i mean even if it's con sen eucialtion you don't grab a pussy. it is not how you handle a pussy. how are you supposed to be able to handle a country! if you can't handle a pussy! it's not hard. you learn it in like middle school. i don't get it. i don't get it and some of those women didn't want hillary to become president because she is a woman. that is right, women can be misogynists too, just proving that women can do anything that men can do, except be president! and you want to know the saddest thing i've heard all day? >> to all the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable, and powerful, and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and achieve your own dreams. (applause) (cheers and applause) >> the saddest thing i heard all day is that we have to be reminded of that. >> trevor: thank you, michelle, michelle wolf, everyone, we'll be right enjoy your phone! you too. (inner monologue) all right, be cool. you got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at&t... what??.... aand you got unlimited data because you

in fact, a black cat is the only pussy he won't grab.

drink it all, you [bleep] pussy! more tuxedo! more cars! more pussy! more vodka!mindlessly drains money away a little bit at a time. sound familiar? all the little sounds and lights are calculated to keep him sitting at that stupid machine. come on, dad. we're going home. ah, go away. do you know what you've done to your grandson? you've infected him with your bullshit! what are you talking about? i just don't understand what is wrong with you two. what is the joy that this stuff possibly brings you? it's just... it's fun. yeah, it's fun. it's not fun! you two have demons you're trying to compensate for. well, what about you? you're having a glass of wine. i'm not having a glass of wine. i'm having six. it's called a tasting, and it's classy. dad, i'm not addicted. i can stop. i just like playing it, but i don't have to. i'll prove it. yeah, and if he stops, i'll stop. all right. and if you two stop, then we won't have a problem anymore. hmm. earthy, bold, hint of cherry after-tones. hmm. your accent is adorablthank you. say tomato. tomato. toma-to. say it again..

bling, pussy and getting too beefs. and then eventually bankruptcy. the [bleep] out of here, man. is it singing or talking or singing? he serious m.c. ginger over here trying to pretend he doesn't know rap. is he doing it just so he can appeal to his old white fans. at his rally his superstar friend ted nugent was doing this i got your blue state right here, baby! black and blue. >> trevor: black and blue? dude, i don't think you're having sex right. i be like that started off as an insult and then ended as a cry for help. i got your blue state right here, baby. black and blue. and it burns when i pee. is there a doctor in the house, baby? i'll even take a nurse practitioner, whooo! so just to recap, it's the last night of the campaign, the very last night, you've got two candidates. one who doesn't understand technologies, music or hats. and the other who is not only been cleared again by the fbi, but she also gets the endorsement of beyonce. that's so amazing. and look, i know it was beyonce under that hat all along. but when i was watching i was go

grab them by the pussy.an do anything. >> yet his loyal supporters don't give a ( bleep ). >> i believe in him and i know what he'll do is right. >> how can his supporters still believe he is the man for the job? what specifically is his appeal. i can questions only i could find answers for. so unflattering. let's go. hard-hitting. uncorruptable. under cover. i'm desi lydic, and this is "in bed with desi, with desi lydic,." i traveled to the heartland of america, bel air, california, to meet with a trump supporter with real insight. average american voter, tony holt kramer. >> trump is, in his own way, a blue collar candidate. i mean, he appeals to the people. >> i found her at the trumpets, a grass-roots organization started by women who support trump. tone is the one hocan best explain his appeal. >> he is superman in a lot of ways. you know, he's this plond, blue-eyed guy flying around up in the air right now looking down going, "i can't stand this country the way it is. i've got to fix it." >> if trump i

from now on -- pussy willows galore. i'm rich! and they thought we were after the mark andrews' collection. ha ha! they thought they were dealing with an ordinary cat burglar. here. fill this up. that chest is too clumsy. now there are just two of us left to share it. yeah... just as i thought! she's mined the road with explosives! no wonder you had me put on that bat armor. gosh, you really think of everything, batman. [ hissing ] what's that? [ sighs ] although the bat armor protected our car, those land mines blew our tires. robin, turn on the automatic tire repair device. [ hissing ] [ batometer beeping ] look at those footprints. [ sighs ] only one man has feet that big. there must be an opening somewhere near here. boy, i wonder what my end's gonna be. this. there's never enough for two. don't! don't do it, catwoman! you'll never make that jump with what you're carrying! just watch me, batman. batman, help me! hang on, catwoman. when i throw the batrope, reach out and catch it. let go of the bag, catwoman. then you'll be abl

as anything from a pussy cat ? to a man-eating alligator. (horn honking) ? but believe it or not my mother dear ? decided she'd come back as a car. ? she's my very own guiding star, ? a 1928 porter, that's my mother dear. ? she helps me through everything i do, ? and i'm so glad she's here. (horn honking) ? my mother the car. ? my mother the car. ll your they made a mistake. the check they sent isn't enough to replace your totaled new car. the guy says they didn't make the mistake. you made the mistake. i beg your pardon? he says, you should have chosen full-car replacement. excuse me? let me be frank, he says. you picked the wrong insurance plan. no. i picked the wrong insurance company. with liberty mutual new car replacement?, we'll replace the full value of your car plus depreciation. utual and see why we've been awarded highest in customer satisfaction by j.d. power. call liberty mutual for a free quote today at 1-844-231-7721. that's 1-844-231-7721. liberty stands with you? - yeah! - okay, let's go. all aboard for camp tokapi. - yay! - there we are. ge

i want you to say, when you blank, i feel blank. >> when you say grab her by the pussy, i feel like aspected woman. >> good. when you say let's build a wall, i say let's build you into the wall. >> you used that as an opportunity to be negative. you know who would do something like that? >> donald trump. 't do this. if i couldn't unit the people, maybe i could unit their slogans. wait, not it. good. better, that could work. >> make america stronger together again. >> clunky but it works. make america stronger together again. a little bit of both. way to move foampletd just trying to move us forward. make america stronger together again. a little bit of both. you know what? i mean -- >> for hillary, i don't want (bleep). >> for us coming together. we'll be together, don't worry about that. >> in hell. but just when i gave up hope, i finally heard it, that one positive thing. okay there is got to be something good about donald trump. >> his combover. pretend your husband is hillary clinton. say something nice. >> i like your hair. hair is real. nice hair. if there's all thing we can ral

i might kill people, but to grab someone by the pussy, no, no, no, no, no. no, no, no, no, no. i have decorum, huh? what kind of a man grabs it? you touch it, maybe rub it. why you grab it? maybe your hands are small, that's why you have to grab, huh? no, no, no, no. ( laughter ) the thought of donald trump as a dictator was funnier when him in power was hypothetical. now america decides to shake things up and now possibly answers about the future may lie in the third world. which bhai hard for many people, because usually you only look to the third world when you guilt your kids because they hate their christmas ments. well, i'm sure so many some kids in africa would like this educational video game. i know politics may be dry. but looking at those leaders may be the only way to think about donald trump. i'm speaking of south africa. the one you can easily find on the map. africa, there. cool. up until a few years ago, our economy was humming, tourism was thriving and we, too, were celebrating our first black president. remember that feeling? basically, times were good. >> aft

how do you grab a penguin's pussy? only trump with get kicked out of the u.n. look, at this bbc report, they got smuggled into the country. >> four years into the trump regime, construction is still underway on the war. although trump promised a grand structure, so far it just stands four feet tall. still workers remain optimistic. >> things are going great. >> the wall's coming along, mexico's paying for it. well, mr. trump sent them an invoice. same thing. finally someone's in the white house who understands the concerns of white men like me. >> despite trump's promise of a great america, not everything turned out as he hoped even as his staunches supporters are aware. >> if i had to nitpick anything, it would be the total economic collapse. didn't realize white men would be subject to that sort of thing. and who knew supporting the immigrants would mean we would have to build the wall ourselves. >> with the 2020 presidential election quickly approaching, the discontent reached a fever pitch. >> things definitely need to change. that's why i'm voting for trum

>> bruce: i think you've got to make at least a little effort to be -- to not be a pussy. tough, i don't think you can just -- >> anthony: can't be a pussy or at least you're making an effort. >> bruce: make a little effort, just not roll over and -- >> anthony: right. ♪ ( ♪ ) come on, dad. ( ♪ ) ♪ they tell me i'm wrong ♪ ♪ to want to stand alongside my, my love ♪ ♪ whoa, talkin' 'bout my love ♪ ♪ talkin' 'bout my, my love ♪ you ready, dad? ♪ whoa-ooh ♪ ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪ they also know you need to getg your annual check-up. ♪ whoa-ooh now with one touch using the mycigna app you can find a doctor in your plan's network to save money. need to be thorough. mapping the oceans. where we explore. protecting biodiversity. everywhere we work. defeating malaria. improving energy efficiency. developing more clean burning natural gas. my job? my job at exxonmobil? turning algae into biofuels. reducing energy poverty in the developing world. making cars go further with less. fueling the global economy. and you thought we just made the gas. ♪ energy lives here. what make

every friday afternoon some huge new breaking story rocks the political world, the pussy grab tape, fridayernoon. the dnc hack, friday afternoon. hillary's secret speech transcripts, friday afternoon. tgif used to mean thank god it's friday, now it means this government is (bleep). ( applause ) last friday afternoon, like usual, we got another bombshell. >> the f.b.i.'s clinton bombshell. >> a blockbuster double-barreled october surprise from f.b.i. director james comey. he is investigating hillary clinton and her server again. >> he says this in connection with an unrelated case, the f.b.i. has learned of the existence of e-mails that appear pertinent to the investigation. >> trevor: oh, you thought the email scandal was over? well, it turns out, comey don't play dat! ( laughter ) look how the scandal affected everything. before last week, hillary had the election in the bag. trump outed a pervert who tries to conceal his tiny hands by hiding them inside vaginas. ( laughter ) hillary wasn't just winning, she was measuring the drapes in the oval office and making sure he had a pantsuit to

. >> now you can grab siri by the pussy.ing] >> chris: please don't do that right now. >> it works a lot better than you expected in the red states. >> chris: alright. points. aerial. >> he will bring back the headphone jack and suddenly everyone will love him. >> chris: that's all he has to do, put the headphone jack where it belongs. >> we need it >> chris: next up, "word up." yesterday, the oxford dictionary made their big announcement. no, not how they've survived when no one has purchased a single dictionary since wifi started. they announced their word of the year for 2016, and it's "post-truth," which is when your mailman admits to you that your middle child is his. that's a post-truth. he's making special deliveries. as people are pointing out on twitter, last year's oxford word was the "face with tears of joy" emoji, which also would've -- it's not a [beep] word. it's not a word. it's a pictogram. >> no one draws like that -- >> not accurate. chris: at all. comedians, what will oxford's word of the year be for 2017?

pussy -- piercy promised bunting that harvard would get to work to identified the questions needing answers and expressed the hope that the questions could be resolved and the merger accomplished by the fall of 1970. but that didn't happen. it was not at all easy to accomplishment part of the issue was resistance on the radcliffe side. it was not simply a function of institutional chauvinism. skepticism of harvard was ground net hard regard's history. harvard had had one tenured position created specifically for a woman faculty member, but no other tenured women among its faculty. there were a handful of women assistant professors, but faculty members who were not tenured have little influence in the university, and there was no path to tenure from the assistant professor rank at harvard in those days. harvard had no women administrators and the number of male undergraduates at hard vair wad four times the number of students at radcliffe. so, there was reasonable cause for radcliffe's trustees to worry about merging the college into a less than hospitable male university. the radcliffe alum

( cheers and applause ) ...is what a pussy would say. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and appe ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) wait a second here. wait a second. wait a second. ( audience chanting stephen ) sit down, sit down, sit down! stick around, everybody. we've got a great show for you sting is here! sting! thandie newton! don't go away! ( cheers and applause ) jon batiste! ? ? as soon as i became a parent i changed as a person, drastically. ? i tried hard to quit smoking. but when we brought our daughter home that was it. ? now i have nicoderm cq. the nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release technology helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. it's the best thing that ever happened to me. can you say thanks nicoderm cq? ? ? is that coffee? yea, it's nespresso. i want in. ? ? you're ready. ? ? get ready to experience a cup above. is that coffee? nespresso. what else? oh caroline. so corporate put you up in a roadside motel. but with directv from at&t, you can download then binge watch your dvr'd shows from anywhere. that makes you more powerful than whatever

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grab them by the pussy.o anything. >> that is a point where i have to part company. >> now he's competing on the biggest stage of his life. >> we will make america strong again. and we will make america great again. >> tonight, a cnn special report. "all business: the essential donald trump." >> it is my pleasure to introduce to you today my father, donald j. trump. >> the run actually started with a ride. down the escalator in his namesake, trump tower. ♪ awaiting him at the bottom, his daughter, ivanka, and a gaggle of reporters. ♪ >> ladies and gentlemen -- >> they knew this was coming. >> -- i am officially running for president of the united states. >> but this took everyone by surprise. >> when mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. they're sending people that have lots of problems. they're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists, and some, i assume, are good people. >> it was clear from the start that this would be an election season like no other. what was going thro

in fact, a black cat is the only pussy he won't grab. ( cheers and applause ) ? we've got a great show for you tonight. aaron eckhart is here. i'll be back to talk about all the cons election, so stick around! fact. people spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. gentle, non-habit forming advil pm. for a healing night's sleep. why the phelps face? old computer slowing you down? you know... i know. new computers are super-fast. and yet here you are with a new world record for the slowest computer. you know about it, now do something about it. upgrade to a new pc. simulation initiated. ? [beeping] take on any galaxy with a car that could stop for you. simulation complete. the new nissan rogue. rogue one: a star wars story. in theaters december 16th. ? ( cheers and applause ) gentlemen! jon batiste and "stay human," everybody! give it up! best band on television! ( cheers and applause ) (singing) hey! welcome back. i stayed up pretty late last ni

because their pussies grab them. >> a big issue right now is economic, safety, and health care. >> exactly. the fell femmecrats want to talk about transgenders using bathrooms. hillary clinton they're gone. >> the debate is starting. i know the hottest place to watch it. come on. hot slots. bartender? i would like one shot of grownup liquor every time they say the "v" word. >> grown-up liquor, okay. >> this guy's buying. >> if you become president this country is going to be in some mess. it has been a disaster, and i didn't even apologize to my wife. >> well, let's go get paid. donald trump won. where are my nickels at? where are all my nickels at? >> what the [ bleep ] did you just say? >> just locker room talk. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank trump ship! trump ship! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. tonight on the show we have music from flatbush zombies, isla fisher is here and we'll be right back with benedict cumberbatch. the one for an adventurer. the one she's been eyeing all year. ?different things to different people? ?different things to different people? [gas