so we're getting ready to open in oklahoma and i get a call that daddy had died and so i go to richard rogers and os tar hammerstein, the director -- and oscar hammerstein, and the director and said, i have to go home. they said, you can't. we open tomorrow night in new haven, connecticut, you don't have an understudy that's ready to go on. so naturally i did not get to go home but deep down, i was relieved. i thought, i don't have to deal with one more issue. but i suffered a lot of guilt for many years over that. tavis: that gives whole new meaning to the show must go on. you decide, make a choice to stay there, versus going to bury your father. how did you navigate past that, through that, in the ensuing years? >> well, i remember, you know, at that time, i was a strict catholic, i remember going to confession and you know, telling the priest how badly i felt and i almost felt like it was a sin, but there was really, i had no choice. but i was glad that i didn't have the choice, that the decision was made for me. you know, i developed insomnia because of that, a lot of problems. but the pr