toni more rison's "song of solomon "-- you know, i grew up in a very british colonial education. ideas that books like that existed never occurred to me. >> rose: you eventually left the church. >> yes. >> rose: what happened? disillusionment? >> disillusionment, change of geography. i think i was looking for bigger answers than that. jamaican church can be a lot of praise and worship, not a lot of intellectual growth or stimulation. >> rose: different being gay in jamaica? >> i wasn't. you know, i was pretty much just kind of this cursed and pleefg it. >> rose: and believing it? thinking you was sustaining myself that way. it's not something i necessarily confronted in jamaica. it's not until -- and my standards for moving when i left was i just wanted to be somewhere else. which is not necessarily bad in jamaica, i adore my country. but that is all. i think years of coming into myself and just wanting more of life, i think, that made me start to think about what i want and where i want to go. >> rose: you've readt readta rei coates? >> yes. he gets it. i have been following him