♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... ole lot of love, plus stephen welcomes jeremy strong, and dr. francis collins featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: please, have a seat, my friends. welcome, welcome, ladies and gentlemen to "the late show"! i am your host stephen colbert. and it is lovely to be back in ed sullivan, and lovely to be back with all of you. we had not show last night because i was flying back from los angeles where the enemies were on sunday. congratulations to some of my favorite jobs. and it turned out it was a serious newsday that was breaking all day because donald trump was the subject of an assassination attempt at his florida golf club. and i just want to state the obvious right off the bat, political violence has no place in america. in fact, can i talk to all the gun owners for a second? don't shoot anyone. if you have even the vaguest idea that you might shoot

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: hey, everybody! ♪ ♪ have a good show. please. down here, up there, all around the world. mr. and mrs. america and all the ships at sea. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen, this country is still abuzz about tuesday night's debate when kamala harris shook donald trump's hand, then handed him his ass. i've got to say it was fun to watch. it was fun to watch, instructive. also a very public curb stomping because tuesday's debate was watched by 67.1 million people. [cheering] making it the most watched tv show in the united states since the super bowl. that makes sense because the winner of the super bowl and the debate were both endorsed by taylor swift. [cheering] of course... of course according to j.d. vance, swift's endorsement isn't that good. >> admire taylor swift music but i don't think most americans, whether they like her music or are fans of her or not are going to be influenced by a billionaire cele

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> louis: have a good one, man. >> stephen: welcome. welcome one and all. please have a seat, everybody. welcome to "the late show," i'm your host, stephen colbert. we know what that is, you know what that electricity in this room is, it's debate naive. so don't forget to put out some milk and cookies for santa and then give him 2 minutes for a rebuttal. this might be the only debate between harris and trump, so there's a lot riding on it. heading into the matchup down in philly, the goal for harris is to connect with the thin slice of undecided voters. yes, once again a presidential election will come down to undecided voters. you know their slogan, "we can't pick a slogan." [laughter] harris's tactics -- her tactics for taking down trump are a little different than biden's, because unlike joe biden, she has not focused on portraying trump as a fundamental threat to democracy. okay, that's interesting. also unlike joe biden, she's decided not to spend large p

to that which we call "the late show," i am your host stephen colbert.terday was the first day of fall, so dig out your sweaters, and those tiny little gourds that have warts on them and stuff. put them in a bowl, it's pretty they say. and it's going to get colder and colder every day now that we are into a deeper september /october. if you're down in new zealand, it gets warmer and warmer, because it is on the other side of the world. just go, just go visit. of course up here in the united states, fall means early voting is already underway. and south dakota, minnesota, virginia and vermont. you lucky pastors. can you imagine already being done with voting just kicking back and relaxing, smoking your "i voted sticker" whatever people do to relax. i don't remember anymore, holes are all over the place and there is real trouble looking at anything with likely voters anymore, because of voter registration is spiking among young adults. [cheers and applause] all this new registration means this election many people will be voting for the first time. [cheers

it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: thank you! and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome, my friends. thank you so much, my friends, my neighbors, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i am your host stephen colbert. check your calendars. we are 40 days and 40 nights away from learning whether we need to build an ark... just float away. the polls are tighter than my whities. there is good news for kamala harris, who has just opened up a 31-point lead over trump in a new harvard youth poll. that's huge. usually the only thing that popular at harvard is saying you went to "a small school outside of boston." shut up, ainsley. we know where you went. that's not humble. that's worse. the gap is even bigger among young female voters, where harris is leading 70% to 23%. [cheers and applause] that's right. thank you. young women are going to save us all! and young men are going to... play xbox and see how high they can jump off a big rock. harris has really focused on attracting younger voters, including a commitment to visit 150

. ♪ 555-butt-hurt ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert!" tonight... king don! plus, stephen welcomes samuel l. jackson! and amy ryan! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey! hey, everybody! nice to see you. nice to see you at home. welcome to the show, everybody. in here and out there. i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] how 'bout that debate last night? i mean, what a smackdown. harris ran trump over with a truck. [cheering] it was so bad, rfk jr. scooped him up and put him in his roadkill freezer. it was fun. i'm still giddy thinking about it. you want to watch some highlights? jim, can we watch some of the highlights again? that's the general idea. it captures it. everyone watching last night knew trump was roasted 'n toasted. right after, cnn had a poll of the debate audience that said that harris won, 63% to 37%. incredible numbers. those numbers topped only by the 89% of viewers who rated moderator da

i'm your host, stephen colbert.[cheers and applause] broadcasting from the beautiful auditorium theater in chicago. now, eagle-eyed viewers may have noticed that, due to how generous the portions are in pchicago, each night i will be wearing a slightly larger suit. tonight, another exciting night at the dnc. starting off, we heard from some lesser-known public servants like michigan attorney general dana nessel. who had strong words for those who oppose marriage equality. >> by the way, i got a message for the republicans and justices of the united states supreme court. you can pry this wedding band from my cold, dead, gay hand. and i'm retaining a lot of water, so good luck with that. >> stephen: same, girl. i'm also retaining water. 'cause you know what doesn't discriminate based on who you love? al's italian beef. [cheering] a set up there. there was also a speech from a young man who works as a quote, "content creator," carlos eduardo espina. >> if, two decades ago, when my parents immigrated to college station,

>> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, spring fever! stephen welcomes anderson cooper! and musical guest sting. featuring louis cato and the late show band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: oh, yes! congratulations! are you ready for this? ♪ ♪ please, have a seat, my friends! hello, louis! welcome, welcome one and all. you lovely excitable people to "the late show." i am your host colbert! [cheers and applause] ladis and gentlemen -- [cheers and applause] there are only 47 shopping days until the election. but they've already started playing "hail to the chief" at cvs. let us have halloween first! since kicking trump's caboose in the debate, harris has been surging in the polls. i can say surging? harris has been surging in the polls. but remember: your vote doesn't matter unless you're in a state that swings. ♪ ♪ i'm not sure what that means. politico says that there are three states that will decide the presidential election: pennsylvania,

. >> announcer: it "the late show with stephen colbert"! tonight, addams bomb. stephen welcomes sarah silverman, and musical guest chris stapleton, featuring louis cato and the late show band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hello! please have a seat, ladies and gentlemen. you are too kind. thank you very much, welcome one and all to "the late show." i am your host stephen colbert, and ladies and gentlemen it is a historic day here in new york city as they say in the big apple, it's one that you will not forget. ey, i'm being grammatically correct here!" i'm talking about new york mayor and benihana chef on his way to the clurb, eric adams. last night, adams was indicted on federal criminal charges. and i gotta say, the timing is a bit suspicious, because the feds announced these charges just days after adams held the city's first national anti-rat summit. and i'm being told we have a photo of the federal prosecutor announcing the indictment. huh. something about th

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: beautiful. happy tuesday, my friend. tuesday, tuesday, tuesday. there you go! thank you very much! thank you, my friends. down here come up there, all around the world. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it's the day after labor day, which means we're in the fall. referring to either autumn, or "of democracy." either way, the colors are spectacular. traditionally, labor day is also when campaign season kicks into full gear. that's right. the last two years of watching trump campaign has just been an appetizer. or as they say in france, an amuse douche. little something from the chef. [cheering] time delay. we are exactly nine weeks from election day, and things are looking up for kamala harris. in the latest usa today- suffolk university- nerds gummy clusters poll, nationally, harris leads trump 48% to 43%! [cheering] wow. that's good. that's good. 48%. that really restores my faith in almost half of humanity. harris is par

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: beautiful. thank you, my friends. welcome. welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world. i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] ladies and gentlemen, "and we are coming to you live!" is what i'll be saying next week, when kamala harris and donald trump face off in their first presidential debate. i'll be right here, after that show, live, talking about all the big moments: who gaffed, who zinged, and of course, who received moderator david muir's final rose. abc has released the official debate rules. they include: each candidate will have their microphone muted when it's not their turn to speak, only the moderators will be permitted to ask questions, and candidates cannot have pre-written notes or props. that last one, no props, started in 2012, when mitt romney clinched the final debate against obama by smashing a watermelon. [laughter] to figure out who gets which podium who goes first or last, they flipped a coin, and trump won the

. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert"! tonight great news! stephen welcomes rachel maddow! and musical guest shaboozey, featuring louis cato and the late show band! and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: oh! >> louis: watch yourself! >> stephen: thank you very much, down here, out there, all around the world, welcome to "the late show"! i am your host stephen colbert! ladies and gentlemen, let's get right to the mammoth story erupting from the world of first time since the pandemic: the fed cut interest rates by half a percentage point. oh my god, do you know what this means? because i do not! i was a theater major! the money was an accident! evie handles all that. my researchers tell me this cut is expected to bring relief for shoppers and borrowers. a welcome change. cause until now, the only relief for shoppers was the little couch for dads at abercrombie. your wife and daughter may be fighting about low-rise jeans, but on that couch? the giants game

stephen and evie colbert, thank you so very much. such a pleasure. evie: thank you so much. vely. appreciate it. stephen: cheers. amna: cheers. and we have more from stephen and evie colbert online. taking some lessons learned while cooking together, they discuss the art of an apology and how people who disagree can find a way to get along. that's on our youtube page. geoff: eight in 10 americans say the country's political divisions pose a serious threat to the future of our democracy. that is according to the most recent pbs news-marist poll judy woodruff has been exploring many of these divisions for her series, "america at a crossroads," and she recently hosted a town hall in the swing state of wisconsin to find out how people are feeling at this moment. here's a preview of her special airing later tonight on pbs stations. judy: on a warm september night at the historic pabst brewery in downtown milwaukee, 50 wisconsinites with different political views gathered to discuss their differences and whether common ground is possible. >> i am a gay person. i have a son. i have

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: goodness. thank you. have a good show. thank you very much. thank you, friends. thank you very much. please have a seat, everybody. you are very kind. welcoe one and all to "the late show." we are a mere 62 days from the election so mark your calendars and share your xanax. as of today, the race is neck-and-whatever this is. can we show this on cbs? thank you. harris is leading in most national polls, which is nice, but the swing states remain very very close and an average of 15% of likely voters say they have not firmly decided their choice. how is that possible? "honey, honey, i can't decide. for vacation, should we go to the four seasons resort in anguilla or "dan's shed o' marmots?" remember? we stayed at dan's shed o' marmots for four years. why did we leave? trump and harris are both trying to woo these undecided voters. but they're targeting different groups out there. for example, harris is reportedly going after women of every stripe or a

and now, live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: happy tuesday. happy live, baby. hey! how are you! thank you, ladies and gentlemen. down here, up there. come on! whoo! oh, my goodness. oh, my gracious. please have a seat, everybody. thank you so much. welcome. welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world. to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. make no mistake. we are live right now! coming to you from the ed sullivan theater after the first presidential debate. harris v. trump. kamala versus the trauma-la. donald versus his own mouth. i don't know about y'all, but i had so many emotions coming into tonight's debate. anxiety based emotions. fear, hungry. "fungry." unlike the first presidential debate back in june, this time the democratic candidate was able to walk out to the stage without pausing for a nap. it was harris' first presidential debate, though, while it was trump's seventh presidential debate. and you know what they say, "practice makes b-b-b-b-b." she came i

now, live from the auditorium in chicago, it's stephen colbert! and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hello! hello! [cheers and applause] have a good, have a good. tuesday. happy tuesday, happy tuesday. hello! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you, everybody. isn't that nice? ♪ ♪ now we're good. now we're grounded, baby. [cheering] that's nice. you don't get that every day. thank you, everybody. please have a seat. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. up here, down there, everybody in the middle. welcome. thank you, my friends. please. relax yourself. welcome one and all in here, out there, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen. they got the feeling. they got the vibe. and we are live, live after night two of the democratic national convention here in chicago. once again, we are broadcasting from chicago's historic auditorium theater, which is beautiful. and huge. jim, can we get a shot of the top balcony? [cheering] jim? jim, i said the top balcony. [cheering] this t

now, live from the auditorium in chicago, it's stephen colbert! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hello, chicago! baby. hello, good to see you. hey, everybody! thank you very much. come on! whoo! there you go. there you go. [cheering] thank you, everybody. come on now. please have a seat. thanks, everybody. have a seat. you're very kind. thank you, chicago. welcome, in here, out there, all around chicagoland. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] we are live after the epic night four of the democratic national convention. [cheering] i don't know about y'all. i don't know about y'all but after a week of live shows, watching all this energy and joy and purpose tonight, i feel like i just fell out of a coconut tree. because here's the context. moments ago, the democrats formally nominated the first woman of color to ever have a national party. kamala harris. there you go. write that down in your history books. put that in your wikipedias. to honor the suffrage movement at this moment, delegates and speakers were -- man

but did you know stephen colbert is also a foodie.ook. but first, your local news and weather. whaaat?? it's super hero day at school... ♪ tiktok song ♪ sfx: [tea kettle] sfx: [ding!] ♪ l'eggo with eggo. can we... did you know that if you shave, 1/3rd of what you remove is skin? (♪♪) new dove helps repair it. so, if you shave it? (♪♪) dove it new dove replenish your skin after every shave. [geri]: i have copd because i smoked. so, i have to pace myself. my tip is, if you're having people over for thanksgiving, start cooking in october. [announcer]: you can quit. for free help, call 1-800-quit-now lactaid is 100% real milk, just without the lactose. delicious too. just ask my old friend, kevin. nothing like enjoying a cold one while watching the game. who's winning? we are, my friend. we are. i've always been prone to hair thinning. i'm genetically predisposed. i just gave birth. i was under a lot of stress. i started taking nutrafol. we test our formulations with the highest rigor of clinical trials and we're the number one dermatolog

>> jude: cats. >> stephen: we get very few cat answers with the colbert questionert. >> jude: i had an: you like their independence? >> jude: yes, i love them. i will not introduce a dog into that home. >> stephen: you only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life, what is it? you don't have to listen all the time? >> jude: it's a song that reminds me of when i met my wife, and it is "inner city blues" by a martin. i love that one. >> stephen: do you know that one? >> jude: it's a gentle beautiful song. it feels like a summer's day and it has real politics in it. it has some great lyrics. ♪ ♪ yes, i am in heaven, you see. >> stephen: take it. what number am i thinking of? >> jude: 6. >> stephen: no. >> jude: has every element anyone ever guessed? >> stephen: described the rest of your life in five words. >> jude: more of the same, please. >> stephen: congratulations, you are known. jude law, everybody. we will be right back! the city hall insiders have a formula: grow the system, exploit the system. take mark farrell's record. after receiving the largest ethics fine in city

and he is happily being a part, as well as stephen colbert and jason alexander and kevin smith.ures a thing we've seen this cycle that we don't see every cycle. happiness, joy, culture, something that you create and we're interested in around here, so let's show a little bit of the crate episode, one of the classics, and then you can tell us why you picked this episode and what people might glean from it this weekend. let's take a look. >> okay. so, so, as weird as this may seem, we're still running a campaign. >> oh may god, right. >> so somebody has to be here. obviously, i have to go with you because i'm -- >> apply campaign manager. >> i want to talk to you. and you have to come with me. >> that's what all the chicks say. >> and mike, i need you. >> yes, you do. >> and obviously, i need to come with you. i have no soul. and gary? i need you to stay. >> tell us about this choice and what a table read is. >> oh, okay, sure. well, we chose this particular episode because once president biden very heroically decided to step down as candidate and kamala harris became the candidat

. >> the late show with stephen colbert.s ever seen himself naked. >> and country star jelly roll, sporting a slimmed down physiqu, paid the annual tribute to those stars. we've lost over the last year. some days it ain't all bad. >> some days it all gets worse. some days i swear i'm better off laying in that dirt. >> it was a beautiful tribute and in a nod to the loss of actor bob newhart this summer at the age of 94, the emmys closed out the show with the l us at 80o to msnbc.com >> time now for the mix. starting with a scare crow. that's kind of scaring us. >> yes. this is an old mcdonald's scare crow. this house in new york. chilly just outside of rochester. kicking off spooky season with a two story scare crow. and if you look closely, they've got almost an entire pumpkin patch in their front yard. >> it is a little spooky there on the front porch. more pumpkins and yes, bales of hay. look at that with an old timey tractor out front to complete the look. >> the display has reportedly been up since at least the end of au

amna: and, "late show" host stephen colbert and his wife, evie, on their new cookbook, the family storiesy in tough political times. >> toxicity itself is worth making fun of. like, that's just f

this week. broadcasting live from night to of chicago during the democratic national convention, stephen colbert last week welcomed to the late show, the former speaker of the house, nancy pelosi who, as had been widely reported, was key player in efforts to nudge her longtime colleague and friend us president joe biden out of the 2024 presidential race. asperosi began to answer, or rather deflect a question about her private conversations with b "a protester in the audience began to shout about the ongoing genocidal war in gaza and this clip became viral, especially on tiktok. you can see from the continuing protest out here, that that answer is unsatisfying to some to some people, because they believe that the united states, hold on one second, would you like to respond to what they're saying? what i was saying, will you listen to her response if she listen to screaming, i can't hear them, but to those who have that said that the united states should not have any role in supplying israel arms. to kill the people of gaza now, that's what they're saying, israel has a right to to defend itself, a

stephen colbert is up next. >> former republican vice president dick cheney announced that he will note for g.o.p. nominee donald trump but instead will back the democratic candidate, kamala harris.

the late show with stephen colbert is next. ♪ ♪ >> that hillbilly elegy author who evolved into trump'sht-hand man isn't besieged with collapsing poll numbers and a stack of bad headlines. it's because she is the only one

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stephen colbert is up next >> the following is a paid presentation for home title lock. >> the americanfor most of us, our home is without a doubt our most valuable and precious asset. but for too many families, this dream has become a living nightmare. they've become victims of a cybercrime the fbi calls house stealing. >> nobody thinks that i can take their house. nobody thinks that. you, as a homeowner, think you still own a house. three months later, you start getting foreclosure notices and you realize that you've got four mortgages on your house that you didn't even know existed. >> anybody who owns property should worry about home title theft. there's no other crime that is so easy, so quick and so lucrative. >> believe it or not, a simple fraudulent document filed with county officials is all it takes to transfer proof of ownership

late show with stephen colbert is next. os news bay area. have a wonderful night. tomorrow. >> six weeks after he dropped out of the race, joe biden is suddenly experiencing his best poll numbers

the late show with stephen colbert is next. the news continues streaming on cbs news bay area.

the late show with stephen colbert is next. help center. this is where we have professionals standing by to answer your questions regarding personal injury. so if you've been injured in an accident that was not your fault, like a car accident or a slip and fall, we can help. as a matter of fact, we are here to help. so take that first step and call the number on your screen right now. we have legal professionals standing by to answer your questions. they'll tell you if you have a case and how much your case is potentially worth. and if you know someone who was recently in an accident, send them our number and tell them to give us a call. i'm sure they'll be glad that you did.

thank you so much for watching the late show with stephen colbert is next.ntinues trimming out cbs news bay area. see you tomorrow. >> i will be in space for the zombie apocalypse. >> okay, good. >> close to 10 million instagram users have liked swift's post explaining her decision to back harris and her running mate tim walz.

was it jon stewart or stephen colbert. >> they're both trash.is one. >> jesse: whoever his name is. he who shall not be named. let's see. >> oooo. so boring. i forgot what a daredevil like you is. jesse caneival over here. >> jesse: we now have emily losing. kennedy is in the lead. category suns out guns out. politicians are supposed to be olympics boo, but some of them won't reveal everything about themselves. the who told a group of firefighters that he would not take his shirt off for them. was it gavin newsome or j.d. vance? let's see if it's newsom. >> i am sure would make some big headlines. don't worry, everybody. i'm not going to try to take off my shirt here. >> jesse: he's not gonna take off his shirt. you're both wrong but you're still winning. >> for once someone else is wrong along with me. >> jesse: don't throw stones, ladies. which late night host mangled his own monologue while he was mocking trump for misspeaking. was it jimmy kimmel or seth myers. >> i'm going to go with option a. >> jesse: smart play strategically. >> you only

who said i have a girl's name, stephen colbert or steven myers?ase explain it to me, jesse, girl's name. it's manlier to drink a milkshake without a straw? >> jesse: sometimes the white house feels like a bad reality tv show. which biden press secretary will make a cameo appearance on "the real housewives of the patomic"? i know you're a major real housewives fan. >> oh! >> welcome to the white house. >> i did not expect the guy to get that right. >> i didn't either. >> jesse: you should be ashamed of yourself. i shouldn't make gender assumptions. which fox news personality made their debut appearance on the joe rogan show this week? >> okay, different answers. and i think i'm right this time. >> of course i'm going to do this. >> my gosh! it's his birthday this week, isn't it? i thought it would be a nice thing for greg. >> jesse: next one is worth two points. the ladies of "the view" did a double take when this cohost asked if trump has, quote, the big d. who asked if trump has the big d. was it whoopie or joy? >> i think he's in decline. i don'

the late news with sara donchey then the late show with stephen colbert back with all new episodes.re two shows you'll want to spend the night with, then go to sleep knowing you won at tv, record it, stream it, watch it live. the late news and the all new . : >> a brother and sister in the east bay have become quite the cooks in the kitchen building bridges for a good cause and the family recipe became such a hit, that they actually started a non-profit called cumin time cookie. our julia goodrich visited them while they were baking. >> this is graham cracker and butter. >> sarah and mateo spend many weekends in the family kitchen baking a cookie recipe that's been in the family for generations. it started out as a hobby for this brother and sister cooking duo. but soon this graham cracker chocolate chip and walnut treat turned into something even sweeter. a non-profit business they named human kind cookies. >> it is so many really loyal customers and friend. >> so many! i couldn't even give like an estimation. >> human kind cookie proceeds support families in need in san jose and c

i attaliah late night host stephen colbert, air weighing in on one of several eyebrow raising moments from donald trump's debate performance last night, from praising hungary's controversial leader to spouting baseless allegations about migrants eating pets and then the january 6 attack on the capitol, trump made a number of comments over the course of last night that let's say maybe outside of the mainstream for many voters viktor orban, what are the most respected man? >> they call him a strong man. he's a sees a tough person, smart, prime minister of hungary. he said the most respected, most feared person is donald trump in springfield they're eating the dogs, the people that came in there eating the cats, they're eating they're eating the pets of the people that live there. i said during my speech, not later on peacefully and patriotically, and nobody on the other side was killed so that last bit there was about january 6. but can we just jimmy and the control play the pets by one more time? we just watched that 11 more time. oh, we just have the video of it. all right okay well,

equal-time rule to declare that anti-trump material broadcast by “saturday night live,” jimmy kimmel, stephen colbertign, which is now, according to a source with direct knowledge, trump has raised this topic again, venting about the need to punish late night comedians for giving “illegal” campaign contributions to the democratic party in the form of jokes and on-air satire. [ booing ] >> jimmy: i'm glad it's funny to you. he wants to lock up the late night hosts. hey, what happened to this by the way? >> jimmy, i love you so much. [ cheering ] >> jimmy: how would that work for jon stewart, would he only go to jail on mondays? there's a lot to figure out. i'm now imagining me and all the other late night hosts in prison together like the mobsters in "goodfellas." i'll be stirring the sauce, colbert will be slicing the garlic with a razor blade. guillermo, you're probably going in too. bring some sausage, because we're going to have some time on our hands. >> guillermo: i will bring anything for you. >> jimmy: melania was on the campaign trail with her husband this weekend. just kidding, we haven't se

he is happily being a part as well as stephen colbert and jason alexander and kevin smith.g. >> it is a huge shindig. it captures up things we have seen this cycle that we do not see every cycle. which is happiness, joy, culture -- something that you created in punishing way around here. let us show a little bit of the crate episode, which is one of the classics and you can tell us why you picked this episode and what people might glean from it this weekend. let us take a look. >> [ laughter ] [ whispering ] >> as weird as it seems we are still running a campaign. someone has to be here. obviously, i have to go with you. we will talk to the staff. >> you have to come with me, ben. >> that is what all the chicks say. >> mike, i need you. we met alyssa, i need to come with you. >> i actually have no soul. >> [ laughter ] >> i need you to stay. >> tell us about this choice and what a table read is. >> sure. we chose this particular episode because once president biden, very heroically, decided to step down as a candidate and a kamala harris became the candid for the democrats,

donald trump dominating the news sounding off on everything from the assassination attempts to stephen colbertnd jimmy kimmel, kamala harris has ended her isolation and finally started doing a couple more interviews, and the first major shockdown was with msnbc with a host who's hostile to trump. the vice president's biggest vulnerability is probably the border which has drawn mushrooming coverage over the last year. so harris went to the arizona border to try to neutralize the issue. >> and the american people deserve a president who cares more about border security than playing political games. i will do more to secure our border. to reduce illegal border crossings. howard: the former president started attacking harris on immigration before she even got there. >> she abolished our borders and flooded our country with 21 million plus illegal aliens. they came in from all over. think of it. they came from prisons and jails, they came from mental institutions and insane asylums. they're terrorists. they're criminal street gangs. howard: but still, no explanation as to why four years ago harris

. >> stephen colbert and jon stewart. >> do you think there would have been "snl" or any of the standupsnited states. people are still saying, i don't believe that. i am going to investigate this and see the truth. i think that's what "mad" is saying. don't buy the con, you know? ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ hey, get your head in the game, son. the scout from football college is up in the stands. maybe i'd rather go to school for insurance. i didn't raise no insurance man. but you did, dad. football's your passion. but mine is providing around-the-clock protection to progressive customers who bundle home and auto. jamie, we need you out here for football. you're giving up on your dream, james. no, dad. i'm giving up on yours. no, james, wait! oh, that's not the exit. leo! he's there when we wake up, he's there when we leave, he's there whenever we come back home from school, he's just there always. mash it up doofus. ever since we introduced him to the farmer's dog, his quality of life has been forever changed. he prefers real, human-grade food. it's... ...like real food! it is! he's a happy dog now. he's

who tried to make fu of me because i have a quote girl's name who said i have a girl's name, stephen colbert or seto sah meyers. stephe >> yeah. oh, it just sounds like something you would do. >> i agree. it's scary, right? what do we got, matt? i don't understandmyer i. erstan >> please explain who wants to be gen girl's name. what are you sayin.g? it's manly to drink a milkshake without. >> a straw? yes, that is true. dairy. like a sometimes the white house feels like a bad reality tv show,s ser which biden press secretary will make a cameo appearanceet. >> the real housewives of the potomac. real or jen psaki? >> i mean, if it's i knowa ma you're a real housewives. >> i know i watch all the time. i'm very up on this. i know this coryr . wel >> i mean, welcome to the white house. wellwhite hous i did not expecto to get that right. i don't either. i should be ashamedu she asha. yes.make all right. i shouldn't make gender assumptions. that's right. which fox news personality made their debut appearance on the joe johow this week. was it greg gutfeld or kat timpf? >> the oc got different answ

was it jon stewart or stephen colbert? >> they're both trash.'m going to go with this one.as whatever his namh.e is, shall whatever his name is, he who soall not be named, i'll say, oh, so boring. i forgot what a daredevil like you, jesse knievel over here.av >> okay. all right. so we now have emily losine emgt kennedy is in the lead category. suns out, guns out. politician politio be are supposed to be open books, but some of them won't reveal everythinthe whgfii about themselves. who told a group of firefighterghhat he ws that d not take his shirt off for them? was it gavin newsom or j.d. vance? it's if it's newsom. and while it's tempting and i'm sure it would make some big try headlines, don't worry, everybody. i'm not going to try to take myf my shirt here.irt. >> oh, he's not going to take off his shirt. we're both both wr that we're b wrong. >> you're both wrong, but you're still winning for wrong withne else is wrongelse i with me. >> i don't throw stones. ladies, whicladih late night hot mangled his own monologue while he was mocking tr

mocked tredeau american comedian stephen colbert.invited the prime minister of canada to his show, where he joked that he was probably pleased to be in front of the dumb american public, who don't know how much trudeau is. the prof is unfit and even applauds him. in trudeau's homeland, everyone hates him. to his credit, the prime minister of canada agreed and said that's why he came to the states. there's only a grain of humor in these jokes, and a very small one at that. the new luxury apartment he bought for his friend, the new consul general in new york, is worth $9 million. dollars for his friend tom clark to call himself a stunner. were in the middle of a question period when opposition leader pierre coilievre asked about new york consul general tom clark's $9 million apartment on beelers row in manhattan. the prime minister's answer was drowned out by jeers and catcalls from the conservatives. but just after speaker greg fergus stood up, someone on the conservative benches reportedly shouted out a remark about the trudeaus shar

tomorrow on "today," stephen colbert will be there along with his life. our shop today editors have identified fall products we think you will love all across six categories. look at this. it is up to you to choose your fav. vote, and we will reveal the winners on october 3rd. >>> before your weather, can we just show this lovely lady right here. come here. she's having her 85th birthday. and the t-shirt says birthday queen. what's your name? >> hilton. >> where are you from? >> mississippi. >> we're so happy. you are with your posse here. happy 85th. how sweet is that? >> we've got 60th birthday back here. where are you guys from? >> california. >> idaho. >> celebrating in new york city. all right. let's take a look at what's going on across the country because we do have a tropical system down south that we're keeping an eye on. there is a 20% chance this could develop into a tropical system over the next few days. we will watch it into the certainly worth watching because the water is so warm down there. that could help strengthen it. elsewhere across