salem saberhagen, you always disappoint me. you're selfish and irresponsible. you're a terrible person. but if you aren't the cutest little kitty i have ever seen in my entire life. i am? come to mama. oh... oh... chanel? well, that was fun. there's really nothing wrong with any of the sweaters you showed me or the perfume. or the earrings or the foot massagers. i just really want this present to be perfect. especially since you wrecked her car last week. and i kind of love her. ( chuckles ) sabrina... who was that? the oven. i forgot, i'm baking bread. an oven timer that calls you by name? sabrina?! sorry, you have to go. i forgot, i have to set off a bug bomb. but maybe we can go shopping again tomorrow. can i ask you one more thing? whatever it is, the answer is yes. really? so, we can go steady again? huh? sabrina? who's he? who's he? uh, harvey, this is dashiell. dashiell, this is harvey. you won't believe this really close friend or was until about five minutes ago when he asked me to go steady. ( chuckles ) and dashiell's this very new person in my life

and this must be salem saberhagen. you have different last names. when we adopted him he didn't want to change his name. and to hyphen it just seemed ridiculous. don't worry. i'm a crazy cat lady, too. oh, i think kitty was playing pooh-bear. i love it when they talk baby talk. ow! uh, meow! i'll be right back with some lubricant. i love her. hello? she's a woman and she's not in love with you. please. all vets love animals. and once i get her to kiss me, i'll be a man. all right, this shouldn't hurt a bit. there you go. oh, there. boy, he sure is a nuzzler. kiss me, pretty lady. turn my world around. ( purrs ) hey, the soda machine's fixed. i put in a couple extra quarters to clear my root beer- soaked conscience. well, that should cover the 15 sodas you had. no. i haven't seen or heard burpzilla since the incident. someday, your body will betray you, libby and we'll be waiting. i'm really worried about valerie. you think she went home? well, she did seem to have some gastric problems. she really should be here so that we could taunt her to her fac

be a man, saberhagen! climb! whew! i made it. good thing that pilot knew how to swerve. harvey! anyone with a friend or a family member up to their neck in quicksand hey! we've been waiting for hours. we have a boy about to be eaten by the wicked witch. i'll get to that. ( sighs ) wait. i need a plan. got it. nothing wrong with my magic. yes? hello. i'm with the confectionery construction company. we specialize in gingerbread siding. i don't know... the sugary smell really attracts the kids. mmm! i do love children especially with a b?arnaise sauce. come in. allow me to demonstrate. see how nicely it blends in with your decor? which, by the way, is lovely. oh, thank you. it was designed by i. m. pie. well, why don't you take a look hmm. is this one of those deals where you give me a great price on the gingerbread and then kill me on the frosting? our price includes all extras and you could win a trip to hawaii. oh! harvey? sabrina! oh, no, you ate a bad bean and died, too? what're the odds of that? harvey, you're not dead but you will be if we don't get you out of here. but i ha

and emperor larry are at war, might i suggest you leave certain strategies to minister of defense saberhagen? no, you mightn't suggest that. in any way. scat. this is going to be very awkward to tell my staff. rincess zelda, i am but a simple peasant in roughly woven garments but may i be your footstool? well, okay... but as long as you maintain your dignity. obviously when zelda said "scat" she was speaking in code. e it into esperanto back into hebrew... right! i'm pretty sure she meant "destroy emperor larry and all he holds dear, so salem can rule his country." give or take a letter or two. as you all know i was planning to give you another test today but i've decided to skip the test and just give sabrina the "a." ( applauding ) thank you. i even bought party hats and trail mix ( evil laughter ) i hope emperor larry likes this sleeping potion because it's the last thing he'll ever taste. ( evil laughter continues ) salem, what are you doing? um... making s'mores. well, don't make a mess. i've got battles to plan. i don't have time to clean. yeah, i'm making s'mores. s'more poison for em

saberhagen? homina, homina, homina. welcome to what we at diamond dave's call "vip plus." oing to get comped! good luck, and buy me a car when you come back. yeah, yeah, yeah. do you gals make your own costumes? i bet she has a car. guess i'll just have to conjure up the car myself. okay, let's see -- essence of tire burn... myrrh... [ car engine revs ] yes! ah, let's see how popular libby is when i'm mobile. [ car alarm chirps ] no! i told you it was a good idea to activate that "uninsured teen driver" block. it's just a bus. well, can't i tap into my college fund? [ piano music playing ] four of a kind. well, what do you know? gee, that sounds better. that's the fifth straight hand you've won. that's why they call him diamond dave. not amber dave, not aquamarine dave -- diamond dave. that's why i can afford a butler who sits on his butt when my fanta needs refreshing. right, boss. are you sure you don't want a break? the game is high-low crisscross mexican stud poker, deuces and bugs are wild. did you catch any of that? [ groans ] number 3 was the lightest pencil i could