we have a lot of common challenges, stephen. it's the situation? syria unraveling, a lot of chemical weapons there. we're going to try to get the peace process there trying to get the palestinians back to the table and other problems. >> stephen: netanyahu wanted the other guy. it's clear. >> not true. >> stephen: it's clear to anybody with eyes in their skull. he wanted the other guy. must be awkward for him because obama is going to say you rolled the dice the wrong way bibi? >> we do not. israel does not get involved in internal politics in united states. >> stephen: you are adorable. >> no, it's true. i come from washington, d.c. you know there's a lot of polarize yietion. >> stephen: you come from israel. >> i meant working in washington, d.c. >> stephen: like kirk you work in space i'm from iowa. >> okay. yes, i'm working in washington, d.c. there's not many issues on which there's total bipartisan support and the support of the united states and israel is a try bipartisan issue. >> stephen: let's talk about haggle. some said he was no friend

a lot of and found. we passed information along. there was nothing for policemen to do. >> stephenwith the press at a dead end gail took matters into her own hands. >> i was checking facebook and two of my friends on facebook posted this weird story anded it said who has the scallop guts. >> stephen: who? who? so gail made a call to the fisherman's wife michelle. >> at 7:00 the phone range and the voices said it's me i have your scallop guts. >> stephen: a nice connection until gail learned what was really in that bucket. >> gonadsp scallop gonads. >> stephen: you mean like balls? >> very much like balls. >> this is the gonad, the reproductive organs that is what her whole life is focused on. >> a woman obsessed. >> they have pretty large gonads relative to their body size stoonchts we get it. ladies love a huge sack. scarlet got her balls back mystery solved all wrapped up in a pretty bow or was it? >> i think that's pretty much it. >> stephen: or is it? >> it is. >> stephen: then weren't the police rode to close the case? >> we didn't close the case because we never open the case

you're a phony. >> stephen: yeah, what a phony. but bill o'reilly's no phony, and that's what's shaken me to my core. [laughter] 'cuz if bill o'reilly is now pro-gay marriage, and isn't a flip-flopper like bill clinton, then back when he said gay marriage was like marrying a goat, he was really telling us that he's pro-goat marriage. [laughter] goat, this is bill. [laughter] goat. now, before any of you judge the [laughter] [cheers and applause] i know this shocking but before any of you judge the o'reillys -- i, too, used to condemn man-goat love -- the love that dare not "mehhh" it's name -- but, like so many americans, i now know someone who bypassed match.com and went straight to the petting zoo. [laughter] and please don't reduce this to just a sexual relationship. don't make this ugly. though i'm sure they do have sex. and i bet it's pretty ugly. [laughter] but that's just a small thread in the rich tapestry of bill oreilly's relationship with a goat. no one should be denied the right to visit his sick lover at the vet. [laug

a doctor? >> no. >> stephen: you are not a doctor. you are, in fact, the president and c.e.o. the the game show network. >> that's correct. >> stephen: why is the president and c.e.o. of the gameshow network trying to fix our health care. aren't sick people home from work your core audience? [laughter] >> well, i hadn't thought before. >> stephen: you should think about that. you are shooting yourself in the foot right now. [laughter] >> can i go on anyway. it's a good point. >> stephen: sure. >> my interest actually came from my father's death from a hospital acquired fengs which is an all-too common experience but broadly i approach it as a business person with 300 employees for whom health scare an important issue. a prnt, a patient myself. when i see is a system broken in so many ways but that i think all of those problems have one cause that i think it has in common which is we're not the customer of the health care system. >> stephen: what? i'm the guy going there saying give me the drugs i'm sick. >> that's right. >> stephen: or i might be sick. give me the drugs now. [l

a federal level? >> that's right. >> stephen: i'm not a fan and i think that's (bleep). >> well -- >> stephen: that means, and we'll get back to you talking, too, but so literally i would -- if i were gay i would get stripped of my gay marriage rights federally if i walked across the border. >> if you moved you would lose the federal benefits. the scenario you just drew out is crazy. we would have a patchwork of marriage laws thbd would be the next challenge. >> stephen: let me pose the question to scheea. when did gay marriage become a constitutional right? when did we start accepting that? give me the date. >> it's recently but i don't think you can put an exact date on it. >> stephen: you can. it was september 19, 2005 the premiere of how i met your mother. [cheers and applause] because neil patrick harris plays a super straight horn dog and we buy it. will you stick around for a second more and we'll go to commercial, come back and figure it out. we'll be right back with more #$2ff%qi [cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. i'm back with emily bazelon talking about supreme court's

a patty and seared. that's the ultra. >> stephen: it should be pulled pork and served with a mustard sauce like s.c. >> like south carolina, right. >> stephen: we'll fight latter. we'll stab each other. >> okay. >> stephen: one of reasons i wanted to have you on the show is because you talk to people not from the south and they think everybody from the south is change change -- everybody is like [speaking quickly in southern twang] >> exactly. that's it. >> stephen: there's smart folk. beautiful, beautiful literature from the south that i have never read. [laughter] >> not just literature. >> stephen: what are people missing by thinking the south is a bunch of pig farmers. >> there are pig farmers but it's also a place of great literature and music. this issue is dedicated to the music of louisiana which is some of the greatest in the union. jazz was born in the south. the blues, had a baby, it's name was rock 'n' roll. it was born and raised in the south. >> stephen: what was it about the south that was so different that allowed for jazz and blues and rock 'n' roll. there was some pa cuellar institution th

that was the most amazing. >> stephen: seemed to come as a surprise to him. >> yes. >> stephen: it's military judge and they said they have no idea where the microphones are coming from. >> it's outrageous. it reminds me. the only precedent for it is the soviet constitution or iranian constitution. >> stephen: we're nothing like the old soviet union. we don't have gulags in sigh beera. we have gulags in he is stonea. [ laughter ] is it ultimately such a bad thing. these guys are guilty. [ laughter ] do you not believe ksm is guilty? >> i believe he is likely guilty and that's what trials are all about. >> stephen: the thing with trials is sometimes people are found innocent. that's the one flaw with our justice system, i believe. [ laughter ] the. >> the beautive trial system is that it gives leg matcy and it says this prosecution made a lot of sense. they are like baseball and steroids. at this point even if the prosecutors hit it out of the park there's an the as terrific saying wait there were secret mike phones and. >> stephen: it's an exciting game. maybe you sell a lot of memor

you may remember our motto making a better -- >> tomorrow. >> stephen: last year. together ham rove and i contributed individual, corporate and union donations to support candidates in the 2012 election. ham picked the candidate so it's no surprise that a pile of lunch meat chose the white bread. ham rove may be gone but not forgotten especially by abc news who ask ham rove's mentor, karl rove, the question we've all been wondering. >> how do you feel about stephen colbert's ham rendition of your head. >> he's an entertainer but when he took out the knife and starting stabbing it he may need some counseling or encouraging somebody to maybe mimic him. but there was anxiety in his stab there's. >> stephen: karl. there's no need for anxiety. i'm in no way encouraging anybody to stab karl rove. there's a big difference between karl rove and ham rove. jimmy put up the pictures. [ laughter ] no, jimmy -- [cheers and applause] jimmy, no, not two ham roves, one of them should be karl. thank you, thank you. they are totally different. but, okay, because easter is coming up i

a dish. [laughter] we'll be right back. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. guest tonight won a nobel prize and macarthur grant. big deal. i was only four numbers away from hitting the powerball. please welcome junot diaz. [cheers and applause] good to see you again. >> great to see you. >> stephen: sit down, my friend. may i call you my friend. mi amigo? >> either one. >> stephen: for people who don't know what an impressive figure you are you are a macarthur geniuses, a nobel prize winner and author. currently you are on the board of advisors at something called freedom university and teach writing at mit? >> yes. >> stephen: writing at imt -- >> i know. >> stephen: isn't that like teaching engineering at juliard. why? >> i know. everybody needs to learn writing even mit. >> stephen: why. you have siri now. you can dictate it to your iphone. >> have you tried it. it never works. >> stephen: i never read it back. >> writing is so useful. >> stephen: freedom university is a georgia college dedicated to educating undocumented immigrants. >> yeah, yeah. >> step

or as he put it: >> you've got to do a full autopsy. >> stephen: yes, a full autopsy. [laughter] it's the natural thing to do when you've got candidates this cold and stiff. [laughter] well, the panel released its autopsy last week, and good news, there are multiple causes of death! [laughter] >> our message was weak. our ground game was insufficient. we weren't inclusive. focus groups described our party as "narrow minded," "out of touch," and "stuffy old men." i'm only 41 by the way. [laughter] >> stephen: yeah, he's only 41! he's a stuffy middle-aged man! [laughter] and while the autopsy says that republicans need to do a better job of reaching out to black people, brown people, and women people, no group is more important to the gop's future success than young people people. as the report laments mitt romney lost voters younger than 30 by five million votes. five million! what were my fellow under 30-year-olds thinking? [laughter] well, hold on to your backward hats, young jee-zees, because [laughter] the autopsy says that to reach the kids, the gop should establis

a ring to it. zint? >> stephen: oh, it has a ring to it. a ring that goes something like this: and folks -- [cheers and applause] friends of hamas is even worse than it sounds because this organization is so sinister that it doesn't even exist. [ laughter ] turns out, hagel's link with "friends of hamas" goes back to daily news reporter dan friedman who asked a republican senate aide looking for dirt in hagel's past if hagel had given a speech to the junior league of hezbollah or the friends of hamas. assuming that no one could take seriously the idea that organizations with those names existed. [laughter] why wouldn't you take it seriously? i mean, if there's no junior league of hezbollah, who puts out the cookbook of bomb recipes? [laughter] besides, the fact that these organizations don't exist only makes it more suspicious that chuck hagel has been tied to them. what else is he hiding that hasn't happened? is he a member of the al qaeda kidz club? [laughter] what about the muslim brotherhood? or the muslim sisterhood of the traveling pa

capital t. >> stephen: which we do. >> should be a little bit more humble about that. >> stephen: d open ourselves up to the fact that baseball is a road to god just as our religion is a road to god just as buddhism is a road to god and the more important thing is that we all get used to finding god in this world. >> stephen: how is baseball anything like -- god does not take nine innings. >> but god, like baseball, is timeless. >> stephen: baseball feels timeless. [laughter] >> see now, the key that i'm trying to get at in this book is the fact that -- what we as human beings should be doing is searching for meaning. frequently meaning is that which we can learn and put in a mind, especially a wonderful mind like yours. [laughter] but frequently the real meaning of life can't be put in cognitive terms. there's a word i use in my course and in the book it can't be reduced to words. we experience it. the way we know we're in love, for example. the way we know life as meaning. >> stephen: i like that inhe havable thing because i can say something is true and go, i can't schain it, i'

what i like is it's a series that seems to have a broad spectrum of interest. >> stephen: you are aboutot more interest because you are getting the colbert bump tonight, all right? [cheers and applause] today you are painting wal-mart. this

what i like is it's a series that seems to have a broad spectrum of interest. >> stephen: you are aboutlot more interest because you are getting the colbert bump tonight, all right? [cheers and applause] today you are painting wal-mart. this time next week you are painting at whole foods! thank you so much for joining me. brendan o'connell, painter of wal-mart. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] n9n9n9s0s00