seth meyers. >> seth: thanks for having me. >> so, seth, what does sex feel like? laughter ] >> i'm sorry? >> seth: what does sex feel like? and is the anticipation of climax just as pleasurable as the release? >> seth: i don't think i want to answer that. [ laughter ] >> are three-ways more fun than regular sex, because they seem like they would just be a hassle. >> seth: i'm gonna go. >> please, seth, i must know. what does sex feel like? what does sex feel like? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we'll be right back with jennifer lawrence! ♪ ♪ and then santa's workers zapped it, right to our house. and that's how they got it here. so, santa has a transporter? for the big stuff... and it's a teleporter. cool. the magic of the season is here, at the lexus december to remember sales event. this is the pursuit of perfection. gifts for the tech-savvy uncle. and the 5-year-old. done and done. with up to 50% off our hottest tablets, like the ellipsis 10-inch tablet for $99.99. get the best deals and the better network. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welc

>> seth, you are a talk show host. >> seth: that's right, i am. >> i can also interview people. >> seth: i'd like to see that. >> okay, please welcome my next guest, seth meyers. >> seth: thanks for having me. >> so, seth, what does sex feel like? [ light laughter ] >> i'm sorry? >> seth: what does sex feel like? and is the anticipation of climax just as pleasurable as the release? >> seth: i don't think i want to answer that. [ laughter ] >> are three-ways more fun than regular sex, because they seem like they would just be a hassle. >> seth: i'm gonna go. >> please, seth, i must know. what does sex feel like? what does sex feel like? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we'll be right back other wireless carriers make families share data. not t-mobile! switch now and get four lines with up to six gigs each. and no sharing. just thirty bucks a line at t-mobile. you. right down to your skin. aveeno daily moisturizing lotion with 5 vital nutrients for healthier looking skin in just one day. aveeno . naturally beautiful results music starts and plays throughout gucci guilty aspar

yeah. >> seth: right. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. i do -- with the teacher like, "ed, i got a feeling you're here for the discount." [ laughter ] you haven't taken a single note the whole semester. >> i didn't even show up on campus. >> seth: this i'm very excited about on your behalf and i'm also excited that i don't have to do it. you're throwing out the first pitch at the mets game. when is it? this week? >> i am. yes, saturday. >> seth: this saturday. >> it's for this saturday. >> seth: have you ever thrown out the first pitch? [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. well, i mean, i'm a die hard met fan. >> seth: die hard met fan. >> and this is a great year for us. >> seth: yeah. >> you know? >> seth: and it's yankees, right? >> yeah. >> seth: it's mets yankees. >> it's mets yankees. so i mean, that's huge. i threw out the first pitch the summer of "private ryan." >> seth: oh, wow. okay. >> and -- yeah, i mean, it's nerve racking. i mean, i'm definitely -- even as now talking about it, i'm starting to get that knot in my stomach. >> se

>> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] yeah. good to hear it. let's get to the news. the international climate talks in paris wrapped up this weekend with 195 countries reaching a landmark agreement to cut greenhouse gas emissions. and then they all drove to the airport in 195 cars. [ laughter ] we did it! [ laughter ] [ honking ] new york was host to the annual santa-con bar crawl on saturday, where participants dress as santa claus and go out drinking. you may know santa-con by its original name, worse halloween. [ laughter ] according to a new national poll, donald trump has support from 41% of republican voters. this story was first reported when it was yelled by donald trump. that's how i get all my trump news. he yells it at me. [ applause ] he yells it. new york governor andrew cuomo said today that donald trump is which is what donald trump calls blow drying his hair. [ laughter ] adele will perform at madison square garden six times in 2016 as part of her new

>> can you hear me seth? >> seth: yes? [ laughter ] >> seth! >> seth: are you speaking to me telepathically? >> yes. >> seth: but that's impossible. how can you do this? >> an ancient tribe of norse witches performed their paganistic rituals where my soul transcended my earthly body and entered valhalla, where odin himself taught me how to free myself of the shackles of speech. and gave me the power of mind-to-mind communication. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's amazing. >> seth! i have a question for you. and it is very, very important. >> seth! do you like costco or sam's club? [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm sorry, what? >> my wife likes sam's club but i feel like i can get in and out of costco faster. >> seth: yeah, i don't know. >> i just feel like i don't spend money on crap that i don't need when i go to costco. i get what's on my list, and i leave. when i go to sam's club i always buy like ten blu-rays and a huge tin of carmel popcorn. [ laughter ] also, i love the hotdogs at costco. i know, but it's a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. [ laughter

[ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. fan. >> seth: die hard met fan. us. >> seth: yeah. >> seth: and it's yankees, >> yeah. >> seth: it's mets yankees. >> it's mets yankees. so i mean, that's huge. summer of "private ryan." >> seth: oh, wow. okay. >> and -- yeah, i mean, it's nerve racking. i mean, i'm definitely -- even as now talking about it, i'm starting to get that knot in my >> seth: yeah. have you been practicing at all? >> i haven't, but i play >> seth: okay. that's good. >> so i know my arm is okay. >> seth: yeah. >> but, i went on line to see some other folks just to see -- and i saw that tom brady, at a it. >> you saw that? >> okay. >> seth: well, 'cause here's the thing. if you see it on youtube, it >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: like, if you've seen it -- 'cause that's the thing. you forget about pitches. no one is there yet. >> yeah. >> seth: it's like 2,000 people are in the stadium for when that happens. and you -- >> that of which i'm very happy >> seth: oh, yeah. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> seth: i was -- 'cause i did it once at red sox game. >> how'd you do? >> seth: i'd fi

ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] very good to hear. now, right off the top, i want to make sure everybody at home watching knows this. the fourth gop debate was tonight. we haven't seen it yet. it has happened in our future and in your past. a real "back to the future" situation. [ laughter ] so please accept my apologies if some bat[ bleep ] crazy thing happens that i don't know about and i'm not -- i can't tell a joke about it until tomorrow. so please tune back in tomorrow -- [ laughter ] if something gnarly went down. and i promise we'll let you know what we thought. [ laughter ] all right. let's get to the news! that if he could travel back in time, he would kill hitler as a baby, adding, "you gotta step up, man." [ laughter ] and it's comments like those that have a lot of people telling jeb, "you've got to step down, man." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i'd travel back in time and say to you, "don't do this." [ laughter ] don't run for president. th

>> seth: nope. >> mashed potatoes. >> josh: schwartz. >> seth: no. >> nananu. >> seth: no. say are you arguing anybody naked is more consistent? >> absolutely. >> seth: okay anybody naked. i'm going to give the point to my dad. >> oh, no way! >> hey! [ laughter ] >> seth: it's fine. >> it's fine. >> seth: it's fine. >> josh: no, no, no. bicker more. bicker. >> it's thanksgiving, why not. >> seth: i do want to point out that franz proves that i did grow up in a sitcom. [ laughter ] that is the end of the seth round. let's take a look at the score. it is one for my dad and it is one for my brother. and now it's time for the mom round. questions that my mom wrote herself. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you, cassandra. >> it's nice to see you again, josh. [ laughter ] >> josh: nice to see you too. >> okay. here we go. first question. bon chance. what is the name of the hairdo josh got in seventh grade? >> mashed potatoes. >> josh: a vavoom. >> yes. a vavoom. [ laughter ] >> seth: can you explain the vavoom real quick? >> josh: all right. the vavoom was a very specific hairc

[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. i'm very happy to announce this. tonight is our 300th episode of "late night." [ cheers and applause ] and much like the film "300", this afternoon we celebrated by taking our shirts off and doing some pretty homo-erotic fighting. [ laughter ] today this was sparta. [ light laughter ] all right. let's get to the news. the "new york times" and cbs released a poll this morning that shows donald trump in his strongest position of primary season. while jeb bush remains in same position -- fetal. [ laughter ] i don't wanna do -- i don't wanna do this this anymore! [ applause ] i want to go back to florida. this is so hard when nobody likes you. [ laughter ] following criticism about his comments on muslims, donald trump said this morning, he is postponing a trip to meet israeli officials until after he becomes president. oh, did you hear that? the sound of hillary laughing all the way from her dressing [ cheers and appla

>> can you hear me, seth? >> seth: yes? >> seth. >> seth: are you speaking to me telepathically?ou do this? >> an ancient tribe of norse witches performed paganistic rituals where my soul transcended my earthly body and entered valhalla where odin himself taught me to free myself from the shackles of speech and gave me the power of mind to mind top mind communication. >> seth: that's amazing. >> seth, i have a question for you and it is very important. >> seth: well, what is it? >> seth. [ laughter ] what are you doing for christmas? >> seth: what? >> are you going to your parents' house or are you having people at your place? [ laughter ] >> seth: we're having people over. >> wow, that sounds stressful. i hate hosting. all the cooking and cleaning. i just feel so much pressure to make sure that people having a good time. >> seth: yeah. >> that's why we're going to may wife rachel's parents' place just outside of dayton, ohio. it's okay, but, you know, it doesn't really feel like a real vacation. after three days, i'm just like, i want to sleep in my own bed. >> seth: i'm sorry,

>> wow. >> seth: so good to see you. >> amazing. >> seth: yeah. >> we go back a long way. >> seth: we go back a long way. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: we were actually talking backstage about -- we auditioned for the same movie. >> yeah. >> seth: and probably like 2002. >> yes. >> seth: and i saw you right after you had auditioned. i think i was on my way in. >> yeah. >> seth: and i don't want to be this guy, but i got the part in that movie. >> he got it, yeah. deservedly so. >> seth: i think all of the time that director must think, i [ bleep ] dropped the ball so hard. [ laughter ] >> absolutely not. >> seth: every time he sees you at the oscars, he's like, "oh, seth meyers isn't at the oscars. " [ laughter ] seth meyers -- they probably don't let him watch the oscars. >> we were talking about how we were both sitting on the side of the -- in venice, california -- >> seth: yeah. >> just talking for like an hour, and who would have thought. >> seth: yeah. that's a long time ago. congratulations on everything. >> thank you. you too. >> seth: fantastic. thank you so much. >> amazing. [ cheer

>> seth: it is, yes.ery -- that was very sad what you did to that turtle. [ laughter ] >> seth: right. >> and my child is never going to get over this. >> seth: yes. >> like, hello? [ laughter ] >> seth: i think it should say -- >> it's funny. >> seth: it should say in the foreword, if you've ever had a turtle-related trauma, this book may be a trigger for you. [ laughter ] >> a trigger warning. right. give em a trigger warning. >> seth: so please there's a lot of -- >> i had turtles. that actually -- you know, it was based on a real story. >> seth: about someone -- about a kid eating a turtle. >> a toddler -- well, he didn't eat it. he swallowed it.] >> seth: swallowed it. well -- >> you know, the little -- >> seth: turtle died. [ laughter ] >> right. well, it was the turtle or the kid. >> seth: the important thing was -- yeah, i guess. >> and that's what i say to people. i say, "look, it's the turtle or the kid." you know? >> seth: and a lot of people say -- >> teach your children to keep those things o

i've had enough of you. >> seth, seth, seth, who are you talking to? >> seth: i was talking to gorbon. wait, wait a second. he was just standing right there. >> gorbon? oh, he had to take a phone call. >> the packages are from me. no, they're gifts. just sign them! >> seth: we'll be right back with music from moon taxi. give it up for gorbon. [ cheers and applause ] i absolutely love myew york apartment, but the rent is outrageous. good thing geico offers affordable renters insurance. it protects my personal belongings should they get damaged, stolen or destroyed. [doorbell] uh, excuse me. delivery. hey. lo mein, szechwan chicken, chopsticks, soy sauce and you got some fororne cookies. have a good one. ah, these small new york apartments... protect your belongings. let geico help you with renters insurance. let's watch this. no, this. hohoabout this? no, no, no. this is what we're gonnnnwatch. romance... ...and midnight romance the women's fragrances by ralph lauren. ininvative sonicare tenology with up to 27% more brush movements versus oral b. get he

don't let me order another one." [ laughter ] >> seth, seth, seth. no. >> seth: no?gonna work. >> seth: i think you're saying that, because you don't want the next bond to be a better bond. [ laughter ] you know -- >> that might be true. >> seth: i think that's it. >> that might be true. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: 'cause you could really -- you could point the finger, and the next guy you point the finger could be bond. >> i get to say -- like, what do you mean? like, "it's you." >> seth: yeah. or, like, you know -- i'm just saying, will you think about it? >> okay. >> seth: that i like. this is a real bond move you're doing. >> this is what you have to learn to do, though. >> seth: this is good. >> this is a good move. >> seth: okay, great. i can't tie my own ties. is that a problem? [ laughter ] >> you can't? >> seth: no, i have like a staff that does it. is that a problem for the movie? [ laughter ] i mean, i can, it's just this part's longer. [ laughter ] >> you're losing this job. >> seth: okay, you know what, you're right. i shouldn't talk about it. i sho

>> seth: pretty close. >> no way. no way. >> seth: pretty close. >> seiously? >> seth: yeah. so you'd never consider a poem for yourself when you -- >> no. nothing. [ laughter ] >> seth: no. >> no. >> seth: did you consider a rap? did you consider doing -- >> no. >> no rap, no movies. a poem, seriously? >> seth: yeah, he did it with a poem. >> you're pulling my leg, seth. stop it. >> seth: it's not a bad poem. >> let me hear it. >> seth: i don't remember much. it's a lot of like -- it's very wistful. he talks about, i used to roll up socks and pretend i was in the forum and shooting last-minute shots. [ laughter ] it's better than what i'm doing -- [ laughter and applause ] but not, not like -- >> 'cause that wasn't a poem. >> seth: no, that can be -- poems now can be anything. they don't have to rhyme. they can be anything. >> oh, they can be anything? >> seth: you can get away with anything as a poem these days, believe me. one of the other things that is very important, obviously, in retirement is taking care of your money and saving your which you've obviously done a but

>> seth: candyman. >> yes. >> seth: yes. quick? sethy is the baby he's daddy little boy he's mommy's little boy born on december 28th the cute bundle of joy the sethy boy boy oh the sethy boy boy [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's amazing. where did i get my self-esteem? [ laughter ] >> okay. that's the end of my questions. >> seth: okay. let's move onto the dad round. these are questions written by dad for us. switch back in, mom. i'll have to slide over. >> okay, i'm over here. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, cassandra. >> hey josh? are you a breast man or a leg man? [ laughter ] >> josh: i'm a leg man. but today i might be a breast man. >> because i have both breasts and legs. and they're both real. well, my breasts are real. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: all right. >> you guys ready? >> seth: yeah. >> okay. when mom taught school before seth and josh were in high school, we used to go to a beach vacation for the april school break. typically, the first weekend we were on vacation mom, d

yes. >> seth: queen latifah. >> yes. >> seth: mary j. blige. >> i know. >> seth: what's it like working with them? >> i am so excited. they are amazing. first of all, i'm a fan of all them. >> seth: sure. >> like i -- it takes everything in me not to start singing queen latifah and mary j. blige songs. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> to "the wiz" music, you know, but it's amazing. they're all phenomenal. and you just really get to understand why they are the legendary performers that they are, you know? >> seth: sure. and now, here's my question because obviously you get -- again, you get one shot at this. >> yes. >> seth: it's live. >> it's close to it. >> seth: is it something -- is it cool to talk to everybody else about like, "hey, we only get to do this once." or is that like talking during a no-hitter? like, you're not supposed to bring it up. >> exactly, it is a little bit like, we were like, "yes, we're doing this live." and then it's like, "we're doing it live." [ laughter ] there is no going back. like once that train starts you

>> seth: so happy to have you guys here. >> thank you, seth. >> seth: it's so good to have you in theing "snl." you guys have each hosted on your own. first time hosting together. how is it going so far? >> it's good! >> swimmingly. >> great. >> we're talking at the same time. >> we do things together. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, wow. that's really crazy. >> it's double the fun. >> seth: is it double the fun? >> yeah, it's really fun so far. we're at a point now where we have the show about 9 to 10% ready. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's great. it's late on thursday, so it's really right around the corner. >> it's good. >> seth: but, now having done "snl", you know not to have any panic or stress. [ laughter ] you know that just everything happens. it's like elves do it. >> the elves come and do it. >> it's going to be so great! [ laughter ] >> seth: now before we talk about "sisters," i feel like this might have been one of the inspirations. because you played the bush sisters -- you played the bush girls in 2005. >> yes, twins. [ laughter ] >> we kind of did look like them, too. >>

>> seth: i'm sorry..& wait, what >> i'm -- >> seth: who are you? >> the caper with the paper. [ laughter ] >> seth: a what do you do? >> i remind everyone to read the paper. >> seth: how is that going? >> not good. >> seth: all right. thank you! [ audience ohs ] >> seth: did we misread how that went? because you can still see him over there, right? [ laughter ] [ applause ] are you afraid -- oh, i should explain to the people at home, i didn't just kill a tiny caper. [ laughter ] okay thth's it. no more. tonight's show has been really fun. >> wait! >> seth: oh, no. >> i have to remind everybody about the dangers of hooking up at holiday parties. [ laughter ] >> seth:ll right. just do not say your time. >> whore on the floor! >> seth: all right, whore on the floor. get out of here. wewel be right back with music from the struts. when cigarette cravings hit, all i can think about is getting relief. only nicorette mini has a patented fast-dissolving formula. it starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. i never know when i'll need relief. that's why i on