shame, people laughing and shity. you. that's interesting. so i was a big kid and then i lost like 1 other pounds -- 150s and then is was really sick and skippy and blah blah people who knew he when i was skippy never knew me when i was big and i was going to lose 150 pounds while talking to my family about food and sexual violence. and talking to my mam and my grandma and my auntie and that's the book i sold and i wrote that book and one of the last interviews with my grandma, i was talking to her but a something we both knew happened and we talked about extensively but when i put the thing on, she said is wasn't true and then i -- i said, grand mama, you just lying. and she was like, you going to put this in a book, like, of course i'm lying. you're going to put is in to book but the art industry of the lie whereas so -- the artistry of the lie was good so one thing learned in this was that, like, even when we do invest heavily in lies, particularly my family, i think there's something to be gained as an artist in how the words are put toge