steve: a panda bear. >> oh! steve: jimmy? >> um, a duck. >> yeah! [applause] steve: a duck. >> oh!you gotta be careful. pam, listen to me. name an animal that carries their young around with them. >> a monkey. >> oh, yeah! steve: a monkey. [cheering and applause] oh, miss belva. >> i got it. steve: i know you do. girl, i have no doubt in my mind, because you a good player. you got two strikes. >> a possum! steve: they sure do. [cheering and applause] a possum. [cheering and applause] that lady right there, man, i'm telling you. she been waiting on this chance. wow. you got 2 strikes, jessica. if it's there, you guys win the game. if it's not there, the other team can steal and win. >> a bird. that's all i got. steve: bird? >> good answer. >> that's all i got. steve: for the win, a bird. >> oh! [cheering and applause] steve: mckenzie family, this is really a clean moment, so listen carefully. if it's there, you steal, your family wins the game. name an animal that carries their young around with them. >> fingers crossed, steve, we're gonna say a cat. steve: a cat. [cheering and appl

steve: the game on! >> woo! audience: oh! steve: chelsea. >> hello! steve: how are you? >> i'm good, how are you? steve: good, good, good. what do you do? >> i'm also a student at u.r.i. i have two jobs, and i also play volleyball. steve: what's your major? >> art. steve: art, ok, cool. >> art photography. >> all right, well, that's good then. all right, let's go, ladies. you got two strikes, though, this time, chelsea, so you got to be careful. fisher family can steal. we asked 100 men: name something you'd be happy to find waiting for you when you got home from work. >> a stack of money? steve: yeah, i would, a stack of money! [audience cheers] >> oh, yes! steve: peggy, only one answer left. if it's there, you clear the board. you got two strikes, too, so, remember, if you miss, fisher family can steal. we talked to 100 men: name something you'd be happy to find waiting for you when you got home from work. >> if it was my husband, it would be a brand-new car. steve: he'd like to pull up in a brand-new car! audience: oh! >> clean house, right there. clean house, clean h

steve: a condom. >> yeah! ha ha ha! ho ho! steve, steve! hey, steve, you don't have a toupee, though. steve: a "woody hoodie." number 8. audience: gun. steve: 7. audience: knife. steve: this cat got a lot of hair. 6. audience: cigarettes. steve: a pack? 5. audience: another toupee. steve: who the hell is this dude? number 3. audience: glue/toupee tape. steve: well, don't go away. we'll be right back, folks. yeah. ♪ ♪ (announcer) answer the call of the grill with new friskies grillers, full of meaty tenders and crunchy bites. steve: welcome back to "family feud," everybody. chambers 72, coniglios 59. give me rashida. give me joe. point values are double. we got the top 6 answers on the board. we asked 100 married men, name someplace your wife tells you to go when she doesn't want you around the house. joe. >> outside. steve: outside. [buzzer] rashida. >> to a friend's house. steve: to a friend's house. >> good answer. whoo! >> whoo! >> we're gonna play! >> we're gonna play. steve: they're gonna play, joe. >> whoo! good job. >> whoo! steve: i

steve: their keys. >> yeah. steve: oh.e, i'm--you say "keys" to me, i'm going, "somebody did a whole kilo?" [laughter] "what kind of--oh, hell." some keys. [cheering and applause] number 4. >> vibrator/toy. steve: we got 2 good families playing today, folks. we'll be right back. [ woman ] gorgeous grains at your service. eat right, not less. [ woman ] hi! this looks interesting! what's going on here? would you like to try some hot cereal? [ women ] sure! [ female announcer ] introducing special k nourish hot cereal. special k? wow! wow! [ female announcer ] made with superfoods... [ woman ] there's, uh, quinoa, barley. i can definitely taste the quinoa. good! i can't believe that's less than 200 calories. [ female announcer ] ...to help you truly shine. this is a way to be good to me. [ female announcer ] nurturing yourself. what will you gain when you lose? steve: hey, welcome back to "family feud." boy, we got a good one today. brown family, 91. smith family, 87. give me cornelius, give me justin. let's go. hey, fellas,

>> steve, you load the oven. >> steve: wow, that's hot! >> an oven, steve. >> steve: that's it? ♪ >> steve: oh, yes. from tv's "cake boss." >> brian: here it is! wheel in the cake! [ applause ] >> brian: look at that! >> steve: a beautiful job. >> elisabeth: hi. >> nice to meet you. >> elisabeth: oh, my gosh. >> brian: how long did it take? >> steve baked the sponge. >> elisabeth: well done. look at this. >> steve: and i believe this is gluten free. >> no. this one is not. this is the one he baked, which is not gluten free. >> elisabeth: i'm not eating anything steve bakes anyway. >> this is gluten free. >> elisabeth: thank you. >> brian: is there a call to make us action figures and maybe fight crime? >> we could do that. we could do anything. >> elisabeth: first of all, i love "cake boss." i'm going to come bake a cake with you. how about we come bake with you one day for real? >> we could have a little next great baker thing. we'll see who bakes the best thing. >> brian: i know everyone hopes to be successful, look what's happened. >> it's crazy. i have no idea how this happe

give it up for steve harvey. steve: ok. [captioning made possible by fremantle media] welcome to "family feud," everybody. i'm your man steve harvey. we got a good one today. returning for the second day from pittsburg, california, it's the coniglio family... and from hyattsville, maryland, it's the chambers family. everybody is here trying to walk out of here with a lot of cash and the possibility of driving away in a fuel-efficient ford fusion right there. let's go. give me safiya. give me salvatore. here we go. we got the top 7 answers on the board. if the toilet in your apartment were broken, name something you'd use instead. safiya. >> a bucket. steve: a bucket. i would, too. a bucket. salvatore. >> the sink. steve: ha ha ha! i love guys' answers. i knew that was coming. the sink. we've all done it. >> yes! >> play, play. >> we're gonna play. steve: they're gonna play. >> all right. we got this, no problem. steve: folks, it's all men over here. you're about to hear some great answers. sal, how you doing? >> wonderful.

>> steve: boom!ve: yeah, but it's called -- it's two words. it's not an autumn and carrot. it's a -- >> what? >> steve: it's not a chair carrot, but a -- >> couch potato! >> steve: boom! [ beeping louder ] >> jimmy: drive in the driveway. drive in the driveway. you always drive in the driveway. >> oh, station wagon? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ beeping ] >> did it go? okay. it's -- um -- a -- >> jimmy: take your time. [ buzzer ] oh! [ sad tuba ] >> steve: yes. rice krispies. rice krispies. what was it? >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> rice krispies. >> i was going to say my favorite, but you don't know that. >> jimmy: is that your favorite? >> yeah. >> jimmy: rice krispy treats or the cereal? >> no, the treats. >> jimmy: yeah, treats are the best. >> steve: i like snap. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. now, you go again. you can start it off this time. and better luck this time. but if me and strahan win one more, we win the whole deal. >> whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. we won two, as well. >> stev

steve: a needle. [applause] [bell] [applause and cheering] >> [laughs] steve: hi, heather. >> hi, steve. steve: the reason the hatcher family's on the show is because the younger sister, haley, is married to chad, and they have... >> two children. steve: two children. heather isn't married, she's older than haley... >> [laughing] steve: and the only one losing their mind in this whole situation about this is miss diane. >> [laughing] steve: and so this is why miss diane signed up for the show, so we could get her baby girl a man. >> [laughing] [applause] steve: all right, let's go. instead of a thermometer, what might a nurse stick in an annoying patient's behind? >> a cotton swab. steve: a cotton swab. [buzzer] audience: aww... steve: chad, how are you feeling today? >> great. steve: firefighter, right? >> firefighter and paramedic, yup. steve: great job, man. instead of a thermometer, what might a nurse stick in an annoying patient's behind? >> i'm going to go with a scope or a camera looking down i

steve: really? >> yeah. steve: you onl

how are you, steve? steve: good. all right, rebecca, men suck in their gut; name a part of the body a woman wishes she could suck in. >> her thighs. steve: her thighs. >> good answer! good answer! steve: ha ha! hey, tommy, let's go. men suck in their gut; name a part of the body a woman wishes she could suck in. >> i would think maybe her checks and her mouth. steve: her cheeks. >> good answer. >> that's ok! steve: hello, sharon. >> nice to meet you. steve: you would be the queen. >> i am, yep. and i also am a 3-year breast cancer survivor. steve: congratulations. >> thank you. steve: that's good. >> three years ago, i had a hairstyle just like yours. steve: sexy, wasn't it? >> yes. bald is beautiful! steve: bald is beautiful. >> that's right, that's right! steve: that's a good thing. congratulations. well, sharon, men suck in their gut; name a part of the body a woman wishes she could suck in. >> how about her double chin? steve: her double chin. >> ohh! steve: hi, julia. how you doing, darling? >> i'm good. how are

steve? >> steve: thank you, brian.al? we're looking at a few cities cs with low unemployment rates and good house deals. we're with michael corbett in l.a. and the author "find it, fix it, flip it" and joins us live. good morning to you, sir. >> good morning. how are you? >> steve: doing okay. so we just talked a little bit about the monthly jobless number coast to coast. 7.3%. in tulsa, oklahoma right now, unemployment rate is 5.2% and that's a town you can get a really nice house for $229,000. >> absolutely. what's wonderful is according to the trulia trends report, what happens is when you have low unemployment, generally you find more -- an increase in price of homes. these are three cities we'll talk about that actually you can still get great deals. this one, for 229, i think this is an amazing house. it's about 2700 square feet, three bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths. this has got fantastic curb appeal. it's a full brick house, two-story entryway. it's got a vaulted ceiling in the kitchen. hardwood floors, crown molding, a

steve: hello, heather. >> hello, steve.: the missi here is to get you a husband. >> yes, i guess so. steve: that's the only reason your mother signed the family up for this show. >> the only reason i'm here on national tv. steve: that's amazing, what type of guy are you looking for, heather? >> um, oh, just a good one. steve: a good one. >> yeah, somebody nice, and smart, and hard-working. steve: hard-working, that's-- >> and good-looking. steve: and good-looking. and the list goes on, and on, and on. [laughter] ha--kind of hard to marry a ugly man. >> yeah. steve: sister did pretty good. >> thank you. steve: got a good-looking guy, right there, you know, you don't--marrying a ugly man is rough. >> he doesn't have any friends or brothers, though. steve: doesn'have any friends or brothers, you already took that route? >> ooh, we've been there. [laughter] steve: didn't work out, huh? well, heather, we're going to find you somebody, that's what we're going to do, you're an attractive girl, we can make it happen. >> [laughs] st

there is one for steve. steve did it! steve did it right there! right over there. all right. go right over there. you're going to do it. turn the crank over there. >> brian: wait a second. does steve doocy pull the bucket? >> yeah. you know what? just do this. hit that right there. there you go. oh, my. >> brian: what does it feel like to lose to steve? how does the slime feel? >> elisabeth: what a slime ball! honestly, i started in the '90s wanting to get slimed, so this is a dream come true. >> steve: i'm not getting over there. >> i have a meeting afterwards. get away from me! >> elisabeth: be careful what you wish for. >> brian: now you know why kids and parents were laughing for years. all in a new book. more with mark and the loser and a round of applause for these great sports. [ applause ion core™ technology, it stops pain before it gets worse. nothing works faster. new fast acting advil. look for it in the white box. ♪ 'take me home...' ♪ 'i'll be gone...' ♪ 'in a day or...' man: twooooooooooooooooo! is that me, was i nging? vo: not payin

> steve: thank you.her, she's out in the streets of new york city. >> that's right. good morning. out in the streets of new york city. today if you live in the center of the country, you're either going to be seeing temperatures that are well above average or below average. let's look at the map. it's a strong cold front headed eastbound ahead of that system that you're going to be seeing temperatures that are in the 80s and even 90s for some of you. still feeling like summer, but it will be bringing in a significant cooldown. also showers and storms expected today and there is even the threat for severe weather in the form of damaging winds in excess of 60 miles an hour and also large hail from some of these storms. there is also a chance, very small chance, that there is a chance that we could be seeing isolated tornadic activity. so tornadoes are not out of the question, anywhere from parts of wisconsin, into sections of iowa, missouri, and kansas. you can also be seeing severe weather. keep an eye ou

>>steve: yeah.'m not going to negotiate over that. why? in the past, going back to the eisenhower days when they wanted to raise money -- the government -- there's been some horse trading. why not this time? >>brian: amazing too. just to show you how off kilter i believe nancy pelosi is, minority leader in the house, she started ripping on the republican party saying from their viewpoint, they just want to take down the economy. they also say that they want to -- thing social security has no place in a free society and that medicare should wither on the vine. she believes that is the republican stance on this. >>steve: she also said the president cut the deficit in half. but according to c.b.o., it's gone up 137%. the shutdown, will it happen? a little later. >>brian: coming up next with seven minutes until 20 minutes after the hour, do kids have questions about the birds and the bees? do they not want to ask their mom or dad? good news, the governmentwe' can answer that question. can answer that qu

>> steve: yeah.perhaps the rebels were doing it to go ahead and frame mr. assad so we would intervene. also mr. putin says that he watched very carefully our president, barak obama, give the speech from the cross hall a couple nights ago and there was one thing that he did not like. he disagreed with the president's point about how americans are exceptional. >> heather: he says, i would rather disagree with the case he made on american exceptionalism, saying the united states' policy, what makes america different, is what makes us exceptional. extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional, whatever the motivation is. when we ask for the lord's blessing, we must not forget god created us equal. >> brian: that's a great point as individuals. but as nations, there is no way we're equal. there is only one nation where they're sneaking in at night to get in, lined up around the block to get in. when is the last time someone said, i'm trying to get to russia. i just can't get my

steve? >> steve: thank you very much.eciding the fate of obamacare. perhaps delaying it one year. but are our leaders about to nullify the constitution by shutting down the government that they were elected to lead? fox news legal analyst peter johnson, jr. joins us live to explain that theory. >> that's a really good question. i think the answer is yes. let's look at the declaration of independence first. let's talk about the consent of the governed. are we consent to go a shut down of this government? i don't think we are. i think we're the last people that anyone in america is thinking about. certainly not the political class. the political chatterers, the media lobbying, political clash in the country that says this is important to us. we're going to increase our contributions in the democratic party when we put it to the republicans, republicans say what's going on in this country? and then we're going to have a shutdown. a shutdown means, unfortunately, the stock market may tank, people will be unemployed in washing

how are you, steve? steve: what do you do? my husband and i own several small businesses, so we manage several small businesses. steve: ok, name one. >> center rock. steve: oh, yeah. cleared that right up. yeah. [laughter] i don't know what you're... >> steve, it's a drilling company. we assisted in the chilean mine rescue. steve: oh, did you? >> yes. [cheering and applause] wow. man, that had the whole country hanging on a thread, man. >> yep. right. steve: that was great. felt good to be a part of that? >> absolutely. steve: ok, well, let's go, then, julie. name something that shakes when it's turned on. >> your cell phone. steve: your cell phone. [cheering and applause] suzie, darling, name something that shakes when it's turned on. >> steve, i'm gonna say a blender. >> good answer! steve: a blender. [cheering and applause] hey, wendy, how are you, darling? >> i am great. steve: ok, wendy, let's go. name something that shakes when it's turned on. >> i'll say the washing machine. steve: the washing machine. [cheering and app

steve?hank you very much. >>brian: i wonder how those three feel? do they feel that hell in my life is over or do they feel he got off easy not having to spend his life in prison? >>steve: they are going to have to explain because apparently the authorities were going to have to have eyes on him every ten minutes. how did that happen? >>gretchen: in the meantime there are other headlines. a girl had an asthma attack and a friend left her for dead. taylor smith's friend did try to revive her but when that didn't work, they took off. her mother thinks drugs may have been involved. >> as a police officer of course i'm suspicious. i'm very suspicious because that's not normal behavior. >>gretchen: so far two people have been arrested. fort hood shooter nidal hasan clean shaven. the army psychiatrist was forcibly shaved at fort leavenworth where he's on death row for murdering 13 people. he began growing his beard after the massacre in 2009 saying his muslim faith required it. his trial was put o

gretchen, steve, brian? >>steve: thanks very much.initially the intended target date could have been september 11. something went hey -- went haywire, they had to delay it a day. >>brian: could have been. >>gretchen: to another fox news alert, a massive fire destroys at least six blocks of a new jersey boardwalk, a community hit hard by superstorm sandy and still struggling to recover. amy earhart on the scene. >> we're being told the fire is under control at this point. you can see the fire fighters and truck behind me. they're still trying to douse the fire with water this morning, andçó we're being told that's to prevent the hot spots or thexdçdireÑi from flaring up again. we've noticed they'veÑiçó focused on the end of this building here. this is where it all started. this is seaside park. it started here at 2:30çç5 yesterday afternoon at a custard shop on the other side of this building. it spread north about two mtv reality showÑi "jerseykoÑió shore" was filmed. thisçóxdÑi morningÑiÑi áqatÑiçór Ñiñrjzçó açyóñr september, there'

>>steve: fox news alert. members of the senate are going to make their case to congress hoping to win support to take military action in syria. i should have said key members of the president's cabinet. this as we learn the president may be sending new arms to the rebels. kelly wright is live with the latest from our nation's capital. >> president obama continues to push for getting support from members of congress to give authorization for u.s. military strike against syria. the president is relying on two leading republican senators: lindsey graham and john mccain to help him persuade other congressional members to approve his plan for a punitive strike. but the senators want president obama to knock down assad's airplanes and armed *f -- and arm syrian rebels with more weapons. fox news is learning there is no true definition of what the president's definition of advanced weaponry is. >> bringing the military capability of the opposition. you're upgrading their political cohesion and giving regional force

brian, elisabeth, steve. >>steve: thank you very much. a live report.rian: one of the questions on the background check would be how many voices are talking to you through your mike -- microwave. this guy obviously had problems. he was talking to a therapist. >>elisabeth: it is reported he was talking to someone in newport and then was spoeftedly -- supposedly prescribed medication and then went to d.c. we're wondering if there was follow-up. it does shift the focus of the discussion to mental illness. now we're right in the middle of this talk. >>steve: he did seem crazy. if you remember the story about the guy who shot up the theater in aurora, colorado. we found out later he was seeing a therapist just like this guy was seeing a therapist. but also this guy was on the radar of the police just a couple of weeks before things happened, and brian alluded to this. he called the cops a couple of times. i just switched hotels again. this is the third time. by the way he was a heavy drinker and he loved haoeupb kin, as -- heinekin. he said i'm hearing these

>>steve: oh man. >>brian: only on "fox & friends" because the first hour starts now. ♪ ♪ >>gretchen: good morning. hope you're going to have a great thursday. we're going to get right to your headlines and bring you up to speed on syria. one person died, 13 others may have been exposed to a rare and deadly brain disease that has no cure. it is believed the patients were operated on with the same rented infected equipment in new hampshire. it is called c.j.d. and it is similar to mad cow disease. >> there have only been four cases in the world's literature of this type of transfer. four cases with surgical instruments. >>gretchen: unlike viruses or bacteria, standard hospital sterilization does not kill c.j.d. from surgical equipment. >> while on a safari in tanzania, a heard of 50 elephants chased a man. he fell when he ran away. he was crushed by the animals. he the -- he was set to begin a new job next week. >> school closed after a high school in texas after a stabbing left a student dead. police s

steve, elisabeth. >> steve: this is going to scare you. us now, the ceo of connected to, big case analyst. these devices which we think are harmless are hacking into your entire life. >> right. so put one of these out that looks like -- pay no attention, but it looks like a small charger, right? this is actually -- it's not a charge. it's a data cable that charges your phone at the same time. people forget things like this, this is a mini usb. plugs into your phone, you sync things, but what they've been able to do is take it down, eventually it will get down to where you put the logic board a small computer into something this size and when you plug it in, it sucks your information out of your phone. >> steve: in other words, you might be over at a starbucks or something like that and somebody might say hey, you need a charger? borrow my phone. >> steve: then they would be able to suck out your passwords, your texts. they'd be able to listen in. >> delete your pictures first. >> steve: absolutely. what else can they do? >> once you get ac

where's steve jobs? steve doocy, we have you. >>steve: that's right.uch cheaper. a fox news alert. president obama getting ready to deliver a prime time speech on syria at 9 p.m. eastern time but now congress seems split on authorizing military force. what happens if both chambers can't agree on green lighting a military strike? let's talk to fox news contributor judge napolitano. we're going to talk about how john kerry undid a bunch of stuff yesterday but first white house aides said the possibility of a strike against syria still not off the table? >> even the president indicated it yesterday, that it's still not off the table. but the president needs to understand that it would be a violation of international law for him to do so. syria, as vicious as the assad regime is, has every right to defend itself from rebels, just as obama would have the right to defend himself if people on the streets were shooting at the white house. and the united states has no legal right to interfere. we haven't been asked to interfere by the syrian government obviousl

>> steve: no.imatronic james. >> jimmy: yeah. ♪ thank you, miley cyrus and liam hemsworth, for calling off your engagement this week. i guess after all this time, you just couldn't make it twerk. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ thank you, grand theft auto v, for including the option to make your character stay in his apartment and smoke weed. [ laughter ] thus making you the most realistic video game of all time. [ cheers and applause ] you can really do that. it's real. it's insane. a giant, giant game. ♪ thank you, peyton manning, for beating your little brother, eli, in a football game last sunday. though, it wasn't very nice when you kept saying, "stop tackling yourself. stop tackling yourself. [ laughter ] stop tackling yourself." >> steve: get off me! [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, the pumpkin spice latte, for basically being a cup of coffee that's wearing a slutty halloween costume. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i'm a sexy kitten! >> steve: i'm a sexy referee! >> jimmy: i'

>>steve: absolutely.case he didn't like the way a car was parked in 2004 in seattle and shot the tires out from under a honda accord. then he shot one of his apartments where the lady who lived upstairs or downstairs was making too much noise. those to me seem like some warnings signs. >> they definitely were warning signs. unfortunately hindsight is 20/20. we'll look at the procedures we use for folks to gain access to all of our naval bases. not only that, what about the weapon that the guy had? what kind of background check was done there? all of these questions will be answered hopefully as the days go by. >>steve: rod, thank you. 20 minutes after the top of the hour on this tuesday. next on this program, it is the biggest property seizure in american history. the reason? the owners of this building used the rent to funnel money to iran. of course. crazy. the details are straight ahead, and they're stunning. this man has a message for america. he says grow a pair. if you're tired of the wuss i f i cat

>>steve: he's the leader.s the president -- >>gretchen: if he's not good at it, he should have a staff that is. >>brian: a jim baker, sun who has been there -- someone who has been there in the past and knows how to work. >>steve: you combine that with the calendar, it looks as if the senate is going to be voting this week. the house maybe as early as next week. look what he's got on the calendar. tonight the season kickoff for monday night football and major league football as well is going to be tonight. they are competing for eyeballs. in new york city there is a big primary tomorrow. plus the new iphone is launching, which believe me, a lot of people are worried about and concerned about because they love technology. >>brian: and the gap has new ripped jeans. the iphone coming out, yom kippur, holidays important. the other thing that comes up too is that they say in the past nobody -- and 9/11 of course on wednesday. they say never rule out anything in august. that if you are interested in getting anything

steve: the workplace. >> way to go. good job. steve: hello, haley.ood to see you again, darling, beautiful mother with the two kids and all. name a place where it would be inappropriate to hit on the opposite sex. >> at your child's school. steve: at your child's school. [buzzer] ok, diane. name a place where it would be inappropriate to hit on the opposite sex. >> for a doctor to a patient? steve: a doctor to the patient. i like that answer. a doctor to the patient. >> yay! steve: you're in up there having a baby, and he hitting on you, that's--oh... oh...man. don, you got to be careful. we got two strikes here. the scott family can steal. >> at a wedding. steve: at a wedding. [buzzer]

] [ cheers ] >> steve: right there!. >> jimmy: ew. ew. of course, everybody is still excited about football being back. i mean -- [ cheers and applause ] football's so fun. and this sunday night, we've got the seattle seahawks and the san francisco 49ers going head-to-head. oh, this is very exciting. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: yeah. two great teams, right here. now, every year at the end of the season, they give out awards like most valuable player. but they also give out awards during the season, sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks. like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. so with that in mind, it's time for "late night superlatives." here we go. ♪ late night superlatives ♪ >> jimmy: this is great. our first player is zach miller. he was voted most likely to request a rectangular helmet. [ laughter ] when they make those. next is phil dawson. he was voted most likely to be the love child of james carville and mr. clean. [ laughter and applause ] that was a close race. this is russell wils

>> steve: right. next thing you know, she's up on capitol hill, taking the fifth. going to get fired. but brian, you bring up a good point. that's a gigantic story. so you look at the "washington post," you figure it would be on the front page, right? it's not. >> elisabeth: it looks like page 2? >> steve: no. >> elisabeth: double digits? >> steve: let's go to page 15. here it is halfway down. >> elisabeth: in thek [ laughter ] >> steve: it's underneath political trivia.g=tmñ >> brian: really? >> steve: it says, central irs figure in tea party scandal resigns. if there is a scandal in washington, you would think that it would be on the front page, but instead, it's on a-15. >> brian: could you find out what daughters -- taurus what, i'm going to do today?çó >> steve: apple sold 9 million iphones? black berry is going, oh, that's not good fort( blackberry. >> elisabeth: there are those that --m we've got tea party people that are like completely upset. are we going to be paying her pension? larry on gr

[laughs] steve: the hood of a car. >> we're gonna play, steve. steve: they're gonna play. is where you start learning stuff about your family. mindy, name something you've made love on top of. >> tabletop. steve: ain't no need to whisper now. you're on tv. tabletop. julie, name something you've made love on top of. >> a mountain? steve: on top of the mountain. suzie. [laughs] >> i'm gonna say a bed, steve. >> good answer. steve: a bed. wendy, name something you've made love on top of. ya'll ain't missed one yet. >> the kitchen countertop. steve: the kitchen countertop. shannon, no strikes at all. you gals are nailing it. name something you've made love on top of. >> on the beach. steve: on top...of the beach. we got one strike. mindy? >> hmm. what has a spin cycle? the washer! steve: [whispering] the washer. "what has a spin cycle? the washer!" >> or the top of the washer. steve: you... julie? >> my partner. >> good answer! steve: ha ha ha ha! oh, yeah. her partner. i can't believe y'all are doing this well right here. shocking me. one answer left. only one strike, suzie.

>>steve: good luck.: today we of course mark the 12th anniversary of 9/11. we think not only about the victimsÑi but also about their families. >>brian: more than 3,000 children whoÑi lost a parent on that day and how are they rising from the ashes, putting their life back together? >>steve: peter johnsonpa&c @3 n lower manhattan where he lives and works. he joins us with more. >> good morning, steve, gretchen and brian. it's a sad day on the 12th anniversary but it's also a happy day in some ways. we mark the new towers going up behind us but we also mark more importantly lives out of the ashes, survivors of 9/11, the brilliant young children who have becomeÑi brilliant york city. i'm happy to have with us one of those people this morning. how are you? >> good. how are you? >> your father matthew died on the 102n floor and you attended his funeral. tell us what your feeling on this day on the 12th anniversary of the world trade centerÑi attack. >> this day is actually humbling for me because the amount

>> steve: come on.s the thing. the older you are and the more you earn, the more you pay because you won't wind up with any tax credits because if you make over $46,000 a year as an individual, you're not going to get a break from the government. here is the other thing. the manhattan institute looked at this data that was released by the federal government yesterday. what they did was they compared the five cheapest plans on the market today with the five plans available under obamacare. what they're projecting is if you are a young guy, 27 years old, younger men's rates will go up between 97 and 99% because keep in mind, a lot of them don't have it right now. they don't need it. younger women's rates will go up 55 to 62%. if you're in north carolina, manhattan institute says your rates will triple if you're a woman and if you're a guy, they will quadruple. good luck starting october 1st. >> elisabeth: truly up to this point we've had more information about the newest version of the iphone. infuriating

>>steve: ready. >> where are we shipping it? >>steve: away. close it up. thank you very much. folks, if you're just tuning in to "fox & friends," you don't know what's going on, it's a new

applause ] >> steve: what?amescringe. he wants steve to say -- >> $100 says i can twerk better than miley. ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i wouldn't bet that. this one is from @edgeland86. he wants steve to say -- >> i did it. it was me. i let the dogs out. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's who let the dogs out? >> steve: him, him, him, him, him. >> jimmy: this one is from @sacktowngirl. she wants steve to say -- >> are you a parking ticket? because you've got fine written all over you. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: yeah, that's nice. that's sexy. this one is from @edb87. he wants steve to say -- >> draw me like one of your french girls, jack. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i always wanted you to say that. oh, this is a great one. this is from @clnova. she wants steve to say -- [ speaking in spanish ] [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's all i remember from spanish class. here is the last one here. this from @profmassey. he wants steve to say -- >> luke, i'm not y

steve harvey!come back to the show. >> i love the band. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. you love the roots. you can't beat the roots, right there. ladies and gentlemen right there. >> god, i wish i was on late night. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they'll be good. you will see them with kanye later on. we got kanye. >> i'm going to be here for that. >> jimmy: oh, good. yeah, good. >> oh, i'll be here. you might want me to leave. >> jimmy: no, i would never want you to leave at all. >> kanye west! >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. that's going to be fun. [ cheers and applause ] you're giant fans of the "duck dynasty" guys too. >> oh, man, i already hugged them back stage. >> jimmy: he did, yeah. i joined you, yeah. >> i have an emotional bond with them dudes because they're from the south. yeah. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: that's why you have a bond with them. >> you see, south is a big hit. because people, they never put cameras on the south before. you ain't over seen "swamp people," "gator boys." you didn't know none of

> steve: it's on velvet.at follows you with their eyes. >> jimmy: i don't know. >> steve: he's so cute. >> jimmy: like in "harry potter"? >> steve: yeah, like in "harry potter." [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, keyshawn johnson, for being the first contestant eliminated from "dancing with the stars." you may be an incredible athlete, but on the dance floor you got beat by this guy. [ laughter and applause ] i don't know how. ♪ thank you, police in pennsylvania that caught two men stealing $8,000 worth of bras from a victoria secret store. man, that must have been a huge bust. [ laughter ] i can just imagine. i can just imagine. [ applause ] yeah, yeah. ♪ thank you, scrunchies, for looking like rubber bands in sweatpants. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you, work e-mail announcement that there's cake in the kitchen, for turning everyone in the office from hardworking adults into a pack of rabid, wild hyenas. cake! [ cheers and applause ] cake! cake, oh, my god! ♪ thank you, the phrase "close but no cigar," for bein

[ steve imitating engine ] [ laughter ] [ steve imitating siren ] >> jimmy: michael winslow. [ applausew everybody. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: some big music news this week. rapper maejor ali released a music video that features a shirtless justin bieber rapping. [ audience groans ] which got even more awkward when people were like, "ugh, is miley naked again?" [ laughter ] no, no. that's justin bieber. [ laughter ] this is going to be good. the publisher of "penthouse" magazine filed for bankruptcy this week. which i guess explains the magazine's new name, "studio apartment" magazine. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ and finally, this is everywhere today. last night's reds/astros game. did you see this? houston shortstop jonathan villar was trying to slide into second base and -- well, just look at what happened. >> three times he won. all of them quality starts and villar, who had his nine-game hitting streak ended last night, gets the hit. he's gonna try to go for two. [ laughter ] >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: and villar is and coming around. oh! it's a butt plant right down the field. oh, there

>> steve: hey, yo, bitch?: i got a joke. you interested in buying? >> i don't know. >> steve: come on. bitch. bitch. >> are you sure it will work? >> it's the purest product out there. guaranteed, laugh their asses off. >> tight. tight, tight, tight, tight, yes. >> ladies and gentlemen, colin quinn. >> i tell you boys, crazy times we live in. i read where snoop lion got caught rolling a fatty, or as chris christie calls it, rolling a me. [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a cliff hanger. but stay tuned for part two of "joking bad" right after the break. come on back, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] you're comfortable here. it's where you email, shop, even bank. but are you too comfortable? these days crime can happen in a few keystrokes. american express can help protect you. with intelligent security that learns your spending patterns, and can alert you to an unusual charge instantly. so you can be a member of a more secure world. this is what membership is. this is what m

that's not how you dance." >> steve: that's not good.g with the whores." >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] it's the biggest show on nbc right now. >> steve: you're going to hell in a hand basket. i love it. [ imitating bruno ] i love it when you dance with the whores. he was the best. i think you're the best. you're the best whore dancing out there. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bruno loves it. anyways, congratulations to stephen colbert and everyone over there at "colbert report." ♪ [ applause ] genuinely happy. like, they were genuinely happy when they won. i was sitting next to them, and, like, we lost. i was, like, i don't care. i knew i was going to lose to someone, so it was, like, yeah. and he won, and he was genuinely happy. like, kissed his wife. they were so happy. and, like, his writers are awesome. so congrats to those guys over there at "colbert report." i hope you enjoy those emmys. [ cheers and applause ] well deserved. we have a great show tonight. we love it when this guy stops by. his new movie, "don jon," is in theaters

yeah. >> steve: that was fantastic. >> jimmy: yeah. thank you.e holiday season. the least popular? twerking ernie. [ laughter and applause ] here is a little bit of news out of washington. according to official phone records bill clinton still calls members of congress to discuss policy and just shoot the breeze. that's what they said. we were actually able to get our hands on a few of the phone calls. and it seems like president clinton might just have a little too much time on his hands. take a listen to this call he had with nancy pelosi. >> hello, this is nancy pelosi. >> hi, it's your favorite ex-president. >> oh hi, bill, i'm kind of busy right now. >> you better not be swinging on a wrecking ball over there, nancy. >> yeah, i'm definitely not doing that. >> i'm just kidding. but have you seen that miley video? girlfriend can twerk! [ laughter ] [ dial tone ] >> jimmy: girlfriend can twerk? >> steve: and then she hung up on him. >> jimmy: i know. he's just calling. he's got too much time on his hands. here's another one where he called wisc

he also has "family feud," the hilarious steve harvey is here! [ cheers and applause ] every time he's funny. >> steve: every time. >> jimmy: every time he's on the show, he's funny. we love steve harvey. also, these guys -- so excited these guys are on the show. i'm so excited. we have separate dressing rooms for their beards. from a&e's hit show "duck dynasty," willie, jep, and si robertson are stopping by. [ applause ] and people love these guys. >> steve: it's millions and millions and millions. >> jimmy: like, millions and

. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> well, thank you steven e steve i'm not sure though how to respond to this picture.to commit all brian's on their names. i'm honored to think here. i've been sobered with this project throughout any 18 years as a staff person in the state senate and more recently in the brown administration for the past 15 months. i'll say over the 18 years this project has had an effect on me. it's had time to inspire me and frustrate me and today having seen the final project it expresses me. there are thousands of men and women who gave much of themselves to see this project accomplished. it's their work and their resolve and their friendship that i want to spend a moment honoring. first optimistic continue in day you can't let a moment pass without honoring the men and women in the labor community who did the work. i want to acknowledge all of them (clapping) secondly i know owe loves to be acknowledged. the second brian has given me so much guidance i've got to tip my hat to dr. brian ma iron (clapping) dr. ma iron is enthusiastic and passionate about what he does. he's a first

yeah. [ laughter ] >> steve: see, honey?l testicles make better dads, while people with no testicles make better moms. [ audience ohs ] who's doing the research? who's doing research? isn't that weird, research? well, yeah, they're saying that it's true, that men with small testicles make better fathers. which gave me a lot to think about when my wife bought me that mug that says number one dad. not sure what the -- >> steve: tiny little mug. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. more of a shot glass, yeah. >> steve: hey, buddy. >> jimmy: take a sip, and then just rest it on my testicles. yeah. [ laughter ] this is a sweet story right here, you guys. i just read about an elderly couple in england that just got remarried 48 years after they got divorced. yeah. they said what brought them together was love and not remembering they were married before. [ laughter ] it's like i knew you my whole life. [ applause ] here's some celebrity gossip. some hot goss. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: it's rumored that demi moore started dating the father