what can you saginaw what you can say is, okay, i'm hearing you say that and i accept that and i love you and i will -- i never tell people, i'll pray for you but i said i love you and everyone prays for you and you're the best. i love you i. can't wait for you to get to go back home. and she ends up blowing her brains out. >> what is so interesting, i thought, the woman upstairs -- >> fell in love, not romantically but alcoholically with another very big woman upstairs in her apartment, and it was -- i always tell people that the love of your dog or cat is probably crow closest you'll find to divine love but they drank together and made each other love laugh and that what's path she chose -- a way for her to hook into something bigger than herself, which is what they mean by -- something big and beautiful that loved her unconditionallies that's how she had value so wasn't god as i understand god or god in any kind of goodness. it was love. god is love. >> our you beautifully put in the book for kelly, god was the old woman upstairs. >> yeah. >> i naught that was such a beautiful way