the future of awesome. >> reporter: the disturbing story of how raven abaroa's first wife had been killedid not scare off vanessa pond. she was in love with him, and committed to helping raven get beyond both the heartbreaking loss of janet and the homicide investigation back in durham. >> i wanted to -- i wanted them to find the killer. i wanted all of this to be -- all of this to be behind us. >> but vanessa knew that wouldn't be easy. the past seemed to haunt raven as he shared with vanessa just how much janet had meant to him. >> he laid kind of in a fetal position next to me, and then he just -- he started talking how mad he was after janet died. >> he said "i loved my wife." >> "i loved my wife." >> for everyone who loved janet, the days following the homicide back in 2005 were agonizing. raven says he found himself asking the same question over and over again. >> why we could have this beautiful child, why we could have this beautiful relationship, and then to have her die. misty foxley, a friend of both janet and raven, attended janet's memorial service. how did raven look? >> he