sam waterson. [cheers and applause] >> thank you, sir. >> and now, the greatest poem ever written.af. it's your kids back home cooking up some crystal meth. did you turn off the you have? set the alarm? they still haven't caught the man with one arm. look around at these people. how safe do you feel? your car when you park, did you look it? thinking reasonably now. what are the odds that nobody here is a pick pocket? that guy that just coughed on your neck, could he have had an infection. the restaurant where you went to brunch, did it fail its health inspection? a madman could set lose a virus for which there isn't a cure. while these maybe unlikely, ask yourself, are you sure? and can you be sure? because you won't get e-bolla. your lover will see your tale. someone is robbing your house. i can see through your blouse. your mother was right. you chose the wrong spouse. unlabeled draino, torpedoes. suv's, a giant pimple on your face. you have a date tonight. choking on a biscotti. getting trapped over night in a full port-o-potty. and i have one final fear to drop in your bucket.