simon evans. with cressida wyton and nick dixon in the box.s have a look at the telegraph first. cressida on who is going to be the rishi. tecumseh's truss john swinney snp leadership favourite, backed transgender self id at 16 and an lgbt curriculum. >> so this is the guy who's well he hasn't said no. they're saying in here that he's suggested he will run. it's not quite what happened. they stuck a microphone in his face and said, will you? and he said, i couldn't possibly say so. yeah, it looks likely. but anyway, he has supported all these things in the past that were not very keen on here. yeah, for example , keen on here. yeah, for example, and that have not proved to be great news for the snp generally. no exactly. so whether he'll have to third time lucky. yeah. i don't know whether he's going to have to change his mind and suddenly, decide he's not into net zero or self id or whatever. but currently that's, that's what's on his cv. >> what's the famous saying about insanity? doing the same thing and expecting the results to change? you

. >> i'm simon evans , i've got the >> i'm simon evans, i've got the working teleprompter and tonightm joined by a headliners, veteran leo kearse and our new recruit daniel barker. welcome, daniel. >> how's it going. >> how's it going. >> how's it going. >> how are you feeling .7 >> how are you feeling? >> how are you feeling? >> great. i was electrocuted five times your cold tap over five times by your cold tap over there. oh i'm really ready to go. security staff on the way in as a sort of rite of passage . as a sort of rite of passage. >> yeah, i think it was my shoes, but i'm electrified right how. >> now. >> yeah, the hands free water tap takes a bit of getting used to. >> i think that was installed specifically to honest, i'd protocols, and to be honest, i'd be back to a be quite happy going back to a mechanical tester. >> one those. >> yeah, one of those. >> yeah, one of those. >> one of those ones with the big on the yeah. it big arm on the side. yeah. it pumps and just put your pumps it out and just put your mouth like dog in the mouth under it like a dog in the garden. your

i am simon evans . newspapers. i am simon evans.oining me tonight are the comedic duo who know that the first rule of fight club is to put photographic evidence on it. on twitter, stroke exits josh howie and louis schaefer, and we have an image of them here, courtesy of twitter account proper memes. let's have a look at that. there they are, ladies and gentlemen. that's a live footage from an earlier conference altercation. >> yeah, people think that we don't like each other. josh. yeah, and they also just stopped how. >> now. >> just over there. that's what we have to say. >> i'm a little disappointed that brad pitt appeared in that photograph without my face transposed photograph without my face trans know that would have >> i know that that would have that have finished. that would have finished. >> have the kind >> it would have been the kind of if you're of proper memes. if you're watching maybe you can watching tonight, maybe you can make iteration. yeah. >> then show that to your >> and then show that to your wife. >> first r

i'm still with me, simon evans. i'm still with the people's gammon.d the big dog, nick dixon. so, paul, we start with the guardian . so, paul, we start with the guardian. bad so, paul, we start with the guardian . bad news for one of my guardian. bad news for one of my old demographics. outdoor old demographics. the outdoor lager enthusiasts there in the. is that what you call the love? superb, ministers face tory revolt over plans to criminalise rough sleeping. so under proposals from part of the uk government's flagship crime bill, police in england and wales are to be given powers to fine or move rough sleepers deemed to be causing a nuisance in inverted commas. and of course, sounds all course, this this sounds all very dickensian. it's a story course, this this sounds all very dhomeless it's a story course, this this sounds all very dhomeless people tory course, this this sounds all very dhomeless people being an about homeless people being an eyesore and they should. they needed be seen. nor heard and needed to be seen. nor heard and moved along

. >> hello and welcome to headliners i'm simon evans joining me tonight, two comedians with no beginningeir talent. >> it's leo kearse and steve n allen . allen. >> how very dare. >> how very dare. >> not very nice simon i know they always team me up with this unemployed disobliging . unemployed disobliging. >> don't start blaming some invisible people. >> in fact, i suspect you probably collaborate with them to put me on the back foot. >> don't you know? you say so get him to say that about me. and then. and then he'll be apologetic and diminutive in the. >> it's not even true. >> it's not even true. >> i can knit. so there are beginnings to my talent. >> what are your modem accomplishments? >> i was trying to go through a list the other day. you know, in the old days, a man used to have to con a ship and be able to butcher a hog and light a fire in the wild. what would you say they are nowadays? >> i can't correctly butcher a hog, but i can make a mess of exactly. >> it's also one of the meanings of butcher, isn't it? yeah. >> what have you got? >> what have you got? >> you got anythin

i'm simon evans joining me tonight, two top comedians.breather scott capurro and merciless dragon slayer steve n allen. are you. are you presenting that as a cross.7 yes, yes . a cross.7 yes, yes. >> like what are you noticing? what do you notice is different about me tonight? what do you notice, i don't know. you've a little bit younger. botox. >> if you say no, i'm parting my hair on the opposite side. oh, i hadnt hair on the opposite side. oh, i hadn't noticed. you guys don't really see me . really see me. >> do apologise. this would have been a very impressive tactic with the dragon, wouldn't it? >> yeah, certainly. the dragon stops because. what? and then that's when you have at it. >> we are absolute. we are in a new era of slayers. >> i look, could you say that everyone. everyone always says. oh, he was turkish. yeah. it was. dragons aren't real. that's the biggest problem. >> dragons aren't real. there was no such country as turkey back then either, you know. let alone. and anyway, he wasn't. i don't think it's a very if pronouns.

welcome back to headliners with me, simon evans.h comedian stephen allen and cressida wetton. we're going have a look inside the going to have a look inside the papers now, and kick off papers now, and we kick off steve good, if steve with good, if unsurprising, the metro. unsurprising, news in the metro. free on, free speech staggers on, but polite , i fear, is dead, polite fiction, i fear, is dead, so jk rowling won't face police action. >> despite inviting arrest over scotland's new hate crime law. i don't know if it's even been mentioned on this show, but scotland has a new hate, law hate sort of triviality doesn't concern us. you know, fridges that record when you've eaten food, that's what we're about. so the fridge starts to use. >> sizeist. slurs. yeah >> sizeist. slurs. yeah >> in scotland round. so it says scotland's hate . in the article, scotland's hate. in the article, scotland's hate. in the article, scotland's hate. in the article, scotland's hate crime and public order brackets scotland act 2021 update that year , it

. >> i'm simon evans and i'm joined by qanon devotee leo kearse and kew gardens enthusiast steve n allen i enthusiast steve n allen. i think that's done very well, although you're wearing the kew gardens shirt . gardens shirt. >> yeah, i've actually got membership. >> i've got a family membership for kew gardens. >> it's great to go. >> it's a great place to go. it's brilliant. >> yeah. >> yeah, yeah. >> yeah, yeah. >> now i'm not so >> especially now i'm not so sure. >> is the qanon conference >> so is the qanon conference the place in the, in the funniest place in the, in kew gardens, i think, is the princess diana memorial cactus. >> it's such a weird tribute, but it genuinely , i guess it was but it genuinely, i guess it was probably created before she died, but it just seems like such an odd thing. it's very 80s. it's a bit like the lotus elite that goes under water as a sort of a static that hasn't moved on. >> there's a rabbit hole >> anyway, there's a rabbit hole . i didn't myself going . i didn't see myself going down. a look at the down. let's have a look at the front . the dai

simon evans and comedians leo kearse and nick dixon.o, leo, the world's least popular travel agency, has added four new destinations to its roster. this is in the times , so the uk targets four countries for a rwanda deal. so this is i mean they're going to use these countries like they're trying rwanda is now a sort of genenc trying rwanda is now a sort of generic terms. yeah. so they're going to replicate the rwanda migrant deportation scheme, which by which i guess they mean is never going to nothing's going to happen. yeah. so and the countries they're looking at are armenia, ivory coast, are armenia, the ivory coast, costa and botswana. so costa rica and botswana. so quite a bag. there quite a quite a mixed bag. there this according leaked this is according to leaked documents list of african documents and a list of african countries, including cape verde, senegal, tanzania , togo, angola senegal, tanzania, togo, angola and sierra leone were also putting a reserve list that could be approached if other targets failed. but some coun

pros and cons of policing and the pros who are conning you on welcome back to headliners with me, simon evansomedian nicholas de santo and nick dixon. so we go across to the guardian now. nicholas. and six months on, finally, someone is facing accountability . vie. is facing accountability. vie. >> that's right. still with dramatic news. israeli military intelligence chief quits over 7th of october attack sukh. so this is major general aharon haliva, and he's the first top brass, military or figure to , brass, military or figure to, vacate his job, because he has, claimed responsibility for the deadliest assault in the history of israel , he he he deadliest assault in the history of israel, he he he is the chief of israel, he he he is the chief of or was the chief of israeli military intelligence, which is one of the three branches. it's called aman for short, right, most people know mossad because mossad is maybe more dramatic with their operations, because they are the external. they're like the m16 of israel, the cia, exactly. whereas aman is a bit more low key for us foreigners. but it's

simon evans will be here tomorrow at 11 pm. with nick dixon and cressida wetton. get yourself sorted and stay tuned for breakfast till the next one. have a good one. >> that warm feeling inside from boxt boiler dollars. sponsors of weather on . gb news. weather on. gb news. >> hello! here's your latest weather update from the met office for gb news. we hold on to rather mixed weather conditions across the uk during the week ahead. rain at times, but temperatures will also be on the rise. at the moment. low pressure is in charge, sitting out towards the east of the uk, this weather front bringing outbreaks of rain towards the north—east of the uk, coupled with fairly brisk winds too, and certainly as we head through the evening, a pretty wet end to the day across the far north—east of scotland. and we do hold on to outbreaks of rain across the northern isles through the night. elsewhere there'll be some clear spells, but notice showers moving in from the west, starting to give way to some more persistent rain across the far west of the uk by the morning on monday,

tomorrow, simon evans will be here with louis schaffer and nick dixon, obviously we missed louis tonight. i haven't for breakfast. good night. >> that warm feeling inside from boxt boiler airs sponsors of weather on . gb news. weather on. gb news. >> good evening. welcome to your latest gb news weather from the met office. so after a drier end to the weekend, for many of us today, it looks like change is on the way. an area of low pressure situated out to the north of the uk brings some weak frontal systems that will slowly sink their way southwards, particularly of particularly into the start of the working week. that the new working week. and that area pressure seen area of high pressure we've seen pushes so cloudy end to northwest. so a cloudy end to the for much of eastern the day for much of eastern scotland northern england, the day for much of eastern sc

i think paul back tomorrow with, paul is back tomorrow with, simon evans and also with nick dixon. >> happy easter. >> happy easter. >> that warm feeling inside from boxt boiler is sponsors of weather on . gb news. weather on. gb news. >> hello! welcome to your latest gb news weather. it's been fairly sunny across the northern half of the uk. we've seen increasing cloud in the south and we're going to see further rain push in over the next few hours . but looking at the bigger hours. but looking at the bigger picture, low pressure dominates hours. but looking at the bigger pi

home phone bill of my associate and friend simon hughes and outed him against his will as bisexual in an article that was frankly intrusive and homophobic. dr evanhone number was one of those listed in simon hughes' itemised phone bill. he also launched a claim against the sun and the news of the world. as with heather mills, news group paid to settle both cases before they went to trial. as a former director of hacked off, aren't you just a campaigner and aren't using the legal system now to have a go at the tabloid? when i ran the hacked off campaign, i encountered victims of press abuse, whistle—blowers who wanted to say what had really gone on. that is a combination of knowledge and experience that is clearly helpful to claimants. the job we do as paralegals now is to assist the claimants. so, yeah, i'm a frustrated campaigner because thejob i am currently doing is focused on the legal side of things, but this appears to be the only way for the truth to come out. dramatic music. live from london, this is bbc news. at least six people are dead in sydney after a man stabs multiple people in a busy shopping centre. four female women deceased in

simon marks has been finding out. confusion, anxiety. a trip to hospital can be a frightening time for a child. in 2018, dr chris evans a problem. about 50% of children develop symptoms of bedwetting, nightmares, separation anxiety after a planned elective procedure, and its ongoing in about 7—8% at one year after the procedure. chris realised things could be improved if children were given information in advance and in a language they understand, games. ali is going to have an mri at hospital today. the app works to support children of different age groups through the process of coming in for a procedure. the scanner won't touch ali's body, so it won't hurt. we want to give them that personalised approach. before they visit the hospital, children can explore it in virtual reality. i remember this well. alexander was born in portsmouth, three months prematurely, with complications which required multiple surgeries during the first eight years of his life. he was one of the first children to use littlejourney. he would know what was coming. he knew the roles of the staff around. he knew the different areas of the hospi

simon marks has been finding out. confusion, anxiety. a trip to hospital can be a frightening time for a child. in 2018, dr chris evansproblem. about 50% of children develop symptoms of bedwetting, nightmares, separation anxiety after a planned elective procedure, and its ongoing in about 7—8% at one year after the procedure. chris realised things could be improved if children were given information in advance and in a language they understand, games. ali is going to have an mri at hospital today. the app works to support children of different age groups through the process of coming in for a procedure. the scanner won't touch ali's body, so it won't hurt. we want to give them that personalised approach. before they visit the hospital, children can explore it in virtual reality. i remember this well. alexander was born in portsmouth, three months prematurely, with complications which required multiple surgeries during the first eight years of his life. he was one of the first children to use littlejourney. he would know what was coming. he knew the roles of the staff around. he knew the different areas of the hospital