popped out of her dress last week. [ applause ] the ones that popped out of her pants, like four years ago. the dancing last night was -- let me just say, much of the dancing lacked fluidity. they were very low on fluid and that disappointed me. chaz bono had the lowest score by far last night but once again, he escapes by the newly grown hair on his chinny chin chin. can you get a dance change operation? because -- he should look into that. and even though chaz had an 18 tonight, which is a pretty low score. the dancing golds eliminated kristin cavallari tonight, who had a 24, she had three 8s. and she got kicked off the show. and somebody said, you're kidding. no, i wish i was. i really -- [ laughter ] i guess the viewers at just dislike her? i don't know. but kristin and her partner mark ballas will be out here in a little bit to weep openly in my arms and we'll get to the bottom of this. the apple corporation had a major media event from the headquarters in northern california this morning to introduce the iphone 4s. basically, it has a better camera, a faster processor and i think the coolest new future is an app that helps you forget that two months ago you spent $500 on a phone that is now obsolete. it's -- [ applause ] hard to keep up with the iphones. today's announcement disappointed some people who were hoping for a fully revamped iphone 5, but apple put out the 4s first. kind of like when they split the last harry potter book into two movies, you know? this is the first big announcement for apple since steve jobs stepped down in august. and steve jobs, those are some big nerdy white reeboks to fill. but phil schuler wowed the crowd nonetheless. >> i'm really pleased to tell you today all about the brand new iphone 4s. >> jimmy: that's the -- that's the zach morris sav"saved by th bell" morris. the new iphone, one of the things it has is a voice activated personal assistance which means you'll be able to ask the phone a question, you just speak into the phone and it will answer you, you talk to your phone which is great because remember when you used to use the phone to talk to other people and finally those dark days are behind us. as far as appearance goes, the new iphone looks exactly the same as the iphone 4, they added some bells and whistles. in fact, i have -- this is the new iphone 4 and these -- these are the bells and whistles that they added. and then -- [ applause ] you won't lose it. mail that to carrot top, will you? thank you. [ laughter ] it's -- it's such a big deal, when apple produces a new iphone. i don't think it was this big a deal when alexander graham bell came out with the phone, honestly. but in fact, i sent my assistant to the library of congress today to get some footage from that and it is interesting to see how they did it back then. >> gentlemen, i am before you today to introduce a new device which i call the fetelephone. the telephone is a communication device consisting of a listening cup, a speaking tube and that's about it. the telephone will soon be available for the price of a chicken. a.g. bell -- out. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it was similar. it wasn't -- back then you'd play angry birds by throwing the phone at birds. [ laughter ] do we have any "star trek" fans here tonight? [ applause ] i wouldn't be that proud. well, i have bad news for "star trek" fans. leonard nimoy announced he's no longer attending "star trek" conventions. he said he's tired of boldly going where no women have gone before. he left his fans with a nice message. he said live long and prosper and please stop wasting your time on a tv show that hasn't been on for 45 years. do you remember the guy, the old guy, harrold camping, i think he's a rev red that told everyone that the world was going to end back in may and people sold everything and -- well, as you probably know, his prediction was a little bit off. and now he has a new date in mind and it looks like we only have a little over two weeks left to live. >> i do believe that we're getting very near the very end. i really am beginning to think the end is going to come very, very quietly. probably within the next month. it will happen. that is, by october 21. >> jimmy: i think he thinks he only has two weeks left to live. his mouth doesn't even move. [ applause ] i hope he's wrong. i just bought my sexy bumblebee costume for halloween. hundreds of thousands of high school students took the s.a.t. on saturday. not one of them passed. we are way behind the chinese. we really are. the s.a.t. is important to get into a good college and a good college is important to making sure you don't wind up dressed as a super hero out on hollywood boulevard for a living. if you have never been here before, there are a couple dozen costume characters living outside our theater every day. they take picture s with touriss for money. we thought it would be fun to give them a real question from the s.a.t. to see how well they do. and tonight, with a question from the math side of the test is our friendly neighborhood hollywood superman. >> if the length of a square is 2, what is its area? well, um -- not exactly sure, but a square, what would its area be? i would have to say it's going to be the distance between these two lines right here. um -- i don't know. its area would be right here in the middle. well, we have the square here, so, i drew an x in the middle and i would presume this would be the area. the answer is the area inside the box is the area. >> jimmy: or four. you can go with either one. [ applause ] that's why his fortress of solitude collapsed. algae bra is his crypt night. new jersey governor chris christie made a major announcement today to say he would not run for president of the united states. i don't think you have to announce that. i think you just don't, and then -- [ laughter ] you didn't, right? not only did christie said he's not going to run, he said he's not going to jog or walk ever again. >> in the end, the factor, the deciding factor was, it did not feel right to me, in my gut. >> jimmy: okay, now he's making fat jokes about himself. [ laughter ] i do- some people said it's unfair to attack chris christie for being fat and peop would never tag him like that if he were gay but it's really not the same thing. for one thing, if he were gay, he wouldn't be fat. and -- [ laughter ] i really wish chris christie was running. it would be -- i would love to have him in the oval office. he would fit right in. [ laughter ] i had to get that out of my system. i'm disappointed. [ applause ] there were so many fat jokes to be made -- my writers are very disappointed, too. there's a company in india that helps write jokes for us. they've been so excited about this chris christie thing because they don't really have so many fat people over there. they've been writing jokes all weekend. they've been up night and day. and i guess now we're not going to be able to use them but let's ring the guys up if we can and get threat on the video chat. >> hello, smartie halloween candy hotline. how may i assist you. >> jimmy: hey, it's jimmy. jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: yes. >> did you hear the terrible news about president fatty pants? >> jimmy: yeah, i did hear that. yeah. >> this is terrible news. we've been working all weekend for many hilarious fatty jokes. and now we must go to bed. >> we worked very hard. >> jimmy: yeah, i know, i'm sad about it, too. you had some good stuff? >> oh, very good stuff. >> very good stuff. >> jimmy: well -- can we hear any of it, maybe? >> what is the point? there is no chris christie in the race. what is the point of a joke? >> what is the point of a joke? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] just give it a try. you have the jokes written, right? >> yes. >> yes. >> yes. >> jimmy: let me ask the audience. do you want to hear the joke anyway? [ applause ] they want to hear the joke anyway. >> okay, well, that would be a great pleasure. roger is the master of tom foolery. >> jimmy: yeah, he is very funny. hey, roger. >> knock knock. >> jimmy: who's there? >> jelly donut. >> jimmy: jelly donut, who? >> ah, don't worry about it. just let me in. chris christie is chasing me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> that -- that is not a good one. do the good one! what are you doing? >> jimmy: yeah, do the good one, roger. because that one was a little hard to follow. >> christie said he doesn't want to run for president because it would not allow him toll dedicate enough time to the most important woman in his life -- little debbie and her snack cakes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: little debbie and her snack cakes? okay. that's a good one. >> next. >> okay. chris christie would have been the first president to fly forklift one -- >> jimmy: oh, forklift one. instead of air force one. forklift one. do one more, if you could. >> christie speaks, it reminds me how much i love pillsbury kres crescent rolls. >> jimmy: oh, i enjoyed that. very good. and don't worry, the election is a year away, there will be plenty of funny people to make fun of. >> thank you, you've been brightening our day. >> jimmy: okay, guys, thank you. you're the best. hey, we have a good show for you tonight. freshly eliminated dancing star kristin cavallari is here with her partner mark ballas. we have music tonight from mutemath. and we'll be right back with evangeline lilly, to stick around. use the hand towel analyzer at kleenex.com and find out what could be on your cloth hand towel. 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[ male announcer ] take action. take advil®. and fresher than ever. so, dave, you and the wife at separate tables now? honey, it's my 2 for $20 club night. i think it's my 2 for $20 club night. [ male announcer ] so grab your 2 for $20 club and savor inspired new favorites like tender chicken fettuccine carbonara and garden-fresh bruschetta chicken. or go for a classic like our 7 oz. house sirloin. that's one appetizer, two entrees, just 20 bucks. mom? dad? [ male announcer ] it's the freshest 2 for $20 yet. only at applebee's. now serving half-price appetizers late night. gives us the most nutritious of gifts. but only when they are ready to be given. that's why we pick vegetables at their peak. ...and freeze them fast, locking in nutrients ...for you to unwrap. ♪ ho, ho, ho. green giant being sent to the back of a freezer. and it's all because someone said "tacos." old el paso. when you gotta have mexican. >> jimmy: well, hello there we're back. tonight on the program, from "dancing with the stars," kristin cavallari and her partner mark ballas will join us. tough to get beat by chaz bono and nancy grace. it's going to be hard to live that down. and then with music from this, their brand new album, it came out today, it's called "odd soul." mutemath from the bud light outdoor stage. these guys are great, this is one to stay up for. tomorrow night, we'll be joined will arnett will be here, from the new abc show "suburgatory" jane levy, and have music from j cole. and on thursday, antonio banderas, "science bob" pflugfelder and music from jane's addiction. so, join us this week. all right. on the magnificent television show "lost", our first guest survived six seasons of time travel, triangles and being chased by smoke only to find out it was jack's imagination, or dream or something. i'll ask her. her new movie with hugh jackman is called "real steel." it opens in theaters friday please say hello to evangeline lilly. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well -- i'm very glad to see you, because -- >> you have the greatest audience. >> jimmy: i was worried that you might be in heaven right now because that's the last time i saw you. >> was that heaven, though? >> jimmy: may i ask you one question and i know you got a movie to talk about and all this stuff and you've moved on in your life and in your career and all of those things but in the last, in the final episode of "lost," -- what happened? [ laughter ] >> well, for the record, jay leno introduced me as evangeline lilly from "real steel." i don't know if you heard about that movie. >> jimmy: i did. and yet, i'm still wondering. >> i thought you said we were in heaven. >> jimmy: well, there would be no jay leno in heaven. [ laughter ] let's be honest. >> well done, well done. >> jimmy: that's not a face we're going to see. very good to see you and i know you had a baby. congratulations. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: since the last t [ applause ] it's your real baby, not like kate where she actually took somebody else's baby and is raising the baby as her own? i just am having trouble keeping between reality and fantasy. >> if you call me frequent ms i'm walking out. >> jimmy: okay, good. i do want to take issue with you on one thing -- >> no, no, no, no "lost." >> jimmy: it has nothing to do with that. i was under the impression that you agreed to have a baby with me if you were going to have one and instead you had one with another person. >> where did that impression come from? >> jimmy: i made it up. there's a mystery surrounding the name of your baby because we don't know the name. >> do you know the name of my baby? >> jimmy: no, i don't. >> why not? >> jimmy: well, you never told me the name. >> that would explain it. >> jimmy: i sent you an e-mail so i could send you a baby gift and i did not get a response. >> oh, really? i really like you. >> jimmy: you didn't respond. so, you're not saying what your baby -- does your baby have a name? >> my baby did not have a name for a month. >> jimmy: really? it took a month for me to name my child. >> jimmy: really? >> maybe that's why you never heard about it. >> jimmy: i have two kids and we had a kid, i didn't actually, you know, deliver the child -- >> thank god. >> jimmy: i was there. >> they wouldn't let us take my daughter out of the hospital until we came up with a name. >> that's the reason why i never had a child in the hospital. too many rules. >> jimmy: where did you have the baby? in the jungle? >> actually i kind of did. i had a baby outside in a thunderstorm. oh. >> jimmy: what? really? >> i did. >> jimmy: that seems very dangerous. >> well, it kind of was. after i had the baby, we had to go to the hospital. >> jimmy: really? that's how you give birth to a super hero. >> well, speaking of super hero, his name means "the thunder." >> jimmy: really? >> guess what it is. >> jimmy: um -- is it -- is it jimmy? is it -- >> jimmy means the thunder in slavic or something? >> jimmy: i don't know. is it -- what's the baby's last name? >> kallie. >> jimmy: so, it might be something hawaiian. i might be the hawaiian word for thunder. >> you are so smart. >> jimmy: what's the hiawaiian word for thunder? guillermo? >> i'm not sure. >> jimmy: so, you're canadian -- >> my baby is american. >> jimmy: we're off to a terrible start. you know we're american, right? >> oh, right, right. >> jimmy: why don't you want the baby to be american? >> because i'm canadian. >> jimmy: well, the baby will be -- won't the baby have citizenship in both? >> actually, we went to apply for his canadian it is essential ship and the people told us, he's already a canadian if you're his mother, go away. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how old is he now? >> 5 months. >> jimmy: and already he's applying for it citizenship? >> mature child. >> jimmy: has the baby met his grandparents, all four? >> yeah, including his grandparents in kauai. and actually his uncle moved back in with grandma and grandpa and so when we go and visit, we have nowhere to stay except a tent in the yard. so, we went there for three weeks when he was 2 pomonths ol. >> jimmy: the last time i saw you, you were on a big tv show. now you're homeless and living in a tent? really, how long were you in the tent? >> three weeks. >> jimmy: what? >> three weeks. and it was awkward because i was supposed to be pumping, a little uncomfortable subject, but with no electricity. how do you breast pump without electricity? >> jimmy: the power of lightning and thunder. >> i thought you were putting your hand up to volunteer. >> jimmy: the baby is -- does the baby sleep in a little sleeping bag? >> actually, well, i wish i had my phone here, i could show a picture. he sleeps generally wherever we put him which sometimes can be the floor. >> jimmy: is his name -- >> neither. very good show. >> jimmy: somebody held up a card with the words on it. >> cheat. you're a cheat. >> jimmy: okay, so, you -- the baby is in a tent, which seems very unthhealthy to me. >> there's centipedes in hawaii, we realized that's dangerous -- >> jimmy: to babies? >> they can kill a baby. >> jimmy: you say it to me like i put my baby in a tent. i didn't! i never would allow this. wow. and the baby has been traveling -- >> yeah, oh. >> jimmy: well, if you count from conception, the baby has traveled on over 16 different flights including a flight back and forth from africa and back. he's been to new zealand, he's been to, all over america in the back of a volkswagen van. he's been to canada. he's like -- earnest hemingway. he lives in tents -- >> jimmy: you know how it ended for hemingway. wow. so, does the baby have a passport? >> yeah. when weapon applied for his passport, grandma was in town. we went to take him in and as usual he was just in his diaper because that's how he lives in hawaii. >> jimmy: that's how i took my passport photo. yeah. [ laughter ] >> can i see that? >> jimmy: did he really -- >> no, in the end, she is like this is not okay, he has to wear a shirt. >> jimmy: but there is a little photograph of him on his passport? >> and he's 2 months old. he looks nothing like that now. >> jimmy: that lasts for ten years, so, when he's 8 he's going to show a -- i think you can keep it for longer than that. you should see how long he can keep that baby photo of himself. >> 35 and going through customs. that's me. >> jimmy: this is all very confusing. we're going to take a quick break. when we come back, we're going to talk about the movie. >> finally. >> jimmy: is the baby's name hugh jackman? >> no. >> jimmy: okay. evangeline lilly is here. "real steel" opens in theaters this friday. we'll be right back. [ sniffing ] ...something wonderful is as near as your nose. ♪ ♪ just popled with joy and frosted with fun... [ laughs ] ...they make ordinary extraordinary. 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