> steve carell and stephen colbert, when you guys were really unknown. we could not-- we could not get arrested. honest to god. >> but with outsized talent, crazy talent. >> stephen: that's me and carell on your show. >> yes. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: this was "waiters who were nauseated by food." >> right, we did a lot of presentational comedy. so the chyron would come up and say, "and now presenting waiters who are nauseated by food." >> stephen: "germans who say nice things." >> "germans who say nice things." >> stephen: "skinheads from maine." >> do you remember "skinheads from maine"? it can't air, and we can't even really talk about it any further, but use your imagination. it's the pepperidge farm voice, because i used to go around doing the pepperidge farm flaky fresh things, and i thought it would be funny to have that guy be a skinhead. >> stephen: exactly. ( laughter ) >> you came in with this crazy, weird, "to kill a mockingbird" vibe. you would look at the ceiling and go, "yeah." what was your hook? >> stephen: yeah! >> that was it.

i'm stephen colbert. and i'm legally blind. ( laughter ) you know, you're not going to believe this, but donald trump is in the news. the administration is still dealing with the fallout from trump announcing that the u.s. will be pulling out of the iran deal. it's trump's biggest pulling out blunder since eric. ( audience reacts ) ( laughter and applause ) and president trump spent the day complaining on twitter about leaks inside the white house, because we all know trump prefers his leaks in russian hotel rooms. ( laughter and applause ) you get it, stephen? because the president watched two russian prostitutes urinate on a hotel mattress. >> stephen: allegedly. >> right, right, allegedly. it could've been three prostitutes. ( laughter ) >> stephen: we-- we get the idea. >> what a great show we've got for you tonight, folks! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: when i come back, more monologue. >> ooh, how tantalizingly vague. ( band playing ) >> stephen: and "back to the future's" jamie foxx is here. >

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! nd applause ) >> stephen: wooo! hey! ( cheers and applause ) that's right! thank you, you beautiful people. sit down! thank you! please! very nice. thanks, everybody. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. well our long-- our long national nightmare is different because after weeks of tearing families apart at the border and falsely insisting that only congress could solve the problem, this afternoon, the president looked deep into his heart and realized it was not there. ( laughter ) jim? >> we're signing an executive order i consider to be a very important executive order. it's about keeping families together. i didn't like the sight or the feeling of families being separated. >> stephen: "and at the end of the day, we all know everything is really about me and how it make me feel. ( cheers and applause ) so much, i, sad, broken hearted, me, so sad." yes, however you slice it, donald trump has changed his mind and decided to keep families together. and just in ti

welcome to the late show, one and all, i'm your host, stephen colbert. (applause). >> stephen: you're excited, i know why you are excited because today is donald trump's 500th day in office. which means congratulations, we made it to the first trimester of his presidency. but for some reason my nausea hasn't gone away. you know what else isn't going away, the mueller investigation. no matter how hard trump tries. and this morning he added a new wrinkle tweeting as has been stated by numerous legal scholars, i have the absolute right to pardon myself. but why would i do that when i have done nothing wrong. i love riddles. oh, i know this one, it's because if you bring the grain over the river first, the fox will collude with the russians to get the chicken. but why are you bringing it up if you are not going to do it? that's like a surgeon saying it's just a routine appendectomy, also i could kill you at any time. but request would i do that? okay. now count backwards from ten. and evidently trump's lawyers agree with him, "the new york times" obtained a c

she's doing a p.s.a. ( laughter ) >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, help wanted at the white house. plus, stephen welcomes thandie newton and betty gilpin featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! yeah, right there! thanks, everybody. yeah. >> stephen: stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: good to see you, jon. >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. ( cheers ) what lovely people. please, have a seat. you're too kind. that's a friday audience right there, my friend. >> jon: a friday crowd right there. >> stephen: they're on fire. gasoline-- somebody light a match. ladies and gentlemen welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) as i said-- friday. it's only on a friday. as i said it is friday. it is the end of a rough week. but don't worry, if you're demoralized by this white house, you're not alone. so is the white house. (

there's another cloud. ( laughter ) >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight trump rages against the outrage. plus, stephen welcomes josh brolin ruth negga and musical guest, walk the moon featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! good to see you! hey, everybody! thank you. thank you very much. thank you, thank you! thank you, one and all. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. you know, when it comes to the news, let's face it, we don't want to face it, because once again, the big story is trump's policy of taking immigrant children from their parents at the border. now, there are two ways to look at this story: either you can be horrified, or you can work for donald trump. ( laughter ) take secretary of homeland security and stepmom flushing pictures of your real mom down the toilet-- ( laughter ) kirstjen nielsen. yesterday, nielsen defended this policy at the daily briefing. now, normally, th

. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." plus, stephen welcomes president bill clinton and james patterson and tig notaro featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, everybody! how are you? please, have a seat. sit down. please! welcome, welcome-- ( cheers and applause ) welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( applause ) you know, if you're a sports fan, there's a tradition that when you win the super bowl, you go to the white house, a few months later, once the swelling's gone down. well, the super bowl champion philadelphia eagles were supposed to be at the white house today, but last night, the white house press office issued a statement from the president that said the eagles were disinvited because, "they disagree with their president because he insists that they proudly stand for the national anthem, hand on heart, in honor of the great men and women of our

( band playing ) >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." n welcomes seth rogen and comedian danny jolles. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! thanks, everybody! you got-- you got-- you got to love a friday audience, jon. ( cheers and applause ) every friday. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. happy friday! ( cheers and applause ) you're already there. thank god it's friday. it's the end of another jam-packed week in america. and we're really only talking about one story. it's the sad one down south. but other things happened in the last week-- for instance, robert mueller is locking people up. i'll catch you up on the latest on tonight's russian roundup. >> yee-haw. >> >> stephen: thank you, vlad. first, there's trouble for former trump campaign chairman, and zombie corleone, paul manafort, because last week a judge "revoked manafort's bail and sent him to jail to await tria

. >> it's the late show with stephen colbert. plus, stephen welcomes mandy moore sara bareilles josh groban and musical guest meghan trainor featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, thank you so much. ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) i want you to brace yourself because here's a sentence i don't often say: donald trump did something good. today, he pardoned alice marie johnson, a great-grandmother, first-time nonviolent drug offender who received a life sentence for cocaine possession. life-- that seems pretty harsh, but if you've ever been stuck in a conversation with someone who's high on cocaine, that feels like a life sentence. ( laughter ) so, anyway, he did the right thing. he did the right thing. she didn't deserve to be in there. he let her off. but maybe he did the right thing for the wrong reason because there w

it flows freely i'm sure. >> i'm tomorrow morning at 4-30. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. our next newscast is tomorrow inrning at 4:30. -- we'll see you tomorrow morning.

>> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, melania's coat. welcomes don lemon, mike colter and musical guest death cab for cutie, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: whoa! lovely! please, sit down, everybody! thank you very much! welcome to the "late show." i'm stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) thank you, everybody. the story of the week has been trump's pro-baby-snatching agenda, and today it took another weird turn. because to humanize these child detention centers, the administration sent their most high profile detainee, melania trump. ( laughter ) and as soon as she got there, melania cut right to the big question. >> how i can help to these children to reunite them with their families as quickly as possible? >> stephen: ma'am, i know how you can help. unfortunately, it involves speaking to your husband. ( laughter ) but desperate times call for desperate measures, and the first lady g

. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight g7 summit not looking g-reat. plus, stephen welcomes jeff glor david koechner and musical guest interpol featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, joseph. hey! welcome. please, have a seat. welcome, welcome, one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. these people, obviously, that kind of energy, it could only be a friday crowd right there. ( cheers and applause ) you earned it. you earned your friday! i'll tell you what, i don't know if you know this, but donald trump has left the country. he is on his first-- ( cheers and applause ) yes. well-wishers. all-- all well-wishers for the president. ( laughter ) he's on his first international visit to a hostile foreign power: canada. he's attending the g7 summit in charlevoix, quebec-- or as trump calls it, "beaver france." ( laughter ) it's going to be octobe awkwarda little awkward-- because donald trump imposed ste

it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcomes tonight, the handshake heard around the world. plus stephen welcomes is ed helms michael k. williams and tom papa. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! very nice. beautiful. thank you very much. ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stehen colbert. today we all woke up in a different world, because late last night-- yesterday morning-- long-awaited summit with north korean dictator and stuffed animal of himself, kim jong-un. and from the beginning, donald trump signaled he was serious about peace, because he didn't greet kim with his normal alpha male hand battle. instead, he disarmed his handshake. look at that! come ogive him the nobel peace prize now. after a brief one-on-one meeting, the two leaders got down to the most important item on the agenda-- lunch ( laughter ) including, "korean

. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight is summit of all fears. plus stephen welcomes nick offerman, niecy nash and musical guest lykke li, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: please have a seat everybody! you're too kind. welcome to "the late show." i'm your shows stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) we are just days away from donald trump's summit with kim jong un. it's truly historic. the stakes are almost as high as trump's and kim's cholesterol. they're calling it "the lipitor in singapore." quick reminder: the fallout of this meeting could be actual fallout. ( laughter ) but don't worry, as trump explained during a joint press conference with japanese prime minister shinzo abe, he is primed and ready. >> i think i'm very well prepared. i don't think i have to prepare very much. it's about attitude. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yes. yes. you don't have to prepare. complex diplomacy with an int

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: hey! hey! come on! hello! thank you very much! welcome, everybody! please, have a seat. you're too kind. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your shows stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) you know, folks -- donald trump was born 72 years ago today. and i just want say, sir, i wish you a very... birthday. ( laughter ) fun fact, trump's birthday is also flag day. and we know how much he loves the flag. ( laughter ) someone give that flag michael avenatti's card. although i criticize president trump, i did get him a gift. sir, i hope you enjoy these cufflinks. just let me know. ( cheering ) if you have trouble getting them on. ( piano riff ) ( applause ) of course, the gift he wanted was the inspector general's report on the department of justice's handling of the hillary clinton email probe. which was released today, so it's time for another installment of our long-running segment: hillary clinton: impeachment watch!

tomorrow morning at 4-30. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> have a great evening, we'll seal you tomorrow morning. -- we'll see you tomorrow morning. captioning sponsored by cbs >> okay, so most people who look up at the cloud, they see clouds. >> sure, but a man from south carolina saw a little bit more than that when we snapped this photo of a cloud. he said he thought it looked a lot like the president. >> huh, check out that cloud. >> oh, yeah. it kind of looks like a hot air pumpkin. >> or a basketball that's been hit by a truck. >> a sweet potato in a raccoon's mouth. >> a sack of wet leaves way comb-over. >> a butt that switched places with a head. >> qawz moto's more deformed brother. a bucket of chum with moldy bread on top. an arrogant jack-ass who blames

captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." ght, michael flipping cohen. plus, stephen welcomes anthony scaramucci and michael avenatti. and musical guest chromeo, featuring d.r.a.m. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: oh! hey! how are you? please, sit down, everybody. thank you very much. well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. donald trump is back from his to face-to-face with kim jong-un, and that's a lot of face. ( laughter ) but now he's got to deal with an even greater threat: robert mueller. and i'll tell you all about it in tonight's "cohen corner." tonight the corner is crowded, because there is huge news in the mueller investigation. sources say that ex-trump lawyer michael cohen is likely to cooperate with federal prosecutors. yes, michael cohen is going to sing like a canary, which is ironic, because it's trump that looks like one. ( laughter

live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: thank you very much! double dipping! welcome one and all! wwelcome one and all to "the lae show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. folks, it is an historic evening because, as we speak, president trump is meeting with north korean dictator kim jong un, a scenario that, just a few years ago, would have been unthinkable because it includes the phrase "president trump." ( laughter ) now, the summit actually started at 9:00 a.m. tuesday morning, singapore time, which is 9:00 p.m. new york time. so they're actually meeting in the future, which finally explains both their haircuts. ( laughter ) so -- i don't know what technology is involved there, but it's not human. so tensions are high. the united states is on the precipice of unthinkable international conflict, and that's with canada. ( laughter ) our relations have not been this bad with canada since they stole the word "bacon." canadian bacon is just round ham, you monsters. ( laug

. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. much ado about due process. stephen welcomes jessica chastain, romesh ranganathan and scott rogowsky. featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: how are ya? ( cheers and applause ) haj, children of all ages, mr. and mrs. america and everyone, thank you so much. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. every day i get up, i'm hopeful i'll be surprised by the news. ( laughter ) but, mostly, i'm just shocked by how unsurprising the news is. the latest "holy predictable" comes from the humanitarian crisis on our southern border. first of all, there's still no announcement on what they're going to do to put these stolen kids back together with their parents. and no indication that they could successfully do it. "23andme is donating d.n.a. kits to help reunite migrant families." ( applause ) good for them, yes. but while they're at it, can they test trump'

being a much younger woman, and props to stephen colbert. heather, watched.ow do you think bill clinton did with this do-over interview? oh boo-hoo your $60 million in debt. it was really unfortunat monicay camet the wrong time. she didn't have the me-too movement behind her. also if this happened in the obama administration and she might hav had an affair with a president maybe five years ago, even then she would have had the kardashian effect behind her in that she could have made a career out of s of this fame. but at that time she was completely shamed. she did not havewhere to g real she hade couple stints the entertainment world but nothing like today where she would be probably be doing tedte but at that time it was really sad. and i think that her life has not been great been very difficult throughout these decades. >> i can't begin to put myself in the skin of monica lewinsky. from what i can tell, i think she's doing all right, giving impressive talks and writing for "vanity fair." >> now she is but evenk in the day or even ten years ago. >> totally

. >>> here tonight guests on the late show with stephen colbert. ♪ it's time for the 'lowest prices ofhe season' with savings on the new sleep number 360 smart bed. it senses your every move and automatically adjusts on both sides to keep you effortlessly comfortable. and snoring.... does your bed do that? for a limited time, save up to $500 plus free home delivery on sleep number 360 smart beds. ends june 30th. summer. there's a warning for beachgoers: look out for sharks! you can see this massive great swimming rig >>> keep an eye out if you plan to head to santa cruz county to cool off. >> there is a warning for beachgoers, look out for sharks. you can see this massive great white swimming alongside a kayak. they spotted 2-three dozen and he wants beachgoers to know this is the new norm. >> four years ago in the population for started coming back, we would see eight or nine. over the last four years, we have been seeing more sharks and they are getting bigger. >> if you need more proof, check out this video. this shark was circling a woman in her kayak and feet away is another lurki

bar >>> here are tonight's guests on "the late show with stephen colbert". what about him? let's do it. ♪ come on. this summer, add a new member to the family. at the mercedes-benz summer event. lease the glc300 for $429 a month at your local mercedes-benz dealer. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. in texas. the driver plowed through the store aisles... damaging several displays >>> some new video tonight have a pickup truck barreling through a walmart in texas. >> the driver plowed through the store aisles, damaging several displays before turning around at the cereal aisle and then speeding away. police later arrested the 19- year-old behind the wheel and say an argument with a female acquaintance may have sparked the bizarre rampage. >>> depending on the type of person you are, you cabuck or your no waitlist. this nearly 700 foot long bridge in china is the largest last bridge in the world. officials insist it is quite safe. each piece of glass weighs 4.5 tons and can hold the weight of up to two cars. >> let's go! >> gravity always wins. telling me it is heavier does n

. >>> and here are tonight's guests on the late show with stephen colbert. today >>> tonight steph curry and lebron james are teaming up against president trump. tonight the president threw a celebration of america at the white house. after disinviting the super bowl champs, the philadelphia eagles, the white house revamped the event when it learned only 10 members of the eagles' team would attend. so will the next nba champs go to washington? >> no matter who wins this series, no one wants to be invited any way. >> i agree with lebron. i'm pretty sure the way we handle things last year, kind of staying consistent with that. moto the eagles players whthe media. >>> sports settling in on election night. we have a man reporting near the cleveland cavaliers headquarters. early returns? it is being a successful news guy? yes, it is good. the highlights? well it all depends on who you root for. moving pictures from third and king streets ahead. ♪ the kenya tea development agency is an organization that is owned by tea farmers. every week we sell this tea, we get

here are tonight's guests on the late show with stephen colbert. ..........at may seem bad for business. de >>> tonight apple debuted some new technology that may seem bad for business. >> the worldwide developers conference in san jose today, apple unveiled a do not disturb feature that hides notifies while you sleep. there's also a new app called screen time that tracks weekly usage and counts the number of times you pick up your phone. >> the tech engineers are beginning to realize their technology has not only the impact for good, but also for bad and when it is questionable, i think they take action. >> the new app will allow parents to get reports on their children's phone usage and set allowances. the app will be available this fall. >> i got a question. >> not my phone, by the way, even though said it elizabeth on there. >> i saw that. >>> if the capitals win the stanley cup, do they go to the white house? >> will they be invited? >> that's an excellent question. we're going to find out. they got a game closer tonight. >> and this guy is not the playe

michelle griego and ke l the news you >>> late show with stephen colbert is next.cast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> see you then. captioning sponsored by cbs >> president trump, thank you for sitting down with me in singapore pop now, let's get to it, sir. what was it like meeting kim jong-un? >> i've met him. i've spoken with him. >> stephen: but have you spoken with him? >> i have spoken with him. >> stephen: it sounds like you two met. what was your takeaway after meeghtd him? >> his country does love him. you see the people. they have a great fervor. >> stephen: yes, they cheer for him as if their life depends on it. moving on, with some summit, kim jong-un got respect on the world stage, an end to military exer sizes between the united states and south korea. no timeline to give up nuclear weapons or stop human rights

bravo to all three of them. >> stephen colbert.rd it, john, didn't you think that sounded like stephen colbert to me? >> make america comedic again. >> the whole open, the joke continues through. >> it'swort worth going to take little looksee. it's well done. >> welcome back to our little show on "cbs this morning." here are three things you should know this morning. john bolton met with russian president vladimir putin in moscow, discussing plans for a possible summit with president trump in mid july. putin said after the meeting that he hopes full relations between the two countries can can can be restored. bolton met earlier with russian's foreign minister serger lavrov and members of the security council. >>> gas prices are falling just in time for the fourth of july. the average fell 12 cents, still 58 cents higher than a year ago. nearly 47 million americans are expected to drive more than 50 miles for the fourth. pump prices could keep dropping through the summer after opec announced it will raise crude oil production. >>> b

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good night. >>> the late show with stephen colbert is next.ewscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. captioning sponsored by cbs >> the supreme court rules in favor of a baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple. >> hello, thanks to the new supreme court ruling there's never been a better time to jump into the headeropastry industry which is why i opened straight cakes where we guarantee all our cakes are straight, like the bible intended and how do you know our cakes are straight? because every single cake features a guy doing it to a lady. anniversary cake, guy doing it to a lady. graduation cake, guy doing it to a lady. doing-- old guy doing to an old lady. we also have cupcakes with little guys doing it to little ladies. so come on down to straight cakes where our motto is sno

it's ironic because he's with stephen colbert whom i have been -- i've been on his show when he had "show" and i did a vignette with him and nancy pelosi. we don't agree philosophically but we had a great little ride together, around the halls of congress. i have to tell you about stephen colbert, when staffers came out of their office, he gladly greeted all of them, he let some have a picture with him when it was appropriate, democrats and republicans. to me, that shows good personal behavior. i think that being a nice guy still -- >> so ana, doesn't everyone just have the discretion of, you know, making a decision, making a call like that? >> they have the -- >> jack, it's my turn. let me tell you this. i actually didn't know you were going to play this but i was actually there when that happened. that happened at the romney retreat in park city, utah, a couple of weeks ago. seth rogen was there not for politicing g politics, he was there to talk about alzheimer's research, which is something that affects his family directly and he has been raising funds for and raising awareness fo

have a good night city, it's stephen colbert! er ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey! how are you? ( cheers and applause ) there you go. well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the "late show." i'm stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) we're going on vacation next week, so we won't be able to talk about what's going on in the country. hopefully, there will be still be one when we get back. ( laughter ) but robert mueller could drop at any time -- that's what they're saying -- some time soon, it's going to come out, andeth got the president spooked. so, today, he sent his congressional goon squad to attack his justice department, starting with assistant attorney general and "dad just checking in to see what you girls are gabbin' about," rod rosenstein. rosenstein is mueller's boss, so ohio republican jim jordan laid into him about... something? >> mr. rosenstein, did you threaten staffers on the house intelligent committee? media reports indicate you did. >> media reports are mistaken. >> sometimes, but this is what they said: "having the nation's number one law enforcement office

and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: how are you? ( cheers and applause ) beautiful! hey, everybody! welcome to "the late show"! hello, jon! >> jon: hey, what's happening? >> stephen: you look like a hip priest. >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much! thanks, everybody! whoo! ( cheers and applause ) oh, my goodness! ( rim shot ) welcome to "the late show" one and all. i'm your host, stephen colbert. look, how you guys feeling tonight, feeling good? ( cheers and applause ) yes! that reaction right there is why we don't do this show on the mexican border. ( laughter ) so happy down there. because the big story continues to be the trump administration's policy of forcibly separating immigrant children from their parents. and faced with almost universal condemnation from both sides of the political aisle, religious leaders, from the u.n. human right's council-- donald trump took finally took full responsibility for the policy and promised a

this is "stephen colbert's midnight confessions"! rs and applause ) >> stephen: standard disclaimer: i don't know if these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. okay, i'll be right back. ( laughter ) ( organ music ) forgive me, audience. i know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but i do not miss chris christie at all. ( laughter ) audience, audience, if i ask you, "got any big plans for the weekend?" what i really mean is, "can this elevator go any faster?" ( laughter ) sometimes, sometimes when i read a hardcover book, i remove the difficulty jacket. it really kills the sensation. ( laughter ) sometimes, sometimes, after a long day, i like to kick my feet up and just relax. it really freaks out the other drivers. ( laughter ) since the world cup started, i've started to care about soccer. and i'm worried the name "ronaldo" is taking up brain cells that could be remembering the name "gandalf." ( laughter ) i've never been good at name-dropping... according to my friend meryl streep. ( laughter ) >> when thing

applause] ausubel: when jon stewart launched "the daily show" as a satirical fake news program and stephen colbertruthiness into the lexicon, little did they know they were foreshadowing the coming fakenstein monster. [laughter] soon, kellyanne conway's "alternative facts" would give entirely new meaning to being pro choice. [laughter] this is the moment of post truth, but really, disinformation warfare is as old as the hills, andnd we're hardwireded for it. we need to look nono furtherer than nature

during an appearance on the late show, clinton was suppressed by stephen colbert in a way he likely shouldears ago but never was. >> i apologized to my family come up to monica lewinsky and her family, and to the american people. i meant it then and i meant it now, of how to live with the consequences everyday sense. >> you seemed offended to be asked about this thing when, in all due respect, sir, your behavior was the most famous example of a powerful man sexually misbehaving in the workplace and all of my lifetime. >> tucker: dave rubin was the ribbon report, and he joins us. it's great to see you. i don't know if i'm going soft or something, i've never liked bill clinton and i would obviously never vote for him, but why do i suddenly feel sorry for him because he's this old guy that's been cast aside by a party because he is no longer useful? that's my instinct. >> that is weird, if you just suddenly went soft on bill clinton, i'm not sure what i'm doing here. >> tucker: it's like he's disposable and no one needs him now. >> the left eat their own, and this might be the case for the le

these hands. >> stephen colbert gets tonight's last word. "the 11th hour" with brian williams starts w. >>> the breaking news news we're covering tonight. election returns. this is the biggest primary before the midterms. the polls now closed in california, the last of eight states voting today. steve kornackitanding by the big board with the numbers. >>> plus the president comes in after his attorney general again. another attack on jeff sessions today, and the a.p. reports the president and others have stopped saying sessions' name out loud in the west wing. >>> and the trump communications staffer who joked about senator john mccain's fightit

applause] ausubel: when jon stewart launched "the daily show" as a satirical fake news program and stephen colbertntroduced truthiness into the lexicon, little did they know they were foreshadowing the coming fakenstein monster. [laughter] soon, kellyanne conway's "alternative facts" would give entirely new meaning to being pro choice. [laughter] this is the moment of post truth, but really, disinformation warfare is as old as the hills, andnd we're hardwireded for it. we need to look nono furtherer than nature,

michelle griego and kenny choi will hav to start your >>> late show with stephen colbert is e

were separated from their parents, he talked about problems in late night comedy, so there was stephen colbertfallon and a cameo from someone else overnight. watch. >> got it. it's surprising trump is orange because if you ask me he is is bananas. done. great monologue. [ phone ringing ] >> hey. >> hey, lost soul what are you up to. >> be a man. >> i'll try. >> what are you up to? >> i'm bsz having no tal rent. >> did you see trump's rally last night? >> nope. >> me either. he said some pretty bad stuff about us. >> really? that doesn't sound like him. >> i heard we're a no talent, lost souls. >> that's not right. that's conan. hold on, i'll get him. >> hey, guys. what's up? >> president who? >> trump, donald trump, the real estate guy who sells steaks. >> he's president? >> yeah. >> wow. how's he doing? >> not so good. >> guys, give him time and remember, please be civil. if we're not careful, this thing could start to get ugly. i'm about to start shaving my chest. you want to watch? >> no thanks. >> we still on for lunch? >> yeah. >> where you want to eat? >> red hen. >> red hen. >> the red

. >> in what may be a first, host stephen colbert, imy fallon and conant o'brien teemed up for the sameke a listen to this. >> hey, low lives. >> hey,ost soul. what are you up to? >> be a man. >> i'll try. >> what are you up to? >> i'm busy having no talent. >> did you see trump's rally last night? >> nope. either. heard he said some pretty bad stuff in that. >> really? oesn't sound like him. >> all no talent, low lives lost souls. >> that's not right. that's con nant. hold on. i'll get him. >> hey,guys, what's up? >> president who? trump. >> donald trump? the real estate guy who sells steaks? he's president? >> yes. >> wow. >> at a rally on monday night in south carolina presirump slammed the hosts for criticizing his response to the border crisis and thus you get this. >> there you go. new overnight, a federal judge in california is ordering u.s. boarder authorities treunite families and children. she issued a 350 day deadline. news 4's tracie potts has the story. >> here's the thing. dsr the younger they've been concerned about the kids five and under. 14 days, two weeks they have to

. >> don't forget the late show with stephen colbert. we will be right back. hey, want the fastest internet? done. and now, xfinity mobile's included. you could get up to five lines. you could save 400 bucks or more a year, which you could spend on a funk-tastic music video. ♪ dance party boom. ♪ simple. easy. awesome. get started with xfinity internet, with three times the speed of at&t and directv, and tv for $35 each a month for a year when you buy both. and ask how you can save with xfinity mobile. click, call or visit us today. ...prepare to be moved...r!... prepare to be awed... prepare to make a mad dash... because with the incredicoaster... ...pixar pal-a-round... ...and a bunch of your favorite pixar characters... it's going to be pretty incredible. pixar pier, opening june 23rd. at diey californiae pretty adventure park. they started out homeless.. and st >>> a stolen slice of pizza may be the best thing that happened to these puppies. they started out homeless. some workers sat down and thought they were going to eat pizza. the mother dog jumped on

. >>> late show with stephen colbert is next. is tomorrow morning at 4:30 am. >> we will see you ther captioning sponsored by cbs >> homeland security secretary kirstjen nielsen blasted by protesters overnight while trying to eat dinner at a mexican restaurant in the shame! shame! >> i'm so happy i decided to do this, just jump right back into the dating pool. i like this restaurant. good pick. ah, are those people with you? they seem to be looking over here. you know, why don't we call the mariachi band over just so we can drown out the noise. fellas. ♪ you are a monster you are a monster ♪ take your tacos and go home

michelle griego and kenny choi will hav to start your >>> late show with stephen colbert is next.he s morrow at 4:3 >> dr. stanley: remember this: cannot change the laws of god. when he has visited you in some form of adversity and he brings you through that, that's like he has increased the strength of the foundation of your life and your faith in him. [music]

. >>> and here are tonight's guests on the late show with stephen colbert. the city tonight...you're not imagining things. take a look-- these images on the ferry building are part of a projection campaign to promote the new c-b-s show, "strange >>> tonight, you're not imagining things. >> these i am mannings are part after projection -- images are part of a projection campaign to promote the show called strange angel. >> a 1930s rocket scientist, jack parsons, who had this wild idea. how about trying to get a man to the moon? >>> strange angel premiered tomorrow on cbs all access. >> images will run until 1:00 a.m., so plenty of time to look. >> they should run the tv show on the tower. >> you know what time it is? it's sports time! it's all relevant moving pictures, we'll ...giants, business...let me they're glad to get out of south florida...lost 3 leads...lost 3 games... let me tell you something, the giants are glad to get out of south florida, lost three leads, lost three games, no rest and relaxation in miami. marlins are dead last in their division,

. >>> and here are tonight's guests on the late show with stephen colbert. r..d of footsteps) (sound of car door opening) (car door closes) (sound of engine starting) ♪ ♪ hey, want thedone.est internet? and now, xfinity mobile's included. you could get up to five lines. you could save 400 bucks or more a year, which you could spend on a funk-tastic music video. ♪ dance party boom. simple. easy. awesome. get started with xfinity internet, with three times the speed of at&t and directv, and tv for $35 each a month for a year when you buy both. and ask how you can save with xfinity mobile. click, call or visit us today. (sound of footsteps) (sound of car door opening) (car door closes) (sound of engine starting) ♪ ♪ hoping >>> you know the saying, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. >> a burglar tries to pry open the door, and breaks off the handle, at a convenience store in concorde. so he get up again, and grabs -- he gets up again, and grabs a rock respect and throws it at the door -- rock . [. you gotta go to ross. >>> welcome back to cleveland, step

. >>> late show with stephen colbert is next.

. >>> and here are tonight's guests on the late show with stephen colbert. ♪ ♪ ♪ raindrops on roses andon kittens ♪ ♪ bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens ♪ ♪ brown paper packages tied up with strings ♪ ♪ these are a few of my favorite things ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ these are a few of my favorite things ♪ with pg&e in the sierras. and i'm an arborist since the onset of the drought, more than 129 million trees have died in california. pg&e prunes and removes over a million trees every year to ensure that hazardous trees can't impact power lines. and since the onset of the drought we've doubled our efforts. i grew up in the forests out in this area and honestly it's heartbreaking to see all these trees dying. what guides me is ensuring that the public is going to be safer and that these forests can be sustained and enjoyed by the community in the future. the city tonight...you're not imagining things. take a look-- these images on the ferry building are part of a projection campaign to promote the new c-b-s show, "strange >>> tonight, you're not imagining things. >> these i am mannings are part

you know what stephen colbert put his finger on, this is going on in the present.at an apology sounds like. it sounds like this. i was wrong. i hurt people. they're still hurting no matter how much i may have suffered. they're still suffering. we're learning how much what i did that was wrong is hurting them. done. but that's what we don't hear. >> right. >> well, he i did apologize at the time publicly and to her publicly. he did not apologize to her personally, which has been sort of the contention there about she wanted a personal apology. i think some people think that may be necessary. >> i department thiidn't think for him to say he thought nbc edited to make it sound like -- we heard him apologize. but did you apologize to her personally. i thought that was a fair question. certainly under the circumstances, seems like he would have been better prepared. and the fact he said i'm mad at myself for how i handled it says something. >> still strikes a cord, that episode. >> years later. >> very much in the present. >> so you go to stephen colbert to clear it up.

. >>> here are tonight's guest on "the late show with stephen colbert". internet. not just any internet. it's "you've never gamed with speeds like this" internet. it's "all your teenagers streaming at once" internet. it's "i can get up to one, two, three, four, five mobile lines included?" internet!esour life simple. easy. awesome. see how you can save by getting xfinity mobile included with your internet. get started with xfinity internet with more speed than ever for $29.99 a month for 12 months. click, call or visit a store today. ♪ raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens ♪ ♪ bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens ♪ ♪ brown paper packages tied up with strings ♪ ♪ these are a few of my favorite things ♪ ♪ ♪ got a custom, tiny cast... courtesy of "wild care" in san rafael. rom its nest >>> baby squirrel got the custom tiny foot cast. the critter fell from its nest in a told tree a few weeks ago. a dog snatched it up and brought it to its owner. the squirrel had some head trauma and a broken leg. as you can see, it has a little cast on its foot and it is

but stephen colbert on his latest show had a different take. >> trump's been getting press coverage. check out the new cover of "time" magazine. yeah. that is heartbreaking. jim, is there anything we can do to make it happier? >> hiya! the audience really got a kick out of that one. colbert even poshe animation to instagram. so much out there between the jacket, between the covers, and everything else in between. >> no shortage of things to talk about. but, i mean, that is kind of nn >>> all right. this morning the world is mourning the loss of tkoko, gorilla who gave humans a window into the thoughts of another species through sign language. the gorilla foundation announced thil the g passed away in her sleep at the age of 46. koko mastery of sign language intrigued the world and variety notes she had many celebrity friendlu ing 96-year-old betty white who shared this on twitter, i cherished every minute we spent together. >> koko is in gorilla animal heaven. >> so impressive. >> it really is. we'll be right back. we run marathons, companies, solve problems. how? we fuel ourselves,