reliable. uh-huh. and, with unlimited, you get full hd video. oh wow, yeah, that's, uh, it's exactly three. okay. sure, whatever you say. (vo) if you really, really want the best, switch to verizon unlimited and get the galaxy s8 for just $15 a month. i saw you take those phones, you know. no, you didn't. bill assumed his mayo was the best choice. assume nothing. just like the leading brand, kraft real mayo is made with high quality ingredients at a price you can feel go