afraid to, you know, at least i was to just -- to come out, because a lot of my friends were rulent agast thawarand how would they judge me, you know, if i let them know? >> you write in "what it's like to go to war" that "the violence of combat assault psyches, confuses ethics, and tests souls." this is the result, not only of the violence you suffer, but the violence you inflict? >> absolutely. yes, you have to take that into consideration. i mean, we are raised in a judeo-christian culture. i mean, "thou shalt not kill," even for the atheists in our culture is a tenet y just do not violate unless you're, you know, crazy or a sociopath or something. and so all your young life, that's drilled into your head. and then suddenly, you know, you're 18 or 19 and they're saying, "go get 'em and kill for your country." and then you do that. and then you come back. and then it's like, "well, thou shalt not kill" again. well, believe me, that is a difficult thing to deal with. and i think what's even more difficult is that the only being that should actuallyake life is the one that gives life. and that's