(cheers and applause) stephen colbert's birk stalk. go ahead, pat me down from the ankles up. eers and applause) oh, and and off my beer. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: my guest tonight is here to talk about how imimprove our public schools. tonight she'll be sitting at the cool kids' table. please welcome melinda gates! (cheers and applause) so nice to meet you, thank you very much for coming on. >> glad to. >> stephen: now then, melinda. >> yes, stephen. >> stephen: as you know, you and i are the sole members of the stephen and melinda gates foundation. >> so i hear. >> stephen: and i'm not seen you as many of the board meetings. >> haven't you been e-mailing me? that's how we do these things. >> stephen: i have and i have been getting cease and desist orders from your staff. we'll get to the matter of your dues later. (laughter) but first your husband and you are the leaders and creators of the bill and melinda gates foundation. am i pronouncing... bill? >> you got that right. >> stephen: okay, you have many goals, some of which are eradicating malaria and polio in africa

well, governor brewer has messed with the wrong stephen colbert. this one!so that southwestern issues are addressed by the candidates in a meaningful fashion. oh, yeah, it's time for america to have a serious debate on whether it's cactuses or cacti. (bleep), jan! this is about the money!Ñi studies have shown thatñr presidential candidates spend up to 75% of their campaign budgets on the first few primary states. buying ads, transportation, lodging. it's an orgy of spending and south carolina is supposed stop the lucky pierre in that monetary ass pile. but arizona is muscling in. and now michigan has passed a bill moving their primary to february 28 and florida wants to move theirs even earlier than that! now, florida going earlier makes sense. when your average voter is 93, every second counts. (applause) well, folks, south carolina voters refused to be treated like second-class citizens. state republican chair chad connolly told "u.s.a. today" "we're going to be first in the south and we're not going to share our date with anybody, especially a state that

colbert report. ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you so much. ank you, ladies and gentlemen. good to have you with us. welcome to the report. and a special welcome to first time viewers of the colbert report, who are only watching because radiohead is here. my name is stephen colbert. thank you for purchasing a tv. folks, it is a huge night! they going to be performances, interviews with the band, and to make it feel like a real concert, we are going to be putting some tall, sweaty strangers out front to block your view of the show. no. not yet, not yet. thank you, later, later. and, nation, we are doing a full hour. that's an action packed 60 minutes, with absolutely no padding! no padding at all! not a touch -- of padding. which, as i've previously stated, we are not going to do-that. >> now, although some of the reruns of tonight's show will only be half an hour. it is kind of a shake shame, because the first half hour is great, but the second half hour is insane! so if you watching the half hour version and want to know what you missed, just

am not well and i object that you know what you know what that's brandon has meant to he and stephen colbert very smart because they sit there and go look you shouldn't be listening to us you shouldn't be listening to us you should be listening to us and people and that there's a hipness quality there that attracts more people not just mind games i mean they are no no no it's not one point nor do yourself they do but it is it is calculated to some extent but but again it's easy they're making it easy for them because the major of the three major networks and the cable stations are doing on sense like this and you know it would be different if anderson cooper said we're going to we're going to have a show on here you're going to have a show on libya or on foreclosed people or bring them in but nobody wants to see that during the day now the other thing is i mean he did start off as a model i mean he is gloria vanderbilt son you know so he does have that you know he doesn't have the real hard data that he can relate he can relate but the thing is is that you know he shouldn't have to be doing

my name is stephen colbert. thank you for purchasing a tv. [laughter] folks, it is a huge night. there are going to be performance, interviews with the band, and to make it feel like a real concerts, we're going to be putting some tall, sweaty strangers out front to block your view of the show. [laughter] no, no. not yet. not yet. thank you. later. later. and nation, nation, we are doing a full hour. that's an action-packed 60 minutes with absolutely no padding. no padding at all. [laughter] not a touch. of padding. which, as i have previously stated, we are not going to do. now, although some of the reruns of tonight's show will only be a half hour, it's kind of a shame because first half hour is great, but the second half hour is insane. so if you're watching the half-hour version and want to know what you missed, just google "tom york: lion attack." good stuff. [laughter] and this is especially exciting tonight, folks, because radiohead is not only one of the greatest musical acts of this or any generation... [cheering and applause] but also, also, they are the ultimate anti-c

look at how hard hitting news is being replaced with comedy all comedians like jon stewart and stephen colbert are turning to serious topics but are no laughing matter. and what drives the world the fear mongering used by politicians who makes decisions break through it's really kind of made who can you trust no one will if you view it with a global mission which is where we had a state controlled capitalism. it's called nationals when nobody dares to ask we do our t. question more. inside only a military making use of force if you don't work to bring justice or accountability . i have every right to know what my government's true if you want to know why i pay taxes. so i would characterize obama as a charismatic sort. of american exceptionalism. well let's take a look now i get another example of the changing landscape of mainstream media news or should i say the lack of names i'm talking about anderson cooper he has always been known for being in the center of the action from the earthquake in haiti to the revolution in egypt he has been for so long one of the most trusted reporters in news

well, john, john, this is stephen colbert. >> oh, hi, stephen. >> stephen: john, i didn't know you weret. i'm calling for the nordic lesbians. >> stephen: i didn't know you were into that. >> i am not "into that." i'm simply doing character research. >> stephen: for what? >> for a... a... an ibsen play. it's a modern erotic interpretation of hedda gabler, a college freshman who with her university sisters at the university of oslo is pushing the boundaries of human sexual depravity. >> >> stephen: oh, really? and what part do you play? >> i don't care. >> stephen: i'm sorry, john. this is oops jew. you're going to want the push five for nors lez. >> good-bye. >> stephen: john thgow, everybody. so chosen people who have wronged me, the kneidelach is in your court. call in and ensure yourself a guilt free 5772, we'll be right back. >> stephen: welcome ban, everybody. my guest tonight has a new three-part documentary about prohibition. instead of interviewing him, we will pan slowly across his face while i play a mournful flute. please welcome ken burns. [cheering and applause] thank you v

last night they tracked down this stephen colbert person and obtained the following statement: >> we'resed. sal is the best in the business. that's why we went with him. we're happy for sal and we are even happier that governor perry has sent the clear signal of which super pac he trusts to receive all that unlimited money waiting to pour in on his behalf. loud and clear, sir. unofficially, loud and clear. [laughter] >> stephen: i couldn't have said it better myself. [laughter] point is, rick perry is taking sloppy seconds on my treasurer, who knows everything about my operation -- how much money i've raised, how much these people down here have given me, my password to adult friend finder. [laughter] hey, in politics you gotta press the flesh. [laughter] but i would again like to emphasize that there is no coordination between colbert super pac and the perry campaign. that would be wrong and illegal. they're as separate as church and state under a perry administration. [laughter] [cheers and applause] nation, a wise man once said, "everybody shut up. stephen's talking." this is tip of

report", i'm stephen colbert. [exciting instrumental music] ♪ excuse me.ere's a line, buddy. there's two lines. no, no, there's one line. we're in it. i'm just getting a hot dog. we're all gettinhot dogs. what, you think there's two lines and we're all in this line-- you're the only genius that got in the other line? can you believe this guy? don't line up behind him. he cheated you. hey, shut up. what do you want on yours, baby? i want all the hot dogs, please. yeah, i'm--i'm buying all the hot dogs. oh, come on, lady. [customers shouting angrily] and i'm giving them to the good people. [upbeat '60s-style pop music] ♪ who's that ♪ kicking it down the street

report", i'm stephen colbert. [crowd cheers] [bell rings] - and he's down.that's it! that's it! cleon slammin' salmon, he's still the heavyweight champion of the world. what a deadly punch. it's all over. [music]

ad during a 5:00 news commercial break but on the 10:00 news you reported on it for free. >> stephen colberthas purchased ad space in iowa to promote a write-in campaign for perry. but spelled with an "a" instead of an "e" >> a storm is gathering over iowa. >> colbert won approval from the federal election committee to set up a superpac in his name. which means can raise unlimited amounts of money and funnel it into campaign ads. >> stephen: thanks, amanda, great report. now over to brad with the weather-- no, wait! stay mad! clearly someone needs to get to the bottom of this corruption. someone on the inside. like the intrepid woi reporter katie eastman who has the courage to tackle the tough issues. >> jess ca, it is the longest annual garage sale in iowa. (laughter) >> jon: . >> stephen: katie blew the lid off garage sale gait. clearly, clearly, katie, you are the only one i can trust. call me. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) >> thank you very much. welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is a feminist icon and the subject of a new hbo documentary. and it's only 75% as long a

report", i'm stephen colbert. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ ♪ head' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪

"the colbert report"'s stephen colbert report. >> with social networks crowding in, some mainstays of journalism like "the new york times" are abandoning old school reporting for new media. >> i don't know why anybody who is a reporter isn't on twitter. i constantly berate my colleagues who aren't on it. >> but one reporter didn't get that tweet. wayne ford has been working the beat for over 29 years at the athens banner herald, athen's georgia's most prestigious and only newspaper. editor roger nielsen. >> wayne represents the old-fashioned kind of journalist, you know, the shirt and tie kind of guy to go out there and meet people. >> as a journalist i guess growing up walter cronkite was my hero. >> stephen: like his hero wayne ford knows to get the real story a reporter has to hit the pavement. >> on july 12th, i was at the county sheriff's office probably before 8:00 that morning. and i go through the reports and i came across one report on rogers road. >> stephen: rogers road. >> it's a place where if are you going to run some law that is probably the place you're going to end up

let's hear how stephen colbert took on this one. >> president obama's jobs bill, hot off the presses.s? hundreds of billions in tax hikes and new spending, bound together with a chintzy clip. look at that thing. >> come on, this is your jobs bill. that deserves a large, shiny binder. and instead, it's -- with the little clip. >> we need the good one from kinko's. >> yeah, why so chintzy? if he really believed in this bill, he should have presented it in a leatherbound volume with gold filigree and illuminated initials so the republicans had something presentable to dismiss before they ever look at it. >> really, there's a problem with the paper clip? give me a break, republicans -- or fox, whatever you call yourselves. and finally, come on, game on. gop candidate michele bachmann attracted ridicule this week for suggesting that the hpv vaccine could cause "mental retardation." well it wasn't just the politicos who raised their eyebrows at that one. now bioethicist bart kaplan has issued what he calls the hpv challenge. what's at stake, a hefty $10,000. "if she can produce a case in on

lawmaker's accountable interviewing a heavy here like admiral mike not what's happening here on the stephen colbert is doing it to me can't make them out there basically they're really all they're doing is occupying the space that these guys once you know occupied that's all it is it's not anything more complicated.

include unlimited donations and my candidacy will be officially known as the hail to the cheese stephen colbert or not to change. course not all politicians have the same price tag california's barbara boxer is the priciest senator at two point three million dollars followed by harry reid john mccain and tea party darling marco rubio. from a hardworking and humble family. one that was neither wealthy more connected who's raked in twenty one point seven million as a freshman senator. you know house michele bachmann leads with thirteen point five million dollars much of which comes from big oil which may explain her stance on drilling whether that is in the ever so ever that is the so-called fruit seller whether there was an oil supplier to. you to go with that and she lives and when corporations pay big those of us who can afford to write a twenty thousand dollars check we're left on the cold can't shell out to buy a congressman full time why not rent him for hearing when american investors shelled out twenty four hundred dollars to only angle. twenty four hundred dollars to denver and climax at

stephen: so you're steady. that's steady leadership. if you need money you know that i have a super pac, righting? >> yeah, we did come out a little short. i was going to ask you, can the colbert superpac help my campaign? >> stephen: not... well, i could haven't helped you while you were a candidate. (laughter) because legally we can't... >> what about now? >> stephen: now we're just two guys talking. >> yeah. you know a guy. >> stephen: you need some money? >> yeah. >> stephen: all right. if you were to jump back in the race, we couldn't ever have this conversation again. but i'm just telling you right now, i like this tim pawlenty guy. (laughter) >> well, you did use our logo, our original pac in your superpac. >> stephen: your pac was the inspiration for my pac. >> where is i know but you've got to show me some love for that. you stole the logo. (laughter). >> stephen: i... you know what? i'll tell you what, i will see you in hell. (laughter). (applause) minnesota knight versus new york knight. let's make news. is there someone you would like to endorse in the 2012 race? >> you. >> stephen: i'm not running. (cheers and applause) i'm not running. i'm more like sarah palin.

lawmakers accountable interviewing heavy hitters like admiral mike mullen what's happening when you stephen colbert is doing it to me can't make him out there basically they're not really all they're doing is occupying the space but these guys once did you know occupied that's all it is it's not anything more complicated these people have abdicated their role to do investigative reporting to cover the news that people don't necessarily are uncomfortable with you know are and are not about say the. the propaganda arm of the republican party that some so far has become so you could do you question as wide open field and you have you know comedians that can move into that because they have lucy on kind of hipster audience as expanded so now they have the freedom to do this and that was chris chambers journalism professor at georgetown university and that's going to do it for now one i thank you so much for watching and if you want to see more on the stories that we covered that are forward slash us.

or the way we get our news with a side of silliness from comedians like jon stewart and stephen colbertving in an age of silly, or can silly still be serious? joining me to cover these questions, author of "are you serious? how to be true and get real ". we were saying before the break, we've been mutual fans and pen pals for years and now get to the meet on american television. >> only in america. >> you're going say in six minutes, it's impossible to be serious and give serious treatment 20 your book. i want to do the best question. what's your beef where the culture is in terms of being serious? >> it's always been hard to be serious, of course. in our public life the technology of silliness is so sophisticated. so distractive and overwhelming it's hard for public figures, for us to be serious about public life. >> give examples where we're not being serious, where i guess in a prior era you sayç we would have been? >> well, twitter, for example. you have to -- everyone's on twitter now. they do twitter more than read the newspaper and listen to the news. it's very hard to be seriou

>> i think he even left stephen colbert speechless.der, okay, back to tim pawlenty. a lot of us reporters, for four, five, over the last six years, who was just a delightful person behind the scenes. his personality, it never came out during the campaign. >> no. he seemed so constrained. so constricted. he was packaged. he was molded into something that he never quite fit for. that's exactly who we thought we were getting. this is who i remembered from -- >> somebody said he was sort of like the cool, dorky dad. >> that's right. >> a little dorky but a little cool. >> caught on camera with the insult dog or whatever his name is. this is not who showed up. and i think it's proof that when you run for president if you're not totally comfortable in your own skin it does show to voters. people see that you're not doing what you should be doing. >> that brings us to tonight. rick perry, mitt romney. mitt romney's been a guy that's been described as somebody that you're not sure if he's comfortable in his own skin. rick perry seems like, hey

even people like stephen colbert and jon stewart who can be funny but not cutting or dismissive, i found if you look at them in the last few days, they were very dismissive about the jobs speech, which i thought was interesting. >> susan, do you think this resonates with the fate that president carter suffered in the summer '79, trying to talk about issues he cared about and people stopped listening? >> obama is in a better place than carter was. carter was at a 30% approval rating in the gallup poll at this point and obama is in the low 40s. this is the point when the presidents who win re-election begin to really build their numbers. this is when reagan was coming up, when clinton was coming up, soon they would be over 50%. in pretty good economies. president obama faces a situation where he needs to improve his numbers, even though the economy's numbers we know won't get very much better by election day. this is about the economy. >> yeah. >> he is likely to have on election day. >> that's the thing that's doing it, chris. it's not about the poll numbers. it's about the reality number

even media personality stephen colbert has a super pac. >> i don't know about you, but i do not accept limits on my free speech. but i do accept visa, mastercard, and american express. $50 or less, please, because then i don't have to keep a record of who gave it to me. >> reporter: and often these entities are run by former staffers or lobbyists for the party. for instance, one of rick perry's multiple super pac s is run by rick toomey, funded by merck. mitt romney's super pac is run by three former staffers from '08 and the money is increasingly given anonymously, so the public is entirely in the dark. in one instance, a romney donor set up a shell corporation, funneled $1 million through it to romney's super pac, and then d disband the company. the donor was a former colleague of romney's at bain capital. these people have poured money into politics, money that is untraceable unless it is disclosed voluntarily. in 2010, the u.s. chamber of commerce spent $31 million and reported none of it. >> our candidates that we will educate about and be positive about are people that have voted

but first, stephen colbert tries to squeeze out a 2012 endorsement from former vice president al goreperry endorsed you in 1988. >> draw. >> will you return the favor right now and endorse rick perry? >> well, it would hurt him a lot in the republican primary. >> so is that an endorsement? >> no. >> because an endorsement would hurt him and you won't endorse him, isn't that in itself an endorsement? >> you could you put it that way. >> i just did. >> he was a democrat back then. i don't know what happened to him. >> weren't we all. intelligene that is helping business rethink how to do business. in here, inventory can be taught to learn. ♪ in here, machines have a voice... ♪ [ male announcer ] in here, medical history follows you... even when you're away from home. it's the at&t network -- a network of possibilities, creating and integrating solutions, helping business, and the world...work. rethink possible. so i take one a day men's 50+ advantage. as a manager, my team counts on me to stay focused. helping business, and the world...work. it's the only complete multivitamin with gink

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