. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. night how are you doing jeff >> good. [ laughter ] >> seth: let's get to the news president biden said yesterday that the country was on track to administer over 100 million vaccine doses and send 100 million stimulus checks in the next ten days. but don't forget, by this point in his presidency, the last guy completed almost 100 million putts. "99 million. i think you guys over counted. vice president kamala harris traveled to colorado today to promote the coronavirus relief package and visited a vaccination clinic and a restaurant hopefully, in that order republican senator ron johnson said in an interview last week that he was not concerned for his safety during january's capitol attack well, yeah, you're all trump guys that's like a bird saying it wasn't concerned for its safety in "the birds. "birds" ref. [ light laughter ] according to a new poll, a majority of iowans do not want 87-year-old iowa senator chuck grassley to seek reelection next year, though many iowans are cool wit

featuring the 8g band with raghav mehrotra and now seth meyer >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyerss is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? all right, good to hear. let's get to the news. the biden administration is reportedly preparing sanctions to punish russia for its wide-spread breach of u.s. government computers last year wow, the only thing the last president ever did to punish russia was lose his second election president biden and first lady dr. jill biden are set to visit houston, texas on friday "i would never go to texas this time of year," said ted cruz "buzzfeed news" has filed a lawsuit against the capitol police for documents connected to the january 6th attacks in order to better investigate the events, they'll be presenting their case with a list of top ten pieces of evidence that are absolutely everything senate minority leader mitch mcconnell said yesterday he would vote to confirm judge merrick garland as attorney general, and then he laughed so hard he almost smiled. [ laughs as mitch mcconnell president biden today signed an executive order aimed at re

music from julien baker, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now, seth meyers ♪ >> seth: goods, and this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight all right, all right, good to hear let's get to the news. president biden on friday ordered air strikes against syria. well, that certainly didn't take long it's like going to a chumbawamba concert and they open with "tubthumping." i mean, we knew it was coming, we just didn't know it would be right away according to a new poll taken at cpac, 68% of attendees want former president trump to run again in 2024. only 68% at cpac? that's like if you went to a phish concert and weed was polling at 68% a giant golden replica of former president trump was displayed over the weekend at the conservative political action conference in florida. this news first reported in exodus 32 verse 4. [ laughter ] president biden is facing criticism after declining to do directly sanction saudi arabia's crown prince mohammad bin salman for ordering the death of journalist jamal khashoggi okay, if having a journalist murdered doesn't count as malarkey

an all new "closer look, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evenings. and this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight that's great to hear thank you for telling me let's get to the news. today was st. patrick's day. though this year dr. fauci recommends wearing one of these instead. the biden administration has announced that the national vaccine availability website, vaccinefinder.gov is scheduled to go live on may 1st, so make sure to check it on may 7th when they get it back up and running. former president trump last night called into fox news host maria bartiromo's show and encouraged all americans to get the vaccine. trump said getting the vaccine was the best thing he ever secretly did during an interview last night on fox news, former president trump said that he is not fan of duchess meghan markle because of the way, quote, "she talks about the queen. i must have missed that. meghan dissed oprah, to her face actor elliot page recently became the first transgender man to be on the cover of "time" magazine now, i know that term may be u

and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, and this is "late night.ght. good to hear let's get to the news. president biden's nominee for attorney general, judge merrick garland, said yesterday during his senate confirmation hearing that he is committed to combating systemic racism, but you never know, the senate might confirm him anyway the biden administration began meetings with community leaders yesterday to discuss an outreach campaign to vaccine-skeptical groups it will be the first outreach program to use a ouija board president biden met virtually with canadian prime minister justin trudeau today to discuss bilateral and global issues. the meeting began after a few minutes of biden asking trudeau to put his dad on. "oh, you're the prime minister wow! good for you, kid. good for you." former vice president mike pence is reportedly planning to stay under the radar for the next six months for a grand total of four years and six months according to a new poll, congress has a 35% approval rating, which is its highest approval rating in 12 years. ev

featuring the 8g band with john herndon and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers anddy doing tonight yeah i get that it's been a really hard year it's totally normal that you might feel that way. we're very happy that you chose to be with us tonight, and if you stick around there's a really good walt disney joke in the monologue. let's get to the news. well, it's been exactly one year since we've had an audience, and i've got to say, i really miss the laughs, the energy, and of course, keeping the lost wallets. president biden delivered his first primetime address today to speak about the past year and present a hopeful vision of america's return to normal and then republicans were given 30 minutes for a rebuttal. the senate yesterday confirmed judge merrick garland as attorney general and so merrick garland's long con finally pays off "all i've got to do is wait for a supreme court justice to die, get nominated or replace them, but mitch is never going to let that happen during an election year so then i'll just wait for hillary to win but what they don't know is she

wandavision," actress kathryn hahn author chang-rae lee featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now seth meyersrs and this is "late night. how's everybod all right. let's get to the news. former president trump and former first lady melania trump reportedly received the coronavirus vaccine at the white house in january i guess that's all right i mean, he has pre-existing conditions, and she works in elder care that's right trump and melania received the coronavirus vaccine in january but this is weird -- january of 2018. so - president m -- president biden, excuse me, met virtually with mexican president obrador yesterday to discuss immigration, trade, the pandemic, and because it's impossible to not have an opinion on it, "wandavision. vice president kamala harris today swore in dr. miguel cardona as education secretary, and he's already outperforming betsy devos. raise your right hand. wow! first try! this is -- this guy's good new york governor andrew cuomo's administration announced yesterday that it has hired a prominent defense attorney as cuomo faces investigations into sexual harassment

representative cori bush an all new "closer look" featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now seth meyersood evening, i'm seth meyers. and this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? good to hear let's get to the news. the second impeachment trial of is that a good idea? i mean, who's going to watch a 13-minute video? oh, crap house impeachment managers yesterday played a 13-minute video during their opening argument that included clips of president trump's speech at the so-called "stop the steal" rally and the attack on the capitol. and then trump's lawyers played the same video but with the "rocky" music over it. that's right, the impeachment trial of former president trump opened yesterday with footage of the january 6th assault on the capitol and the room fell so silent you could practically hear ted cruz eating his popcorn. during the impeachment trial yesterday, republican senator rand paul was observed drawing squiggles in his notebook, then he gave it to his barber and said, "give me this. former president trump was reportedly unhappy with his impeachment lawyer bruce cast

featuring the 8g band with ash soan and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers and thise night. how's everybody doing tonight? that is good to hear let's get to the news. president biden held his first official news conference today and democrats everywhere held the edge of their seats. during his first press conference today, president biden said, quote, "i got elected to solve problems. um, okay so what do you know about boats and canals, then during his press conference,esis changing the rules of the filibuster to require senators to stand and speak, like it was when he was in the senate, quote, "120 years ago. now obviously he misspoke. 120 years ago he was still in college. president biden's dogs major and champ have returned to the white house after spending time in delaware and working with a trainer. but i don't know, something about them seems a little off. officials have announced that a nearly quarter mile long container ship that has been stuck in the suez canal in egypt since tuesday could take weeks to free. even worse, it's carrying that thing you rush ord

in coming up, seth meyers decided to take a shot at us last night.ghts of his long-standing tradition of bashing conservatives and being a total complete -- joe concha, jason chaffitz next. ♪ ♪ ♪["i'll be seeing you" by billie holiday] ♪ i'll be seeing you ♪ ♪ in all the old familiar places ♪ ♪ ♪ >> sean: all right, far left socialist democrat, seth meyers, worst thing you could say about a comedian. he is not funny. anyway, he went after yours truly last night. now, we are accurately covering joe biden's recent struggles in the nt second and i'm an agenda. >> as we slowly emerge from the drift of one deadly plague that ravaged the country for the past year, the coronavirus, one is being confronted with another deadly flag that has haunted this country for decades. nte plague is gun violence. they stand in the way whenever the rest of us try to do something. then the next night, "hannity" attacked democrats for supposedly rushing to do something about it. >> sean: all right, first off, seth, why do you have so much hatred and disdain for americans wh

actress and comedian retta an all-new "closer look, featuring the 8g band with ash soan and now seth meyersing, i'm seth meyers and this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? all right! let's get to the news. white house press secretary jen psaki said on monday that president biden and former president barack obama still talk on the phone regularly and it always starts the same way. "joe, uh, this could have been a text." "it's not the same!" senator ted cruz criticized democrats yesterday for their response to recent gun violence. apparently he was upset that during a time of serious crisis, democrats didn't even try to go on vacation. in her defamation lawsuit with dominion voting systems, former president trump's ex-lawyer sidney powell argued that her claims to invalidate the 2020 election were not based in fact and i just can't believe we were lied to by the fake head lady from "total recall." [ laughter ] it was announced yesterday that regal theaters will begin reopening early next month and will show the new movie "godzilla vs. kong." and i got to say, i didn't realize unti

fargo," actor glynn turman an all new "closer look, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now seth meyersd evening, i'm seth meyers, and this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? okay, good to hear, let's get to the news after texas governor greg abbott announced yesterday that he was lifting coronavirus restrictions, california governor gavin newsom tweeted quote, absolutely reckless but i don't think it helped he tweeted it from the french laundry. white house press secretary jen psaki said yesterday that states will now receive 2.8 million doses of the newly approved johnson & johnson vaccine, which is great, but the question was about air strikes in syria president biden said yesterday that his goal is that every teacher can receive the first dose of the coronavirus vaccine by the end of march. said teachers, may receive twitter announced a new system yesterday to curb disinformation about coronavirus vaccines on its platform any tweets about vaccines will contain a flag to let you know if the person tweeting it was a child star in the '80s former trump white house press sec

citizen," writer and comedian baratunde thurston, featuring the 8g band with ash soan and now, seth meyers: good evening. i'm seth meyers. and this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? that's so good to hear let's get to the news. white house advisers reportedly set to present a two-part, $3 trillion jobs and infrastructure proposal to president biden this week, which seems to me like a huge overreaction to a couple of broken stairs. gotta love them respecting the rule of threes while testifying last week before the senate, republican senator rand paul criticized infectious disease expert dr. anthony fauci for continuing to wear a mask after receiving the coronavirus vaccine. but that's insane, we're in a pandemic fauci is an epidemiologist if you're at the zoo and you see the lionkeeper running, you run. according to a new report, since president biden took office, cnn has lost 45% of its primetime audience to its biggest competitor, a good night's sleep. that's right news outlets are seeing a slump in ratings after former president trump left office. yeah, of course. and the we

" actor, nico hiraga, an all new "closer look, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now, seth meyersng, i'm seth meyers. and this is "late night. as you've probably heard by now, there was a mass shooting in georgia this week. the incident was especially horrifying for the asian american community and, in particular, for asian women. here to comment is one of our writers, karen chee. >> hi as seth just mentioned, eight people were shot and killed at asian-owned massage parlors in atlanta, georgia, on tuesday night. six of those eight killed were asian women. while the news media has been reporting on the incident, most outlets have failed to call it what it is -- a hate crime because it is a hate crime the shooter -- a racist, a misogynist, and a coward, specifically targeted working class, asian women he went after people in one of the most vulnerable intersections of our community and, of course, just like every time a white man commits an act of domestic terrorism, news outlets then sprang to try and humanize him almost immediately after the killings, articles began to quote the p

and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers and this is "late night.verybody doing tonight? all right. good to hear let's get to the news, president biden and vice president kamala harris are set to headline the house democrats virtual retreat next week. and if there's one thing democrats do better than anyone, it's retreat president biden yesterday met with republican and democratic lawmakers and said quote, "it was like the old days, people were on the same page. they were? how old are these old days you're talking about "we're all on the same page. we don't want to pay taxes to the queen so we're dumping the tea in the harbor. the manhattan district attorney's office today confirmed it is now in possession of former president trump's tax records and yes, both of them that's right the manhattan district attorney's office confirmed that it's in possession of trump's tax records as evidenced by the white smoke coming from the statute of liberty's torch former president trump's son, donald trump jr. was deposed yesterday as part of the washington, d.c.

featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening.h meyers, and this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight all right, good to hear. let's get to the news. president biden on thursday signed his $1.9 trillion coronavirus relief bill into law. and if you're wondering what americans are going to spend it on, overdraft fees during president biden's prime time address on thursday night, fox news aired a live tucker carlson reaction shot though, still not as weird as when they aired a president trump reaction shot to president trump. that's right during president biden's prime time address, fox news aired a live tucker carlson reaction shot i guess to make him seem like a tough guy, but really it made him come off like a nosy neighbor all that was missing was a set of venetian blinds "honey, come here. joe's talking about empathy again. president biden today kicked off his so-called "help is here" campaign to promote his new $1.9 trillion coronavirus relief bill though i don't really know if a bill giving out $1,400 to people reall

and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, and this is "late night. is everybody doing tonight okay okay let's get to the news. new york governor andrew cuomo held his first press conference yesterday since three women came forward last week to accuse him of sexual harassment, and it didn't go great. governor andrew cuomo said yesterday that he feels embarrassed about the multiple allegations of sexual harassment against him and added that kissing is his, quote, "usual and customary way of greeting. i'm not sure that's a great defense if you're being accused of bad behavior to say, "hey, that bad behavior is how i say 'hello.' also, who greets people with kisses are you a golden retriever "i'm sorry about him, he just likes the salt on your skin. the biden administration announced a new project yesterday that aims to, quote, "get two million of the most vulnerable, older adults vaccinated as soon as possible." basically, they're just going to trick 'em. acting capitol police chief yogananda pittman told lawmakers yesterday that threats against members

featuring the 8g band with john herndon and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers,everybody doing tonight? okay, good, good, good let's get to the news. president biden's dog major was reportedly sent back to the biden family home in delaware last week after biting a member of white house security. see, under the last administration, that kind of behavior would have made you press secretary. that's right, president biden's two dogs, champ and major, were moved back to delaware after aggressive behavior at the white house. and yes, oprah will be interviewing them next sunday at 8:00 p.m the justice department is reportedly investigating connections between a recently-arrested capitol rioter and former president trump's longtime friend and adviser, roger stone. oh, well i hope they're able to connect the dot. it was announced yesterday that president biden will deliver a primetime address on thursday to mark the one-year anniversary of the coronavirus lockdown then on friday, he will deliver an address to mark the one-year anniversary of everyone downloading duolingo

actress and comedian eddie izzard music from griff featuring the 8g band with ash soan and now seth meyersood evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight all right, good to hear. let's get to the news. according to a new report, house minority leader kevin mccarthy has hired former president trump's white house political director brian jack to help republicans win back the house in 2022. though it's unclear if jack can recapture the magic that helped trump lose by eight million votes. after senator bernie sanders criticized him on twitter last week for his multi-billion dollar fortune, tesla founder elon musk tweeted, quote, "i am accumulating resources to help make life multiplanetary and extend the light of consciousness to the stars." and then he coughed for like five minutes straight. new york representative tom reed was accused last week of sexual misconduct okay, well, that's strike one of apparently 30? britain's queen elizabeth is reportedly said to appoint a diversity czar after dutchess meghan markle accused the royal family of racism because whe

featuring the 8g band with john herndon and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.everybody doing tonight? all right, great so good weekend overall? excellent. let's get to the news. today was international women's day. while yesterday belonged to a woman who decided to stop being international. britain's prince harry and duchess meghan markle sat down for an interview last night with oprah winfrey. or as british tabloids reported it, "harry's kidnapper speaks. so, last night, meghan markle was interviewed by oprah, and i wanted to do a whole piece about it, but we ran out of time >> well, how much time do we have >> seth: one minute. >> that's all the time i need. >> seth: start the clock >> first of all, if you thought they were gonna come on tv and not really spill the tea, then you would be wrong as butt, because they said everything so like, they both were like, "it's not the queen who was racist it's this group of people who kind of run the monarchy called the firm." and i was like, "are you talking about that rap group with nas and foxy brown in it?" then, i

in coming up, seth meyers decided to take a shot at us last night.e highlights of his long-standing tradition of bashing conservatives and being a total complete --♪ ♪ every day. get exceptional care at every step, unparalleled safety at every visit, and flexible payment options for every budget. now, during the everyday smiles event new patients get a full exam & set of x-rays with no obligation. no insurance? no worries, it's free. plus, now all patients can get 20% off their treatment plan. find every reason to smile. every day at aspen dental. call 1-800-aspendental or book today at aspendental.com is a musical >> sean: all right, far left socialist democrat, sethmeyers, worst thid say about a comedian. he is not funny. anyway, he went after yours truly last night. now, we are accurately covering joe biden's recent struggles in the nt second and i'm an agenda. >> as we slowly emerge from the drift of one deadly plague that ravaged the country for the past year, the coronavirus, one is being confronted with another deadly flag that has haunted thi

♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers."gates six-time tony award winner audra mcdonald an all-new "closer look, featuring the 8g band with john herndon and now seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, and this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight all right. good to hear let's get to the news. president biden announced today that he secured 100 million more doses of the johnson & johnson coronavirus vaccine. though it might be too little too late, unless they can be administered via jell-o. when asked by a reporter yesterday if president biden's dog major would be euthanized after biting a member of the white house security staff, white house press secretary jen psaki confirmed he will not be put down. but the reporter refused to let it go. [ laughter ] i should stress, these are never photoshopped we get animals in here, we make the tiny hats. it takes up the biggest chunk of our day. the house passed the $1.9 trillion coronavirus relief bill today democrats are calling it a landmark bill that will giv

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best picture and best director one last critics choice known in the best tv talk show category seth meyersom and dad may well have won the night as they charmed many during the telecast and the post awards show virtual pressroom as well take a look now at seth with his parents based on their exemplary performance in the press room. any truth to the rumor that peacock has booked your parents for their own they're trying parents as usual or driving incredibly bargain on the contract because there's 2 of you should you make more than your son because there's just one am. >>that's why it's not going to work we don't agree on who says that a great sense of humor doesn't travel from parent to child it certainly has in the myers family. >>that's your entertainment report for this monday in hollywood. i'm sam rubin. >>on 4 sports from the 18 t fiber sports desk. >>happens in vegas doesn't stay in vegas when you're playing in the west coast conference tourney against the number one team in the country tonight, the saint mary's gaels taking on the gonzaga bulldogs in the men's conference semifinals

stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪

thank you for watching stay safe everyone stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers.

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although here he looks as stiff and lifeless as seth meyers hears al rocher assuring guests of stairseat sweats brace hears audrey hepburn famous for movies like funny face and my fair lady. and i say, what about breakfast at tiffany's? actually this manikin eats more than she ever did as a human. the restaurants had to make some adjustments to serve its new wax clientele. they now serve only cold the steaks because hot food literally melts their faces off. i'll be right back, stay here. when it comes to your financial health, just a few small steps can make a real difference. ♪ ♪ ♪ learn, save and spend with guidance from chase. confidence feels good. chase. make more of what's yours. i have the power to lower my a1c. because i can still make my own insulin. and trulicity activates my body to release it. once-weekly trulicity is for type 2 diabetes. most people taking it reached an a1c under 7%. trulicity may also help you lose up to 10 pounds and lower your risk of cardiovascular events, whether you know you're at risk or not. trulicity isn't for people with type 1 diabetes. it's no