>> ruling out in the '50s -- growing up in the '50s with john wayne movies, sheen guns, the culture, i don't know if remember there was a tv show on cbs called the big picture and i grew up watching this about world war ii, was it was in the pacific theater or in europe. it was about our heroes coming back from world war ii. we were all aware of that and that's what we thought america was like. when we came back from vietnam, as i said to you the other day, i remember silence, silence, nobody would want to talk about it. they didn't want to talk about the war, and yet our lives have been profoundly affected by, dramatically by that experience. yeah, i remember feeling, you know, i know a lot of veterans said they felt they were mistreated and abused. i just felt, i just felt people just shut off their feelings. they didn't want to talk about it and that was very difficult. that hurt. i was doing the same thing. i think i was trying to numb my cell phone when it happened. and somehow -- numb myself. i was having anxiety attacks you i was sticking my finger down my throat every morning