>> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. nation, barack obama is the worst type of democratic politician. an effective one. (laughter) on tuesday he was down in el paso, texas, laying out his plan for immigration reform. what does barack obama know about immigration? everybody knows he was born in america. i have proof. (laughter) besides, this speech was about one thing only -- >> is the president pushing real reform or is he pandering from latino votes. >> he's pandzering for votes down there. >> it's pandering. >> stephen: a total latino panderfest. excuse me, pander fiesta. (laughter) >> stephen: show them, jim. >> when i think about immigration, i think about opportunity. inalien kbl rights, the american flag, statue of liberty, nation of immigrants, guatemalan, yew cranian, irish, italian, polish, russian, jewish. papao new guinea. >> stephen: just listen to him pander to the all important texas lattino papua new guinea vote. next he's g

stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. folks, folks, thank you, please. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, folks. i've got to tell you, that adulation is like a surging wave of warm carmel. (laughter) >> stephen: folks, folks, let's get right to it everybody in the blamestream media copyright, is saying that newt gingrich is on the ropes. >> former aide to newt gingrich says his came nindes quote adult supervision and close to being functionally over. >> it such a bad week for him. some are saying his campaign is already over. >> he didn't have a big chance from the beginning but now it's over. >> stephen: wrong you parasites! this good man will rise like the sour doe he appears to be made of. (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: newt's out just because he went on "meet the press" and called the republican medicare plan right wing social engineering which then caused 13 of 18 co-chai

stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, folks. that's very kind. >> stephen: who am i to fight that, i'm only one man. folks, and i need your love because folks, this is a bitter sweet evening. because saturday marks the end of an era. the era of caring whom mike huckabee is. (laughter) who is that? oh, that's huckabee. folks, think we'll all remember where we were when we stopped caring. i was-- [bleep] where was i. i don't care. doesn't matter. anyway, mike huckabee who just last week was leading in many national polls promised that on saturday night he was going to announce his presidential plans on what some critics have called his television show. (laughter) >> stephen: i tuned in for the whole thing and of course i assumed he was running because on the show he was so clearly laying the groundwork for a presidential campaign by interviewing mario lopez, then jamming on cat scratch fever with ted nudge ent. i mean this-- nug, nt. i mean this screams-- (applause) >> stephen: i mean this screams commander in chief. clearly, clea

welcome to the report. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you. for a second there i wasn't sure if that was going to coalesce into a snowball. good to have you with us. i hope everybody had a good mother's day. i celebrated as i cause do in the fetal position. but folks there is no time to waste. let's go to tonight's breaking news about what happened eight days ago. osama bin laden continues his crowd-pleasing death. all the newspapers are covering it from "the new york times" to the daily news to the "new york post". but folks, that's just new york. they are also covering it in other parts of the country like brooklyn. (laughter) i was particularly impressed by the coverage in der tzitung, brooklyn's hasidic newspaper of record, jim? >> now you see her, now you don't. in a hasidic paper in new york they ran this white house picture in the situation room photo from the bin laden raid. there is one problem. it removed hillary clinton. >> stephen: impressive. normally getting r

if you don't win brenda will leave you for kyle. >> stephen: brenda. >> dun dun. >> stephen: you areo lose oh, and you're having my baby. baby! why don't you just give up i'm going to win. shut up kyle! i need this daytime win. every year at the primetime emmys i lose to "the daily show". >> that's a pretty good show. >> stephen: shut up, kyle! wait, you have something right? of course. ugh. ♪ [ male announcer ] icy cool intensity so you're prepared no matter how close you get. where were we? dentyne ice. practice safe breath. by giving me huge discounts on rooms hotels can't always fill. with unpublished rates. which means i get an even more rockin' hotel, for less. where you book matters. expedia. everybody. my guest tonight is both a rhodes scholar and a navy seesm yeah, but how many daytime emmys has he been nominated for. please welcome eric greitens. [cheers and applause] boom! hey, nice to meet you. all right, even that handshake was intimidating. [laughter] sir, you are as, as i said rhodes scholar and a navy seal. what was the last time you were deployed. >?]i 2007.> stephe

cut the budget. >> let's cut the budget. >> stephen: cut the spending. >> i agree. >> stephen: no new taxes. >> now, wait a minute. >> stephen: read your lips. >> read my lips? the high income tax rates are the lowest they've been in some 60 years. >> stephen: thank god! >> we cannot afford in an environment where we've got big deficits, long-run fiscal challenges the president doesn't think we can afford to keep rate as the these historicallys. i think he's right. we've got to cut spending, both sides agree. and the total amount we're talking about cutting of $4 trillion over ten years is basically the same on the two sides. it's just totally different how we get there. >> stephen: what if -- >> yes. >> stephen: why don't we take a page from average americans and walk away from our debt? you know what i mean? and just live under assumed names like we just duct taped florida up against the gulf coast. [laughter] we try to pass ourselves off as brazil if you know what i mean. [laughter] what are you talking about you moved out a long time ago. >> that won't work. >> stephen: what works

) >> stephen: oh, that's great. oh, that's lovely. (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the report." thank you, ladies and gentlemen. please. folks, i've got to say, that kind of... (cheers and applause) that kind of cheering for me... (cheers and applause) please. oh, please. folks, i've got to say, that kind of cheering for me, that's really how i relieve stress. (laughter) now, nation, i hope you're sitting down. unless you're giving me a standing ovation at home, in which case take your time. (laughter) the rest of you, brace yourself, because last night newt gingrich posted this on facebook. "be sure to watch hannity this wednesday at 9:00 p.m. eastern, i will be on to talk about my run for president of the united states." this is huge news! (laughter) huge-headed news! (laughter) because, folks, clearly after months of speculation, newt gingrich has finally announced that tomorrow he will be making an announcement. (laughter) this is the preannouncement announcement we've all been

people. >> stephen: fantastic. you were a delta flight attendant. >> i was a della flight attendant. i love to travel. >> stephen: if i worked for delta, i would prefer a bus as well. >> it's a bus in the sky. that's all it is. >> stephen: people accuse the tea party of being a branch of the republican party. true or false? >> that's false. the republican party... >> stephen: what happened because i was always against obama. what happened 27 days into obama's presidency that made all you democrats turn against him? >> well, first of all, first of all the republican party is more afraid of us than the democrat ing party, but this movement is a direct result of people being fed up and angry with both political parties. >> stephen: but there weren't a lot of signs showing john boehner with a bone through his nose. >> this movement, people got fed up when bush was in office with the spending, and it's escalated, so people are coming, you know, to the movement and joining the movement because they want responsibility. >

if you don't win brenda will leave you for kyle. >> stephen: brenda. >> dun dun. >> stephen: you areo lose oh, and you're having my baby. baby! why don't you just give up i'm going to win. shut up kyle! i need this daytime win. every year at the primetime emmys i lose to "the daily show". >> that's a pretty good show. >> stephen: shut up, kyle! >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is both a rhodes scholar and a navy seesm yeah, but how many daytime emmys has he been nominated for. please welcome eric greitens. [cheers and applause] boom! hey, nice to meet you. all right, even that handshake was intimidating. [laughter] sir, you are as, as i said rhodes scholar and a navy seal. what was the last time you were deployed. >?]i 2007.> stephen: if you han deployed into the compound to take out bin laden, could you tell me about it? >> no. >> stephen: i'm going to assume you were one of the guys. [laughter] your book is called the heart and the fifth, the education of the humanitarian, the making of a navy seal. let's talk about the title "the heart and the fist." is that

if you don't win brenda will leave you for kyle. >> stephen: brenda. >> dun dun. >> stephen: you areo lose oh, and you're having my baby. baby! why don't you just give up i'm going to win. shut up kyle! i need this daytime win. every year at the primetime emmys i lose to "the daily show". >> that's a pretty good show. >> stephen: shut up, kyle! i'm robert shapiro. over a million people have discovered how easy it is to use legalzoom for important legal docunts. at legalzoom we'll help you incorporate your business, file a patent, make a will and more. you can complete our online questions in minutes. then we'll prepare your legal documents and deliver them directly to you. so start your business, protect your family, launch your dreams. at legalzoom.com we put the law on your side. everybody. my guest tonight is both a rhodes scholar and a navy seesm yeah, but how many daytime emmys has he been nominated for. please welcome eric greitens. [cheers and applause] boom! hey, nice to meet you. all right, even that handshake was intimidating. [laughter] sir, you are as, as i said rhodes sc