seth meyers, "late night with seth meyers."it feels like every day there is a new scandal in the white house to deal with. how long did last week seem to you? >> frankly, well over a year. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and how long do you think it will be until mike pence becomes the president? >> i think we've got an hour or two before he's actually sworn in. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] >> seth: an hour or two? what's been the biggest challenge so far for president trump? >> coping with the effects of traumatic brain injury and head trauma. [ laughter ] >> seth: your job seems pretty stressful. what do you do to keep yourself from taking up smoking? >> use the patches that are available to ensure that it doesn't happen. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what do you call when it a really tall man sits down in front of you at the movie theater? >> a historic show of obstructionism. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what is the republican party doing to ensure that trump gets re- elected in 2020? >> we are calling on all of those folks

it was great. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: well, it was such a lovely week. >> it was. >> seth: and at you. >> seth: congratulations. so happy the show is back. [ cheers and applause ] >> well, thank you. i'm happy for you. >> seth: thank you. jane lynch, everybody! "hollywood game night" airs thursday nights at 8:00pm on nbc. we'll be right back with music from amine. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you've earned your 100,000th point. here's your reward. can i get one more? that'll be 15,000 points. some loyalty programs aren't always rewarding. thanks captain obvious. but hotels.com is. it's small batch. instant savings now, free nights later. hotels.com. hello, discover card. hi. can you tell me about these new social security alerts i keep hearing about? sure, just sign up online. then we'll alert you if we find your social security number on any one of thousands of risky websites. wow. that's cool. how much is it? oh, it's free if you have a discover card. i like free! yeah, we just want you to be in the know. ooh. hey! sushi. ugh. i smell it! you're making me... yeah, being in the k

>> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. president trump spoke at a lunch with republican senators today, and said that his gop friends who opposed the party's healthcare bill may not be his friends much longer. [ light laughter ] just so you know, mr. president, you're supposed to threaten people with things they don't want. [ laughter ] during his lunch with republican senators today, president trump said that the only thing democrats are good at is screaming "everyone is going to die." [ light laughter ] whereas republicans are the only ones who know how to get it done. [ laughter and applause ] not all talk. during his lunch with republican senators today, president trump said that he is sitting in his office with a pen in hand ready to sign a healthcare bill. and i'm just saying, this would be a great time for someone to walk in there with a resignation letter. [ cheers and applause ] "oh, n

>> seth: yeah.ughter and applause ] people -- people don't ask that question. [ cheers and applause ] no one ever asked why was there the civil war. [ light laughter ] and who can forget those searing letters from soldiers on the battlefield? ♪ dearest elizabeth, i write to you from the front lines where the civil war rages on for whatever reason. [ light laughter ] today i bayoneted my owner brother, for what purpose, he cried out and i, of course could only respond, i do not know. nobody knows. [ light laughter ] general grant informed us today we will be marching on to gettysburg, why? what's there i asked. [ light laughter ] he shrugged, confused. who knows he said and cited the famous words of our current president, andrew jackson, there's no reason for this. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so trump clearly, clearly does not have a firm grasp on the basic aspects of being president, let alone basic facts about american history. and now he's essentially admitting that he's in over his head

>> seth meyers, you are forgiven. [ applause ] my turn. seth? >> seth: yes, will?sethmeyerssucks.com. [ laughter ] the number one stop on the web for seth meyers haters to connect and bond over how much they hate seth meyers. >> seth: that was you? >> yes. i am the founder and ceo -- [ laughter ] of sethmeyerssucks.com. and i feel awful about it. >> seth: okay, well. you are forgiven. >> and if you people sign up at sethmeyerssucks.com today, they can become platinum members, which gives them an all-access pass to everything sethmeyerssucks.com has to offer. including this free seth meyers sucks t-shirt. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and this seth meyers sucks koozie. [ laughter and applause ] so you can keep your drinks cool. much cooler than seth meyers. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: are you apologizing or are you promoting the website? >> i'm apologomoting. [ laughter ] >> seth: fair enough. will, you are forgiven. [ applause ] my turn. will? >> yes, seth? >> seth: i am sorry for not letting you know about the last time i was in l.a. it was a really

meyer >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.his is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. that's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. president trump today met with the president of china at his mar-a-lago resort. and things got off to an awkward start when trump said, "i thought you were really funny in the 'hangover' movies." [ laughter ] that's right, president trump today met with chinese president xi jinping. trump asked him how to pronounce the name. and then he said, "no, i meant the name of your country. is it china? [ laughter ] because i'm getting a lot of mixed signals on that." [ cheers and applause ] during president trump's meeting today with the president of china, they discussed everything from north korea and south korea to, at trump's behest, east and west korea. "they often get overlooked." [ laughter ] according to a new report, new york has a higher tax burden than any other state. but she's still refusing to move. [ laughter ] just tough it out. they

>> seth: yeah.mojis, this must have been a coveted role. i would feel like many actors would have said -- would have said yes right away to the poop emoji. did you have to fight for this of the emojis? >> fight other actors? >> seth: yeah. >> yeah -- no, no. [ laughter ] it came to me and it came in an email and it was the quickest response i have ever given. >> seth: you jumped for it. >> and i jumped all over it. yes. exclamation mark, exclamation mark. [ light laughter ] >> seth: well i -- but i think it's a gift. because now i will never be able to separate the poop emoji from your voice. [ laughter ] and they will give it a -- they will give it a great dignity. >> is that going to be a problem for you, seth? >> seth: i don't know. i think it'll be -- it'll make my life better. what happened there? >> excuse me. i don't know. i got threads hanging out of my shirt. you know? >> seth: believe it or not, i think if you'd have left it alone, we wouldn't have noticed. [ laughter ] you know, i was --

>> seth: really? >> yes! lincoln was a republican, seth.n't know that. >> seth: really? >> yeah, really. >> seth: and really, if this portrayal was offensive to anyone, it's caesar. caesar was beloved by the roman empire. to put it another way, he won the popular vote. [ cheers and applause ] he was so popular, we don't use his name for pizza, we use it for pizza pizza. [ laughter ] the only thing caesar and trump have in common is they both have casinos named after them. and really, you could tell that caesar wasn't really trump, because the senate stabbed him instead of just passing his [ bleep ] health care bill. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> also, protesters, this is new york city. if you want to interrupt a play, bring your grandpa and let him unwrap a werther's candy for two hours. [ laughter ] >> seth: really. >> because all you did by running on stage was make a shakespeare production entertaining for once. really?! >> seth: really? >> when you pulled your stunt, that audience was definitely buzzed on rose and this close to passing out

>> seth: i'm good. day after the election. >> it sure was. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and we had some predictions on how things would go, but this has, i would say has even run afield of that. wouldn't you say? >> yeah, i mean i think the big thing i think that the day after the election that we talked about a little bit is, you know, in american politics every action has an equal and opposite reaction. what would be the reaction? and we've seen it. i mean, it's sort of remarkable to watch this sort of mobilization happening, this fight over health care. it's been pretty astounding to watch what's happened in the last two months. >> seth: because we talked about the speed in which the republican party would try to disassemble the accomplishments of the obama administration. and it seems like what they're running up against is all of a sudden, there's this sense of maybe you didn't like obamacare, but you are more afraid of what no obamacare is. >> yeah, and very much i think there's a respect in which

seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night."'s everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. according to sources at the "washington post," white house staff members are trying to build a case that chief of staff reince priebus is the administration leaker by building a diagram to show president trump that he'll understand. here's that diagram. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] "so what are you trying to say?" [ light laughter ] first lady melania trump announced today that her first solo international trip will be to toronto, canada. the purpose of her trip hasn't been announced. but i'm guessing, sanctuary? [ laughter and applause ] the publisher of hillary clinton's upcoming memoir announced today that the title of her book will be the statement "what happened?" [ light laughter ] well that's the censored version. [ cheers and applause ] in a recent interview, canadian prime minister justin trudeau, revealed that the he watched clips from the popular tv show "the w

>> a strata. >> seth: strata. >> strata. >> seth: okay. it. it's so good. >> seth: okay, great. >> here, help yourself. >> seth: thank you. >> put it on the plate there. [ laughter and applause ] of course. what do you think? >> seth: mmm! >> isn't that good? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: martha stewart, everybody! "a new wake to bake" is available where books are sold. everyone in the audience is getting a book tonight! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] liz assumed she could trust her dating site. liz assumed all dressings were made equal. assume nothing. just like the leading brands, these kraft dressings are made with high quality ingredients, at a price you can feel good about. no wonder kraft is so good. woman: so this happened. nikki picked up some lime-a-rita's and that's when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. we started hanging a disco ball but then the ball reminded ava of her sequined dress. now we have two disco balls. lime-a-rita. make it a margarita moment. [laughs] ♪ you h

>> seth: i'm so happy to see you. >> how's it going, seth. >> seth: it's good and congratulations. >> >> tony. >> seth: this is your first broadway show. >> and he gets a tony nomination. >> seth: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] nice, yeah yeah. it's very, very, very exciting. >> seth: for your first time, do you think this spoils your second time now? >> i don't know, what do you think? >> seth: i don't know, i feel like you're gonna say i'm -- >> a high expectation? >> seth: yeah, i'm a lock for a tony now. >> i don't know. >> seth: have you ever been to the tony's? >> never been to the tony's. >> seth: i think it's a wonderful awards show. >> you've been to the tony's? >> seth: i haven't. but, i like watching it because they do songs from the show. >> oh yeah, cause people get up and do musical acts, stuff like that. >> seth: it's fun, because at the oscar's, the oscar's, they just show clips. >> yeah, but you got the people right there. >> seth: they get the performance. >> yeah, the performers are up there doing it. i have seen that. it's really good. >> seth: and i want to ask thi

>> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.s is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump jr. has admitted to holding a undisclosed meeting, before the election, with a russian lawyer and a russian lobbyist who reportedly once worked for the kgb. and the hardest part to believe is there was a donald trump dumb enough to do that and it wasn't this one. [ laughter and applause ] china reportedly scrubbed the images of winnie the pooh from social media over the weekend, after users compared the character to their president. though it seems like it would just be easier to just get their president to put some pants on. [ laughter ] president trump attended the u.s. women's open golf tournament this weekend, so just to be safe, the golfers got changed in their cars. [ laughter ] senate republicans are trying to add a provision to their healthcare bill that would allow companies to offer low cost reduced coverage plans, which critics are calli

i tried, seth!uld -- she would be about to get a kiss and she would say to herself, "colleen, this is it!" and then it wouldn't happen. [ light laughter ] so, you know, you can sort of see where lorne was coming from. >> seth: yeah. >> with that. >> seth: well, you know, i don't think it's something we can do with an active cast member. but, you know, "second chance theater" is an incredibly popular thing here at "late night." i think at one point we have to get colleen on her feet. >> are you saying there's a chance? >> seth: there's a chance. [ light laughter ] >> i'll only give up on her after i've left her after i've left "snl." [ light laughter ] i'm holding on hope until then, man. >> seth: all right. please hold on hope and keep doing what you do. kate, it's always just the best to see you. thank you for being here. >> thank you, seth. >> seth: kate mckinnon, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "rough night" is in theaters friday. we'll be right back with brian tyree henry." [ cheers and appla

>> seth: no.i never did her work. >> yeah, but you improvised in holland? >> seth: i did. i used to work for a theater company in amsterdam, and i did improv comedy there. >> that's amazing. that's funny, because i did improvisation in bermuda. >> seth: okay. >> i was making a movie there. this was really -- we had nothing to do in the evenings. so we went to a bar. it was a town that had a port that boats from all over the world came. so in this bar were sailors who had had a lot to drink, who didn't speak the same language. they all came from different countries. >> seth: sure. >> so i'm there with this other actor, and i said, "what do you think we put on a show? they got a stage right there. let's put on a show." he said, "well they won't understand us." i said, "no, we'll do the show in gibberish. they won't know what language it is." [ laughter ] >> seth: gotcha. >> did you ever do gibberish in sketches? >> seth: i'm not particularly good at gibberish. are you good at gibberish? >> i like it

thank you, seth. >> seth: been a great week. >> thank you so much. >> seth: awesome having you. >> definitelyk at the paper this morning, you might have seen there was a new story on migrating tree frogs, and -- [ light laughter ] i'm sorry. i could be wrong here, but i think i smell some smoke. and that could only mean only one thing. it's time for "ya burnt"! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome to the burn zone. we've got a lot of topics to sizzle through, but not a lot of time. over here at the burner, let's turn up the gas and load 'er up. woo-hooo-hooo! sizzle me timbers! [ light laughter ] first up -- ice cream trucks. ah, the pied piper of diabetes. [ light laughter ] nothing better than a truck that gets kids immediately running out into the middle of the street. [ light laughter ] and, hey, why don't your popsicles look anything like the picture? because my spongebob looks like he survived chernobyl. [ laughter ] also, ice cream trucks, would you quit playing that creepy jingle? what's that song called anyway? "abduction in c-major?" [ light laughter ] ice cream trucks, better

meyers. ♪ >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] absolutely wonderful to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. president trump has now been in office for six months, oh i'm sorry 6,000 months. [ laughter ] that's right. president trump has now been in office for six months. i know, said melania. [ laughter ] according to cnn, president trump has spent almost a quarter of his time at his golf properties during his first six months in office. so it's official -- golf is not good exercise. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] have you been golfing? you look the same. [ light laughter ] after president trump said in a new interview that he had regrets about appointing attorney general jeff sessions, sessions said today that he will continue to serve as long as it is appropriate. so only until about 1955. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] president trump said yesterday that he went to speak with vladimir putin at the g20 summit dinner because he was seated next to the wife of japan

>> seth: i don't know.id not like going away from my parents. >> yeah, especially young. i feel like i was eight or nine and even going to day camp, like you know, we had a sliding door van. i felt like a cat getting into a bathtub. [ light laughter ] and my mother, at least two years in a row, we wasted money on camp. my mom would just be like, "fine, i guess we're going home." and then by my third year they even set up a daily schedule so that my sister and one of my cousins who were both at the camp were, you know, with me every second of the day. [ light laughter ] and i still just didn't want to go. >> seth: well, there you go. and -- you were very close, we're very similar this way, you're very close with your mother. >> yeah. >> seth: i'm very close with mine. i will say, we diverge slightly because i heard this story, is this true, that you told your mom when you lost your virginity? >> yes. >> seth: okay. >> i did. [ light laughter ] i did. you know, my whole family is just -- we're very open with

seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers.s is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. newly-appointed white house communications director anthony scaramucci announced that press briefings will be televised again, tweeting yesterday, "tv cameras are back on." yeah, i bet they are. [ light laughter ] look at that guy. he did not work on his hair that long to go on the radio. [ laughter ] he probably can't reach orgasm without at least two cameras on him. [ laughter ] look at him. he's like a televangelist without the humility. ladies and gentlemen, the mooch! [ cheers and applause ] white house -- give it up for the mooch! white house communications director anthony scaramucci reportedly told his staff today, quote, "you're either going to stop leaking, or you're going to get fired." replied the leaker, "you can't fire me, i'm the president." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the girl scouts have announced that they will offer 23 new badges foc

>> seth: that's great.s when you came out, and you knew i was going to show these. so these are -- these are some modeling photos you did. is it for k-mart, is that where it's for? i can't remember. >> yeah, it's target. it's from target. >> seth: yeah, it's for armani! [ cheers and applause ] so, do you have names for these poses? >> oh, man! >> seth: what is -- this is like the thinker, the -- >> let me tell you something, i -- they want -- they always want a hand in the shot. >> seth: yeah. >> they love a -- they love a constant -- they love a cont -- they love a constrabated, you know. >> seth: and there's another one, really good. [ cheers ] look at that! man, i tell you, if the direction was "put a hand in the shot," you nailed it all three times. >> you know, i'm thinking a lot about -- i'm thinking a lot about deep smelly patchouli. >> seth: yeah. and i just want to say to all the women of themyscira, not all guys look like this. >> themyscira. >> seth: themyscira. >> come on now. >> seth: come on,