jon stewart and stephen colbert. >> did you guys know that stephen and i met on j-date? you know? >> cousin sal's halloween in brooklyn. >> yeah, you did it! all right! open your bag. there you go. >> and music from the avett brothers with the brooklyn philharmonic. an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" philharmonic. an a[ minto ] you know,l live" those ads saying mitt romney would ban all abortions and contraception seemed a bit extreme. so i looked into it. turns out, romney doesn't oppose contraception at all. in fact, he thinks abortion should be an option in cases of rape, incest, or to save a mother's life. this issue's important to me, but i'm more concerned about the debt our children will be left with. i voted for president obama last time, but we just can't afford four more years. [ romney ] mim mitt romney and i approve this message. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. i'm here in brooklyn where guillermo and i are about to shoot a commercial for subway. guillermo was training for the ing new york city marathon. i'm his coach. but what he doesn't know is that i'm going t

jon stewart and stephen colbert. >> did you guys know that stephen and i met on j-date? you know? >> cousin sal's halloween in brooklyn. >> yeah, you did it! all right! open your bag. there you go. >> and music from the avett brothers with the brooklyn philharmonic. an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" from brooklyn, coming up next. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. i'm here in brooklyn where guillermo and i are about to shoot a commercial for subway. guillermo was training for the ing new york city marathon. i'm his coach. but what he doesn't know is that i'm going to intentionally screw this commercial up over and over again so he has to run a lot. all right? send him in. guillermo? you look great. all right, so, you're going to run around me while i read this stuff, but really fast, like, as fast as you can. >> okay. >> jimmy: let's practice it. marathon training requires energy and subway is a great play to fuel up fur your workout, right guillermo? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: try subway's egg white and cheese on flatbred loaded with -- oh, veggies. for lunch, subway's italian

. >>> stephen colbert immortalized in wax. how painful was it, and what advice does he have? i'm bruce. the story coming up. >>> but first, the state of maryland reaches a decision on whether to ban the sail of crib bumpers. we'll tell you about that, coming up. >>> two big stories that impact our children's safety top tonight's consumer alert. a recall of travel beds. and a ban on bumpers. 220,000 portable beds are being recalled after one infant died and nine others either got trapped or fearly suffocated. there is now a kit available to fix those. but the group, kids in danger, urges parents not to use the product for infants under age one. and maryland will now ban the sale of crib bumpers starting in june of 2013. the department of health determined that the pads provide no real benefits and in fact in many cases are dangerous. it's something our consumer team first told you about more than a year ago. doctors say a baby can stop breathing if they turn into the pad and can't turn over or if they get their little head trapped between the mattress and the pad. so the messa

. >>> also today, stephen colbert has already had enough of your questions about the 2016 presidential race. 2016, folks, the election just ended. take a break. we'll show you stephen's rant coming up later in the show. >>> first to the news right here at 30 rock in new york city and we begin with a looming showdown over the so-called fiscal cliff. the white house is showing its cards and sending a message ahead of the president's face-to-face meeting with republican congressional leaders. it'll take place on friday. president obama plans to open negotiations by calling for $1.6 trillion in additional tax revenue over the next decade. that amount is likely far more than republicans would be willing to accept and double the amount that speaker boehner had offered the president during their debt negotiations last year. today, the president is scheduled to meet with ceos from a dozen companies among them general electric, ford and ibm. they'll discuss ways to work together and try to find a balanced approach to reducing the deficit. during a closed door meeting yesterday with union leader

>> abc7 news. >> comedienne stephen colbert was in -- comedian stephen colbert was in d.c. to unveil his wax figure at madam to south -- tussaud. >> it is a fine. if someone would like to other photograph taken with of fake version of me, that means i should be able to charge to take pictures with the real version of me. if my show goes away, i think i have a backup plan now. >> it does not have to worry. his show is not going anywhere for a long time. >> he looks good in wax. >> let's take a picture of the road this evening. chris anderson has the details. >> heavy delays due to an accident on the outer loop. just cleared, actually. the inner loop of the beltway -- delays coming out of virginia. that will continue up to the 270 aslope. a little bit of a back up. then it stretches throughout prince george's county. virginia, 95, as you head west, that well continue across 123. also, stafford county into springfield. a couple of accidents. also -- back to you. >> thank you. have a good weekend. coming up, it could bring more business to an area that struggles during the wint

. >>> well, just ahead, stephen colbert's agony of defeat. >>> and who's your favorite fictional president? >>> plus, we'll tell you why this peewee football player has become such a huge internet sensation. you're watching "early today." >>> well, during the day today, a huge winter storm is going to develop over the northern rockies, spilling all through montana, even into north dakota. we're going to see easily 6 to 12 inches over a large swath of the country. a lot of unpopulated areas. but if you're traveling through those regions on the highways, it won't be fun and probably not recommended. a little bit of snow in the cascades, southern portions of oregon and northern california. that's really about it as far as the snowfall forecast is going to go. as far as the precipitation, other areas, just showery weather today, especially up there around seattle, portland, as the upper level low comes on shore. you'll see hit-or-miss showers throughout the day. overall, lynn, temperatures have cooled off in the west, but this next big storm for the northern plains it won't be fun. >> looks li

well, last night stephen colbert finds an easy solution. his advice imagine it's a soap opera called general's hospital and had a special guest to top by to help stephen with the plot line. >> oh, this is far from over, stephen. [ cheers and applause ] >> susan lucci! >> oh, yes. and there's more. general petraeus has developed amnesia and --s if [ laughter ] >> -- can't remember that he's pregnant. by his own evil twin who's in a coma and is my lover. [ cheers and applause ] >> that doesn't make any sense. >> how dare you! >> how did you do that from over there? >> don't you remember? i was in a boating accident and now i have telekinesis, just like general petraeus. >> i don't think i could ever do that show. just too many camera turns. i would just screw that up. still ahead on "way too early," why are you awake? "morning joe" just moments away. [ male announcer ] it's that time of year again. time for citi price rewind. because your daughter really wants that pink castle thing. and you really don't want to pay more than you have to. onl

we know how stephen colbert feels. he's not taking it well. that clip later in the show. >>> first let's get to the news here at 30 rock in new york city. for obvious reasons we were locked in on the presidential election for the last couple days. hundreds of thousands of americans remained during that time without power during an unseasonably cold spell in the northeast. yesterday, to add to the damage left by hurricane sandy, a nor'easter blew through the east coast dumping snow and rain on a region that's barely begun to dig out from sandy. there are new pictures from staten island. several inches of wet snow are threatening to topple already weakened trees. power was knocked out to some 60,000 homes in new york and new jersey overnight, many of which had just seen service restored after more and a week in the dark. passenger trains grind to a halt and at least 1300 flights kept at the gates of airports. we'll have a live report from one of the areas hit hardest by the storm in just a moment. first we want to go right to bill karins for a l

well, last night stephen colbert finds an easy solution. his advice imagine it's a soap opera called general's hospital and had a special guest to top by to help stephen with the plot line. >> oh, this is far from over, stephen. [ cheers and applause ] >> susan lucci! >> oh, yes. and there's more. general petraeus has developed amnesia and --s if [ laughter ] >> -- can't remember that he's pregnant. by his own evil twin who's in a coma and is my lover. [ cheers and applause ] >> that doesn't make any sense. >> how dare you! >> how did you do that from over there? >> don't you remember? i was in a boating accident and now i have telekinesis, just like general petraeus. >> i don't think i could ever do that show. just too many camera turns. i would just screw that up. still ahead on "way too early," why are you awake? "morning joe" just moments away. [ male announcer ] it's that time of year again. time for citi price rewind. because your daughter really wants that pink castle thing. and you really don't want to pay more than you have to. onl

just ahead, bill karins will have the weather and stephen colbert on the ultimate voter. share the photos you've taken of election day experience. you can use #2012. might show them on air or online. [ male announcer ] the way it moves. the way it cleans. everything about the oral-b power brush is simply revolutionary. oral-b power brushes oscillate, rotate and even pulsate to gently loosen and break up that sticky plaque with more brush movements than manual brushes and even up to 50% more than leading sonic technology brushes for a superior clean. oral-b power brushes. go to oralb.com for the latest offers. at legalzoom, we've created a better place to turn for your legal matters. maybe you want to incorporate a business you'd like to start. or protect your family with a will or living trust. legalzoom makes it easy with step-by-step help when completing your personalized document -- or you can even access an attorney to guide you along. with an "a" rating from the better business bureau legalzoom helps you get personalized and affordable legal protection. in most state

stephen colbert wondering if sandy has a political agenda. >> none of this surprises me.canes have a well known liberal bias. first katrina tainted george bush's presidency. then isaac wiped out the first day of the republican national convention. now hurricane sandy. sandy, what kind of name is that? are you induced or a lady storm? big surprise, just when obama needs a boost, who shows up in a gender ambiguous weather system? a category 5 bi-hurricane. don't get me wrong, i don't mind you being a meteorological event but why must be so flam poiboya and in my face about it? no, i'm hurricane sandy. deal with me. >> all right. did you see this video yesterday? a 4-year-old girl in ft. collins, colorado, if you think you're sick of the presidential election, look to her reaction after a ride to her grocery store with her mom during which she listened to an mpr report about the campaign. >> because i'm tired of both obama and mitt romney. >> that's why you're crying? oh, it will be over soon, abby. okay? the election will be over soon, okay? >> okay. >> she speaks for so ma

coming up next we have stephen colbert. he made the super pacs funny. then we'll hear how cenk might get the last laugh. >> will a lot of people go to jail. >> have you named anybody who could go to jail for breaking the law with the pacs? >> not a person. >> that's my kind of law. smiles make more smiles. when the chocolate is hershey's. life is delicious. [ male announcer ] you like who you are... and you learned something along the way. this is the age of knowing what you're made of. so, why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. 20 million men already have. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. this is the age of tak

fox 5's beth parker was there for the unveiling. >> reporter: stephen colbert calls it the greatest giftall, himself. >> ladies and gentlemen, there comes a time in every great man's life when he must be cast in wax, if only to remove unwanted body hair. >> reporter: at madame tussauds in downtown d.c. he was immortalized today. >> i want to thank everyone for the honor of becoming the latest waxican american because this is true immortality as long as the earth is not getting warmer in any way. this is the colbert report. >> reporter: the comedy central host sat for hours for a mold to be made. artists spent four to six months creating the figure. >> turns out i learned this from the madame tussauds people a moment ago that on the color wheel my skin tone is semi gloss romney voter. one, two, me. [ cheering and applause ] >> reporter: it's him, right down to the signature eyebrow and the finger point. >> it is 100% accurate i'm happy to say down to every freckle, every wrinkle, every player. i even sent them a dvd -- every player. i even sent them a dvd of my latest colonoscopy. >> repo

so stephen colbert there recently took on high frequency trading. on his show this week in a way only he can hear is a highlight. in higher frequency trading computers can move millions of shares around in minutes earning a tenth of a penny off each share and that adds up to serious money when they finally take it down to the wall street coin store. and he's not the only one you may recall see f.t.c. commissioner bart chilton has been out talking about the need for more regulation to address the potential risks. including on our show he was talking about it now the rules he proposes would require that firms register test their software programs he require kill switches and punish those who violate the law by the second he also told us that two thousand and ten flash crash was a wake up call for watchdogs why has it taken regulators so long even since then to get the ball rolling and why not focus on more aggressively and consistently enforcing the regulations already on the books when it comes to high frequency trading we asked really if you look at

okay. >> -- . >> stephen: elvis costello, it's stephen colbert. >> stephen, how are you?> stephen: well, i'm okay, elvis. but i've got a problem. >> oh, gracious, how i can help? >> stephen: well, elvis, i'm having a garage sale tomorrow. >> a garage-- oh, a garage sale, oh, dow need any help setting up tables. can i be the cashier, i do love counting money. >> stephen: no, i'm sorry, elvis, sting is going to be the cashier. no, i'm just calling because i want to ask your permission to resell my old copy of my aim is true. >> well, obviously, we're friends but i have got to get my back wet on this. what kind of money are we talking about? >> stephen: i'm going to put it in the dollar bin. >> i'm honored. was's my take. >> stephen: i'm offering you 12 cents. >> stephen, that is my debut album. it's-- to the deadening of romantic dream its and an irreplacable moment in my youth. i want 15 cents. >> stephen: i'll give you 14. >> 14 and throw something in from the garage sale. >> stephen: like what? >> a used bun dt pan. >> stephen: a used bun dt pan? i'm sorry, elvis, the be

>> well, you know your 501 c 4. >> stephen: colbert super pac shh. >> is the secret money. >> stephen: okay. >> so we are want to you transfer the money from your super pac over to your 501 c-had and what we'll do is what the tax lawyers call an agency letter which simply means you write a letter that tells the c-4 exactly what to do with the money. and if you do that, the irs doesn't consider it to have been the c-4's money. and it doesn't end up on the tax return. >> stephen: it goes from my super pac into a 501 c 4 reasons right, now since everyone knows the name of your c-4. what we thought it would be bet per if we created a whole new anonymous c-4 so that the first one transfers the money to the second one, and the second one which you will also run then disperses it. that way we're sure nobody can trace it. >> stephen: so i write a check from my super pac to my 501 c 4 to my second secret 501 c 4 and because i sent a letter along the way saying here is what i want you two guys do it neither i nor me nor me is responsible for what happens with the money. >> that's right. >> step

me, stephen colbert! this is formidable opponent. plause] ♪ [bell ringing] >> stephen, thank you for joining me. >> well, i'll go on any show to promote my new book "america again, rebecoming the greatness we never weren't." [ laughter ] next week, i'm guest-hosting "here comes honey boo boo." 'cuz a dollah makes me hollah! [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] >> well, i'd never stoop that low myself, but i've got to admire shameless self-promotion. >> oh no-- there's some shame. [ laughter ] >> i'd love an autographed copy. >> you bet: okay. here we go. all right. to stephen, you complete me. stephen. all right. there you go. >> thanks very much. >> okay, stephen, voters respond to authenticity. so mitt's clear victory in the 1st debate proves his new moderate values are the real ones. >> you are adorable. who got sucked in by romney? who got sucked in? you did! >> no, i didn't. >> yes, you did! >> knock it off. >> who doesn't like it when i talk like this? you don't! >> hey, if anyone "fell for it," it's you hard liners when you nomin

"is stephen colbert's description of windsor as the earth's rectum good or bad for the city?" (laughter and applause) this is true. as of this taping the results are 76.64% good and 23% bad. (cheers and applause) apparently the earth's rectum is an improvement over windsor's previous reputation so you're welcome, windsor. you just got the colbert bump. (cheers and applause) do you agree to make this your new city flag and change yourtoryist signs. "welcome to wind or, you taint seen nothing yet." (laughter and applause) folks, wall street is taking a lot of heat lately. you destroy the global economy once and everyone forgets all the times you didn't destroy it. (laughter) plus our finance sector is much safer now because wall street has removed the weakest link-- man. >> for 150 years, the floor of 2 t change was the center of the financial world. but less than 30% of the trading is conducted here now and the specialists in the noise of the floor is being replaced by the speed and quiet efficiency of computers. >> stephen: though humans still play an important role-- as seen

. >>> maybe one stephen colbert isn't enough for you. well, now there are two. the comedy channel political humorist was in town today. tom sherwood caught up with colbert who now sits among presidents in washington. >> reporter: stephen colbert walked into madame tussauds and put the occasion into perspective, his political perspective. >> ladies and gentlemen, there comes a time in every great man's life when he must be cast in wax. if only to remove unwanted body hair. being cast in wax is true immortality, as long as the earth is not in any way getting warmer. one, two, me! >> woo! >> i'm so beautiful. >> reporter: colbert, of course, began fooling around with himself. >> this is what it's like to be with me. i would so want to be a guest on my show. >> reporter: colbert joins a whole host of other contemporary wax figures at the commercial downtown museum. but these people were real people, lined up by the hundreds on connecticut avenue friday afternoon for a colbert book signing at politics and prose. >> it's intelligent humor. he tries harder than others.

. >> we are very excited here, tyler perry, thank you for joining me on tyler perry stephen colbert's interview with tyler perry. >> i love it, i love it. >> colbert: you like at that naming things after yourself. >> absolutely. >> colbert: i do too, i got -- i got a treadmill on the space station named after me. do you have one of those? >> no, no. i haven't done that yet. >> colbert: i went in -- >> go ahead. >> colbert: thanks so much. now, you are on the forbes like celebrity power list, number 20, because you are a writer, a director, an actor, a producer, a playwright. it sounds like you haven't found your thing yet. what is next? spot welding? why so many things? >> i am just trained myself early on, i didn't have much money so i learned how to do all the jobs myself and i don't know how to let goyette. >> colbert: really? but where do you find the time for the writer, director, playwright and author, right? >> yes. >> colbert: probably most famous for playing medea. thank you for playing that role, there are far too many good roles for old black women. elderly african-american

television host stephen colbert has announced his resignation from "the colbert report" effective immediately. (laughter) because, folks, i am stinking filthy rich! (laughter) jimmy, tell them why! >> power bavl sales are skyrocketing, upping both the jackpot and the odds that somebody will actually win the big prize tonight. it sits at $550 million. >> stephen: $550 million! suck my powerball! (laughter and applause) jimmy, play my jam. ♪ you're a rich girl and you've gone too far ♪ because you know it don't matter anyway -- ♪ (cheers and applause) ♪ you can rely on the old man's money -- ♪ >> stephen: now -- (laughs) whoo! (cheers and applause) now i know that lotto money is going to be mine, okay? even though the drawing hasn't happened yet, even though the odds of winning are 175 million to one. because i bought 175 million tickets. (laughter) and i'm guaranteed to win, because every single one of these babies has the exact same lucky numbers. (laughter) all right? so it's in the bank. i am megarich! no more slaving away for the man 30 minutes a day four days a week. (laughter) look, it's

coming next we have stephen colbert. he made the super pacs funny.n we'll hear how cenk might get the last laugh. >> will a lot of people go to jail. >> have you named anybody who could go to jail for breaking the law with the uh, i'm in a timeout because apparently riding the dog like it's a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment! luckily though, ya know, i conceal this bad boy underneath my blanket just so i can get on e-trade. check my investment portfolio, research stocks... wait, why are you taking... oh, i see...solitary. just a man and his thoughts. and a smartphone... with an e-trade app. ♪ nobody knows... ♪ [ male announcer ] e-trade. investing unleashed. >> michael: we learned today thanksgiving is a time of slow news time. so the news delivered today representative jesse jackson jr. who has long been suffering with bipolar disorder under treatment at the mayo clinic, will, in fact resign his seat. the seat that he won a few weeks ago. the rumors are that his brother or sister may be named in a deal to take that seat. those are j

(laughter) so let's get the truth of night three in "stephen colbert's debate 2012 coverage." two men, one wheel. who gets to drive us over the cliff? (laughter) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) these people are huge fans of buick. (laughter) i was so excited because last night was officially the foreign policy debate. unfortunately-- and i do not know this-- that means you have to talk about a lot of other stupid countries. (laughter) and this being boca raton, florida, they hit all the important ones. >> israel is a true friend, it is our greatest ally in the region. >> israel. our closest friend in the region. >> they have to abide by their treaty with israel. >> our ally israel. >> our bond w israel. >> israel. >> israel. >> israel. >> israel. >> israel. >> israel. (laughter) >> stephen: i was playing a drinking game last night where i took a shot of manischewitz every time -- (cheers and applause) every time someone said "israel" and by the end of the debate i was totally diabetic. (laughter) but, folks, this wasn't just about israel it was also about countries

. >> reporter: stephen colbert plays a right wing pundit on comedy central. like anyone vain enough to appear on tv every night. >> i may be a news junkie but i also got to have my story. >> reporter: he just cannot get enough of himself. ah, self-love. colbert said the artist painted him in dots and measured him with calibers. >> i even sent them a dvd of my latest colonoscopy. >> reporter: ey missed one detail. >> i'm american. >> reporter: tried not to be a pompous tv guy myself. how do they do this? do they dip you entirely in hot wax and it pulls all your hair out and everything. >> most of the time they actually murder the suspect. >> reporter: they didn't murder dan rather but they did relegate him to the gift shop to make way for colbert's man crayole. he called himself the latest wax american. >> it reminds me of my infancy. >> looft spitting up. >> reporter: the guy who's run for president a couple of times refuses to divulge his secrets for solving the nation's problems. >> i'm not going to tell you. you have to elect me first. why buy the cow when

potter thinks and he's the expert, you may have caught him the other night advising his clients, stephen colbertac they'd created for stephen last year in the clever move to expose corruption. >> can i somehow give the money to myself and thereby hide it forever and use it in the ways that i wish? >> actually, you can. >> colbert nation is in good legal hands with trevor potter. he knows how the system works. he advised george h.w. bush and john mccain on their campaigns for the white house. he helped draft the mccain-feingold reform act, chaired the commission and founded the campaign legal center and that's a nonpartisan group working with other campaign finance reformers to counter the influence of the $6 billion election. welcome back, trevor. >> thank you very much. nice to be here. >> so did the money matter or not? >> let me give you an analogy that you would appreciate on the east coast which is if you have a hurricane and you come out ask say i'm still alive, do you stop worrying about hurricanes? no, and i think that's where we a are. the tidal wave of money is there. it left lots of d