featuring the 8g band with atom willard ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good eveningm seth meyers. this is "late night. we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news president biden held an event yesterday at the white house celebrating black history month. also being held at the white house, everyone's breath

featuring the 8g band with zoe brecher. ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening

from zara larsson -- featuring the 8g band with urian hackney. ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyerswer to ban tiktok

featuring the 8g band with atom willard ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good eveningepublicans to join the democratic party

all-new "closer look.h er featuring the 8g band with nic collins. ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers

right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night with seth meyersgoodnight, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ [ cheers a and applaususe ♪ >> annnnouncer: frfrom 30 rockefefeller plazaza in new yoyork, it's " "late nighth seth m meyers. tonight t -- taroron egerton.n. starar of "little shopop of horrors," " actress mamaude apaw author andnd comedian, jessi klein. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. we hope you're all doing well tonight. and now if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news the manhattan grand jury investigating former president trump's alleged involvement in a hush money payment is reportedly not expected to hear any more evidence for the next month. oh, you mean they need some time off after hearing nothing but trump sex stories? [ laughter ] "please, we just need a month. [ laughter ] according to new reports, several top republican donors are worried that florida governor

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. we hope you're doing well. now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news the pentagon, this week, described the unidentified object shot down over canada on saturday as a, "small, metallic balloon. so, it was either a dire national security threat or a wasted 25 cents at a county fair [ laughter ] "hold on to that tyler, oh, son of a gun." [ light laughter ] president biden is reportedly considering making a national televised address to discuss the recent unidentified flying objects. oh, yeah, definitely please do that interrupt an episode of "the voice" and walk 30 yards down that long red carpet to a podium like obama did when we got bin laden, and tell the american people you popped some balloons. [ laughter ] "my fellow americans, it's true what they say. once you pop, you just can't stop." [ light laughter ] president biden announced yesterday that air india will purchase more than 200 planes from boeing while frontier is buying 200 planes from goodwill. [ laughter ] during the white house press

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night.

i'm over seth meyers' shoulder.ughter ] so, rudy basically confessed the entire crime on national television, and there is an abundance of hard evidence to back it up, but trump supporters and right-wing media want you to think this was all just an innocent little recordkeeping mistake. >> they better not put my president in prison. he represents 74 million americans, and if he's the nominee, you're putting 74 million votes in prison. and that's how i see it. >> really? >> on a bookkeeping charge. [ laughter ] >> seth: first of all, i -- i love one of the co-hosts just saying, "really?", because -- [ laughter ] that is the appropriate reaction. it's insane to say you're putting 74 million votes in prison. although, it's very funny to imagine a trump supporter showing up to a federal penitentiary saying, "i'm here to see my vote. it's in prison." [ laughter ] and he has to have a teary-eyed conversation through a glass partition with a piece of paper. [ laughter ] "don't worry about it. i'm going to get you out of he

i'm seth meyers, and this is "late night. we hope you're doing well tonight.ow, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news the white house announced on friday that president biden had a cancerous skin lesion removed from his chest and the lesion is already running two points ahead of desantis [ laughter ] former president trump attended cpac over the weekend and told reporters he would not drop out of the 2024 election if he's indicted on criminal charges you know, we compare him to a mobster all the time, but now he's literally saying, "no problem, i can still run things from the joint." [ laughter ] in his speech over the weekend at cpac, former president trump said that before he came along, the republican party was run by freaks and fools yeah nothing like the rhodes scholars we have today. [ laughter ] that's like going to orlando and saying, "you know, it wasn't always this nice." [ laughter ] donald trump jr.'s fiancee kimberly guilfoyle spoke over the weekend at cpac and it looked like a rousing speech until they cut to the audience take a look.

>> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.ate night we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news the white house said yesterday that it supports a new bipartisan bill that would give president biden the power to ban tiktok of course, biden could end tiktok at any time simply by making an account. [ light laughter ] okay this jumped the shark. capitol police chief thomas manger issued a statement yesterday criticizing fox news host tucker carlson's release of security footage of the january 6th attack and said carlson made, quote, "offensive and misleading conclusions. of course, that's just what is says when you turn on his closed captioning [ light laughter ] according to newly released legal documents, fox news host tucker carlson told colleagues after the 2020 election, quote, "we are very, very close to being able to ignore trump most nights." "i truly can't wait. "i hate him passionately." wait, wait, are you telling me, tucker carlson is secretly sane? [ light laughter ] i would f

stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers."d night, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." we hope you're doing well. if you doan mind, we're going to get to the news. president biden delivered his second state of the union address last night and spoke for 73 minutes, which sounds like a lot, but i feel like biden can speak for 73 minutes to a wrong number [ light laughter ] "well, who are you trying to reach? let's try to figure this out together." new york representative george santos is reportedly one of the first members of congress to arrive for last night's state of the union he wanted a good seat. [ laughter ] "but i think i am. i think i am the president." last night's state of the union was the first time since 2019 that the event was held without coronavirus restrictions and in case you're wondering who in that room never reads their emails.[ laughter ] "for your information, this isn't a covid mask this is

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night.pe you're doing well, and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news president biden spoke today in las vegas about health care. oh, you mean that place where everyone smokes indoors and it's cool to have 7:00 a.m. cocktails as long as you haven't been to sleep yet. yeah, sure health care in vegas is major priority [ laughter ] after russian fighter jets forced down an unmanned air force surveillance drone yesterday over the black sea, the white house said russia's actions were "unsafe, unprofessional and reckless. well, yeah, it's russia. of course they're reckless they think the "jackass" movies are meditation videos. [ laughter ] after u.s. drone was forced down yesterday by a russian fighter jet, russia's ambassador to the u.s. denied that two aircrafts collided and putin is claiming the drone just fell out a window [ laughter ] in a new interview, former president trump said that his upcoming book "letters to trump" will show readers that he's had a "very fascinating l

. ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers.his is "late night. we hope you're doing well. and now if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news today is valentine's day, so if you're watching right now, better luck next year. [ laughter ] according to the latest numbers, the average american is expected to spend $200 this year on valentine's day, or $400 if you made her breakfast in bed. [ light laughter ] eggs are super expensive right now, guys. that's a joke about egg-flation. [ light laughter ] that's what baze calls it. in a video today announcing she's running for president, former u.n. ambassador nikki haley said, quote, "i don't put up with bullies. and when you kick back, it hurts them more if you're wearing heels. whoa, what job does she think this is? [ laughter ] does she want to be president or teach krav maga? when i fight for the middle class, i'll hold my keys so they stick out between my fingers she does make an interesting point, though. if she wins, she'd be the first president to wear heels since the las

>> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.s is "late night. we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news government regulators on friday seized control of silicon valley bank, the country's 16th largest bank after it quickly became the 178th largest bank [ laughter ] that's right, government regulators on friday seized control of silicon valley bank, making it the largest u.s. bank failure since 2008 and come to think of it, it was always a bad sign that their atm had a tip screen [ laughter ] president biden spoke this morning about friday's collapse of silicon valley bank and reassured americans the country's financial system is safe but remember, this is a guy whose whole financial system is definitely a coffee can on a high shelf [ laughter ] "see, the thing is, they never look up there. that's right, president biden reassured americans the country's financial system is safe okay i think the fact that you're talking about a bank collapse proves it isn't. that's like going to a funer

i'm seth meyers, this is "late night. we hope you're doing well.ow, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news last night was super bowl lvii and out of habit, biden shot down the goodyear blimp. [ laughter ] the so-called "he gets us" campaign ran two commercials during the super bowl last night to promote jesus and christianity however, thanks to the referees, philadelphia no longer believes in god [ laughter ] during her halftime show performance at last night's super bowl, rihanna revealed she was pregnant, while the rest of us ate like we were. according to new analysis, more than 50 million americans were expected to gamble this year on the super bowl by serving buffalo wings in a one-bathroom apartment [ laughter ] elon musk was photographed last night at the super bowl sitting next to fox chairman rupert murdoch i think we have a photo. [ laughter ] there you go the state department today issued a do not travel advisory for russia yeah, we weren't planning on it. [ laughter ] bad news, kids i know you had your heart set on going to t

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. we hope you're doing well. now, if you don't mind, we're gonna get to the news. president biden kicked off house democrats' three-day retreat tonight with a speech in baltimore. well, it was supposed to be a one-day retreat, but when that guy gets talking - [ laughter ] the biden administration said this week that federal agencies will have to remove tiktok from all government devices in 30 days. and if they're smart, venmo. matt [ laughter ] in a post yesterday, on truth social, former president trump accused florida governor ron desantis of wanting to cut social security and medicare, and said he was a, quote, "wheelchair over the cliff kind of guy." as opposed to trump, who would never waste a perfectly good wheelchair [ laughter ] mexican president lopez obrador pushed back against criticism yesterday of his recent electoral reforms, and said, quote, "there is more democracy in mexico than could exist in the united states. well, that's not the high bar it used to be [ laughter ] that's like me saying i'm a

for one, who is seth meyers? i'm going to ask my writers this .lon is a perfect example of looking ahead and don't look back. the men the minute you do the reverse you become speedbump's in your success. do woke men exist on the media? i've said it before the only woke men were successful before they were woke even admiral levine was pennsylvania before he turned in his pants for a girdle. we have seen the toll it takes on the rest, he used to post something called the manchild, it was crude, and funny. but today, at the estrogen levels were any higher, he woul be lactating. think about the few successful deeds to dispute woke years now a decade ago, where they saying that success then? you can't say that with a woke mindset. that is true in romance as well. this has girls wondering where are the men? they have become soft, sad, and ashamed that they have. women see a dude into a future as female teacher and it makes them drier than nancy pelosi hiking through the mojave desert . this leaves men confused rate i found it you wanted this new improve

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. we hope you're doing well tonight., if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news president biden criticized georgia congresswoman, marjorie taylor greene, yesterday, and suggested that her politics are causing republicans to join the democratic party oh, come on, we can't even get democrats to join the democratic party. [ laughter ] according to a new poll, 68% of voters said that president biden is too old for another term. i don't know i mean, okay, he's an 80-year-old man. but the job is mostly telling long stories that don't go anywhere - [ laughter ] -- signing whatever a young person hands you - [ laughter ] -- and arguing with foreigners and drug companies man for the job, i say [ applause ] the house foreign affairs committee voted, yesterday, to advance a bill that would allow president biden to ban tiktok. ban it he hasn't even figured out how to download it [ laughter ] "hello, tiktok customer service -- [ light laughter ] a spokesperson for the chinese foreign ministry said today that the u.s. should c

. ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.s is "late night. we hope you're doing well tonight. and now if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news president biden published an op-ed today in the "new york times," and that man is spiraling. [ laughter ] fox news host tucker carlson last night claimed that the capitol attack, quote, "does not show an insurrection or a riot in progress. yeah, okay but when you cherry pick the footage you're showing, you can prove whatever you want. i can show you footage from "john wick" that proves he's not violent. take a look. ♪ [ dog whining >> i'll grab you some kibble later. ♪ >> seth: you're telling me that guy -- [ laughter ] -- is a trained killer give me a break. [ hter ] after fox news host lie. tucker caron aired exclusive serityootage from the capitol attack, former president trump posted on truth social, quote, "let the january 6th you guys know we can see what you're doing, right? kevin mccarthy, who is trump's waylon smithers, gives all the footage to tucker. [ laughter ] tu

for one, who is seth meyers? [laughter] ask my writers this.n is a perfect example ofon i looking ahead and don't look man man who does reverse become speed bumps in your road to success so do woke men existin beyond the media?t set iton before only woke men wf successful before they werewo woke. hell even admiral lavigne was pennsylvania health secretary before he turned in his pants p foenr a girdle use toed host mae show it was crude and funny but today if his were higher he would be lactating with estrogef levels higher. a decade ago were they saying that crap back then no they wero trying to be successful and you can't do that with a woke mindset this is true in romance as well. and this has girls wondering has where the hell are the men?on they becomdee soft -- sad, and ashamed that they have testicles unless, of course, they're under a dress. women see a dude in a futurist female t-shirt and makes them drier than nancy pelosi hikingae through the mojave desert. terrible -- this leaves men confused i thought you wanted this new improved m

>> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.te night. we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news the biden administration has reportedly warned that it will ban tiktok if its chinese parent company doesn't sell the app don't mess with this man he has no use for your addictive apps [ light laughter ] biden's the kind of guy who can make your whole two-week vacation with nothing but a deck of cards and a print edition of "sports illustrated. [ laughter ] "you know what we're going to do during dinner tonight? we're actually going to talk to each other [ light laughter ] that's what. treasury secretary janet yellen testified today before the senate finance committee and said, "the country's banking system remains sound specifically this sound. [ breaking glass ] [ laughter ] the new ceo of silicon valley bank held a meeting yesterday with venture capital and start-up clients and said, quote, "there is no safer place in the u.s. banking system to put your deposits. plus, if you go now, the

and now, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night."doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. former president trump held a rally on saturday in waco, texas near the site of the branch davidians cult's compound. or as it's now known, campaign headquarters. [ laughter ] former president trump held a campaign rally on saturday in waco, texas, making him the first cult leader ever to escape that city alive. [ laughter ] during his rally on saturday, former president trump mocked florida governor ron desantis and said he has, quote, no personality, which based on the past, makes him front runner for vp. [ laughter ] during his rally on saturday in texas, former president trump dismissed claims that he had an affair with adult film star stormy daniels and mocked her appearance. you're mocking her appearance? [ laughter ] remember that picture of the two of you together? [ laughter ] this looks like a picture you would see on facebook with the caption, "last time seeing grandpa." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applaus

. ♪♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. night." we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. president biden made a surprise trip last week to ukraine by taking a 10-hour train ride, or as the guy next to him thought, an 80-hour train ride. [ laughter ] president biden reportedly had a difficult time sleeping last week on the overnight train ride from poland to ukraine and read a briefing memo on the history of kyiv and that didn't put him to sleep? [ laughter ] that would have put the last president into a multi-year coma. [ laughter ] in a new interview, president biden said that he was, "other things to finish before launching a full-blown presidential campaign." like, for instance, "yellowstone." [ laughter ] according to a new report, then president trump, was so upset with "late night" host jimmy kimmel's criticism that he asked white house staffers to call disney executives. and he was apparently so upset with me that he called my boss. >> that's right, seth. i told him to ge

. ♪♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody.is is "late night." we hope you're doing well tonight. and now if you don't mind, we're gonna get to the news. president biden today traveled to florida and spoke about social security and medicare. he didn't intend to, it's just what everybody in florida was already talking about. [ light laughter ] democratic congressman james clyburn praised president biden's state of the union performance yesterday, and said biden displayed, quote, "the kind of maturity that the american people would like to see in a president." when you say maturity, you mean this guy? [ light laughter ] you're talking about this guy. i think that's the maturity you expect from your cool uncle. "hey, hop in kid. we're going to go to dave and busters. i got a bucket full of quarters." [ light laughter ] senator majority leader chuck schumer praised president biden yesterday for baiting republicans into a bi-partisan agenda during the state of the union address and said, quote, "he let them walk into his trap." all

featuring the 8g band with atom willard ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good eveningm seth meyers. this is "late night. we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news president biden held an event yesterday at the white house celebrating black history month. also being held at the white house, everyone's breath [ laughter ] that's right president biden held an event yesterday at the white house celebrating black history month. man, how many times do you think he casually mentioned knowing obama? [ laughter ] "so i was talking to barry the other day -- sorry, barack -- obama. [ light laughter ] former co-worker." [ laughter ] when asked in a new interview if he's planning on running for re-election in 2024, president biden joked that he needed to call first lady dr. jill biden to, quote, "find out." okay but -- [ light laughter ] -- you know she's not that kind of doctor, right [ laughter ] florida governor ron desantis signed a bill into law yesterday that takes away disney world's self-governing status. so, if you're at disney -

stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." good night, everybody.