and now, it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert!" en: hey, everybody. ( cheers and applause ). let the games begin. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. thanks so much. thanks, jon! ( cheers and applause ) that's exciting. that's exciting. hey, y'all, i'm not sure if you are familiar, but it's already november 23rd. which means we're only three days away from thanksgiving. there is only one thing the host is always in charge of, and that's the turkey. you got to get up before dawn to de-brine it, give it a deep sensory butter shiatsu, and remember, if you put the stuffing inside the bird, there is a risk of salmonella, so remember, put the stuffing inside the bird. that's why it's called stuffing . roll the bones, live on a high wire. stuffing on the side is not stuffing, unless it's stove top stuffing, one of our sponsors. stove top, eat it. and i got to tell you, this thanksgiving, i'm feeling a little betrayed, because it has just been revealed that the grocery store labels on the

( band playing intro music ) >> welcome stephen colbert! >> stephen: whoo! thank you. thank you, everybody. welcome to the show. hey! that's my band. welcome to the late show, everybody! whoo! whoo! welcome to the late show, everybody! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. you're very kind! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much, everybody. welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. you know, i'm so excited. i'm your host, stephen colbert. and tonight, whether or not you are aware of it, is a momentous occasion, because this is our ( cheers and applause ) that's nice, 50, of course, is the golden anniversary, so i bought everyone on my staff their very own gold bond medicated powder. ( laughter ) how you feeling, jon? >> jon: dry and refreshed! >> stephen: that means it's working. all right. 50 episodes. i can't believe we reached the big 5-0 in just ten weeks. to put that in perspective, it took "new year's rockin' eve" 50 years to reach 50

and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: whooo! (cheers and applause) whooo! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, thanks, everybody. i got to tell you, i got to say rubbing cheat owes dust on jon stewart is a great-- is a part of this complete breakfast is what it is. i got to do that more often. now i think a lot of you know that i am a roman catholic. but i am so busy doing this show every night, i don't always have time for my favorite catholic rituals like sunday mass or saying the rosary or feeling guilty for not going to mass or saying the rosary. but of course without a doubt my favorite catholic ritual that i no longer have time for is confession. well, even if i can't sit down with my priest, i still have a lot to get off my conscience. and i feel like i can say anything to you, my audience. you won't tell anybody, right? >> no! >> stephen: thanks. this is stephen colbert's midnight confessions. just for the record, i'm not sure the following things ar

that, plus stephen colbert gives his real thoughts on donald trump. it comes to the box office this past holiday way, the force was definitely with star wars. and late show's stephen colbert comes clean about what he really thinks about republican front runner, donald trump. cbs news correspondent chris martinez reports. ((pkg script)) nats from premiere star wars continued its march across the world, making its red carpet premiere in china sunday. nats from "star wars" "the force awakens" is shattering records around the globe. even though it has yet to open in china the world's second largest movie market. the movie hit the one billion dollar mark at the box office sunday.making it the fastest movie to reach that milestone ever. nats from "joy" in its debut weekend, "joy," about the inventor of the miracle mop, finished in third, raking in17.5 million at the box office. (wipe vo) "late show" host stephen colbert appeared on cbs' face the nation sunday to talk politics. he says he doesn't respect donald trump or his policies but voters. (very top of

and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! nsored by cbs >> stephen: whooo! (cheers and applause) whooo! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, thanks, everybody. i got to tell you, i got to say rubbing cheat owes dust on jon stewart is a great-- is a part of this complete breakfast is what it is. i got to do that more often. now i think a lot of you know that i am a roman catholic. but i am so busy doing this show every night, i don't always have time for my favorite catholic rituals like sunday mass or saying the rosary or feeling guilty for not going to mass or saying the rosary. but of course without a doubt my favorite catholic ritual that i no longer have time for is confession. well, even if i can't sit down with my priest, i still have a lot to get off my conscience. and i feel like i can say anything to you,y audience. you won't tell anybody, right? >> no! >> stephen: thanks. this is stephen colbert's midnight confessions. just for the record, i'm not sure the following things are sins. but they

and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: whooo! whooo! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, thanks, everybody. i got to tell you, i got to say rubbing cheat owes dust on jon stewart is a great-- is a part of this complete breakfast is what it is. i got to do that more often. now i think a lot of you know that i am a roman catholic. but i am so busy doing this show every night, i don't always have time for my favorite catholic rituals like sunday mass or saying the rosary or feeling guilty for not going to mass or saying the rosary. but of course without a doubt my favorite catholic ritual that i no longer have time for is confession. well, even if i can't sit down with my priest, i still have a lot to get off my conscience. and i feel like i can say you won't tell anybody, right? >> no! >> stephen: thanks. this is stephen colbert's midnight confessions. just for the record, i'm not sure the following things are sins. but they are things i feel really guilty abo

and now, it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert!" tephen: thanks, everybody. yeah, yeah. what's happening? everybody is very... >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. you're very kind. there is a lot of excitement in the room tonight. you see jon is very excited over there. everybody is excited because, as i said before, oprah will be joining me in just a little bit. ( cheers and applause ) pretty cool, right? >> jon: woo! >> stephen: have you ever met oprah? >> jon: yes. >> stephen: because i've met oprah. i spent like a whole day with her once. >> jon: oh, wow. >> stephen: it's not a contest. but, um... >> jon: yeah, well, you know, if-- if it was a contest, then you'd win, but it's not. >> stephen: so if i had made it a contest, i would have just won the oprah contest with you. >> jon: right. >> stephen: but you-- have you met her? >> jon: yeah, i met oprah. >> stephen: the hype is real. >> jon: the hype is really real. >> stephen: no, she's-- does not-- it's like, it's not, you can't-- people say oh, she's

sunrise starts >> welcome stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the late show, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) very nice. thank you, jon. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: that's nice, thank you, everybody, thank you so much. beautiful to hear. i like it. thank you, everybody. that's so nice. thanks, everybody, thanks. whooo! ( cheers and applause ) you feel it. welcome to the late show, everybody, thanks so much, i'm stephen colbert. how is everybody doing tonight? doing all right? i'm so glad, that is wonderful, because i'm feeling great tonight. because for once i have good news. and here it is. donald trump was attacked by a bald eagle. ( cheers and applause ) it was during a photo shoot for "time" magazine back in august. footage. here's the thing, everyone's having a good time with that footage of trump. and here at the late show we have enjoyed a joke or 50 or 60 at donald's expense. but when it comes to

. >> welcome stephen colbert! ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: hey, welcome to the ( ) >> jon: ow! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: that's very nice. thanks, everybody. hey, thank you so much. welcome to the late show. man, a guy could get used to that. welcome to the late show. i'm stephen colbert. i hope you don't mind, that this is the "late show with stephen colbert," and stephen colbert is standing in front of you and, that i prefer to refer to myself in the third person. ( laughter ) but that is just what stephen colbert does. ( laughter ) and i'm so excited that you're all here, because i really need somebody to talk to tonight. i was alone this afternoon when i found out one of my heroes isn't the man i thought he was. his name... >> ooooooh. >> stephen: a little late on that. ( laughter ) a lot of responsibility. a lot of responsibility, being a live audience. here's what happened. d-craig or craigy-d, as he likes his friends to not call

the late show with stephen colbert is next.,,,,,,,,,,,, ♪ (vo) some call it giving back.call it share the love. during our share the love event, get a new subaru, and we'll donate $250 to those in need. bringing our total donations to over sixty-five million dollars. and bringing love where it's needed most. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. our next newscast is tomorr morning >>> the late show with stephen colbert is coming up next. >> our next newscast, tomorrow morning at 4:30. goodnight. ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing intro music ) >> welcome stephen colbert! >> stephen: whoo! thank you. thank you, everybody. welcome to the show. hey! that's my band. welcome to the late show, everybody! whoo! whoo! ♪ ♪ welcome to the late show, everybody! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. you're very kind! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much, everybody. wee

here is more of our interview with stephen colbert. have you learned how to interview differently now than when you did in the past? >> absolutely. i used to live by the joe scarborough rule which was, if someone on your show talks for more than seven seconds you've lost control of your show. now i let back see what they will say. >> dickerson: what about the questions you ask? i was always in attack mode before. people want me to tea tack people still. people are very upset, liberals got so mad at me. somebody called me like a craven sell out for not 'talking donald trump. like what do you want. there's no pleasing some people. >> dickerson: looking back at this year, what i was struck by after san bernadino you started one segment i'm trying to manage the tonal shift. that's what strikes me, politics was crazy. but also we've had shooting charleston, san bernadino, attacks in paris, we're ending the year in kind of a fragile walking on egg shells kind of time. i have responsibility to do a comedy show. like water cooler conversation.

the late show with stephen colbert is next.,,,,,,, ♪ (vo) some call it giving back. we call it share the love. during our share the love event, get a new subaru, and we'll donate $250 to those in need. bringing our total donations to over sixty-five million dollars. and bringing love where it's needed most. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. are those... you there... stormtroopers! halt! turn here. go go! follow them! bb-8! beep, beep! this way! where'd they go? they went that way! that way, they went that way! i can't believe that worked! of course it worked! beep, beep, beep! >>> the late show with stephen colbert is up next. >> our next newscast tomorrow morning at 4:30. i know dennis will be here, paul, veronica. ( band playing intro music ) >> welcome stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." wooo! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that's nice. oh! oh, that gets you. >> stephen! stephen. >> stephe

and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! >> stephen: thank you! thanks, everybody. thank you, jon. thank you, ceelo. >> jon: yeah, baby. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. thank you so much. that feels good. did you see the show last night by any chance? we have-- we had our friend bill maher on the show last night. and we had probably one of my favorite interviews we've ever had on the show. and out of all, like, 45 shows or something like that. and he's incredible. but we did, like, 16 or 18 minutes of interview, or something like that. am i right? and we had to cut, like, six to make room for a cat circus. ( applause ) but if you liked the interview, we've got the whole thing uncut, unedited on the web site. go to colbertlateshow.com and you can watch the whole thing. it's really good. really enjoyable. you should go check it out. thanks for coming, bill. now, if you watch this show-- and if you're watching me right now, i assume you do-- you know i'm a huge fan of "star wars." ( cheers and applause ) i'm even

see you back here tomorrow. >> welcome stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show" everybody, thank you so much! thank you for my book. welcome to "the late show." thanks so much, everybody. thanks so much, everybody. thanks so much for being here. i'm very grateful for your presence. thank you for my book. welcome to "the late show." thanks so much, everybody. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, a miniature stephen colbert who lives inside your tv. when the tv goes off, i can still see you, just like your x-box. no judgment, except for that one thing you do-- grow up. thank you-- thank you for what i'm going to trust was your sincere applause, just a moment ago. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. i appreciate it. i love it. i just want to make sure it's not the mindless cheering of a horde of robots, because it's hard to tell who are the people and who are the robots. that's how fast the robots are progressing. and i fear the eventual enslav

the power to feel better.tm >> dickerson: we have more stephen colbert ahead.full interview visit us at facethenation.com you can follow us on facebook and twitter and instagram. the artificial heart, this ielectric guitarsdoers, and rockets to the moon. it's the story of america- land of the doers. doin' it. did it. done. doers built this country. the dams and the railroads. ♪john henry was a steel drivin' man♪ hmm, catchy. they built the golden gates and the empire states. and all this doin' takes energy -no matter who's doin'. there's all kinds of doin' up in here. or what they're doin'. what the heck's he doin? energy got us here. and it's our job to make sure there's enough to keep doers doin' the stuff doers do... to keep us all doin' what we do. >> dickerson: some of our cbs stations are leaving us now. but most of you we'll be right back with more of our interview with stephen colbert, our political panel and astronaut scott kelly. stay with us. ,,,,,,,,,, closed captioning provided by cbs sports division [captioning made possible by cbs sports division

cbs "the late show with david letterman" became "the late show with stephen colbert" i sat down recently with him to compare notes on navigating such an action-packed year. stephen, i want to know with sunday morning people -- >> is this sunday? dickerson: well done. i'm looking for a theory of this election, do you have one? >> anything goes. i guess. all bets are off. there's a populism that i find very appealing it's only this. is that the party elders would like him foggy way. but the people have decided that he's not going to. >> dickerson: you like that -- may disagree with anything that he's saying think that his proposals are a little -- more than a little shocking. but there is something really hopeful about the fact that, want him so the people in the machine don't get to say otherwise. that's the one saving grace i think of his candidacy. >> dickerson: you have to look at this mess of an election, make a joke of it, come to terms with it. how do you -- >> i always feel bad for the candidates now. what did we start off with something like 22 at one point. hungry for power games

and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen!phen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks so much, everybody. boy, i will see you all at the wedding. ( cheers and applause ) i'm not sure if i've mentioned this before, but "star wars." "the force awakens" premiered in new york last night, and i could not be more excited to see it. i'm planning to go on saturday afternoon, and i also have tickets for sunday at 11:30 a.m. in imax. by the way, i've done none of my christmas shoppping. i hope my family likes "star wars" ticket stubs and empty junior mints boxes. but it turns out, not everyone is as excited as everyone is. because according to the "wall street journal," people in china aren't that familiar with the "star wars" movies. though they might be familiar with some of the toys. ( laughter ) spoiler alert. the elves don't make them! ( laughter ) apparently, the franchise never got popular in china because the original "star wars" movie came out

>> jon: welcome stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing intro music ) >> stephen: whoo! whoo! whoo! >> stephen: hey! welcome to "the late show." >> stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: hey! nice! come on! whoo! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you. that's the best kind of mindless mob. thank you for being here. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert, everybody. happy to be with you tonight. because i've got to tell you, i was a little miffed this afternoon. it's good to be with friends. i'm upset. y'all know i'm a big fan of "lord of the rings." you guys like "lord of the rings"? ( cheers and applause ) you guys know this. because i'm a big fan, my ears pricked up-- much as a hobbit's would-- when i heard that scientists in brazil have discovered a new species of spider and named it after a "lord of the rings" character, smeagol. they say they named it smeagol because it's scary looking and lives in caves. okay, that's cute. that's cute. i'

and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! eers and applause ) >> stephen: wooo! >> stephen! stephen! >> stephen: i'll take it. i'll take it. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yeah! that is-- oh, that is the best. best possible christmas present i could get. i need your energy. you'll have to excuse me. i'm a little tired. last night was yet another republican debate. and i'm tired because i was up late watching the whole thing, and definitely not at the cbs christmas party instead. and this morning, i did not have to apologize for challenging scott pelley to a pushup contest after not licking egg nog out of tom selleck's mustache. that's what i didn't do. i watched the debate. if you missed it, cnn's g.o.-palooza went down in las vegas at the most american possible venue, the venetian hotel and casino, owned by republican megadonor and part-time kuato, sheldon adelson. ( laughter ) the debate took place on the stage where "phantom of the opera" played fo

show with stephen colbert. bridges. have a great weekend. >> good night. ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) >> welcome stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) > > stephen: wooo! wooo! ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: welcome to "the late show" everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: mmm! mmm! mmm! feels good. oh! welcome to the show, everybody. thank you! thanks, everybody. welcome to "the late show." i'm your stephen colbert. we are only a week away from christmas. this is the time when we really begin to cherish our family and friends by rushing out to c.v.s. to buy gift cards, and finding the only ones left are for subway and dick's sporting goods. ( laughter ) merry christmas, nana! enjoy your $5 footlong as you browse through warm-up pants. and this year-- i don't know if you ghies know this-- this year's christmas is going to be unique, because for the first time in 38 years, a full moon will rise on christmas night. but t

and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! thank you, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: thank you, jon. hey everybody. welcome to hour two of tonight's broadcast. ( laughter ) you know, sometimes on this show, i like to talk about what everybody else is talking about, sort of like the nation's water cooler conversation. oh, california, you might wanna ask oregon what water is. ( laughter ) but right now what everyone everywhere is talking about is release that he put out in which he said, "donald j. trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of muslims entering the united states until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on." he wants to ban muslims, a fourth of the world's population. how is that going to work? i'm not sure how the t.s.a. would be able to test you for your religion. though i will say their patdowns are thorough enough to determine if you're jewish. ( laughter ) ( applause ) usually have to pay somebody

and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! lause ) >> stephen: hey! thank you very much. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: that's nice. thank you so much. ( cheers ) that's entirely pleasant. thank you so much. thanks, everybody. please. folks, how is everybody doing? ( cheers and applause ) me, too. i am also "woo." because we're just two days from thanksgiving and i want to take this time to mention something i'm thankful for-- donald trump. ( laughter ) because he gives all of us on tv something to talk about. he's all over the newscasts, he was on "s.n.l.." and if you turn on cbs right now, there's some guy talking about donald trump. ( cheers and applause ) but now-- but now trump is getting a lot of heat for something he said about muslim-americans' reaction to the attacks on 9-11. >> hey, i watched when the world trade center came tumbling down. and i watched in jersey city, new jersey, where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. >> you know, the polic