i have had so much fat from my ass inject mood my face that my dentist is a proctologist. (laughter) (cheers and applause) this is a disgrace, maxim. you're sending a horrible message to america's young males that one year they could be one of the hottest women on the planet and the next year poof. nothing. by the way, poof-- is what i say to get my pouty hot face. (cheers and applause) who am i kidding? i'm just a withered old cougar. i just-- i don't know, i just want to be object find like a piece of meat is that too much to ask? and just look at the hot young thing who took my spot this year's magazine at number 69. mantei te'o's fake girlfriend. i'm sorry. mi sorry, maxim, but i am wait hotter than her. have you seen her? neither has he. (laughter) i mean how dare-- how dare maxim give away my hard earned spot to some fake persona that doesn't even exist? instead of a genuine person like stephen colbert. now folks, don't kid yourself-- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: and don't kid yourself, folks, this totally changes the game. don't get too comfy miley cyrus becaus