we should respect portia.our coworker and our friend. - she thinks my name is barf, which, yes, is my middle name, but she doesn't know that. - phones away, people. - ugh. [tense music] ♪ - okay, there it is. no big deal. all i have to do is keep my mind off the red door. just like that. ehh... [groans] [phone ringing] - hi, mom. - oh, katie, i'm at chuck's house, and there's this mysterious red door, and he told me not to open it, but i really, really, really want to. - mom, what are you doing at chuck's house? - trying not to open the red door, keep up with me, katie. chuck trusts me, and i don't wanna ruin it, but i need to know the secret. i'm like that white-haired lady on wackyleaks--what's her name? you know, she looks like the snow queen in narnio? - julian assange. - no, no, that's not it. - mom, this might be hard for you to understand, but people deserve privacy, which is why i convinced the whole office not to look at portia's hacked photos, and honestly, it--mom? you're already looking at them, ar

[portia sighs] - aidan's gonna have a field day with this.p on my boss's phone and look what happens. - wait, one app? - yeah, biscuit blitz. - maybe that's what that kid was talking about. - biscuit blitz is the data breach. it's on everyone's phone, it has access to 100 million users worldwide. - oh, my god. do you know what this means? - you may have just cracked the story of a lifetime. - no, it means i pitched the story of a lifetime. oh, you take that, aidan. i'm gonna rub his face in it. that twerp. [laughs] - wait, wait, i found something. it's the other boot. well, my career in england's over. maybe i could move to america, become a better version of myself, like stefan ur'kel. thanks for nothing, nessie. [splashing] [ominous music] - you'- take it easy. i'll talk to the legal guy. - the cfd needs to protect its imagine and its reputation. - they're suspending you for 60 days without pay. - you are so out of touch. - you have no right just barging into my home! - why does he owe that guy money? should i call my mom? - you need to giv

- portia, i'm not good at apologizing. - uh, was that it?is again in language you understand. urban dictionary defines "apologizing" as a sex act where the man stands in the tank of a toilet-- - okay, fine, fine, i accept your apology, as long as you can admit that there are some things i know better than you. - yes, portia, of course. i promise. and from now on, i will listen and not always assume i know best. maybe i am good at apologizing. - hey, chuck, i think you just got hacked. the "new york post" published your fiber journals. - what? oh, god. i hope they don't find my drunk voice mails to nancy pelosi. i can explain the nickname "captain orgasm." it's worse than it sounds. - you know, just a piece of advice, when i was hacked-- - i'm not listening to you. i know about this. i know about everything. - aidan's gonna have a field day with this. oh, i download one app on my boss's phone and look what happens. - wait, one app? - yeah, biscuit blitz. - maybe that's what that kid was talking about. - biscuit blitz is the data breach. it's

- ...with portia scott griffin. stan, you've been at the nra for 30 years? - what?but i was out in the field. i didn't write any questions. - so let's get right to it. what is, like, the coolest gun in the world? - oh, no. she produced it herself. - you know, i once shot a bazooka in a taylor swift video. - is there a question? - no. do you have any questions for me? - um, what's taylor swift like? s screwed it all up. i lost a huge story 'cause i was doing some stupid thing to make you happy. - aw. - no, mom, not "aw." i'm never going on camera again. - what? - hey. can i have a picture with the tv star? - yes. [camera shutter clicks] and tomorrow, i am marching into greg's office, and i am telling him that this is over. [phone chimes] - oh, ralphie texted back. he said, "she wishes" and four toilet emojis. [light orchestral music] [elevator bell dings] - [grunting] ♪ hey, who are you, the janitor? clean up these papers that someone else threw on the ground. - no, i'm the editor, j

- and now, beth vierk with the weather. - thanks, portia. the year: 2018.l dead. - what are you smiling for? - i'm not, my lockjaw is back. - i never thought i'd say this, but... we need chuck. - so now the other property brother is trying to sell the house. or is that the same brother again? - what kind of soup is this, carol? it's pretty good. and it takes a lot to impress a souphead like me. - it's my secret recipe. i've been feeding it to sickies on this couch for over 30 years. - while i do not condone kidnapping, this is better than the time pablo escobar took me from my hotel room and made me an exhibit in his zoo. - well, at least it's good to know that i'm still good at one thing. i don't know if you've noticed, but it turns out i'm not so great at being an intern. - you brought me a script yesterday. it had clearly gone through a washing machine. - "follow your dreams" is great when it's sewn on a pillow, but doing it at 60, it's hard. sometimes i wonder if maybe i'm kidding myself trying to do a young person's job. - not me. he lied. oh, carol, t

. - no, portia. gram looked at your contract. you're only allowed to endorse products owned by our parent company. - you know what? i'm sick of gram's rules. - me too. she said i can't wear hoodies anymore. this blazer's so hard and crunchy against my skin. - and she made me tuck my braid into my shirt 'cause she said it was "gross" and "a ladybug flew out of it." - yeah, gram's always like... [in gram's voice] "i cannot tolerate your kind." both: what? - say what? - [in normal voice] oh, no, no, not jewish people, master impressionists. - oh. - [in chuck's voice] "i'm chuck. where's my pudding cup?" [applause] - well done. - nice. - well, as usual, i'm the real victim here. gram's idea for "the yellow digital suite" is ruining my life! now let's see what you, the viewer, had to say about the new epa regulations. all right, twitter user funnydude49 says, "chuck pierce looks like fred savage from the future "came back to warn present-day fred savage that when he's old, he'll be a meth addict." [downtempo news music] - well, if you

five had minor injuries including oakland resident portia dixon. >> i exited the back of the plane and when i was jumping off the tarp, you know, people were just piling on behind me and, you know, a gentleman landed on my leg. but other stewardess said run as fast as you can away from the plane. >> reporter: paramedics asked if portia wanted to go to the hospital to get her ankle checked out. this flight was the final stretch of her return trip from her vacation in jamaica. no way she was going to be left behind. >> i just wanted to get home. i didn't want to miss a flight. >> reporter: newark's airport was closed for a time because of the incident but has reopened. at sfo, matt keller, "abc 7 news." >>> happening today, united airline ceo oscar munoz is expected to face tough questions from shareholder about the kentucky doctor who was dragged off a flight in chicago. the now infamous april incident sparked weeks of bad publicity for united. shareholders are set to vote on whether to reelect him and 14 other board members. munoz has apologized repeatedly for the injuries dr. david da

. - portia, did you know that greg's grandmother owns mmn? - hold up. your gram is mildred marlock?he's a serious business bitch. she's on the british version of "shark tank." you know. "pond scum." - 'ello, scums. what would you say to a revolutionary invention that keeps your beer warm? - investing in an idea like that is gonna make me rich and famous. i'm in. - indubitably! - you could go with one of these balmy wankers, or you could go with the scum who put a chimney roomba in every home, castle, and flat. [dramatic music] ♪ - i'll go with her. - well, you'll all get to meet gram today. uh, i really wanna show her that i've been doing a good job of running this place. so who has segment pitches? - uh, there's a bomb threat at a college in new jersey. - wait, which one? - jonathan bon jovi community college. - oh, my god. that's where my mom goes. she's in her journalism class right now. [indistinct chatter over police radio] ♪ oh, excuse me. sir, sir, sir! hi, have you seen this woman? - uh, no. - she makes me take them at sear's every year for her birthday. it's her birthday. [

. - it was portia's idea. to...kiss chuck.elped a woman he wasn't attracted to. i mean, schindler? it was a really long list. he couldn't have wanted to sleep with all of them. - portia's insane. what about you and me? i help you all the time. - yes! and you're not attracted to me. - no! i mean, you're very-- - i didn't take-- - everything's symmetrical... - i didn't need you-- - in the...head zone. - profess--thank you. - i'm just gonna check my phone. - yeah, it's really buzzin' in there. - oh, man, i have so many texts from my cat. - [laughs] yeah. wait--what? - my girlfriend, cat. catherine. i've mentioned her--my cat. - oh, your... your girlfriend. that's why you had to go to your cat's sister's wedding. - you need help getting to your car? - no. i'm good. - [snoring] -when officials discovereded to suspendit was a,aign . "weekend at bernie's" situation. chuck? - dozens hospitalized as a serial arsonist strikes again in new york city. we go now to our field reporter, kevin herkins, who's been on top of this story from the

portia dixon of oakland finally arrived at sfo and she injured her ankle. >> i exited the back of thend when i was jumping off the tarp, and people were just piling on behind me, and a gentleman landed on my leg and the stewardess said run as fast as you can away from the leg. >> portia said she will visit the doctor here in the oakland area, and newark airport is open now but experiencing delays. >>> happening today, united airline ceo is expected to face tough questions from shareholders about the forceful removal from the passenger in april and that incident sparked several weeks of bad publicity for the airline, and shareholders are set to decide whether to re-elect munoz and other board members. the airline reached an undisclosed settlement with the man. >>> the oakland school board will consider changes to the district's sexual harassment policy. students are taking an active role in modifying the current policy and recommending changes based on their personal experiences. >> it really resinated with me, when is change going to actually come? what does it take for us to get that

. - and she volunteered to follow portia's fiancé. - to make sure that he wasn't cheating on me. - oht so much for me. for my whole life. so if you wanna fire her, you're gonna have to fire me first. - oh, katie, what a sweet-- - okay, you're fired. the old one can stay. both: what? - you got scooped on your story. all you do is mouth off. - greg, are you gonna say something? - i'm sorry. you're fired. [soft dramatic music] - come on, mommy. let's go. hey, how many kidneys do you have? i never asked. ♪ - take these away and bury them. then dig them back up and burn them. ♪ - [soft moan]e buzzing] hey, pumpkin, how's it going? - amazing. not having a job is the best. my dvr is at 0%. i got a congratulations certificate from time warner. - that's great, honey. but it's been a couple of weeks. have you thought about applying for a new job? maybe you could even ask greg for-- - greg stood by and let his grandma fire me. i'm never speaking to him again. you know, maybe i don't want to be a journalist anymore. - what? no, that's what you've alw