>> announcer: "the late show with stephen colbert" sponsored by booking.com. ♪ >> stephen: give it up for louis cato and "the late show" band, everybody. there you go. >> louis: happy new year. >> stephen: happy, happy. it's going to be a good one, you know what i mean? what's the option? right? we are just balls to the wall for the next year, right? we've got a great guest joining us, a man who was actually one of my guests four years ago to buy from his congressional office between being evacuated and going back in to certify the electoral votes. adam kinzinger is going to be here. one of the members of the january 6th committee. plus, we are going to have a performance by our old friend jon batiste tonight. stick around for our friends over "after midnight." folks, as you know, i'm a big fan of the sciences. for example, geology, where my favorite mineral is the actual and completely real "cummingtonite." actual rock which i don't have to tell you is a metamorphic rock from the mono-clinic crystal system... if you're doin' it right. and i like to tell you ab

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey! hi. have you lost weight? you look amazing. please have a seat. my friends, thank you very much. you're very kind, very lovely. welcome. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] there it is! hard to believe we are already at the end of day 2 of the second trump administration. [booing] i know. i feel the same way. but i'm choosing to think of it as day negative 1,385 before the 2028 election. [cheering] gosh, i just... i just hope we can flip greenland blue! but here's the thing, my friends. in here, out there. it's so important for all of our mental health to pace ourselves. get some sleep. stay hydrated. remember, not everything is going to be about donald trump every single day. except today. so strap in, buckle up, bear down, and grab a bite stick. 'cause here we go. we sure needed a bite stick yesterday, because donald trump was on tv from 8:43 am, when he shuffled into church to tell jesus "you'r

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you, everyone. ♪ ♪ please have a seat, my friends. welcome. welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. tonight, los angeles is being ravaged by sudden, out-of-control wildfires, especially in the neighborhoods of malibu, altadena, and pacific palisades. thousands of people have been forced to evacuate, and they don't know when they'll be able to return home. for an idea of the scale of the fire, here's a photo a reporter took from a plane above los angeles 24 hours ago. since then, winds gusts up to 100 miles an hour have spread the fire explosively, and authorities do not know when they'll have it under control. we know the people of los angeles are resourceful and kind, and they're doing everything they can to help one another. and we want to send our love and concern to all the residents of los angeles who are facing what is being described as the most destructive fire in th

and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: hey! wow. welcome, hello, friends! welcome in here, out there, all around the world to "the late show." i'm your host, i'm stephen colbert. [cheers] let me ask you something. anybody here have money in the stock market? [scattered cheers] not anymore! because today, the dow plunged more than 1,100 points. that, that is a lot of... dow units. dowlings. moist dowlettes. this -- don't know what it means. this plunge caps off a ten-day losing streak, the longest such stretch since 1974. 50 years. and remember, keep this in mind, that '74 market collapse shocked the world, because bachman turner overdrive assured everyone that they were taking care of business! every day. taking care of business in every way! it's all right! [applause] despite this turbulent market, you don't see me shakin'. 'cause i've taken all my money and placed it safely in meme coin. okay? i'm fine. for instance, i've put it in the very real crypto-currency called fartcoin, which,

i'm your host, stephen colbert. ght's a little bit of a sweet and sour, a little semi-sweet chocolate chip, it's the end of an era. because this is our last show of the biden administration. >> awww. >> stephen: it's been a good run. thank you for oral your efforts the next time you see me, donald trump will be president. and you may not see me. next four years, we're taking it one day at a time. last night, still-president biden gave his farewell address to the nation. now, in typical biden style, he kicked things along with a meandering metaphor. >> like america, the statue of liberty is not standing still. she's on the march and she literally moves. she was built to sway back and forth to withstand the fury of stormy weather, to stand the test of time, because storms are always coming. she sways a few inches, but she never falls into the current below. >> stephen: "what i'm saying is, run! the statue of liberty is alive! get out of there. it's alive! i saw it in a documentary "ghostbusters two!" you gotta spray it

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: oh! ♪ ♪ good to see you, friends. thank you, thank you. welcome. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen, you know we do our best to do a good show for everybody at home but i have no illusions about what people watch this program. i know that at the end of the day, people just want to come home, lay down, and relax with some erotic constitutional debate. well, you're in luck, folks. because today, the supreme court heard a challenge from pornhub to a texas law that requires age verification. no surprise they heard the pornhub case on wednesday, it is hump-day. gotta get over it. gotta get over the hump. now, if there are any children watching this with you, please send them out of the room. they're far too innocent to see an uncensored image of samuel alito. the case here is about the first amendment rights and privacy, because if folks are forced to upload their i.d.s to see the porn, it creates a

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: there you go. hey, whoa! nice to see you. [cheering] there you go. everybody, hello! thank you, sir. thank you, my friends. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: you lovelies. are you okay? are you okay right there? welcome get a nice shot? welcome! welcome. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] what's the date? we are just a little over one week away from christmas. and i would say i hope your stockings are hung by the chimney with care, your eggs are nogged, and your nuts are fully megged, but apparently, according to a new poll, americans are "over" christmas traditions. what? >> audience: no! [booing] >> stephen: christmas is traditions! you can't be over them and still have christmas! if you don't put out your wooden shoes, how will sinterklaas fill them with dried fruits and nut meat for a prosperous harvest? think, hans, think! one tradition that a lot of people are ready to shake up is the holiday meal,

>> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... commander in cheer! , stephen welcomes selena gomez! and seth meyers takes "the colbert questionert." featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: whoa! welcome. thank you very much. please have a seat, everybody. down here, up there, out there, welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. i know a lot of folks are feeling down right now, things aren't working out the way some people wanted. but you buck up, blitzen, because santa claus is coming to town. christmas is here and there's no reason not to enjoy the season. the white house is already all in. yesterday we got our first peek at the bidens' holiday decorations. beautiful. so festive. the official theme is "the season of peace and light," which is much more hopeful than all the other democrats' christmas theme: "drink three old fashioneds and openly weep in front of charlie brown." [laughter]

. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... capitol quiet. plus, stephen welcomes... congressman adam kinzinger! and musical guest jon batiste! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert. ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, you know what? thank you, my friends. please, please have a seat. welcome. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it's nice to hear, it's good to be back. i missed everybody. today's january 6th which of course is the feast of the epiphany when the three wise men, say it with me, balthazar, gaspar, and melchior, followed a star to bethlehem, then stormed the manger and stole mary's podium. what else? what else? oh, yeah, today, donald trump's electoral victory was certified by congress. [booing] yes, i used to feel things too. and the striking thing about this time was how normal it was again. there was no riot. no one broke a window with their beard. [laughter] in fact, the whole process took only 30 minutes. yea

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: hey, my friends! you're very kind, you lovely people. nice to see you all. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. if you watch regularly, then you know that here at "the late show," we have a self-imposed ill-conceived mandate to every night talk about what people are talking about. the thing is, that was before trump won reelection. after he won reelection what people are talking about is that they don't want to talk about what everybody's talking about. in fact, and this is true, a new poll says that two-thirds of u.s. adults are tuning out political news, which is just more proof that our politics is... something. i don't know what. i've been tuning it out. democrats are particularly tuned out, which could be why after election night, primetime viewership of msnbc is down 54%. listen up, msnbc, you gotta do whatever it takes to get those viewers back! steve kornacki? i think it might be time to ditch the khakis and show a li

. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... unusual suspect! ephen welcomes billy crystal! and musical guest arooj aftab! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: hey! have a good show. thank you! please have a seat, everybody. you're too kind. thank you very much. please, please rest your bones. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] and ladies and gentlemen, i'm proud to say that tonight, we bring you the premier episode of "fbi: late show." the reason? today, there has been a breaking development in the world of criming people. because a person of interest was arrested in connection with last week's tragic shooting of united healthcare's ceo. we have a name of the person apprehended. it's [bleep]. okay, a name that we will bleep before broadcasting this, because if he didn't do it, i don't wanna say it. and if he did do it, i don't wanna say it. so for the rest of th

[cheers and applause] >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight... stephen welcomes david s david schwimmer! , alexander, featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: thank you. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ welcome, all come up here, down there, all around the world. welcome to "the late show," i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] all of our hearts continue to go out to the people of los angeles, where as we speak wildfires continue to burn after almost a week. if devastating over 40,000 acres enforcing 150,000 people to evacuate. california, all of america sees you and is with you, and americans are putting our money where our mouths are. go fun to be alone, americans have donated more than $50 million to the effort, and if you -- [cheers and applause] yeah. that's the spirit. if you want to give but you don't know where, you can scan this qr code right here be a list of charities that are on the ground addressing immediate needs of

. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight... reign of terror! stephen joins the cast of "severance." plus, stephen welcomes ben stiller! and june squibb! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ please have a seat. welcome home. welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] if you've been watching the news, you know it's been a terrible week for the people of los angeles, as devastating wildfires continu reaching in and around the city. the footage is truly heartbreaking, as thousands of homes are being destroyed and entire neighborhoods are being wiped out. we here at "the late show," we know people, dear friends, who have lost everything in these fires. our hearts go out to everyone in los angeles, and, more usefully in this moment, so do our wallets. if you'd like to give, you can scan this qr code here to see a list of charities that

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! tephen: we're back! ♪ ♪ thank you, friends. thank you. welcome. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen, thank you for that burst of joy. i ovulated. [laughter] you had to be here. we're less than a week away from trump's inauguration. [booing] i know. i know. as much as i'm not looking forward to it, waiting for it, it feels so tense. it feels like we're all james bond strapped to the table, and the laser is slowly inching towards our crotch, and it's like, enough about your evil plot to conquer greenland, just zap america's junk off already! we're learning more about what the inauguration festivities ill look like. because we now know that the village people will perform at one of trump's inaugural balls. leading many to ask, "y?" [applause] this is a big change of heart for the village people, given that in 2020, they demanded trump stop using their music. which is understandable, considering that every time he played it, he did the wrong dan

. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... snow day! plus, stephen welcomes john dickerson! and musical guest willow avalon! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome. thank you, sir. welcome, everybody. thanks, everybody. welcome, ladies and gentlemen, around the world around the midstate around the world in the ed sullivan theater. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. hope everyone is staying toasty warm, because it is bitter cold all over the country, including the deep south. take new orleans, or as locals call it "nawwwleeeoooons." [laughter] that's close, right? that's basically it? yesterday, the big easy turned big freezy and shattered its modern all-time daily snowfall record, receiving 8 inces of snow. laissez les bon temps froze. that snow is going to change the vibe of throwing beads at mardi gras. "show me your layers! take off your mittens!" there was so much sn

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ers and applause] >> stephen: hey! thank you, my friends. out there, down there. welcome. welcome one and all to what we call "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. i appreciate your enthusiasm but we have no time to waste. close the dishwasher, put down the baby, grab a seat, and then stand up, because i have shocking news: cbs is working on a new "fbi" spinoff with a cia twist called "fbi: cia." omg! this is the perfect addition to the extended fbi-verse: there's "fbi: international," "fbi", "fbi: most wanted," "fbi: true" and, the sexy, adult spinoff "fbi: bbl: dtf." that of course pg-13. all of these shows are imagineered by cbs television chemists to be the kind of edge-of-your seat procedural thrillers that pop-pop can still follow after the beta blockers kick in. the premise of "fbi: cia"? "a dedicated, strait-laced fbi agent and a street-smart cia agent are part of a new, clandestine taskforce charged with solving and preventing domestic terrorism in and around new yo

>> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... drunk in gov! plus, stephen welcomes kate mckinnon! and peter sarsgaard! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you, everybody! have a good one. please have a seat, my friends. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] and i certainly hope -- you're already there. it sounds like you're all in a holly-jolly mood, and i'm glad to hear it because we're counting down to everyone's favorite holiday: jack in the box's annual fast food fest, the 24 days of jackmas! [cheers and applause] personally, i try to keep jackmas in my heart all year 'round. and then clear it from my browser history. now, get your mind out of the gutter, because, again, the 24 days of jackmas is nothing more than a seasonal holiday deal at jack in the box. you know their slogan: if you're gonna jack, at least do it in the box. [laughter] now... [cheeri

now, live on tape on the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert. hen cook please have us be my friend. welcome to the late show. there is a huge news. there is huge news on eating dip with your dad's friend. the super bowl matchup is that. it is the eagles facing the chief. eagles versus the chief. travis kelce versus whoever plays travis kelce on the eagles. brad largeman. and his pop star girlfriend tonya velocity. the chiefs will not one but this is more challenging. all of the players have to rush to their game after their day shift at state farm. after philadelphia, this is yesterday afternoon. eagles fan demonstrated dignified horsemanship by filing out of the stadium. they celebrated with close range fireworks, surfed a cop car and climbed a bunch of greased up light poles. it is a sacred billy tradition that goes back to when ben franklin shimmied onto a lubed up liberty bell. it has been one week since trump took office and there have already been big surprises. i did not know a week could last ten years. as far as the awful stuff he has be

. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... the oaf of office! stephen welcomes "pod save america," and musical guest jalen ngonda! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: hey! thank you for being here. good to see you. thank you very much. lovely people. please have a seat, my friends. welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] well, ladies and gentlemen. it happened. donald trump is president again. [booing] hey, hey, hey remember what obama said. don't boo, vote! and if possible, do that several months ago. apparently, some of you have some unpleasant feelings about all this, so i have an announcement to make: for the next four years, we get to live by airport rules. calories don't count, and it's perfectly reasonable to have a vodka tonic at 8:00 a.m. [cheers and applause] who knows what time it is where you're gonna land?

the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert."

annie ko it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, what in the dust? , stephen welcomes deion sanders, and musical guest came brown, with a special appearance by john lithgow. featuring louis cato and the late show band. live from the ed sullivan theater, it is stephen colbert. they went to thank you, welcome. welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world. you are joining us on an historic night, following the incredible afc championship game. afc championship, of course, often called the super bowl of finding out who will be in the super bowl. this is a rare sunday show. so, naturally, i and my staff, this morning, we all went to church together. cbs is a family. a family that occasionally cancels its children, and replaces them with a spinoff of one of their more successful children. but just because tonight's game is over two hours ago, doesn't mean you have to stop gambling. there are plenty of parlays available here at the late show. hot tip: take the over on whether or not i have the greatest audience in the world! [cheers and appla

the late show with stephen colbert is next. ♪♪ >> we understand. >> we understand the feelings of embarrassmentfailing teeth and tooth loss. >> we understand the pain of not being able to chew or feeling confident smiling. >> we understand the challenges with dentures and other non-permanent solutions. >> we understand that more than 120 systemic diseases originate in the mouth. >> from diabetes to heart disease, the risk of stroke to arthritis. >> we understand that better oral health can lead to better overall health. >> we understand that you want to invest in your best self. >> and we understand what it

"the late show" with stephen colbert is next. see you tomorrow.gentle music) - [narrator] the following paid presentation is brought to you by prostagenix. (lighthearted music) - hi, this is larry king. over 30 million men in america have prostate problems. i know i was one of them. and all these natural prostate supplements like the ones i have here in front of me are everywhere. drug stores, health food stores on the internet and all over tv, selling millions of bottles every year. what do we really know about them? are they safe? do they work? which ones really work? now later in this report you'll see results of an interview i did when i met earlier with fred buckley owner and ceo of prostagenix an amazing prostate supplement

the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> from netflix, the people who brought you "hot frosty" asked for. "horny christmas tree." after losing her husband to a freak accident at seaworld,

"the late show" with stephen colbert is next.row. >> today is the fourth anniversary of the violent attack on the capital which president trump has bizarrely called a day of love. >> it's was a day of love. there is a beauty to it and they love to it. they were there with love in their hearts. there was love. >> this january 6th, give her the perfect gift to commemorate that special

"the late show" with stephen colbert is n >> this supreme court ruling on all law that could ban tiktok

"the late show" with stephen colbert is next. >> on monday, google unveiled a new quantum computer, willowrform a mathematical calculation that one of the world's most powerful supercomputers could not complete in septillion years. >> following their historic qu

. >> but stephen colbert was like and now we can it is okay to during in the morning now.ot relatable, most people i think don't get an urge to engage in extreme self-destructive behaviours because of an election. i think most people only do that because of a breakup. >> greg: this is almost a breakup. >> if you are reacting that like you got broken up with then i don't think that is normal. i do not think that is the average person. >> greg: i think you are right the people i have heard talk like this there is something else going on. something going on behind that. it is like a resentment or something they are working through. do you think they would just avoid politics altogether? >> that would be clever. that would be a good idea. and wrestling we have a term called you are always performing for an audience of one. when i was there vince mcmahon was in charge he is watching if he likes that you are good. if he does not like it does not matter if 10,000 people are screaming you are done. so glimmer -- who him -- whoever this cfo the cmo of this show likes this, likes th

meanwhile over at cbs, stephen colbert is still fantasizing about trump throwing him in a jail cell.how of the biden administration. yeah,, has been a good run. a good run joe, thank you for all of your efforts. the next time -- next time. [cheering and applause] >> next time you will see me, donald trump will be president and you may not see me. next four years, we're taking this this one day at a time. >> jesse: everyone wants to be a victim. "the washington post" reports gay couples raced to the altar before trump takes office. may your honeymoons last as long as trumps. meanwhile, joy read says trump stole the election. >> there is absolute voter suppression that took place and i consider that cheating. there are many ways to cheat in on election. and i don't ever put it past republicans to cheat in elections. they have been busted too many times. >> jesse: how dare she make such a baseless claim of one of our most sacred and secure institutions? while the media is begging for attention, d.c. bureaucrats are trying to lay low. cnn reports federal employees are quietly taking dei

. >> stephen colbert on the new coin launched by donald trump, which has fluctuated in value, but onllions in the last several days. sarah matthews served in the trump white house and ultimately testified before the january 6th committee and opposed his election last year. welcome back. >> thank you so much for having me. >> i thought of you because you've been around all this. as i mentioned, there are rich, even complicated debates over digital currency versus the regulation of other asset classes. but here it seems like donald trump and some of the people around him are most interested in their personal profits from from digital currency, and not what's best for the united states or the people who might end up losing money or holding the bag. what do you see happening here? >> i thought. >> it. >> was really telling when you played. >> the clips earlier. >> in your program, of. >> him talking. about how. >> he. thought that cryptocurrency was all a scam. >> and a fraud. >> and clearly then someone got in his ear and told him, hey, there's a way to make money. off of this. and he k

. >> stephen colbert on the new coin launched by donald trump, which has fluctuated in value but on paper days. sarah matthews served in the trump white house and ultimately testified before the january 6th committee and opposed his election last year. welcome back. >> thank you so much for having me. >> i thought of you because you've been around all this. as i mentioned, there are rich, even complicated debates over digital currency versus the regulation of other asset classes. but here it seems like donald trump and some of the people around him are most interested in their personal profits from from digital currency, and not what's best for the united states or the people who might end up losing money or holding the bag. what do you see happening here? >> i thought it was really telling when you played the clips earlier in your program, of him talking about how he thought that cryptocurrency was all a scam and a fraud, and clearly then someone got in. >> his. ear and. >> told him, hey, there's a way to make money off of this. and he knew that he could manipulate his supporters to pour

is perhaps best known for his recurring appearance is on the colbert report as the lawyer for stephen colbert's superpac, americans for a better tomorrow. tomorrow, during the 2012 election, the american bar association journal has described trevor as hands down. one of the top lawyers on the country and the delicate intersection of politics, law and money. not necessarily in that order. he's also taught campaign finance law at the university of virginia and oxford. and with all of that, really fantastic background, it's a good thing that we just happened to have had an election recently. so how's it going? the voting in america? is it working for democracy? well, it's great to be here to see many former colleagues and friends. and i've been a long time supporter of checks and balances, rule of law. so how is it going? first thing is good news and there is good news, as we all saw. it's the dog that didn't bark. we did not have weights, bred violence. we didn't even have any reported violence that i've seen. the election system in some places creaky and slow work, too. there's still counting in