schuyler bailar joins us to discuss his new book and why the way we talk about gender and pronouns mattersere. >> thanks so much for having me, i'm very excited to be here. >> juju: first, congratulations on your marriage. >> thank you so much. >> love at first sight with sarah? >> you know, we hit it off very quickly. we knew -- we actually had an online relationship, started on instagram. she had reposted something that i posted about pronouns, actually. talking about pronouns today. and we just started talking. it was very clear we were interested in each other quickly, even though we started about work. >> juju: you share a lot in your book about your life. especially the part that we talked about the fact that you were this harvard swimmer, the first ncaa division-i male athlete. what was that like sort of coming to terms with your teammate? you were given the option of competing on either team. >> yeah, yeah. you know -- coming out as trans was i think a momentary relief. because it explained a lot about my childhood, why i never fit in, why gender had been complicated and difficult