simon rushly. >> rose: why? simon rushly, part of the simon rushly story is set in church. when i was deep in church and he had a novel "shame" and i had big bibles with leather binding and the preacher is saying we're all going to hell and in it i'm reading "shame" with the three sisters. the idea of messing with narrative like that never occurred to me, just didn't. in reading it, it kind of gave me permission to write in a certain way. toni more rison's "song of solomon "-- you know, i grew up in a very british colonial education. ideas that books like that existed never occurred to me. >> rose: you eventually left the church. >> yes. >> rose: what happened? disillusionment? >> disillusionment, change of geography. i think i was looking for bigger answers than that. jamaican church can be a lot of praise and worship, not a lot of intellectual growth or stimulation. >> rose: different being gay in jamaica? >> i wasn't. you know, i was pretty much just kind of this cursed and pleefg it. >> rose: and believing it? thinking you was sustaining myself that way. it's not someth