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Jun 3, 2023
06/23
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. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, all systems go. first, stephen welcomes janelle monae and jamie oliver with a special appearance by m. night shyamalan, featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: good to see you. very nice. happy wednesday. happy wednesday. there you go. thanks, everybody. you are very kind. welcome, one at all. welcome one and all two of the late show. i am your host, stephen colbert. anybody and from out of town? i assume you drove here because this morning, and faa computer glitch grounded all departing domestic flights. this happens when you run your system off a going go hot spot. it says i am connected but i can only go to delta.com. the problem started last night thanks to a crash of faa software, which shares information about hazards in the air and on the ground, if the air travel equivalent of that was the talk your dad gives you before the road trip. you are going to want to skip
. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, all systems go. first, stephen welcomes janelle monae and jamie oliver with a special appearance by m. night shyamalan, featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: good to see you. very nice. happy wednesday. happy wednesday. there you go. thanks, everybody. you are very...
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Jun 9, 2023
06/23
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>> stephen: hanks, colbert. michelangelo's yard sale. n movies, right? >> tom: yeah, i am playng, i am playing robert langdon there. detective robert langdon. >> stephen: and i am playing a psychotic albino. which is what i play most of the time, actually. >> tom: notice, notice what i have made off with here. this is like -- this is truly one of the great michelangelo religious things. >> stephen: that's the holy family right there. >> tom: that's right. >> stephen: there is the david back there and because, only because this is cbs, is your shoulder blocking his pee-pee. >> tom: hmm. >> stephen: and of course. >> tom: here you go. >> stephen: again, tom hanks, stephen colbert. "centaur field." half-man, half-horse, all-star! >> tom: all right. now the great line from this, i got mad because it was yours. there is no braying in baseball! that was the thing that they -- and i'm like, what? >> stephen: yes. the crux of this movie and the thing that it shifts on is that, you know how in "air bud," they go "nothing in the rulebook says a dog
>> stephen: hanks, colbert. michelangelo's yard sale. n movies, right? >> tom: yeah, i am playng, i am playing robert langdon there. detective robert langdon. >> stephen: and i am playing a psychotic albino. which is what i play most of the time, actually. >> tom: notice, notice what i have made off with here. this is like -- this is truly one of the great michelangelo religious things. >> stephen: that's the holy family right there. >> tom: that's right....
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Jun 1, 2023
06/23
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[sizzling] >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... tank you for being a friend. first, stephen welcomes brett goldstein and amanda warren. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: hello, my friends. nice to see you again. ♪ ♪ good to see you. happy wednesday. happy, happy, happy, happy. hey, everybody! thanks, everybody. please have a seat. you are too kind. welcome in here, out there, up there, down there. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. folks. [cheers and applause] i want you to check your calendars because today is officially opposite day. which means it's not opposite day. or am i? another thing about today, it's volodymyr zelenskyy's birthday. and joe biden -- [applause] yeah. and joe biden got him exactly what he asked for, 30 m1 abrams tanks. yeah. this wasn't exactly a huge surprise. zelensky kind of figured it out while it was still wrapped. the abrams is a game changer
[sizzling] >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... tank you for being a friend. first, stephen welcomes brett goldstein and amanda warren. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: hello, my friends. nice to see you again. ♪ ♪ good to see you. happy wednesday. happy, happy, happy, happy. hey, everybody!...
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Jun 14, 2023
06/23
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and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ >> stephen: hey! applause] oh! got to gather up the energy. good to see you. hello, louis. welcome, welcome, everybody, in here out there, to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] hey, remember how anxious you were in the final days of the previous presidency? well, turns out, now that we're through it, i think we can say, in hindsight, that maybe we should have been a little more terrified, because we're getting new details about the last days of the last administration of "the lardfather," in the new tell-all from bob woodward and robert costa, "peril." turns out, two days after the january 6th insurrection, joint chiefs chairman, mark milley feared the former president would launch a nuclear war. bombl outomll could on er after all, he is a fat man who acts like a little boy. [applause] apparently... true story. true story. apparently, general milley believed the then-president had gone into a serious mental decline in the aftermath of the electio
and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ >> stephen: hey! applause] oh! got to gather up the energy. good to see you. hello, louis. welcome, welcome, everybody, in here out there, to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] hey, remember how anxious you were in the final days of the previous presidency? well, turns out, now that we're through it, i think we can say, in hindsight, that maybe we...
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Jun 7, 2023
06/23
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and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! lampley, whatsapp, endea. what's up? please have a seat, ladies enter gentlemen. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] but enough about me. jon batiste won five grammys last night! five! come on! guys! come on. guys. that's -- we know that dude. that's our friend from work. now, jon is not here tonight. he's on his way back. he's on his way back. he is still an airport security in los angeles explaining the five grammy-shaped bulges in his pants. but t is represented up there in our dome this evening right there. yeah. d. jon took home trophies for best music video, best american roots performance, best american root song, best soundtrack for soul and the whole enchilada, album of the year. album of the year. whole year. one album, whole year. january to december. calendar, fiscal, the whole thing. "we are." of course the album's full name is "we are gonna win a butt-load of grammys." i'm not surprised at all that jon won album of
and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! lampley, whatsapp, endea. what's up? please have a seat, ladies enter gentlemen. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] but enough about me. jon batiste won five grammys last night! five! come on! guys! come on. guys. that's -- we know that dude. that's our friend from work. now, jon is not here tonight. he's on his way back. he's on his way...
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Jun 24, 2023
06/23
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>> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... poll-er coaster. tephen welcomes john oliver people magazine's sexiest man alive. and a performance by "the lion king." featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape frm the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: there you go! hey! hey! [cheers and applause] have a good show. happy monday. happy monday, happy monday. thanks, everybody. thank you very much. welcome. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. well, ladies and gentlemen. [cheers and applause] listen to that! listen to that, lampley! >> i know! >> stephen: that is -- there is an electricity in the air. everybody knows it. this is it! it's midterms eve! [cheering] yeah. be sure to leave out a plate of cookies and a cold glass of xanax. because a lot of people are anxious, and that is exactly the way the news media wants you. remember, i warned you a couple of weeks ago that the media was going to spend every waking minute leading up to the midterms yanking
>> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... poll-er coaster. tephen welcomes john oliver people magazine's sexiest man alive. and a performance by "the lion king." featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape frm the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: there you go! hey! hey! [cheers and applause] have a good show. happy monday. happy monday, happy monday. thanks,...
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Jun 8, 2023
06/23
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and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. i hope you all had a great weekend. but no matter what kind you had, you didn't have as much fun as president biden, who wrapped up his tour of ireland. it was everything he dreamed. he met with relatives, toured some castles, he got to visit the malarkey factory. throughout the trip, he delivered a bunch of speeches, including this one in dublin, where he ended with these inspiring words. >> there's nothing our nations can't achieve if we do it together. i really mean it. so thank you all, god bless you all and let's go... let's go lick the world, let's get it done. >> stephen: yeah, baby! lick the world! lick the world! lick the world! [audience chanting] i have no idea what the hell that means that if anybody can do it, it's joe biden. then biden was off to his ancestral home of county mayo, where they gave one hell of an entrance. >> please welcome a son of ballina and the 46th president of the united states, joe biden! [dropkick murphy'
and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. i hope you all had a great weekend. but no matter what kind you had, you didn't have as much fun as president biden, who wrapped up his tour of ireland. it was everything he dreamed. he met with relatives, toured some castles, he got to visit the malarkey factory. throughout the trip, he delivered a bunch of speeches, including this one in dublin, where he...
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Jun 21, 2023
06/23
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i am your host, stephen colbert. if you are standing, you better sit down.you are sitting down, yet on the floor and weep. there is a controversy rocking d.c. the bidens ordered the same dish at a restaurant. who does that? i will tell you who. a renegade president who was in the middle of the biggest national food scandal since nixon said this -- >> i am not a cook. >> stephen: thank you. tonight, we are calling the bidens redundant entree scandal, all the presidents menu. it is a slow news day. the media landscape is bristling with headlines like orders spark strong reactions, sparks a furious debate and the bidens ordered the same dish, dividing the internet. it is a far cry than the last president and his first lady. he would order a burnt steak with ketchup and she had a small sign of blood diamonds. one thing testorm proves after four t last putting ushrog and roller coaster of neofascist grist, we get to be outraged by low stakes scandals. [applause] is so break out your tan suit, eat your pizza with a fork and knife and puke on the prime minister of
i am your host, stephen colbert. if you are standing, you better sit down.you are sitting down, yet on the floor and weep. there is a controversy rocking d.c. the bidens ordered the same dish at a restaurant. who does that? i will tell you who. a renegade president who was in the middle of the biggest national food scandal since nixon said this -- >> i am not a cook. >> stephen: thank you. tonight, we are calling the bidens redundant entree scandal, all the presidents menu. it is a...
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Jun 27, 2023
06/23
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and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: that's what i'm talking about. ♪ ♪ good to see you. good to see you. hello. hello, lovelies. hello, beautiful people. happy wednesday. that's right. thank you very much. you're very kind. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. and i want to start tonight... i want to start tonight's show with a very important announcement. after much soul searching, i have decided that i am ready to accept the results of monday's powerball lotto drawing. i am not the winner, 'cause they stole it from me, and i accept that. tonight, of course, they held a drawing for $1.2 billion, and even though we taped the show before the drawing, pretty sure i won that, because i used the exact same numbers. okay, all right? and what are the odds that these numbers don't win two times in a row? you know what they say, doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of genius. speaking of gambling, the midterms are just six days
and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: that's what i'm talking about. ♪ ♪ good to see you. good to see you. hello. hello, lovelies. hello, beautiful people. happy wednesday. that's right. thank you very much. you're very kind. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. and i want to start tonight... i want to start tonight's show with a very important...
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Jun 30, 2023
06/23
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. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... arrest is yet to come. first, stephen welcomes hugh grant and sean hayes. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert. >> stephen: fantastic. you are a sight for sore eyes. beautiful. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: happy, happy, happy monday. hey! thanks, everybody! down here, up there. very nice. thank you very much. ♪ ♪ please have a seat, everybody. thank you so much. welcome one and all, down here, up there, out there, welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] it is march what? what is it, march 24th or something? 27th. march 27th. got to get a new calendar. it is our first show back from spring break. what did i miss? did anyone get indicted? did anyone go anywhere fun, like jail? no? okay. you'll recall that previously on "the late show," manhattan district attorney alvin bragg was expected to bring charges against the forme
. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... arrest is yet to come. first, stephen welcomes hugh grant and sean hayes. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert. >> stephen: fantastic. you are a sight for sore eyes. beautiful. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: happy, happy, happy...
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Jun 6, 2023
06/23
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. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... bail to the chief. t, stephen welcomes lin-manuel miranda and john kander and a performance from the broadway production of "new york, new york." featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater, in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: hey! beautiful. [cheers and applause] oh, yes. tuesday, tuesday, tuesday, baby. two for tuesday. thank you. sit, sit, sit. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it was an absolutely beautiful day here in new york. you know? 70 degrees. [cheers and applause] 70 degrees and sunny with a chance of jail. because about four miles south of here, the former president was arraigned on 34 felony counts. he was supposed to arrive at the courthouse around 11:00 a.m., but he didn't leave his building until after 1:00 p.m. which is pretty late, but in his defense, those spongebob episodes just keep auto-playing. you've got to shut it. once he finally arrived, down at the
. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... bail to the chief. t, stephen welcomes lin-manuel miranda and john kander and a performance from the broadway production of "new york, new york." featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater, in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: hey! beautiful. [cheers and applause] oh, yes. tuesday, tuesday,...
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Jun 15, 2023
06/23
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and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! phen: hey! there you go! oh, man! that is as good as i can get, thank you, buddy! what a wind up! >> louis: that swag in your step. >> stephen: nice to see you. hello, hello, hello. >> audience: stephen! stephen! >> stephen: welcome, one and all. thank you very much. welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] you know, folks, we made a bunch of jokes for the four years that the previous billionaire president ruled with malicious intent and exploited our democracy to pay for the gold plating on his toilets. and that was fun. but i gotta say, i feel much safer in the hands of this president, who's just a regular old joe six-gaffe. but, that said, the gaffes are piling up. for instance, last night, we learned that biden aides have found a second batch of classified documents at a new location. no! say it ain't so, joe! i know you're retirement age. are you starting a collection? they're classified documents, not spoons from the delaware train museum
and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! phen: hey! there you go! oh, man! that is as good as i can get, thank you, buddy! what a wind up! >> louis: that swag in your step. >> stephen: nice to see you. hello, hello, hello. >> audience: stephen! stephen! >> stephen: welcome, one and all. thank you very much. welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] you know, folks, we...
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Jun 2, 2023
06/23
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sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert! w are you! hello! welcome! [chanting "stephen"] >> stephen: please have a seat everyone, welcome. in there come out there, everyone in the world, everyone in canada, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert, and ladies and gentlemen, i am still... [cheers and applause] i am still all hot and bothered about the fbi raid at mar-a-lago. turns out, my kink... is consequences. we're learning more juicy deets about the raid. it's becoming increasingly clear that the search was tied to an ongoing investigation into whether the former president took classified records from the white house to his florida residence. spoiler: he did. we already know he did. no matter what it is, it's always what you thought, but worse than you imagined. he incited an insurrection. he extorted ukraine. "he" put the bop in the bop shoe "h the rthe ralama ding dong! then, he made the ramalama ding dong sign an nda. he's already admitted he did it. about seven months ago, the former president reveale
sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert! w are you! hello! welcome! [chanting "stephen"] >> stephen: please have a seat everyone, welcome. in there come out there, everyone in the world, everyone in canada, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert, and ladies and gentlemen, i am still... [cheers and applause] i am still all hot and bothered about the fbi raid at mar-a-lago. turns out, my kink... is consequences. we're learning more...
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Jun 22, 2023
06/23
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and now, live on tape from the theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! phen: how lovely. there it is. there it is. thank you, mark! [applause] ♪ ♪ get some! you want some? come get some! bang, boom! [cheers and applause] what's up? you got a problem? what's up, bro? thanks, everybody. thank you, everybody. welcome one and all to the late show, i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] folks -- folks, the suspense has finally broken. we've been waiting for nine days to learn who would control the house of representatives. you know what they say, good things come to those who wait. not this time, because republicans have won control of the house of representatives. [boos] i know. i know, it's disappointing. though it is nice to see republicans take the house without any zip ties. [applause] still -- it's refreshing is what it is. the votes are still being counted in some swing districts so we don't have the final tally but republicans are likely to control a slimmer majority than many expected, so it's bad, but not as bad as you feared. if the p
and now, live on tape from the theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! phen: how lovely. there it is. there it is. thank you, mark! [applause] ♪ ♪ get some! you want some? come get some! bang, boom! [cheers and applause] what's up? you got a problem? what's up, bro? thanks, everybody. thank you, everybody. welcome one and all to the late show, i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] folks -- folks, the suspense has finally broken. we've been waiting for nine days to...
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Jun 13, 2023
06/23
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. >> announcer: "the late show with stephen colbert."ight sandra bullock takes the colbert questionnaire. plus we welcome hannah gadsby! and musical guest buffalo nichols featuring john baptiste. and now, live on tape from. sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert. ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, what's up! hello, friend. hello. what's up? what's going on, louis. please have a seat, ladies and gentlemen. ladies and gentlemen, welcome everybody to "the late show." i am your host stephen colbert, and right now, is this right? we are almost five weeks into russia's three-day conquest of ukraine. while putin's monstrous war against the ukrainian people continues to grind on, there have been some interesting developments in the peace talks in istanbul. here's one thing: to signal their willingness to compromise, the russians have announced they will sharply "reduce military activity" near kyiv. an area, where, and i'm sure this is just a coincidence, they are getting their ass kicked by the ukrainians. in a related story from march madne
. >> announcer: "the late show with stephen colbert."ight sandra bullock takes the colbert questionnaire. plus we welcome hannah gadsby! and musical guest buffalo nichols featuring john baptiste. and now, live on tape from. sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert. ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, what's up! hello, friend. hello. what's up? what's going on, louis. please have a seat, ladies and gentlemen. ladies and gentlemen, welcome everybody to "the late...
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Jun 17, 2023
06/23
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and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: oh, oh, oh. >> audience: stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, everybody. you're very kind. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. now... we've been, we've been off for a week. we've been off for a week. we're tan. we're rested. we're ready. a lot of stuff happened. if you're a brit-o-phile, there's huge news in merry old u.k. because they're getting a new prime minister. i don't quite understand how they have a new one, because they vote on the other side of the road. but however they do it, it's official. the u.k.'s next prime minister will be former chancellor rishi sunak, who will be britain's first leader of south asian descent, its first hindu prime minister, and the nation's first leader of color. [cheering] which means... which means britons will be able to run their entire power grid off the turbines connected to queen victoria spinning in her grave. you know? she had a different view. different vi
and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: oh, oh, oh. >> audience: stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, everybody. you're very kind. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. now... we've been, we've been off for a week. we've been off for a week. we're tan. we're rested. we're ready. a lot of stuff happened. if you're a brit-o-phile,...
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Jun 20, 2023
06/23
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. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... roe to hell. t, stephen welcomes wanda sykes and ronan farrow. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: happy monday. what's up, louis? good to see you. hello, hello, hello, hello. please have a seat. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the late show." everybody here, everybody out there, everyone watching from new zealand, i'm your host, stephen colbert. now, since our... [cheers and applause] lovely people. they're lovely people. i'll take them all home. now, i don't know. i don't if you guys were watching last week, since our last show on thursday, we've changed locations. on thursday, we were in the ed sullivan theater. and tonight, we're in medieval times! everyone gets half a chicken and a pitcher of sprite. because on friday morning, led by samuel alito, the supreme court overturned roe v. wade, reversing almost 50 years of precedent. >> [boong] >> stephen: s
. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... roe to hell. t, stephen welcomes wanda sykes and ronan farrow. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: happy monday. what's up, louis? good to see you. hello, hello, hello, hello. please have a seat. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the late...
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Jun 28, 2023
06/23
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. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... large and in charles. stephen welcomes steve carell and musical guest phoenix. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hello, hello. have a good show. hello. hey, everybody! girl. please have a seat, everybody. thank you very much. no, no, no please. have a seat. welcome, everybody, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. let's get -- we don't have a lot of time tonight. let's get straight to the urgent breaking news everyone's talking about. queen elizabeth died six days ago. she meant a lot to a lot of people, and much of the world is still grieving. today, the queen's casket arrived at westminster, where she will lie in state till next monday, and people are already lining up for kilometers to give their respects. that's why it's always worth it to spring for the fast pass. okay? trust me. you can hit up space mountain. you hit up space mountain while you wai
. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... large and in charles. stephen welcomes steve carell and musical guest phoenix. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hello, hello. have a good show. hello. hey, everybody! girl. please have a seat, everybody. thank you very much. no, no, no please. have a...
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Jun 10, 2023
06/23
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i am your host stephen colbert.ou to know we had every plan in the world to start tonight's monologue by talking about what i was going to talk about in tomorrow's monologue, the latest january 6th hearing. but we just learned this afternoon that the committee has postponed the hearing, saying, quote, "in light of hurricane ian bearing down on parts of florida, we have decided to postpone tomorrow's proceedings." that's understandable. we hope everybody in florida stays safe. if you can, get out of the storm's path. worst case scenario, tell ron desantis you're venezuelan, maybe he gives you a free plane ride to martha's vineyard. one event that won't be delayed is the midterm elections, and things aren't looking great for republican senate candidate and vampire distracted by your throbbing jugular, dr. mehmet oz. he's been trailing in the polls for the whole race behind pennsylvania lieutenant governor and half-finished wooly willy, john fetterman. recently, en ring podcast and pointed out that fetterman often wear
i am your host stephen colbert.ou to know we had every plan in the world to start tonight's monologue by talking about what i was going to talk about in tomorrow's monologue, the latest january 6th hearing. but we just learned this afternoon that the committee has postponed the hearing, saying, quote, "in light of hurricane ian bearing down on parts of florida, we have decided to postpone tomorrow's proceedings." that's understandable. we hope everybody in florida stays safe. if you...
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Jun 23, 2023
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>> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... deja boo. first, stephen welcomes michael shannon and tig notaro. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: have a good one. have a good one. happy wednesday, that's right. hey, verybody! have a seat, ladies and gentlemen. here we go. great night out. thank you. very kind. thank you for that jolt of energy. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. you know... you know, i know i look young and spritely but spoiler: i am old enough to remember the apollo missions, when america was at its most ambitious. we were representing mankind in our reach for the stars. and specifically, the "man" part of mankind. because only men went to the moon. but in 2024, american women will be going to the moon as part of the artemis mission, named for apollo's twin sister. and that -- i'm excited. i'm excited. that's great news, because up 'til now, space has been a
>> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... deja boo. first, stephen welcomes michael shannon and tig notaro. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: have a good one. have a good one. happy wednesday, that's right. hey, verybody! have a seat, ladies and gentlemen. here we go. great night out. thank...
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Jun 29, 2023
06/23
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen.eers and applause] if you watch this show, you watch this show, and i suspect you are now, you know that i like wrestling with life's big questions, like "why do bad things happen to good people?" or better still: "why don't more bad things happen to terrible people?" [applause] people like florida governor and bodybuilder... [booing] florida governor and bodybuilder who always skips head day, ron desantis. you'll recall that governor desantis tried to score some cheap political points in florida by dragooning people off the streets in texas and smuggling them to massachusetts. well, good news. we just found out a texas sheriff is investigating desantis' role in flying migrants to martha's vineyard. hell yeah! get him! you can catch it all in the new tv show, "walker texas florida martha's vineyard." chuck norris looks good in linen. the investigator in question is bear county sheriff and character cut from "pee wee's playhouse," javier salazar. salazar is investigating the case, which
i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen.eers and applause] if you watch this show, you watch this show, and i suspect you are now, you know that i like wrestling with life's big questions, like "why do bad things happen to good people?" or better still: "why don't more bad things happen to terrible people?" [applause] people like florida governor and bodybuilder... [booing] florida governor and bodybuilder who always skips head day, ron desantis. you'll recall...
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Jun 16, 2023
06/23
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and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! od to see you. good to see you. good to see you. happy thursday. happy getaway day. thank you very much. welcome, one and all to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] today -- today was the last day of this year's supreme court session. it's been a real roller-coaster ride, in that i am nauseous and scared we're all going to die. in the last week alone, the justices have weakened the separation of church and state, overturned "roe v. wade," struck down a 109-year-old new york law limiting guns in public, and today, they dropped a ruling that limits the e.p.a.'s regulation of carbon dioxide emissions from power plants. what are you thinking, supreme court? it's the environmental protection agency! if they can't limit the emissions, then the agency can't protect the environment! they're going to have to change what the "p" stands for. maybe "environmental punch-dolphins-in-the-taint agency." and the conservative majority that graphic took me by surprise.
and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! od to see you. good to see you. good to see you. happy thursday. happy getaway day. thank you very much. welcome, one and all to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] today -- today was the last day of this year's supreme court session. it's been a real roller-coaster ride, in that i am nauseous and scared we're all going to die. in the last week alone, the...
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Jun 21, 2023
06/23
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sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert. ♪ ♪
sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert. ♪ ♪
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Jun 27, 2023
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the late show with stephen colbert is coming up next.ws continues streaming, paul will be trying that somewhere in a back over a cord. >> you know me so well. [ laughter ] >> have a good one
the late show with stephen colbert is coming up next.ws continues streaming, paul will be trying that somewhere in a back over a cord. >> you know me so well. [ laughter ] >> have a good one
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Jun 27, 2023
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the late show with stephen colbert is coming up next.streaming, paul will be trying that somewhere in a back over a cord. >> you know me so well. [ laughter ] >> have a good one >> prosecutors say that the members of the oath keepers racked up a $400 tab at an olive garden in virginia in celebration after the capitol attack. >> oath keepers stewart rhodes' lawyer is using this as a defense, saying "the dinner is evidence that the militia leader wasn't working to foment a revolution." >> have you just spent the d day susubverting d democracy a and u want to o kick back k with a l e
the late show with stephen colbert is coming up next.streaming, paul will be trying that somewhere in a back over a cord. >> you know me so well. [ laughter ] >> have a good one >> prosecutors say that the members of the oath keepers racked up a $400 tab at an olive garden in virginia in celebration after the capitol attack. >> oath keepers stewart rhodes' lawyer is using this as a defense, saying "the dinner is evidence that the militia leader wasn't working to...
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Jun 14, 2023
06/23
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stephen colbert is >> rapper nicki minaj says that her cousin's friend and she put this on social mediasaid he has swollen testicles after taking the vaccine. she cited that actually as one of the reasons that she has yet to be vaccinated. >> and she goes on to say, "his friend was weeks away from getting married. now the girl called off the wedding." ♪
stephen colbert is >> rapper nicki minaj says that her cousin's friend and she put this on social mediasaid he has swollen testicles after taking the vaccine. she cited that actually as one of the reasons that she has yet to be vaccinated. >> and she goes on to say, "his friend was weeks away from getting married. now the girl called off the wedding." ♪
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Jun 17, 2023
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the late show with stephen colbert is next. the news continues streaming on cbs news bay area.xas senator ted cruz making news. first in his new book, the senator admits to hiding in a supply closet during the insurrection, and then last night, he was booed and flipped off by angry fans at yankee stadium. >> remember when those insurrectionists wanted to murder you? >> it's time for the seventh-inning stretch! this one is dedicated to senator ted cruz. ["take me out to the ball game" tune] ♪ ♪
the late show with stephen colbert is next. the news continues streaming on cbs news bay area.xas senator ted cruz making news. first in his new book, the senator admits to hiding in a supply closet during the insurrection, and then last night, he was booed and flipped off by angry fans at yankee stadium. >> remember when those insurrectionists wanted to murder you? >> it's time for the seventh-inning stretch! this one is dedicated to senator ted cruz. ["take me out to the ball...
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Jun 1, 2023
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it was great when they made fun of absently everyone in the stephen colbert is such a hack because heier when he was pretending to be a conservative commentator. that was great. alec baldwin, he hates donald trump so much, the impression is no longer funny because there has to be some joy in it. when there is only contempt that's not comedy. to your point it did seem as though elon musk read a book about comedic algorithms had memorized that -- this is what comedy is. >> greg: of trump gets elected, maybe alec baldwin will have a shot. what's? i don't understand. >> dana: you mentioned dave chappelle and chris walk dumb academic chris rock, they said they don't want to go to college campuses because nobody has a sense of humor and in a democracy come anywhere -- especially in a democracy, ridicule of government is healthy. to make sure you have a check on your selves, god didn't put us here to be miserable all the time, laughter is joy as you should do more of it. >> kennedy: as a big self-deprecating or, what do you think? >> jesse: i only self-deprecating. >> kennedy: that you set u
it was great when they made fun of absently everyone in the stephen colbert is such a hack because heier when he was pretending to be a conservative commentator. that was great. alec baldwin, he hates donald trump so much, the impression is no longer funny because there has to be some joy in it. when there is only contempt that's not comedy. to your point it did seem as though elon musk read a book about comedic algorithms had memorized that -- this is what comedy is. >> greg: of trump...
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Jun 15, 2023
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was obvious, even to jon stewart who came out of semi retirement to say this to the horror of stephen colbertratory coronavirus overtaking wuhan china. what do we do? oh, you know who we could ask? the wuhan novel respiratory coronavirus lab. the disease is the same name as the lab. so wait a minute, you work at the wuhan respiratory coronavirus lab. how did this happen? and we're like, a peg win kissed a turtle? >> brian: it's funny but it gets you so angry. dr. marty makary has been saying this all along, a professional health expert johns hopkins school of medicine. he joins us. doctor your thoughts about this story broken on sub stack. >> really it's an incredible report brian. previously we knew that the lab was five miles from the epicenter, the hospital. and anybody could logically deduce that there was a correlation. but now we have the precise names of the individuals, and those individuals that were the first patients who tested positive were also working in the lab. two of them were co-authorizes on a paper with dr. xi in the lab about describing bat confuse. one of them was descri
was obvious, even to jon stewart who came out of semi retirement to say this to the horror of stephen colbertratory coronavirus overtaking wuhan china. what do we do? oh, you know who we could ask? the wuhan novel respiratory coronavirus lab. the disease is the same name as the lab. so wait a minute, you work at the wuhan respiratory coronavirus lab. how did this happen? and we're like, a peg win kissed a turtle? >> brian: it's funny but it gets you so angry. dr. marty makary has been...
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Jun 3, 2023
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saturday night live, ceased to be funny is great when they made fun of absolutely everyone like stephen colbertver jokes and he was so much funnier he was pretending to be a conservative commentator and it was great i know there are people who like alec baldwin, he hates donald trump so much that the impression is no longer funny because it has to be some joy in it and when there is only contempt, that's a company to your point, seem as though elon musk read a book about algorithms and memorizing that it is comedy us. greg: will that trump gets elected maybe baldwin will have another shot. >> no delayed reaction. greg: what you talk about. dana: you mentioned dave chapelle and chris rock and others didn't want to go to college comes is because somebody has a sense of humor and in a democracy, will actually anywhere but actually especially the democracy, critical government is healthy and self-deprecation is important to make sure that you have a check on yourselves and just give a little bit lighter we put here to be feeling joy and feel miserable all the time. dana: is a big, what you think. g
saturday night live, ceased to be funny is great when they made fun of absolutely everyone like stephen colbertver jokes and he was so much funnier he was pretending to be a conservative commentator and it was great i know there are people who like alec baldwin, he hates donald trump so much that the impression is no longer funny because it has to be some joy in it and when there is only contempt, that's a company to your point, seem as though elon musk read a book about algorithms and...
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Jun 3, 2023
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if you remember, a year ago, they arrested stephen colbert's crew for performincrewg without a permission. sot they're kind of consistent. but listen, there's judgment>> these are young kids.ould n letting him finishot the nationh anthem would not have createavao a security risk at the capitol. but at the same time, i do o they enforce this a lot because. people try to do a lot of the stunts. i think they acknowledgeop their mistake and hopefully it doesn't happen again. >> noweful , i got to say, it's, part the people's house.ul the people should be ablear to use that particularly li a little children singing the national anthem. how that's protestpr . >> i don't know the security wi arm there. yeah. now, john , you haveus some newt to share with us tonight about>> last year's january 6th, prime time w hearing. >> what have you learned? when i began looking, states were on the capitol police computer system are going through them and, i notici something. yokept asking, where'stc the volume? there must be a volume switch.u' and he said ot h, eyes, you're t hearing any sound. heca said pi,
if you remember, a year ago, they arrested stephen colbert's crew for performincrewg without a permission. sot they're kind of consistent. but listen, there's judgment>> these are young kids.ould n letting him finishot the nationh anthem would not have createavao a security risk at the capitol. but at the same time, i do o they enforce this a lot because. people try to do a lot of the stunts. i think they acknowledgeop their mistake and hopefully it doesn't happen again. >> noweful...
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Jun 15, 2023
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obvious, even to jon stewart, who came out of semi-retirement to say this to the horror off st stephen colbert>ephen there's a novel respiry coronavirus overtaking wuhan, china. what do we do? oh do?, you know who we could ak the wuhan novel respirator, our coronavirus lab. >> the disease is the same nam e as the lab. so wait a minute. you work atht the wuhanlab. respiratory coronavirus lab. how did this happen? and they're like appen?, oh, pangolin kiss the turtle. ts >> it's funny, but it gets you so angry. dr. marty mccaffrey has been saying this all along. he's a public health expert at professor johns hopkins schoolhn of medicine joins us. >> dr. mccaffrey, your thoughts ,your thoughts about this story that was broken on substack. port b >> really? it's an incredible report, brian. you know, previously wri thae thatm th the lab was five miles from the epicenter of the hospital and anybody could logically deduce tha t there was a correlation. but now we have the precise namee s of the individualse th and those individuals that weree the first patient patients who tested positive. we're als
obvious, even to jon stewart, who came out of semi-retirement to say this to the horror off st stephen colbert>ephen there's a novel respiry coronavirus overtaking wuhan, china. what do we do? oh do?, you know who we could ak the wuhan novel respirator, our coronavirus lab. >> the disease is the same nam e as the lab. so wait a minute. you work atht the wuhanlab. respiratory coronavirus lab. how did this happen? and they're like appen?, oh, pangolin kiss the turtle. ts >> it's...
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Jun 18, 2023
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sullivan as name on a theater in new york city, former home of david letterman's show and now stephen colbert'se chest with more gems yet to be revealed. >> it's brought such joy to us and now, honestly, we are trying to share that joy because it's going to live long after us. what's amazing to me is we are still finding stuff. >> reporter: are you still finding stuff? >> yes. >> reporter: how long do you think that's going to go on? >> i think until i drop. ♪ ♪ [ applause ] ♪ today, my friend you did it, you did it, you did it... ♪ centrum silver is now clinically shown to support cognitive health in older adults. it's one more step towards taking charge of your health. so every day, you can say, ♪ youuu did it! ♪ with centrum silver. >>> this portion of "sunday morning" is sponsored by vyvgart. der. but the picture started changing when i started on vyvgart. vyvgart is for adults with generalized myasthenia gravis who are anti-achr antibody positive. in a clinical trial, vyvgart significantly improved most participants' ability to do daily activities when added to their current gmg treatment.
sullivan as name on a theater in new york city, former home of david letterman's show and now stephen colbert'se chest with more gems yet to be revealed. >> it's brought such joy to us and now, honestly, we are trying to share that joy because it's going to live long after us. what's amazing to me is we are still finding stuff. >> reporter: are you still finding stuff? >> yes. >> reporter: how long do you think that's going to go on? >> i think until i drop. ♪...
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Jun 20, 2023
06/23
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simply the name on a theater in new york city, former home of david letterman's show and now stephen col colbert's to be revealed. >> it's brought such joy to us, and now honestly we're trying to share that joy because it's going to live long after us. what's amazing to me is we're still finding stuff. >> are you still finding stuff? >> we're still finding stuff. >> how long do you think that's goin when you humble yourself under the mighty hand of god, in due time he will exalt you. hi, i'm joel osteen. i'm excited about being with you every week. i hope you'll tune in. you'll be inspired, you'll be encouraged. i'm looking forward to seeing you right here. you are fully loaded and completely equipped for the race that's been designed for you. >>> the police department in new york city is taking a leap into the 21st century with an all-new fleet of electric squad cars. they even allowed kris van cleave to get behind the wheel. >> reporter: meet the big apple's newest viral hit. the nypd is deploying nearly 200 fully electric ford mustang mach-es to see how well evs hold up to the rigors of patrol.
simply the name on a theater in new york city, former home of david letterman's show and now stephen col colbert's to be revealed. >> it's brought such joy to us, and now honestly we're trying to share that joy because it's going to live long after us. what's amazing to me is we're still finding stuff. >> are you still finding stuff? >> we're still finding stuff. >> how long do you think that's goin when you humble yourself under the mighty hand of god, in due time he...
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Jun 7, 2023
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. >> you know what stephen colbert said that night.p sounds like a great idea. i'm going to do the road trip through italy and spain in the olive belt. i think that has a certain ring to it. >> it's mostly between new york and d.c. for me in terms of that's as far as i get. it's about the smoke. >> joe, in our final thoughts, what are you looking at this week? >> our friend chris who was with us is leaving cnn. and i saw a beautiful tweet thread, who talks about how he's never met chris and chris butted heads at cnn, but as kurt said, anybody will tell you. tom brady, anybody that succeeds will tell you that you learn the most when you fail. our friend chris has learned a lot over the past year. he apologized on monday for that. and chris has learned so much. and anybody that bets against him, you're going to lose. chris licht will be back. we're thinking about him today.
. >> you know what stephen colbert said that night.p sounds like a great idea. i'm going to do the road trip through italy and spain in the olive belt. i think that has a certain ring to it. >> it's mostly between new york and d.c. for me in terms of that's as far as i get. it's about the smoke. >> joe, in our final thoughts, what are you looking at this week? >> our friend chris who was with us is leaving cnn. and i saw a beautiful tweet thread, who talks about how he's...