>> seth: i remember it was something about -- [ as trump ] >> "seth meyers is a loser." [ laughter ] show?" >> seth: it was wonderful. it was instantaneous. >> oh, i know. yeah, yeah. >> seth: at that moment where i was -- he knew that that would be when i was looking. >> right, yeah. >> seth: i get a show and i'm like -- [ talking over each other ] >> seth: "his ratings are going to be garbage." [ laughter ] he always says -- the thing he always says about me is i have marbles in my mouth. which is so great because it's something like a 1950s bully would say. [ laughter ] [ as trump ] "you got marbles in your mouth. what's wrong, can't get the marbles out of your mouth?" he must have attacked you in the past. >> um, i've interviewed him twice so far this -- season -- >> seth: in person. you did a -- >> yeah. >> seth: you actually got him -- yeah. [ laughter ] >> it's true. but what's interesting is i am only allowed in the lobby of the trump tower. that's where i -- i actually interview him at the bar. the trump bar, at the trump tower. >> seth: wow. >> and yeah. so -- which i think

here's what happened. >> seth: hi, i'm seth meyers. >> and i'm josh meyers. >> seth: and we love beingngs, but we've always wanted more. today we fix it. ♪ hey, can we ask you your name real quick? >> chaz. >> seth: chaz, if you had $1,000, what would you spend it on? >> all the candy in the world. [ laughter ] >> seth: all the candy in the world. yeah. what sort of candy would you spend it on? >> um -- gum. >> seth: chaz, where do you see yourself in five years? >> taller. [ laughter ] >> seth: what do you want to be when you grow up, chaz? >> a power ranger. >> seth: a power ranger. >> which i actually am because, um -- i saw this crystal on the bus. >> seth: okay. chaz, i feel like you should have opened with this, but keep going. [ laughter ] >> on my kindergarten bus, and it said "power ranger" on the top. >> seth: wow. can you tell us a joke you heard in school? >> knock, knock. >> seth: who's there? >> pig. >> seth: pig who? >> pig banana jokes. [ laughter ] >> seth: i don't get it. >> i like it. >> seth: hi there. >> hi. >> seth: so nice to meet you. >> thank you. >> hi there.

featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! rs and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful, wonderful! let's start tonight with some birthday wishes. happy birthday to president obama, who turns 54 today. [ cheers and applause ] they lit the candles. this is what i heard. they lit the candles on his birthday cake, then he remembered that obamacare was upheld, the confederate flag came down and trump is the republican frontrunner, and he couldn't think of a wish. [ laughter and applause ] all his wishes are gone! a good time for him. donald trump, you heard of him, donald trump said recently that he believes he would be a great uniter as president. [ laughter ] for example, every morning he manages to unite the hair on the right side of his head with the hair on the -- you guys get it. you get what he unites. they announced the ten gop candidates that will be -- that made the cut to be the first debate on thursday on fox

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight?ers and applause ] that is good to hear. man oh man, it's an exciting week. it is an exciting week because we have our first g.o.p. debate coming up this week. a lot of republican polling in the news. donald trump, you guys -- donald trump still leading the republican polls -- [ light laughter ] with support from 19% of voters. of course it's only a matter of time before trump slips up and says something completely sane. [ laughter ] and once he says something completely sane, party is over. [ laughter ] this was incredible to me. a staffer for donald trump's campaign has been fired after it was discovered he made statements on facebook in 2007 calling president obama a socialist, marxist, islamo-facist, nazi appeaser. [ laughter ] well technically he was fired for leaving out muslim. [ laughter ] "can't leave out muslim. that's the big one." dr. dre has announced -- the great dr. dre has announced that he will release his first album in 15 years. wow. [ cheers & applause ] we've waite

featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers!

i'm seth meyers. this iat

featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. [ cheers and applause ] seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to know. there has been a lot of talk about this presidential election we're having. it's coming up. people can't stop talking about it. it's real important, you guys. and we are just two weeks away from the first republican debate. just two weeks away, which means we will finally -- we will finally get a chance to hear what donald trump thinks. [ laughter ] no more playing it coy, donald. "i have some things to say about mexicans but not yet." [ laughter ] "you'll have to wait until the debates." [ laughter ] donald trump said this weekend that he is self-financing his campaign and is not beholden to donors and special interests or other nations or his party or the wealthy or middle class, poor people, citizens, voters, humans, plants, or animals. so, he's good. he's his own man. "i'll tell you what i'd do

orchestra featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlem, seth meyerscrossed the line of appro

orchestra featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gtlemen, seth meyerscrossed the line of appropriateness. you can read the entire interview in this month's issue of "jugs magazine." [ laughter ]

trees, featuring the 8g band with david lovering. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. every day, i get to come out here, and every day, i get to give everybody more news about donald trump, and it's so -- it's reached the point now where the other candidates, the only issue anyone wants to hear their position on is what they're currently thinking a ut donald trump. so they have all this stuff they want to stay about running the country, and i feel like every time another candidate does another interview, ty say, "what do you think about the whole dotald tllrump thing?" [ laughter ] i feel bad for them, but -- i feel good for me. [ laughter ] i'm happy for me, because it is so wonderful and hilarious that donald trump is a -- he's a frontrunner. the f.e.c. today just released his finances, because you have to turn over your finances. fascinating. he has an energy drink in israel. there's a trump branded en

michael kosta featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] you know, there's a lot of talk about the 2016 presidential election. and there's been a lot of talk about all the republican candidates. hillary clinton, you know, she's also running. you hear less about her, she's not giving a lot of interviews. that's one of the criticisms. she hasn't been giving a lot of interviews because, i think, she's looking out at everyone else who's running for president, and she's thinking, if i keep my mouth shut, i think i've got this thing. [ laughter ] i can't wait for the debates. they'll ask her questions, and she'll be like, i dunno. [ laughter ] she did -- she gave some statements, and hillary clinton revealed today, hillary clinton revealed today she thinks her biggest weakness is her impatience. said the interviewer, "mrs. clinton, i haven't asked you anything yet." [ laughter ] hillary also said today that

and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] so exciting. such an exciting night. tomorrow, i'm so excited about tomorrow night. the first gop debate, are people excited about this? [ cheers and applause ] i cannot wait. this will be the greatest episode of a reality show i feel like i've ever seen, possibly any of us have ever seen. and it's great, because i feel like right now all the candidates are preparing for the debate. and any other year they would be getting drilled on their policy and the kind of questions they could be asked. but i feel like nine of them right now are just saying like, how do you deal with donald trump? [ laughter ] i feel like that's all -- i remember, i went camping once. before we went camping, a park ranger told us what to do if you saw a bear and i feel like [ laughter ] -- they're probably getting right now. it's just, you know, "make a lot of noise. if he sees you, make yourself as [ cheers and applaus

featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful, wonderful! let's start tonight with some birthday wishes. happy birthday to president obama, who turns 54 today. [ cheers and applause ] they lit the candles. this is what i heard. they lit the candles on his birthday cake, then he remembered that obamacare was upheld, the confederate flag came down and trump is the republican frontrunner, and he couldn't think of a wish. [ laughter and applause ] all his wishes are gone! a good time for him. donald trump, you heard of him, donald trump said recently that he believes he would be a great [ laughter ] for example, every morning he manages to unite the hair on the right side of his head with the hair on the -- you guys get it. you get what he unites. they announced the ten gop candidates that will be -- that made the cut to be the first debate on thursday on fox news, the first

featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] all right. good to hear. good to hear. you guys, tonight was the first g.o.p. republican debate. and it's a little weird for me tonight because we taped before it happened. [ light laughter ] so if you're watching this right now you know so much more than i know, and i am so jealous of you. i also am upset because i realize that some of you may have tuned in so excited to hear what we had to say about it. you watched the debate and you said, "i can't wait to watch 'late night.' i'm sure they're gonna have a chris christie took a swing at [ laughter ] and trump like ducked him and took out a switchblade and said, bitch." [ laughter ] and then all the other nine surrounded trump and it was like a scene like in "kill bill" where they went at uma thurman one at a time and she just dispatched them. i don't have a joke about that because i don't know if t

ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. let's get to the news. the latest cover of "time" magazine features donald trump with the phrase "deal with it." i can only assume by the look on trump's face that the "it" is a kidney stone. [ cheers and applause ] and by the way "deal with it" is also the full text of donald trump's wedding vows. [ laughter ] donald trump said last night that jeb bush is totally out of touch on women's health issues. which is kind of like jared fogle telling you you're creepy. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] wait, did something happen with jared? [ laughter ] donald trump said in a new interview that he is so popular with voters because he is definitely not a puppet. i'll buy that. puppets have way more realistic hair. [ laughter and applause ] according to a new survey, 17% of adult smart phone owners use auto deleting apps like snap chat and wicker. "yeah, that's what happened," said hillary clinton. [ laughte

>> seth: sir barkington von doggy. >> seth meyers. >> seth: yeah >> okay, i'm going to need to give yourary access code. >> seth: okay. >> ready? >> seth: yeah. >> seth: f-a-r-t-s-8-2. >> seth: farts 82? can i have something a little less embarrassing? >> sure, f-a-r-t-s-6-9. >> seth: farts 69? >> look, all you have to do is say it into the computer, sir. you can change it later. >> seth: okay, fine. can i at least get farts 82, then? >> nope, that one's taken now. thanks for using "big safe." >> this call was recorded and at your request, it has been sent to an asian agent. >> seth: no, i didn't request that. >> please say or enter your temporary access code. >> seth: f-a-r-t-s-6-9. >> farts 69? that's what you're going with? >> seth: hey, it was given to me by one of your customer service representatives. i tried to change it, but she said i couldn't. and when i tried to get farts 82 back she says that was gone. and look, i spent a lot of money for this safe. this is very stressful for me. i am trying to finish a monologue, okay? all in all, it's just been a very difficult day for me.

music from anderson east, featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyersd to hear.

, music from anderson east, featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! fr>> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. good to hear. now as you heard yesterday, president obama announced a big clear deal with iran and it turns out now that some economic sanctions are being lifted, iranian citizens are apparently clamoring. clamoring for western products like iphonhs. and im thinking we should have just sent them iphphes in the fiilrst place. then they'd never get any work done on a nuclear weapon. [ laughter and applause ] never. "no. no, i can't do that now, i'm doing candy crush. no, you build the centrifuge. i'm doing this. i'm on 800. it's a good level. it's a level. [ light laughter ] i don't want to explain it to you now. i just got this." light laughter ] bernie sanders, we're all familiar with bernie sanders. he is running for president and his campaign reported earlier today thatmit has raised more an $15 million during the second quarter of this y

and the queens featuring the 8g band with brad wilk. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers & applause ] >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is good to hear. man oh man, it's an exciting week. it is an exciting week because we have our first g.o.p. debate coming up this week. a lot of republican polling in the news. donald trump, you guys -- donald trump still leading the republican polls -- [ light laughter ] with support from 19% of voters. of course it's only a matter of time before trump slips up and says something completely sane. [ laughter ] and once he says something completely sane, party is over. [ laughter ] this was incredible to me. a staffer for donald trump's campaign has been fired after it was discovered he made statements on facebook in 2007 calling president obama a socialist, marxist, islamo-facist, nazi appeaser. [ laughter ] well technically he was fired for leaving out muslim. [ laughter ] "can't leave out muslim. that's the big one." dr. dre has

ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.y the look on trump's face that the "it" is a kidney stone. [ cheers and applause ]

featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! fire for saying that during thursday's debate moderator, megyn kelly had, quote, "blood coming out of

featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump is under fire for saying that during thursday's debate moderator, megyn kelly had, quote, "blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever." [ laughter ] come on, trump, so if you're going to say something offensive, just come out and say it. [ light laughter ] don't be such a wherever. [ laughter ] donald trump's top strategist has stepped down after trump seemed to imply last week that megyn kelly was menstruating during the debate. even more shocking, donald trump has had a campaign strategist this entire time! [ laughter ] there was a guy in charge of this. [ applause ] he looked after all of this and said, "yeah, this is all great." [ light laughter ] president obama began a 17 day vacation on martha's vineyard on friday. he plans to enjoy the weather, pla

mr, featuring the 8g band with jimmy chamberlin. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. let's get to the news. when confronted by reporters yesterday about her ongoing e-mail scandal, hillary clinton had this to say. >> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i don't -- i have no idea. that's why we turned it over. >> you were in charge of it. you were the official in charge of it. did you wipe the server? >> what like with a cloth or something? [ laughter ] i don't know how it works digitally at all. [ audience ohs ] >> seth: i -- [ laughter ] i mean, i haven't seen hillary awkwardly dance like that since -- well, since earlier this week. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and by the way -- by the way, hillary, if you're trying to convince people of your innocence, you really picked the wrong outfit. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] so it was a rough outing for hillary. but there is some good news, at least sh

ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.look on trs

committee, featuring the 8g band with jimmy chamberlin. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] glad to hear it. in that case, let's get to the news. the teen choice awards were last night and before you accuse teens of having terrible taste, remember who's still leading the adult's choice awards. [ laughter and applause ] still leading. still comfortably ahead in the adult's choice awards. donald trump's camaign published a full policy paper on immigration yesterday, here is the full text of that paper. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he wrote it himself. donald trump's new policy paper would not give automatic citizenship to children born in america if they he have foreign parents. said trump, nothing personal, sasha and malia. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ trump impression ] "i like you, i do. i think you're top notch. rules are rules. if i make an exception for you, i have to make an exception for everyone." [ laughte

committee, featuring the 8g band with jimmy chamberlin. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers choice awards were last night and before you accuse teens of having terrible taste, remember who's still leading the adult's choi

mr, featuring the 8g band with jimmy chamberlin. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyerssay. >> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i don't -- i have no idea. that's why we turned it over. >> you were in charge of it.

mr, featuring the 8g band with jimmy chamberlin. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers> i -- i'm -- i'm not -- you know, i n'

featuring the 8g band with jimmy chamberlin. ♪ ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applausel does not support marriage equality.

featuring the 8g band with jimmy chamberlin. ♪ ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applausel does not support marriage equality. he believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman and then a younger woman and then an even youngeran