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Feb 13, 2018
02/18
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>> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen!r own medicine. ( laughter ) >> so, all i'm saying is if it's only moving by the force of gravity, then it's not-- we presume it doesn't have, like, rockets and things. if this were aliens-- >> stephen: yeah. >> in some kind of advanced ship it would be maneuvering, doing interesting thing. >> stephen: maybe it maneuvered on its way in, a pass around the sun, the way they use satellites to go around the back of a planet to whip them around outer space. >> it's called the slingshot effect. >> stephen: you don't have to tell me. ( laughter ) >> so, okay. maybe the aliens shut off their engines to masquerade as a cosmic object to get a slingshot effect around our star. >> stephen: maybe we can't perceive what their engines are and they have a mode-- >> it could be-- i can just tell you they're off. ( laughter ) whatever they are, they're off, because it's-- because a tennis ball would have that trajectory moving at that speed. that's all. >> stephen: is there any chance? >> not -- >> step
>> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen!r own medicine. ( laughter ) >> so, all i'm saying is if it's only moving by the force of gravity, then it's not-- we presume it doesn't have, like, rockets and things. if this were aliens-- >> stephen: yeah. >> in some kind of advanced ship it would be maneuvering, doing interesting thing. >> stephen: maybe it maneuvered on its way in, a pass around the sun, the way they use satellites to go around the back...
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Feb 9, 2018
02/18
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>> stephen: oh, to love. to love. >> stephen: mmm, mmm. ahhh!e are some chocolates for you. >> oh! >> stephen: thank you very much. >> this is my best valentine's day ever. >> stephen: do you have any allergies or anything like that? >> no. >> stephen: good, because we're not insured for that. ( laughter ) we also have a little jar of ant acids for afterwards. ( laughter ) amy, have you ever seen "first drafts" before? >> i have. >> stephen: so you know how this works? >> give me a refresher. >> stephen: here's what happens. we have these cards here. we have the card that was released and sold, and we also have the first draft of that card, which we'll read after we read the card that was sold. do you understand how this works? >> yeah. >> stephen: all right. i want you to hold these and when i call for the next card, you hand it to me. >> okay. >> stephen: are you nervous? i'm good. >> stephen: okay. i'm a little nervous. >> don't be nervous. >> stephen: i'm always nervous. >> it's a great show. >> stephen: oh, you're so nice. >> the host is so
>> stephen: oh, to love. to love. >> stephen: mmm, mmm. ahhh!e are some chocolates for you. >> oh! >> stephen: thank you very much. >> this is my best valentine's day ever. >> stephen: do you have any allergies or anything like that? >> no. >> stephen: good, because we're not insured for that. ( laughter ) we also have a little jar of ant acids for afterwards. ( laughter ) amy, have you ever seen "first drafts" before? >> i have....
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Feb 10, 2018
02/18
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>> stephen: it's true.white house. >> right. >> stephen: the traditional invitation where the president has the team down and congratulates them and everything with the lolombardi trophy. if you were one of those players, would you go to the white house? >> honestly, i would go. i would go, and i would show up with moving boxes and a u-haul. i would be like... ( cheers and applause ) let's go! >> no, stupid! >> stephen: now, this one says "happy valentine's day, you complete me." all right, it's a classic sentiment, okay. but the first draft said, "i need one of your kidneys." ( laughter ) >> elon musk sent up his own tesla convertible with a dummy astronaut at the wheel, blasting david bowie's "life on mars?" that's right. this is stliewtle true-- a giant phallus cranking rock 'n' roll releasing a red convertible into want do, void. and the award for most midlife crisis goes to elon musk. >> stephen: sometimes, sometimes, i casually sprinkle my conversation with foreign phrases to make myself look sophisti
>> stephen: it's true.white house. >> right. >> stephen: the traditional invitation where the president has the team down and congratulates them and everything with the lolombardi trophy. if you were one of those players, would you go to the white house? >> honestly, i would go. i would go, and i would show up with moving boxes and a u-haul. i would be like... ( cheers and applause ) let's go! >> no, stupid! >> stephen: now, this one says "happy...
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! >> stephen: thank you, everybody. thank you very much, you're too kind. you're too nice! too nice. ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. big news-- ( cheers and applause ) big, big news out of the russia investigation. according to sources at the white house, donald trump's lawyers are telling him to refuse an interview with robert mueller because the president, who has a history of making false statements and contradicting himself, could be charged with lying to investigators. ( laughter ) yeah. it is a crack legal analysis from the law firm of "no, (bleep), and sherlock." ( cheers and applause ) fine. they're a fine firm. fine-- brown shoe firm. now, there is one trump lawyer saying the president should cooperate with mueller, and that's trump attorney and man bitten by a radioactive wilford brimley, ty cobb. cobb has argued that the white house should do everything possible to cooperate with mr. mueller's investigation, and says the white house is in "total cooperation mo
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! >> stephen: thank you, everybody. thank you very much, you're too kind. you're too nice! too nice. ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. big news-- ( cheers and applause ) big, big news out of the russia investigation. according to sources at the white house, donald trump's lawyers are telling him to refuse an interview with robert mueller because the president, who has a history of making...
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Feb 8, 2018
02/18
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a pleasure. >> stephen: very season five. >> yeah. >> stephen: five. >> five. >> stephen: five.ary 18 on hbo. jon oliver, everybody. we'll be right back with "lady bird's" beanie feldstein. >> stephen: hey, welcome back, everybody! my next guest is an actress best known for playing the utterly loveable best friend julie in "lady bird." please welcome beanie feldstein. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: hey, so nice to meet you. >> it's so nice to meet you, too. thank you for having me. this is so exciting. >> stephen: my pleasure. i had the great joy and opportunity to talk to a couple of the others, the director, greta, and, of course, saoirse, who played lady bird. but i loved your performance as her best friend julie. ( cheers and applause ) >> that is so nice! >> stephen: i just wanted to show-- we have one quick clip to show-- one of my favorite scenes between you and lady bird. jim. >> why aren't you in algebra 2? >> i switched sections. >> why? >> aren't jenna and kyle enough? >> i'm sorry that you're jealous. >> jen is a moron, you know. >> she's not. she's in a.p. calculus. >
a pleasure. >> stephen: very season five. >> yeah. >> stephen: five. >> five. >> stephen: five.ary 18 on hbo. jon oliver, everybody. we'll be right back with "lady bird's" beanie feldstein. >> stephen: hey, welcome back, everybody! my next guest is an actress best known for playing the utterly loveable best friend julie in "lady bird." please welcome beanie feldstein. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: hey, so nice to meet you....
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Feb 23, 2018
02/18
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>> stephen: yeah, sure. break a leg, bernadette! >> stephen: that's nice.leg"? >> that's a good question. you say it in the hope no one will break his or her leg. i actually broke a leg. >> stephen: when? i was preparing to do mame, another jerry herman musical, and it was february, and i had to go into rehearsal in april, and i was going between a ballet and a jazz class, and i was walking on the streets of new york to a bus stop when i slipped and landed straight on this kneecap and smashed it. this is early february. i had to go into rehearsal in april. so i did crazy rehab. and we kind of renamed the musical "lame" o or "maimed." ( laughter ) it was like "hello dolly" one of the musicals where we descend the staircase and all the fabulous boys are waiting to pick you up and swish you around. i would come off stage at intermission and my knee would be the size of a grapefruit. but i did it. >> stephen: is it like a broad way dr. feel good? >> no, but i got through it, it was amazing. >> pure grit. but doing eight shows of a musical is so challenging. >>
>> stephen: yeah, sure. break a leg, bernadette! >> stephen: that's nice.leg"? >> that's a good question. you say it in the hope no one will break his or her leg. i actually broke a leg. >> stephen: when? i was preparing to do mame, another jerry herman musical, and it was february, and i had to go into rehearsal in april, and i was going between a ballet and a jazz class, and i was walking on the streets of new york to a bus stop when i slipped and landed straight...
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Feb 22, 2018
02/18
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stephen! stephen. >> my job is done. >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you very much.it's like to take over for a legend, to take over a legendary franchise. yeah. >> that's an unfair segue. ( laughter ). >> stephen: no, it's a totally fair segue. you were a little-- you were a little twitchy about taking over "star wars." >> i was terrified and luckily surrounded by incredible people and we had a lot of fun and being back for episode 9 is as surreal as it gets and really exciting. >> stephen: now, you know, i can imagine, like, when you made episode 7 which was, again, the highest grossing movie of all time, biggest opening weekend of all time. that's great, but the-- the gravy, the gravy must be that disney and george lukas and the fans are so easy to please. like, all of them, no one has any critiques of your work. >> it was so easy. >> stephen: there's no pressure. there's no pressure at all! >> but these are the fans-- as scary as it is, to put yourself in that firing squad, the opportunity is always bigger than the fear. >> stephen: can i tell them what you did r
stephen! stephen. >> my job is done. >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you very much.it's like to take over for a legend, to take over a legendary franchise. yeah. >> that's an unfair segue. ( laughter ). >> stephen: no, it's a totally fair segue. you were a little-- you were a little twitchy about taking over "star wars." >> i was terrified and luckily surrounded by incredible people and we had a lot of fun and being back for episode 9 is as surreal...
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Feb 16, 2018
02/18
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stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. miller, thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about this one? >> page after page after page of the book is pure false. >> stephen: and this one? >> nothing but a pile of trash through and through. ( laughter ) >> stephen: and, finally, this one, stephen colbert's "midnight confessions." >> something magical that's happening in the heart of this country. ( applause ) >> stephen: that's very sweet, thank you. but let's get back to the president. do you know him well? >> i had a chance to travel all across the country with the president on trump force one. >> stephen: trump force one is not a thing. you're insane. ( laughter ) >> look, you can be as condescending as you want. >>
stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. miller, thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about...
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Feb 14, 2018
02/18
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i'm your host, stephen colbert.is a huge night for everyone in the media, because tonight was the long-awaited, rescheduled day that donald trump announced his fake media awards, the fakies. and i'm proud to say-- and the people here don't know this because they've been seated here for almost an hour-- and at 5:15 today, "the late show" won "fakest in late night." ( cheers and applause ) congratulations! congratulations! you did it! you people did it! not me, it's you! thank you. this might not end well. thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. please, sit down. sit down. listen, thank you very much. on behalf of everyone here at "the late show," i just want to say thank you, sir. ( laughter ) and i would say i'm humbled, but i think we deserve it, in part because i'm lying right now. we didn't win. ( laughter ) meanwhile, meanwhile, this is good news? we still have a government. for, like, 48 hours, something like that. you see, after the breakdown of the daca negotiations, congress is now hurtling t
i'm your host, stephen colbert.is a huge night for everyone in the media, because tonight was the long-awaited, rescheduled day that donald trump announced his fake media awards, the fakies. and i'm proud to say-- and the people here don't know this because they've been seated here for almost an hour-- and at 5:15 today, "the late show" won "fakest in late night." ( cheers and applause ) congratulations! congratulations! you did it! you people did it! not me, it's you! thank...
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Feb 28, 2018
02/18
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> stephen: what? just-- none of you-- you were poor as church mouse. >> we were just starting, yeah, we were just starting. >> stephen: and take any job, probably? >> we did take any job. i mean anything-- anything that we could get at that time. >> stephen: it was the same thing for me, yeah, actually. i understand is this the first-- is this the first job? >> yes. but that was even before-- before i was ligwith those guys. that was actually in new york. >> stephen: okay, this is-- this is-- brace yourself-- there he is. "shrink-to-fit 501s. >> yeah. >> stephen: wow. >> well, i'll tellue i'll tell you -- >> stephen: what year is this? do you mind my asking? >> i think it was 80... '84, '83. i'll tell you a sad story about that. i was with a great friend of mine, jude cole. and ifts maybe about 20, 21 years old. and we were in a jeans story buying jeans, and i heard him come out of a dressing room, and he was laughing. and he was laughing so hard, he couldn't stop crying. and i said, "what's wrong, ma
> stephen: what? just-- none of you-- you were poor as church mouse. >> we were just starting, yeah, we were just starting. >> stephen: and take any job, probably? >> we did take any job. i mean anything-- anything that we could get at that time. >> stephen: it was the same thing for me, yeah, actually. i understand is this the first-- is this the first job? >> yes. but that was even before-- before i was ligwith those guys. that was actually in new york....
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Feb 17, 2018
02/18
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>> stephen: hello. >> nice to meet you. >> stephen: it's nice to meet you. backstage, it was like, i felt like i've met you before, but-- >> no, we've never met. >> stephen: i'm just a fan, i guess. i guess i know you from your movies. even from way back in the day, "heavenly creatures," which was your first movie? >> which was the first film i ever did, yes. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: 24 years ago, something like that? >> yeah, so, since i'm such an old lady now, it was 25 years ago. >> stephen: you were literally a teenager at the time. >> i was 17. yeah, i was 17. >> stephen: how did that come about? because it's with one of my favorites directors, peter jackson. >> peter jackson. so, the film, "heavenly creatures," was about two young girls. one was english and one was from new zealand. and my character was living in new zealand with her family. and so they came to england and they found a casting director in the u.k. to find someone who looked quite similar to the girl that i ended up playing. and i was up for the part. >> stephen: what were yo
>> stephen: hello. >> nice to meet you. >> stephen: it's nice to meet you. backstage, it was like, i felt like i've met you before, but-- >> no, we've never met. >> stephen: i'm just a fan, i guess. i guess i know you from your movies. even from way back in the day, "heavenly creatures," which was your first movie? >> which was the first film i ever did, yes. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: 24 years ago, something like that? >> yeah,...
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Feb 15, 2018
02/18
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>> stephen: do they?y do. >> jon: i don't think they do. >> stephen: of course, the holidays are upon us, ladies and gentlemen, and one of my favorite parts is christmas movies, whether it's "miracle on 34th street," or "a christmas story," or martin scorsese's "shutter island." ( laughter ) they never explicitly say it doesn't take place during christmas. ( laughter ) and in recent years, there's been a slew of new christmas cinema. i'm talking about the romantic tv movies put out by lifetime and hallmark with titles like "hitched for the holidays," and "12 dates of christmas," "a princess for christmas," "a bride for christmas," and "a boyfriend for christmas." if you watch them all in a row you might need "a lobotomy for christmas." ( laughter ) but you have got to be careful with your binge because netflix had a viral tweet about their own film, writing, "to the 53 people who've watched 'a christmas prince' every day for the past 18 days: who hurt you?" ( laughter ) they-- they-- that's-- that is-- th
>> stephen: do they?y do. >> jon: i don't think they do. >> stephen: of course, the holidays are upon us, ladies and gentlemen, and one of my favorite parts is christmas movies, whether it's "miracle on 34th street," or "a christmas story," or martin scorsese's "shutter island." ( laughter ) they never explicitly say it doesn't take place during christmas. ( laughter ) and in recent years, there's been a slew of new christmas cinema. i'm talking...
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Feb 20, 2018
02/18
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>> stephen: ho! riff ) speaking of shady characters, donald trump. ( laughter ) yesterday, we heard from three of the 19 women who have accused donald trump of sexual misconduct. well, this morning, the president fired back. "despite thousands of hours wasted and many millions of dollars spent, the democrats have been unable to show any collusion with russia-- so they are moving on to the false accusations and fabricated stories of women who i don't know and/or have never met." "and that is the absolute truth and/or a complete lie." ( laughter and applause ) because-- ( cheers and applause ) because-- because that is a lie. included in the list of his accusers are a former business partner; women from the miss u.s.a. pageant, which trump owned; and a contestant in season four of "the apprentice." "your challenge is for me to sexually harass you and then you having to watch me become president of the united states. enjoy!" ( laughter ) well this afternoon-- ( applause ) thank you. "people" magazine al
>> stephen: ho! riff ) speaking of shady characters, donald trump. ( laughter ) yesterday, we heard from three of the 19 women who have accused donald trump of sexual misconduct. well, this morning, the president fired back. "despite thousands of hours wasted and many millions of dollars spent, the democrats have been unable to show any collusion with russia-- so they are moving on to the false accusations and fabricated stories of women who i don't know and/or have never met."...
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>> stephen: great.tephen colbert's midnight confessions. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) standard disclaimer: i don't know if these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. okay. be right back. ( laughter ) ( organ music playing ) forgive me, audience. last week i told one of our interns show business is a cruel jungle where the strong eat the weak, and he was only asking where the bathroom was. ( laughter ) audience -- audience -- i have texted while driving, but i didn't realize it because i was so drunk. ( laughter ) i tell people i'm on a "low-carb diet" but only because i eat pasta on the floor. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) sometimes i casually sprinkle my conversation with foreign phrases to make myself look sophisticated. i'm not sure it always trabajos. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) i can never finish a book, so i'll read just the end of another book and combine them. ( laughter ) i really enjoyed "harry potter and the dragon tattoo." ( laughter ) i don't like to
>> stephen: great.tephen colbert's midnight confessions. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) standard disclaimer: i don't know if these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. okay. be right back. ( laughter ) ( organ music playing ) forgive me, audience. last week i told one of our interns show business is a cruel jungle where the strong eat the weak, and he was only asking where the bathroom was. ( laughter ) audience -- audience -- i have texted while driving, but i...
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Feb 3, 2018
02/18
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stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen: thanks very much. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome, back. please, have a seat. thank you very much! lovely. what a lovely friday crowd are you. welcome. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: they've got the energy. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it is friday. but more importantly, today, today was groundhog day. yeah, it was really fun as usual. they did the whole ceremony and, apparently, punxsatawney phil came out of his hole, saw who was president, and took his own life. ( laughter ) ( applause ) just-- yeah. what's the point? he said, "what's the point?" also, this weekend, it's super bowl sunday. i-- are you excited for the super bowl? ( cheers and applause ) i am. i can't wait to see if the new england jaguars beat the arizona puffins. it's just-- ( laughter ) i do not follow the sport. it's gonab cold, though. it's in minneapolis this year. supposedly they're predicting a low of five below zero. usually, if there'
stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen: thanks very much. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome, back. please, have a seat. thank you very much! lovely. what a lovely friday crowd are you. welcome. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: they've got the energy. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it is friday. but more importantly, today, today was groundhog day. yeah, it was really fun as usual. they did...
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Feb 24, 2018
02/18
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it's very strange. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> yeah. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> yeah, i don't know. >> stephen mean, the "woo?" >> it's like, "eh." it's like, "eh." "did you like 'star wars'?" "eh." instead of "eh," it's "woo." ( laughter ) >> stephen: by the way, have you seen the new "star wars?" >> boof. i actually saw it last night. >> stephen: did you? >> i walked out. >> audience member: what? >> i know, i know. i'm sorry, i'm sorry. >> stephen: you walked out? >> i got a lot going on. i have a lot of work to do-- >> stephen: so it wasn't a protest. >> no, it wasn't a protest. i'm going to go see it again, i just, i had too much in my head, i wanted to enjoy it. >> stephen: so wait a second. so you went, you paid money? >> i went down to see it at the theater on 23rd street, yeah. >> stephen: you paid money, you walked in, and it occurred to you in the middle of the movie, "i don't have time for this." ( laughter ) >> yeah, about 45 minutes in, yeah, yeah. ( applause ) i was like, "i'm not giving this the attention it deserves." >> stephen: which is really a compliment. >> yeah, no, i wa
it's very strange. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> yeah. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> yeah, i don't know. >> stephen mean, the "woo?" >> it's like, "eh." it's like, "eh." "did you like 'star wars'?" "eh." instead of "eh," it's "woo." ( laughter ) >> stephen: by the way, have you seen the new "star wars?" >> boof. i actually saw it last night. >> stephen: did you? >> i...
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Feb 15, 2018
02/18
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>> stephen: right. >> g.p.s. the kid, sure. >> stephen: why not?'re always using find my iphone. >> yeah. well, "black mirror" is beautiful, a beautiful show. it's sort of like the "twilight zone" each episode is a different little movie, story, cast, place in the world. this particular one really feels like an indie film. my particular episode feels like a very small indie film about the complicated little details between a mother and a daughter. >> stephen: well, i look forward to it. thank you so much for being here. >> yeah. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "black mirror" returns to netflix december 29. jodie foster, everybody! fan of complexity. stick around because i'm going to get inside a box with tom hanks. seriously. thank you! seriously. thank you! ♪ ♪ but one blows themisturizer all out of the water. hydro boost from neutrogena®. with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells so it bounces back. neutrogena® that can make you sad, of multiple symptoms feel tired, and have difficulty concentrating. trintellix is a prescription medication for
>> stephen: right. >> g.p.s. the kid, sure. >> stephen: why not?'re always using find my iphone. >> yeah. well, "black mirror" is beautiful, a beautiful show. it's sort of like the "twilight zone" each episode is a different little movie, story, cast, place in the world. this particular one really feels like an indie film. my particular episode feels like a very small indie film about the complicated little details between a mother and a daughter....
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Feb 27, 2018
02/18
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hi. >> stephen: hi. of people are upset about what's going on in the country right now. >> could i just say really quickly, i'm feeling a little nervous right now, and, i mean, i would not mind something that would maybe -- ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> okay. >> stephen: there you go. i'll take that right there. cheers. >> there you go. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now, our government's response to the tragedy in florida has been disappointing to a lot of people. >> mm-hmm. >> stephen: a lack of action or the answers a lot of people have come up with, you have a particular bone to pick with ted cruz. >> yes. i'm angry that he is trying to use pop culture to reach the youth, if you will. >> stephen: the youth love ted cruz. >> oh, boy, youth for cruz. ( laughter ) but, at the same time, i'm very grateful because there is nothing more entertaining than when republicans try to dip a toe into the pop culture pool to reach "the kids" because they -- >> stephen: what did he do this time? >> we
hi. >> stephen: hi. of people are upset about what's going on in the country right now. >> could i just say really quickly, i'm feeling a little nervous right now, and, i mean, i would not mind something that would maybe -- ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> okay. >> stephen: there you go. i'll take that right there. cheers. >> there you go. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now, our government's response to the tragedy in florida has been...
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Feb 1, 2018
02/18
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: whoa! hello, how are you? >> stephen: thank you, sir! hey, everybody. please sit down. thank you very much, heroes all, heroes, all. thank you. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. everyone's still keenly aware that donald trump gave a speech last night. i believe it ended 15 minutes ago. ( laughter ) and good news for trump: according to cnn, 70% percent of the people who watched the speech had either a very positive or somewhat positive reaction. which seems good, until you learn "it's the lowest net positive rating for a state of the union address since cnn first asked the question." ( applause ). ( cheers ) , of course,-- true. that's true. , of course,, you know, it's an odd sample size. that's a poll of the people who actually watched the state of the union, so late night talk show hosts and the criminally insane. one person who thought donald trump did a great job was donald trump, at least judging from all the clapping he did during his own speech. ( applause ) i really, really think they should have turned
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: whoa! hello, how are you? >> stephen: thank you, sir! hey, everybody. please sit down. thank you very much, heroes all, heroes, all. thank you. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. everyone's still keenly aware that donald trump gave a speech last night. i believe it ended 15 minutes ago. ( laughter ) and good news for trump: according to cnn, 70% percent of the people who watched the speech had either a very...
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Feb 21, 2018
02/18
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. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." plus, stephen welcomes kirsten gillibrand chris gethard and musical guest portugal, the man. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, how are you? thank you, joe. thank you very much. hey, everybody! thanks so much. you're too kind. ladies and gentlemen, welcome, welcome, one and all, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( applause ) and it can be-- thank you for that-- it can be a rough and depressing world, but this weekend we timely got some news that was good. and it comes to us from wakanda! wakanda forev-- is something i probably shouldn't say. it's cultural appropriation, even though it's not a real place. "black panther" broke all sorts of records this weekend. it had the largest solo super- hero opening of all time, the largest ever box office in february, and the most white people seeing a movie starring a black person who is
. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." plus, stephen welcomes kirsten gillibrand chris gethard and musical guest portugal, the man. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, how are you? thank you, joe. thank you very much. hey, everybody! thanks so much. you're too kind....
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i'm your host stephen colbert. the president today is still basking in the afterbirth of his state of the union. this morning, he tweeted "thank you for all of the nice compliments and reviews on the state of the union speech 45.6 million people watched, the highest number in history. okay. first, that's not true. second, it's a lie. 45.6 million isn't the record, because obama's first state of the union had 48 million viewers and the most viewed was bill clinton's in 1993 which had 66.9 million viewers. ( audience reacts ) look, it doesn't matter how many people watched, but what does matter is that the president needs to lie about it, and then somehow get away with it. this is the new world we live in. so let me say, in advance, congratulations to president trump on winning the super bowl! ( laughter ) well played. ( cheers and applause ) so good. also, you make a great black panther. ( laughter ) but the president did break one record, because this was the most tweeted-about state of the union in twitter history
i'm your host stephen colbert. the president today is still basking in the afterbirth of his state of the union. this morning, he tweeted "thank you for all of the nice compliments and reviews on the state of the union speech 45.6 million people watched, the highest number in history. okay. first, that's not true. second, it's a lie. 45.6 million isn't the record, because obama's first state of the union had 48 million viewers and the most viewed was bill clinton's in 1993 which had 66.9...
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Feb 11, 2018
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the officer says he began talking to stephen about what had happened to jody when stephen interruptednally looks at me and says you don't believe plea. >> and then the officer says scharf said something that almost knocked him off his feet. >> and i said i believed an accident occurred. and i said was it an accident. and he put his head down and he said no. >> he believed that was a stunning confession. he ran to del the other detectives including linem, but they had just spent hours grilling the man. >> we didn't get the feeling that that point it would have done anything. >> they didn't find evidence. >> the cause of death at that time was listed as undetermined so officially it wasn't a homicide. >> in time the detectives moved onto other cases. stephen scharf moved on, too. 14 years after his wife's death, he remarried. tina scharf says he's been a loving ideal. >> it was like we were two puzzle pieces that were made for each other where each of us completed the other person. >> utven in this happy new life, he says, he's never forgotten about jody. but he might have been surprise
the officer says he began talking to stephen about what had happened to jody when stephen interruptednally looks at me and says you don't believe plea. >> and then the officer says scharf said something that almost knocked him off his feet. >> and i said i believed an accident occurred. and i said was it an accident. and he put his head down and he said no. >> he believed that was a stunning confession. he ran to del the other detectives including linem, but they had just...
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Feb 25, 2018
02/18
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emmett drops, jeremy stephens! jeremy stephens with a win tonight! >> daniel: jeremy stephens shut the lights out! once again, it takes one shot to take the game from both of these guys. jeremy stephens lands his shot. over and over. if you get something off, he will put the opponent to sleep. josh emmett, at the first decision, jeremy stephens took the chance. >> jon: jeremy stephens wife, who jeremy says has made all the sacrifices, no one has believed in him and his martial arts more. this is sponsored by metropcs, covering 99% of people in the u.s., bringing knockout coverage closer to your hands. >> daniel: there it goes again, boom. left hook. left hook on the chase, emmett drops. when josh emmett is on the ground, let's see if it's illegal here. i mean, it is hard to see from that angle, but he finishes with them big elbow. look, boom. once he goes for the finish, emmett goes to his knees. it looks like jeremy stephens throws a knee. i don't think it landed. i don't think it landed. it may have landed a little bit, the shin and hit the knee it
emmett drops, jeremy stephens! jeremy stephens with a win tonight! >> daniel: jeremy stephens shut the lights out! once again, it takes one shot to take the game from both of these guys. jeremy stephens lands his shot. over and over. if you get something off, he will put the opponent to sleep. josh emmett, at the first decision, jeremy stephens took the chance. >> jon: jeremy stephens wife, who jeremy says has made all the sacrifices, no one has believed in him and his martial arts...
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Feb 19, 2018
02/18
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stephen: not really.story, but what we have to keep in mind is that this is part of the very broad strategy of deutsche bank to cut costs. i think what people will need to look out for is what is happening at the management level i think there is a bit of a struggle between the forces that want to cut costs on one side and ones that want to invest and expand investment on the other side. thosehard to reconcile and we will have to see how it plans out in the future. 22 is i think what you're the fact -- pointing to is the fact that deutsche bank is no closer to improving revenues, the top line. how does that feed into that challenge? steven: that's exactly right. the challenge is to increase topline while cutting costs at the same time. obviously it's a big conundrum. right now, just that the beginning of this month, john cryan announced they will pay a bonus in the investment bank because they have had a problem hiring and retaining talent there. it's an investment in the bank and they said they will not
stephen: not really.story, but what we have to keep in mind is that this is part of the very broad strategy of deutsche bank to cut costs. i think what people will need to look out for is what is happening at the management level i think there is a bit of a struggle between the forces that want to cut costs on one side and ones that want to invest and expand investment on the other side. thosehard to reconcile and we will have to see how it plans out in the future. 22 is i think what you're the...
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Feb 16, 2018
02/18
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stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about this one? >> page after page after page of the book is pure false. >> stephen: and this one? >> nothing but a pile of trash through and through. ( laughter ) >> stephen: and, finally, this one, stephen colbert's "midnight confessions." >> something magical that's happening in the heart of this country.
stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about this one?...
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i don't know stephen sounds like her daughter would make a great lobbyist. a young lady in your life comes to you and says hey you know. gosh i was really inspired that hillary clinton almost became the first woman preserve the united states you would really be suggest or give the advice to be yourself you can't fit into every mold i think there's not a mold that everyone will like right but you can be yourself and even if people don't agree with you they'll trust what you're saying you believe that you're genuine and it doesn't matter how smart you are home not you know about things that people think if people can't trust you and this is literally don't trust what you're saying to him you lost it yeah yeah and that's why i think there's a comfort factor flush out i could have a beer with george w. bush george w. bush not them but well spoken but they like him there me to be like oh let this guy seems genuine. so this may be a very providential moment because maybe you'll be the first president united states it's one you never know i never thought i'd run fo
i don't know stephen sounds like her daughter would make a great lobbyist. a young lady in your life comes to you and says hey you know. gosh i was really inspired that hillary clinton almost became the first woman preserve the united states you would really be suggest or give the advice to be yourself you can't fit into every mold i think there's not a mold that everyone will like right but you can be yourself and even if people don't agree with you they'll trust what you're saying you believe...
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greatly appreciated thank you very much stephen. will be in touch take it easy thank you thank you very much said out boys. to be funny if we dressed up as pilgrims and talked to that would be brilliant. this final just be lucky if i get a barge. after finding money for delta dogs and still no word from the master knows about the money for the barge stephen max decided to visit plymouth plantation a living history museum that attempts to replicate the original settlement of the plymouth colony. through afternoon. welcome thank you. we're on a pilgrimage here today in search of the pilgrims plantation would you like to see . these a black bear skins sure. go ahead max all right we got like a sleigh ride welcome to. what is. people the people who lived here in the southeast massachusetts. they're the ones who helped welcome the pilgrims when they first came here their name means people of the first light are for. ston eastern people so the minute the sun came up that's really what they're there name. today and in two thousand and seve
greatly appreciated thank you very much stephen. will be in touch take it easy thank you thank you very much said out boys. to be funny if we dressed up as pilgrims and talked to that would be brilliant. this final just be lucky if i get a barge. after finding money for delta dogs and still no word from the master knows about the money for the barge stephen max decided to visit plymouth plantation a living history museum that attempts to replicate the original settlement of the plymouth colony....
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Feb 16, 2018
02/18
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stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr.hank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about this one? >> page after page after page of the book is pure false. >> stephen: and this one? >> nothing but a pile of trash through and through. ( laughter ) >> stephen: and, finally, this one, stephen colbert's "midnight confessions." >> something magical that's happening in the heart of this country. ( applause )
stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr.hank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about this one?...
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everybody i'm stephen baldwin gosh what task hollywood guy usual suspects favorite movie proud american first of all i'm just as george washington and r.v.'s to see uncle steve join the big boys because this is my buddy max famous financial guru and we'll she's a little bit different i'm honest abraham lincoln hall i know that there were no windows up last but not least my larger than life. the night an aspiring star rio with all the drama happening in our country i'm shooting the road to have fun. every day americans who know. what's america to our ancestors suffered the most and see how things got so crazy i was naked. the right thing to hopefully start to bridge the gap this is the great american pill each. time the money are winding down the pilgrimage so our heroes have pulled off to an undisclosed parking lot to meet a representative from dash to see if he can help further sponsor their great ideas . like i normally am and playing blackjack fills up like a. polo and with the show's budget nearly run dry max is anxiety has caused him to start smoking else down. that's up alive yeah
everybody i'm stephen baldwin gosh what task hollywood guy usual suspects favorite movie proud american first of all i'm just as george washington and r.v.'s to see uncle steve join the big boys because this is my buddy max famous financial guru and we'll she's a little bit different i'm honest abraham lincoln hall i know that there were no windows up last but not least my larger than life. the night an aspiring star rio with all the drama happening in our country i'm shooting the road to have...
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everybody i'm stephen baldwin gushy look test hollywood guy usual suspects every movie proud american first of all i'm dressed as george washington and r.v. enthusiastic uncle steve to me is a good story the big board buzz this is my buddy max the famous financial guru and we'll she's a little bit different i want to do abraham lincoln or no. there really no one knows the last but not least my larger than life. and aspiring star rio with all the drama happening in our country i'm shooting the road to have fun. every day americans know. what's america. suffered. i was naked. we start to bridge the gap this is the great american. time and money are winding down and the pilgrimage heroes have pulled off to an undisclosed parking lot to meet a representative from dash to see if he can help further sponsor their great ideas . like normally. and with the show's budget nearly run dry max's ings ideas caused him to start smoking. alive yeah ok. how are you going to see what i want to rather write in fast meal at their. store oh well. you can make it. there oh say next to me. here. this is fan
everybody i'm stephen baldwin gushy look test hollywood guy usual suspects every movie proud american first of all i'm dressed as george washington and r.v. enthusiastic uncle steve to me is a good story the big board buzz this is my buddy max the famous financial guru and we'll she's a little bit different i want to do abraham lincoln or no. there really no one knows the last but not least my larger than life. and aspiring star rio with all the drama happening in our country i'm shooting the...
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and stephen still has no idea where he is. pittsburgh fitchburg says this is your backyard but you know everybody here knows where i live this is my home bird how many times have we said this town's name maybe we should keep track of that. bird and bird which the school where did i go to school fitchburg star high but i went to warwick rhode island boston architectural college and one of them said she went and got a degree in architecture there is what i'm working towards my degree in architecture i have a degree in engineering but yes or what else are you doing right now that you have on your list of things to do all running for city council at large prayer. or just throw in there so that you know by the way let's go and it's a it's a main thing no fun it's really really great actually what other good excuse do you have to go to people's doors and knock on them and then actually have people say you know. they are going to perceive the potential new city council they have why not on the door to first they're like yes can i hel
and stephen still has no idea where he is. pittsburgh fitchburg says this is your backyard but you know everybody here knows where i live this is my home bird how many times have we said this town's name maybe we should keep track of that. bird and bird which the school where did i go to school fitchburg star high but i went to warwick rhode island boston architectural college and one of them said she went and got a degree in architecture there is what i'm working towards my degree in...
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Feb 15, 2018
02/18
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stephen: broadly speaking, yes.ink it will bleed lower at the moment, so were not expecting a rapid moved to the downside in dollar-yen. it's clear based on the fundamentals of the japanese economy both internally and a sternly, thought talking about payments and so on. the boj is keeping the currency artificially week. as time progresses, they will have to knowledge the strength of the economy and they will do that by shifting their policy stance toward a more hawkish one. that is the policy spectrum and the weak dollar story. then there is positioning and hedging low. when u.s. rates were at zero, japanese investors 5% pension funds could hedge for zero cost, it was free. it's not free anymore, so they are under hedged. when they go to roll into new hedges or one they are patriot, there will be dollar downside when they do that. i would say there's more risk of downside in the short run that upside in dollar-yen from that factor. targets,d you have three-month, nine-month, 12 month. -- socgen wrote a note this mor
stephen: broadly speaking, yes.ink it will bleed lower at the moment, so were not expecting a rapid moved to the downside in dollar-yen. it's clear based on the fundamentals of the japanese economy both internally and a sternly, thought talking about payments and so on. the boj is keeping the currency artificially week. as time progresses, they will have to knowledge the strength of the economy and they will do that by shifting their policy stance toward a more hawkish one. that is the policy...