. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening, everybody.'m seth meyers, and this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] great work, you guys. you had to play the song so much longer. so many guests tonight. you did an excellent job. so impressed. continue to be impressed by the hard work you guys do every night. [ light laughter ] and this is very exciting for us, you guys. very exciting news for all of us. tonight is, this show, our show's one-year anniversary.

featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! nd applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] very good to hear. and exciting. you guys, it is an exciting time of year. it's almost time for march madness. [ cheers ] march madness is upon us. that's the big tournament where you start out, you start out with 64 teams and in only three weeks you're down to no girlfriend. [ laughter ] pretty impressive. this is interesting. i don't know if you guys saw this. after a mysterious absence vladimir putin, today, appeared in public for the first time in nearly two weeks. you know what that means, a boob job. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] guarantee it. i guarantee it. and we're going to find out quick because that guy doesn't wear a shirt a lot. [ laughter ] pope francis said thursday, that one of the things he misses most about ordinary life is the ability to go out and eat pizza without being recognized. though i wouldn't worry. nobody's going to belie

seth meyers, "late night with seth meyers." good to meet you. to meet you. [ laughter ] there's a new study out. we get very excited about new studies here at "late night." we just respect that people spend their lives studying things, while i go about my just doing dumb stuff. they're in labs. they're studying. and according to this new study, people who smoke marijuana every day have five times the normal risk of hearing voices. [ light laughter ] and more often than not the voices are saying, "would you like fries with that?" [ laughter ] more bad news for bill cosby. [ audience ohs ] oh, i'm sorry. [ laughter ] i apologize. i'll throw in some good news, too. good news, he won $5 on a scratch-off. all right, anyway. [ cheers and applause ] hey, yeah, oh, that's good. oh, wait, but more bad news. sorry. two more women have come forward to accuse bill cosby of sexual assault bringing the total to -- he did it. [ applause ] listen to this -- you don't really have an option, i guess. [ laughter ] but still, if anyone's thinking about covering you

and i never told anyone until i came on the seth meyers show. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: paulathe awesomes" premiering exclusively on hulu this august. and you can follow paula on twitter @perlapell. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to kelsey grammer, paula pell, the count, and, of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." i'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: welcome to the show. it's "last call." i'm carson daly. thanks for being here. tonight, gap dream performs from the troubadour and "get hard"'s etan cohen gets the spotlight. but first, elisha cuthbert is here to tell us everything there is to know about her new comedy series. it looks great. called "one big happy." from tipple & brine have a look. ♪ >> you can love a project that an actor does, but if you really truly connect, than you'll follow them throughout their, you know, career. let's say you're a brad pitt fan, well it's -- he's not just going to do one movie and you're never going to see him again. you know? it's like, ther

now, if you run -- and again, we all know you're going to, but if you run -- [ laughter ] >> seth meyersentlemen. >> seth: this is too small of a show to announce on. i think if you announce on a show, you know what show i'd announce on? "empire." >> excellent. >> seth: everybody's watching that show. [ cheers ] so, thank you so much for being here. it's been an honor. senator ted cruz, everyone. we'll be right back with music from smallpools. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm jerry bell the second. and i'm jerry bell the third. i'm like a big bear and he's my little cub. this little guy is non-stop. he's always hanging out with his friends. you've got to be prepared to sit at the edge of your seat and be ready to get up. there's no "deep couch sitting." definitely not good for my back. this is the part i really don't like right here. (doorbell) what's that? a package! it's a swiffer wetjet. it almost feels like it's moving itself. this is kind of fun. that comes from my floor? eww! this is deep couch sitting. [jerry bell iii] deep couch sitting! we take great care with what goes into our ch

and i never told anyone until i came on the seth meyers show. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: paulathe awesomes" premiering exclusively on hulu this august. and you can follow paula on twitter @perlapell. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ for those who appreciate quality and precision, here's grounds for celebration. experience exceptional coffee and espresso in one essential machine, and delivered to you with a push of a button. the nespresso vertuoline. swiss-designed precision brought to your kitchen. celebrate one year of vertuoline with $100 dollars off. it's the best price we've ever engineered. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to kelsey grammer, paula pell, the count, and, of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." i'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: welcome to the show. it's "last call." i'm carson daly. thanks for being here. tonight, gap dream performs from the troubadour and "get hard"'s etan cohen gets the spotlight. but first, elisha cuthbert is here to tell us everything there is to know about her new comedy

♪ i'm seth meyers! happy st. nd applause ] >> seth: still feeling it a little bit. you guys, we've got a great show for you tonight. lena dunham is here. [ cheers and applause ] so happy she's back. also, stopping by, host of "dancing with the stars" erin andrews. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll have music from tove stykre. it's a great show. we'll be right back with lena dunham. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ transferred money from his bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. then combine tender with turkey-breast,bread; with robust, spicy, melty italian favorite

and i want to say that you should donate money to team seth because seth meyers is a celebrity, and -- what's that word? >> seth: an icon. [ laughter ] >> and an icon. you know i'm going to win, right? >> seth: yeah, i know. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i don't get it. i don't get why people are so drawn to her. all right, so here we go. so to donate to team seth, go here. to donate to team perry, go here. [ laughter ] okay, and you can also find links at latenightseth.com and at cycleforsurvival.org. and, yeah, it's great. no matter who you donate to, the money goes to a good place, so

the 8g band with fred armisen and kate pierson. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyerseers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? we feeling good? [ cheers and applause ] i am excited because i just saw on the weather, because it's snowing today, they think this is the last snowstorm of the year. [ cheers and applause ] but they also said it's going to last forever, until the world is blanketed and we're all dead. so it's a win -- it's a win/win? [ laughter ] this was scary. i don't know if you saw this. laguardia airport was closed down today after a delta plane skidded off the runway and broke through a fence. so even the planes don't want to be at laguardia. [ laughter and applause ] even the planes are trying to make a jail break. passengers had to evacuate the plane by climbing out on to a broken wing. delta says they plan to take that broken wing and learn to fly again. [ cheers and applause ] and learn to live so free. which i think is, you know, making a positive out of a negative. j

charles hamilton and rita ora, featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers

of course. >> congratulations on one year of "late night with seth meyers." complishment. >> steve: oh thank you. >> give it up. yeah. [ cheers ] yeah. >> seth: it's not a big deal. it's not a big deal. >> it's not a big -- aw, seth, listen, don't write that off. it's healthy to acknowledge your accomplishments, okay, and recognize them. hold on a second. north korea is the only country that's doing it right! [ laughter ] also if i were in charge, reruns of "jake and the fat man" would be the only thing on television. hey, seth, can i talk to you for a second? >> seth: of course, any time. >> i've been friends with you for a while now. and david and i were thrilled that you came out to our son's naming ceremony. >> seth: it was my pleasure. you and david are an amazing couple and now you have a wonderful son. >> well, i wanted to let you know that i've decided to transition, genders. >> seth: that is a very brave and courageous choice, and obviously i support you 10,000%. >> thank you. thank you so much. can you hold on a second? >> seth: sure. >> vaccines sho

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everyone doing tonight?ers and applause ] good to hear. good to hear. guys, are there any pope francis fans in the house tonight? [ cheers ] we're big pope francis fans here at "late night," and so we were real happy to hear this. despite being pope for only a short time, pope francis is already being credited with a miracle. apparently, apparently he called time warner cable and got a representative right away. [ laughter ] that's a big deal. [ cheers and applause ] that's a big deal. even the time warner guy said, "sorry to make you wait." and he said, "i didn't wait." and they said, "this is a miracle." [ laughter ] i worked at time warner a long time. i never -- you also seem to be in a good mood. this is a miracle. former president george w. bush will be in dallas this week raising money for his brother, jeb's, presidential run. and here's how he's gonna do it. he plans to raise the money by campaigning for ted cruz. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ted cruz said today that, if elected president, he'll tell th

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody feeling tonight? [ cheers ] great to hear. have been watching march madness? >> yeah! >> seth: enjoying some college basketball this weekend? well, march madness is now down to the sweet 16. here -- just to update you, here's who's out. the team of all white guys that passes well but only shoots three pointers, they're out. [ laughter ] the small school where the coach is one of the player's dads, out. and the team you picked to go all the way, they are out. [ laughter ] so, that's your update on that. we had him as a guest just last monday, a week ago, but senator ted cruz has officially announced that he is running for president. he's officially announced that he's running. but, and this is important, if you see a t-shirt that says "ted cruz 2016," those are not election shirts. that's just how old he thinks the earth is. [ laughter ] don't get those two confused. [ applause ] you guys, rapper suge knight collapsed in court last week after a los angeles judge set his bail at $25 million in his murder trial. he regained consc

adam scott featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyersd evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers, and this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] great work, you guys. you had to play the song so much longer. so many guests tonight. you did an excellent job. so impressed. continue to be impressed by the hard work you guys do every night. [ light laughter ] and this is very exciting for us, you guys. very exciting news for all of us. tonight is, this show, our show's one-year anniversary. it's our one year anniversary. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. and i guess it's safe to say we're in the honeymoon phase still, because we're still doing it four times a week. [ applause ] turning to some political news. a new cbs news poll released last week shows chris christie is ranked ninth out of all republican presidential candidates. ninth out of all presidential candidates. he's just behind bobby jindal and just ahead of a gun wearing a cowboy hat. [ laughter and applause ] so, that's good. he's ahead of that. that'

sleater-kinney, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyerspplause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. it's a real nice energy in the house tonight. a real nice energy. can you guys feel this really nice energy? yeah, that's good. okay, good. the band concurs. guys, i want to get started with some political news. after vetoing the keystone xl pipeline bill, president obama has passed george washington's total number of vetoes while in office. which is crazy, because obama's dealing with the same congress. [ laughter ] a lot of those guys were old when they started, so -- president obama's former press secretary jay carney will reportedly become a senior vice president at amazon. a senior vice president at amazon. carney says he's excited to work for someone who doesn't take six years to deliver. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is exciting. any npr fans here? [ cheers ] today is the 45th anniversary of npr, and i hear th

the 8g band with fred armisen and kate pierson. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyerscheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how are you all doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. well, it's monday. the weekend just ended. did anyone else here spend their weekend watching "house of cards"? [ cheers ] yeah. because the third season of "house of cards" premiered on netflix this weekend. there was corruption, deceit, and betrayal and that was just me canceling plans so i could watch it. [ laughter ] yeah, dave, i can't make it. my grandmother died. oh, she died all right. [ laughter ] in 1997. but that's the thing about dave, he'll believe anything. [ laughter and applause ] i had no idea a camera was going to be there. that was just dumb luck. [ laughter ] sometimes you get super lucky in show -- we have cameras everywhere, but i had no idea there was one specifically -- you know elections, a lot of talk about the 2016 election. jeb bush told an audience this weekend that he is not familiar with the way

featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and kate pierson ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyerscheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this, right here, is "late night." how are we all doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. very, very glad to hear it. also, very glad to hear this. today, you guys, today is national grammar day. [ cheers ] come on. come on, seriously, who cares? [ laughter ] i'm sorry, excuse me. whom cares? [ laughter ] whom cares? i think i got it right. [ applause ] some political news. we always get excited about political news here. we get excited about the fact that a presidential election is coming up, and it's only like 50 months away. [ light laughter ] potential presidential candidate, dr. ben carson, said last night that prison, prison proves being homosexual is a choice. because that's what prison is all about -- choices. [ laughter ] choices. [ cheers and applause ] there's a new study out. we get very excited about new studies here at "late night." we just appreciate that there are people that commit

braunohler, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful. that's wonderful to hear. and let's get started with some political news. hillary clinton spoke in silicon valley and said she's considering a presidential bid in 2016. it's the kind of statement that has everyone asking, "will she or will she?" [ laughter ] john boehner yesterday said that president obama's veto of the keystone xl pipeline was a national embarrassment. and then, out of habit, joe biden said "here!" [ laughter and applause ] there's a new study out. we get very excited about new studies here at "late night." a new study is out, and a new study has found that the most popular type of businesses in new jersey are golf equipment stores. though most customers come in and say, "i need a blunt object and a bag about as big as a guy." [ laughter and applause ] so it might not be just golf enthusiasts. it might be -- this is exciting news. jamaica

going clear," alex gibney, featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyersrs and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening, everybody. i am seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing to night? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. good to hear. guys it's st. patrick's day. [ cheers and applause ] as you can tell, from my blue and brown tie. [ laughter ] new york city st. patrick's day parade today hosted its first ever lgbt participants. that's great news. [ cheers and applause ] great news. because let's face it, a parade without gays is just people walking in the streets. [ laughter ] that's all that is. [ applause ] today was the first, that was the first st. patrick's day parade today as far as i'm concerned. this is amazing. statistics, if you're into that sort of thing. americans are expected to drink over 13 million pints of guinness today. [ cheers ] 13 million pints of guinness. to give you an idea how much beer that its, go outside and look at the sidewalk. [ laughter ] mitt romney, this is interesting to me. mitt romney has signed up to co

featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. i'm telling you that it's good to hear. let's get started, everyone. alabama chief justice roy moore defended his decision to try and ban gay marriage by telling reporters that he's had many friends who are homosexual. you know how you can tell when someone doesn't have a lot of gay friends? when they use the word homosexual. [ laughter ] it's a dead give away. [ applause ] "this is my friend dave, and he is a homosexual. [ laughter ] i tell you now so you will not be alarmed later." some world news, ukraine officials say that while vladimir putin was announcing a cease-fire agreement today, over 100 russian military vehicles and weapons crossed into ukrainian territory. said putin, "it's not ukraine. it's my kraine. [ laughter and applause ] it's my kraine. i'll take it. it's my kraine. good-bye. so long. [ laughter ]

i'm seth meyers, this is "late night," how are we all doing tonight?heers and applause ] that is good to hear. i'm so glad your spirits are high which is why i feel bad. i'm heart broken for what i'm about to tell you, because this is the big news today. zayn malik has officially left -- zayn malik has officially left one direction. however -- [ cheers and applause ] however, i am happy to say, i don't know which one that is. [ laughter and applause ] i saw it coming. i saw this coming as soon as he started dating yoko ono. i said it. i said it on this show. [ laughter ] this is also interesting, in political news. because his wife is taking a leave of absence from work, senator ted cruz is being dropped from her health insurance, and will have to sign up for obamacare. [ laughter and applause ] it's true, i'm not making that up. ted cruz. that ted cruz is signing up for obamacare, this is like finding out jenny mccarthy went in for a flu shot. [ laughter ] that's what it's like, you guys. zayn's gone, and he's not coming back. we need to get that thro

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight?, man, that is good to hear. quick question, how many of you watched the oscars last night? [ cheers ] and how many of you are still watching it? [ laughter ] i don't want to say the oscars ran long, but the best picture oscar was awarded on "good morning america." which is never a good sign. this is a shame. the ratings for last night's academy awards hit a six-year low. so few people -- this is true. so few people saw the oscars that it's been nominated for an oscar. [ laughter ] so that's the upside. [ applause ] that's the upside to that. i thought this was nice. i thought this was probably the most special part of last night's telecast. a lot of oscar winners used their acceptance speeches last night to push social issues, while john travolta used his appearance to push idina menzel's face. [ laughter and applause ] hello, friend. hello, oldest friend. this is a normal human interaction. [ laughter ] you are my friend. you are my friend. [ laughter ] moving on to some political ne

featuring the 8g band. ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers!ers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everyone. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] monday. it's a happy monday. it is spring. you can tell it's spring by calendar only. [ laughter ] you guys, it was a really exciting couple of weeks and now we're finally down to the final four. in case you missed it, it's louis, niall, liam and harry styles. [ laughter and applause ] so if you had zayn, your bracket's busted. you got a busted bracket. busted! [ laughter ] you guys during a speech on friday, senator ted cruz said that if you walk up to someone and say, "joe biden," the person will crack up laughing. which is the same reaction you get if you say, "president ted cruz." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] very similar reaction. speaking of presidents, president obama is scheduled to make his first trip as president to kenya this july. that would explain why earlier today donald trump exploded. [ laughter ] totally exploded. j