>> steve: i cannot date -- >> jimmy: hello? hello? ♪ >> steve: yeah, there we go.e hold -- woah, hey -- ♪ >> jimmy: what happended to your voice? are you being strangled? ♪ >> steve: help me, i'm being murdered! >> jimmy: oh my gosh, what do i do? i can't -- let me call 911, hold on let call 911. [ ringing ] 911? [ hot sax ] ♪ you guys having a party over there? what is this? no. >> steve: that was the phone sax line. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ good-bye, everybody! >> jimmy: he's retired. he retired, there he goes. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 38 great shows, steve higgins. retiring. take care, buddy. [ applause ] oh, he's back. exhausted. >> steve: colbert wouldn't hire me. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: no problem. i'll put a call in to him later. here is an incredible story here. some fisherman in eastern europe recently discovered a a message in a bottle that was written 101 years ago. even weirder, the message just said "ye up?" [ laughter ] it's a booty call from -- oh, you liked it, come on. it's fun. [ southern accent ] >> steve: "ye up?" that's not how

take care, buddy. >> steve: he punched it. >> jimmy: i think he punched me. >> steve: the mac geniusunched the guy. >> jimmy: he sold me the phone. >> steve: wow. insult to injury. >> jimmy: i guess as a way to reduce its carbon footprint, ikea -- we love ikea -- they announced that it will start offering vegetarian meatballs at its stores. [ laughter ] here's the name, they're calling them vegballs. [ laughter ] vegballs. >> steve: vegballs. >> jimmy: that's right, ikea is now offering vegballs, or as plants put it, "thanks a lot, a-holes -- hope you're happy." guys, i'm upset, i'm in a weird mood tonight. i'm upset. "price is right" host drew carey was sent home from "dancing with the stars." [ audience aws ] after getting the lowest score of the night. that's right, drew had some technical problems. you know, like, technically, he's not a professional dancer like everyone else on the show. there's two gold medal winning ice dancers. [ applause ] dancing on the show. take away ice. oh, what are we gonna do? they're going to be awful when they take away ice and dance on regular -- [

party up. >> steve: yeah.the 1-3. >> jimmy: 2012, sometimes. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: that's not what anyone says. 2012 sometimes. pro, you've live tweeted sunday's season premiere on twitter. con, the episode has more than 140 characters. yeah, it's very hard to keep track of that. what are we talking about again? "game of thrones." [ laughter ] >> steve: we're weighing the pros and the cons of watching "game of thrones." >> jimmy: yeah, thanks. pros and cons of watching -- >> steve: all good, all good. >> jimmy: all good, y'all. pro, although just a teenaged girl, arya stark has already had to fend off invade, enemy soldiers, and trained killers. con, as well as unwanted texts from james franco. [ laughter ] >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: gotta be careful. gotta be careful. >> steve: keep your fingers inside the gloves. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pro, king joffrey doesn't realize that his parents are actually brother and sister. con, thus answering the question, "yes, the 'how i met your mother' finale could have be

: blacky. >> steve: yep.e. >> jimmy: you made that up. [ laughter ] there was someone with an eye patch. but anyways, so let's see. here is the band right there. they're trapped inside this weird portable tv or something. [ light laughter ] they look like they're a "solid gold" spinoff show or something. um, anyway, let's look at the title track, "general hospi-tale." ♪ ♪ rock it hot rock it steady pick yourself up and get yourself ready ♪ ♪ wave your arms let me hear you yell we're gonna rap about general hospital ♪ ♪ ♪ it started out in port charles-town frank smith's mom used to hang around ♪ ♪ no one could prove that he was a crook til luke stole his little black book ♪ ♪ ♪ it had names and numbers all in code so luke and laura had to hit the road ♪ ♪ they had to find the left-handed boy watch their step they had to be coy ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: stop, stop, stop. all right, that's enough. the rapping part bummed me out. they're rapping the plot of "general hospital," like an episode. >> steve: like a single episod

>> steve: triple-d! d-d-d!hter and applause ] hey, guys, it's time to take a a look at the stories making headlines today, and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ >> jimmy: tonight we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of going to the kentucky derby. >> steve: hmmm. >> jimmy: coming up this weekend, you got your big hats, mint juleps, fancy parties. i think there might be a horse race involved. [ laughter ] very fun, let's take a look at the pros and cons of going to the kentucky derby. here we go. pro, it's tradition that goes back 140 years. con, just like donald sterling's views on race. [ laughter ] >> steve: he loves races. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: races? >> steve: yeah, racist. >> jimmy: oh, racist, yeah. oh sorry he does -- >> steve: he's a racist. a fan of races, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what a racist is. >> steve: my bad. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] pro, it's like the original nas

oh no, no, no." >> steve: uh-uh. >> jimmy: don't make me take my earrings out. >> steve: hum hmm. >> are not going to open up the old facebook account." [ laughter ] mary, mary. that 227 facebook account. >> jimmy: two, two, two. [ light laughter ] you know my number? "my number is two two two, two two, two two." [ laughter ] no. 212, 212, 222. that's rosie perez giving her phone number. [ laughter ] [ imitating perez ] "212-222-2222. oh, bishop. bishop that was two two." ♪ we got to get rosie on. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, "dancing with the stars" for making contestants swap partners. i haven't seen someone have that much fun swapping dance partners since my date at the prom. [ audience aws ] ♪ all by myself don't wanna be all by myself ♪ ♪ [ sax music ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tariq! [ music stops ] ♪ [ music stops ] ♪ [ music stops ] ♪ >> steve: boo! >> jimmy: boo. all right, all right. [ laughter ] i'm saving it down here for later. i'll have it down here for later. >> steve: boo. friday. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, for attempting to untangle my earbuds for momentarily giving

] >> steve: top 15 man.jimmy: and you're just getting better every single day. >> tariq: yeah thank you, bro. [ laughter ] >> steve: it's a work in progress. >> jimmy: no i love that guy. anyways we've been talking a a lot this week about -- there's a zoo in china and they have a panda bear there named seisha. and it's depressed. very depressed panda. and so they put a tv in the cage to cheer up the panda. so that means that right now a a panda could be watching our show in china. so we want to help make the panda happy. so we've been having a dancing panda come out and dance around. [ light laughter ] and she's been getting a lot of love from you guys on the internet. but here's the thing. she doesn't have a name. so during yesterday's show, i asked you guys to tweet out what you think the panda should be named and include the hashtag fallon panda. so many tweets. at one point, fallon panda was the number one top trend on twitter last night worldwide. [ cheers and applause ] worldwide. we got great suggesti

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: something right there. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: red flag. >> stevee's european. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: um -- [ laughter ] when asked to comment, the woman was like -- [ as schwarzenegger ] "that was completely untrue. this is the craziest thing i've ever heard. why is everyone -- i'm a little girl! i'm a little girl. i sing in hair brushes and i put harry styles on the wall. what is the problem?" [ laughter ] but that's right. the olympics are winding down in russia. boy, it's been fun. one of the things i've noticed is how the russian government maintains pretty tight control over the media. especially tv news. i mean, take a look at this local news from sochi. i think they did something to this. [ speaking russian ] >> translator: hello. my name is jeff martinez. so far the olympics in sochi, russia have been a huge success. despite the weather, the mountains still have great snow. i used to toboggan with my brother, jeremy. one time he dumped some snow down my snow pants and yelled, "ice ice baby" and then shoved me down the hill. and i was like,

tonight -- bob costas steve coogan

i'm steve phelps with nascar. >> hi, steve. peter. >> hey, steve.steve, how are you? welcome to our new york office. you know, marcus had asked me to take the meeting. this is a little bit unusual for us, but wanted to take the meeting to understand what it is about your company that you believe will help the nascar brand. >> let me go first. steve, why do you think nascar's good for skullduggery? [laughing] >> so, you know, we are in a really good spot at this particular point. the sport's growing. we're really trying to attract a much younger audience, a more diverse audience. you know, we're finding partners to invest with us in s.t.e.m. >> i'm sorry, ste--stem? >> s.t.e.m. science, technology, engineering, math. >> okay, okay. >> nascar is a technology-driven enterprise, and i think it's awesome that they want to attract kids through education. >> and so the question is, do you have something that you could focus on that? 'cause that's an important area for us. >> um, i'm havin'--you know, i had some meetings with--i just met with toys "r "us, w

he's like howard stern tall. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: that's tall. >> steve: that's real tall. >> jimmyhe's a big, big guy. but i can't wait to talk to that guy. plus, this guy's one of our favorite guests. and now he's a marvel superhero. from "captain america: the winter soldier," anthony mackie is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] he's big time. >> steve: big time. >> jimmy: he's big time now. yeah, yeah, yeah. and if you guys like lasers -- do you guys like lasers? [ cheers and applause ] if you have a tv set at home that enjoys lasers. or you want to see -- this is the most lasers we've ever had on the show ever. for this -- sky ferreira is here and she sounds great. [ cheers and applause ] she sings amazing. much better than what i just did. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. well, it's similar. it's very -- yeah. >> steve: very similar. >> jimmy: very similar, yeah. pretty crazy news about letterman yesterday. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it was kind of shocking. i didn't -- i mean, he announced his retirement. i love david letterman, obviously. i used to take the train from

>> steve: new truck! >> jimmy: new truck! >> steve: new truck! #newtruck. [ laughter ] >> steve: better get some monster cables in there. >> jimmy: oh, my god, you hook up those monster cables. >> steve: gonna get my mac, gonna listen to music. >> jimmy: music. i mean, how you gonna watch the tv without using monster cables? >> steve: oh, it's like watching garbage. >> jimmy: you gotta get -- it's like watching garbage. [ laughter ] you gotta get gold-plated ones. >> steve: oh my gosh. >> jimmy: if you don't got it, you fool. wear them around your neck. you take your wife out, you give it to her, put it around her neck. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: romantic monster cables. >> steve: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] yeah! >> jimmy: yeah, why not? >> steve: i get mine in the smithsonian. >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: i get mine in the smithsonian. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you go to the smithsonian? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy:you gotta get the monster cables. [ laughter ] so anyways, i picked out the truck, i have my truck, okay? but now i just don't know

that's robin antin's new creation. >> steve: oh yeah. >> jimmy: she did pussycat dolls. >> steve: yepdoing g.r.l. they can sing, they can dance. it just --it sounds so good. it is --this is unbelievable. what a great show tonight. i'm so excited about this. and you know what pitbull gave me before the show? he gave me a big gift basket with cookies and leche. [ laughter ] because i did a sketch on "snl" where i played pitbull. >> steve: and you said -- [ imitating pitbull ] >> both: santa's in miami. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and i say, "give me cookies and leche." and he saw the sketch and thought it would be funny. i love that guy. anyway -- guys, here's two things you need to know about me right now. one, i love reality shows. and two, i'm in the market to buy a truck. so we came up with a contest that combines both. it's kind of like "survivor" meets "top gear." we call it "fingers on a 4x4." yeah. [ applause ] ♪ fingers on a 4x4 ♪ [ jimmy singing ] ♪ fingers on a 4x4 >> jimmy: it's really --do you ever get an idea, guys? a crazy idea, and youre like, "that would never happen." and th

little mustart on it. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: eat my ham. >> steve: yeah?aughter ] >> jimmy: maybe if i had a ham and then a cheese on the other hand. and then i met another dude and his hands were bread. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah then you could go like this. he can envelope you with bread. >> jimmy: he's like you got to stop doing acid man. this is a crazy story here. a nursing home in long island is being sued for hiring male strippers to perform for the residents. [ cheers ] apparently the strippers did really well. one guy said his g string was full of checks for $5. happy birthday sweetie, that's what it said. the residents said that they knew when ever someone was about to make it rain because they could feel it in their joints. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that's good one. that's a good one. [ applause ] that's a good one. this is insane. higgins you're going to freak out. you know who's most upset about the strippers is the residents' families. they are suing the nursing home. this is real. these are the lawyers that they hired. this is real. look at

bang. ♪ ♪ >> steve: is that a ford? ♪ >> jimmy: oh! >> steve: oh! you're out.'m like chuck barris, man. [ laughter ] great show, got ya! so anyways, i'm buying a truck. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: so i went on twitter and i started a hashtag called #myworstcar. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: because everyone's had a bad car. >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: and i asked you guys to tweet something funny or weird about the worst car you've ever had. we got thousands of tweets. in fact, within 20 minutes it was a worldwide trending topic, so thank you for those tweets, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] it's so fun when that happens. we like everybody. so now, i thought i'd share some of my favorite #myworstcar tweets from you guys. here we go. this first one's from @buddysaanguy. he says, "the horn would honk on its own sometimes, so when it did i would just wave my hand out the window like i'd seen a friend." [ laughter ] hey, guys! >> steve: honk, honk! >> jimmy: that really happened to us when we were growing up. my dad came back from work honking the horn. my mom got all exc

>> steve: hot card! woo! hot. >> jimmy: recycle that guy. >> steve: hot.ecycle it. >> jimmy: yeah, awesome, dude. >> steve: i'm hopeful that stays put. >> jimmy: pro, watching vladimir putin stare down the competition. [ laughter ] con, watching vladimir putin cheer on team russia. [ laughter and applause ] [ with russian accent ] "i must break you." pro, telling your parents you're a biathlete. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ drum roll ] hearing them say, "we always suspected." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: that's the cool side! >> jimmy: put that on the cool side. >> steve: hot thing! >> jimmy: yeah, you're right. put that on that cool side. no, no, no. cool, cool. keep the hot side hot and the cool side cool. thank you, buddy. pro, competing in the skeleton and the luge. con, competing in the skeleton luge. that's weird. [ laughter and applause ] you can't do that in russia. >> steve: is that a biathlete? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> steve: i'm sorry. i couldn't hear you. >> jimmy: yeah, it's all right. pro, you won a gold medal. c

steve jobs transformed the way we think about technology and the apple.lter isaacson is job's biography. >> steve jobs is the creator at large, he started a company in his parent's garage with the kid from down the street and turned it into the most valuable company in the history of the world. >> growing up in silicon valley, jobs became the oddest fusion of california's engineering and hippy cultures. he was not a programmer, so much as a marketer and dreamer whose big idea was to sell his friend, steve wozniak's creation. >> he was smart enough to know he needed other's engineering. but what he was able to do is bring everything together into a package and then figure out how to build a business around it. >> and what a business he built, more than anyone, jobs put the personal into personal computers, creating elegant machines that sometimes looked like a toy and often as not were as easy to use as one. >> technology was barrelling along in the mid-'70s when he starts apple. but he said let's make it intuitively, simple and beautiful, he connects art

emma stone on the show. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: lovely, lovely. >> jimmy: stone bone. >> stevee bone. >> jimmy: stone bone on the show. we have robinson cano. [ cheers and applause ] we love him. keith urban is rocking it out on the show tonight! [ cheers and applause ] that's the type of show -- unbelievable. but welcome everybody. let's get to some news here. here's what people are talking about. of course it is donald sterling. [ audience boos ] he's not here. [ laughter ] well, i guess he's the owner of the l.a. clippers basketball team. and he was recorded telling his girlfriend not to hang out with black people, after she posted a picture with magic johnson on instagram. sterling says it was a a misunderstanding. he's not sure when the recording was made. and he doesn't want magic johnson at his games. [ light laughter ] even mel gibson was like, "just stop talking. [ laughter ] just stop -- just stop talking. [ applause ] just go -- hang out -- let's -- he didn't mean that. just go somewhere. hang out." and i guess some people are actually defending sterling saying he ha

diana olick and steve liesman join us now. diana, to you first on what was an ugly number. >> yeah, two words -- sticker shock. i can't tell you how many times i've heard that from potential buyers and real estate agents, and today we saw it. 14% month-to-month drop in newly built homes. sales down 13% from a year ago, and the drop across the nation. the worst out west. here's a hint why, because that's where prices have dropped the most. the median price nationwide in march $290,000, and, yes, a record. builders blame higher costs for land, labor, materials, but they're just going along with the existing home market, too, where prices are way up, as well. i ran a price check on the big builders just for fun. pulte, lennar, d.r. horton, all of them jacking the average price up in the double digits. granted, the higher end doing better. but that is not all of it. builders can blame higher costs, but as we've said over and over, this is about zero supply on the market. investors ate it all up. jacked up the prices with cash. and

>> but steve is not out of danger yet. he's breathing but still unconscious when tiny and the other workers lift him onto the bank. >> get some blankets. >> and at that point, he lifted his hand up, and we knew he was alive. so that was a great relief. >> tiny sees steve's arm is badly injured, so he takes his shirt off and packs the arm in ice. >> you're all right. >> i think -- it's that kind of training that comes with the battlefield experience. you have certain knowledge of what has to be done in an emergency and you just do it. >> but now tiny can hand it off to the paramedics who arrive by air. >> let's get you on a backboard, okay? >> steve is brought to the nearest hospital with only a broken arm to show for the accident. victoria thinks he has tiny to thank for that. >> he didn't seem to think for a moment that he couldn't do that. it was just, okay, his foot is trapped, i'm going to have to lift this helicopter. seeing this incredible act of just instinctive heroism was quite amazing. >> in the weeks and months

let's meet pete, john, weiss, steve grasso on the floor of the new york stock exchange, and steve liesman with the nasty gdp report, what it means for the markets. we begin with stock, about to march into may amid uncertainty about where the economy is heading. especially after that miserable gdp report. so our question today is this -- are stocks spring-loaded for a bounce or set for more selling in the weeks ahead? we take that to the panel. pete, what's your best guess here? >> i think there realms spring-loaded, and i think there are other parts of the market that will struggle. i don't see what the catalysts are. energy has been hot. i think that remains hot. a name like bp certainly as it's pushing against the 52-week highs, i think it can explode and get closer to 60 than 50 on a breakout. so i think as far as trying to determine where, i think there are specifics -- i'll give you another example of a high-multiple name that's been punished far too much, and that's under armour. when you look at that quarter, the numbers they put up, it's similar to facebook where the numbers were

can't sleep lying down. >> that is steve day and his wife.leep lying down. >> that is steve day and his wife. we know about because of pulitzer prize reporting. chris revealed that had coal mining companies and their lawyers have systemically hidden evidence of disease in order to deny miners like steve the roughly 1,000 bucks a month that would help them live and treat their black lung. steve's story is one agreed by the lawyers and doctors, but it's also about power. coal companies with their money, political contributions and lawyers have all the power. the miners who work deep underground breathing in a toxic mix just to be able to provide for their families in a region where. >> jobgood jobs, any jobs at al are scarce. they have no power. and steve day shouldn't have black lung at all.they have no . and steve day shouldn't have black lung at all.are scarce. they have no power. and steve day shouldn't have black lung at all. it should be a thing of the past. respirators, improved ventilation and water sprays can be used to cut the amount

steve feeney son a family vacation with his wife, three kids and their close friends the winklers. >>e walking down and the kids saw this ride at the park. >> steve loves amusement park rides and this one looks up her alley. >> the name of the ride was the screaming swing. i was drawn to it because i just really loved fast rides. i love speed. >> grace did not inherit this trait from her dad. >> i'm terrified from heights and get motion sickness very easley. >> when they reach the front of the line steve has a tough choice. >> grace was only 10 but you have to be a certain height or you have to have an adult and there was nobody else there other than me to go on with her. and the lady is like either get on or get to the back of the line. >> so my dad volunteered to go with me because he's such a good dad. >> it's a decision he will soon regret and one he will never forget thanks to the ride's built-in camera. steve braces himself for what's to come. >> as soon as the ride started i could feel the pressure in my stomach. it was a little more than i anticipated. at first he tries to cal

steve weiss, why is it popping? >> there's news in the israeli press that a soda manufacturer will take a 10% stake. where did we hear that? green mountain, coke did. after the coke news came out a month ago, they were not in discussions at all. i doubted it would happen. the only one it makes sense for is pepsi, and it makes no sense for them, just like i didn't think it makes sense for coke. >> i think starbucks could be interesting. >> in terms of -- >> are you talking about a buy on the stock or -- >> i bought the stock -- >> soda is one of the stocks, by the way, caught in the downdraft in the afternoon, as we were on the air. >> i was referring to sodastream. a lot of people feel after the coke deal with green mountain, pepsi is the logical move out there, which it s i think starbucks could have some interest there. this story seems interesting. >> murph, talk to me about bank of america, out with its earnings going through the banks with their reports. >> we need an hour to discuss the bank of america announc

the bad news is it was at denny's. >> steve: wait, what? laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, i don't know. i'm just telling you what i heard. do you know what i heard last season? i heard that bartolo colon tested positive for ranch dressing. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: that's what i heard. guys, i don't know. meb keflezighi over here. and finally last week the portuguese navy invited members of the media out to watch them launch their brand new high-tech drone. and i think it went pretty well. take a look. [ whirring ] [ laughter ] that's the first time i've felt embarrassed for a robot. well, except for this one. we have a great show, you guys. give it up for the roots right there! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh man, hey! it's monday. we're so happy to be back. we have some great shows for you this week. tomorrow night, david duchovny will be here and we're going to play beer hockey. then on wednesday our friend cameron diaz will be here. we'll try a new game called roller golf. later this week dr. phil is coming by. [

just have the punishment. >> but steve, you're a good capitalist. you know the importance of money as an incentive. if parents are forced to dig into their pocket and pay out every time their kid is in detention i'm beginning to think maybe that would have an effect. >> it would have an effect and if they want to try it go ahead but in terms of a punishment, pulling weeds, scrubbing the walls, sweep the halls, no kid likes that. >> by the way, sabrina, the school is offering an alternative to paying the fee or going to detention which is suspension. so if the kid wants to be suspended. in my eyes, they're offering enough alternatives to make this a pretty legitimate thing. >> do you know what also works is social pressure. sometimes at the younger ages, they say if one kid does something wrong the whole class suffers. sometimes that actually works and it may work at the older age too better than pulling them out on a saturday. >> good last word from sabrina. 73% of americans say they're still fearful of investing in the stock market. fear not. our i

steve liesman? >> i think the first line a what i care about.d the economy slowed. we'll see if that's repeated, see if there's any other concerned in there. less some debate whether it's all weather, or is it something else the two areas i'm most concerned about are housing and cap ex. brian, you're bet out of the shape, why? >> i took the redeye, so i'm exhausted. but listen, canada is growing faster. the last time i checked, they had winter, too, in fact the entire country versus just a small aspect. you get my point. are we overdoing this doinggone weather thing, david? >> i think the federal reserve is not managing the housing recovery as well as they should, but it's mostly weather. even if you get a spring in the economy, 3% growth is enough to get us back to full employment. >> it's interesting you mention housing, we were discussing this a moment ago, that is that reifies -- however, they were artificially inflated. >> that big is gone, because rates will move up from here. >> steve liesman, a couple things to look at, jack, anicka, the

steve tannenbaum. at where gasu look is straining in the 400, and is -- in the risks, it steve tannenbaum said it is a 10 so it is a great value. it echoes what howard mark said to us last week. if you want to be an outstanding investor you cannot be part of the pack. you have to have strong convictionsto do -- and be willing to do what others .ren't willing to >> people have to look around the stock market so they are poking around in credits and finding or at least buying things they would not have touched five years ago. >> they are poking around in private equity. lack stone has been able to raise more money from retail investors than anyone else out there. guys want to be investing in private equity when they can buy apple, google, ibm? if they want the returns that steve schwarzman don't clippers -- schwartzman delivers -- >> will we have seen is all kinds of people drifting away from style. >> that makes me feel like it is 2007 coming back. >> starwood capital, one of the world's foremost real e

right there. [ cheers and applause ] steve higgins is from iowa. he lives in new jersey with a beautiful family and cool kids. i love you guys. and i want to say, steve, i've known you for awhile. you were a producer on "saturday night live." that's where i met you the first time. and i couldn't think of anyone else to do this thing with. you are my best friend and i love you and it's going to be fun, buddy. thank you. >> steve: aw. [ applause ] i just want to say to you that i couldn't be prouder -- >> jimmy: this is a moment in tv history. [ laughter ] a moment in tv history right here. and even if i weren't involved, i would be so psyched to watch it. so i'm glad that you're watching at home. i'm glad that you're here. because this is important. this is fun. this is what we're all about. i remember being a kid and being in saugerties and asking my parents, "can i stay up to watch johnny carson?" and it was a big deal, like, you know, to stay up late, you know? they would let me watch the monologue and then i'd just try to pretend i wasn't there.

here's steve. [ applause ] >> steve? >> yes. >> here we go. >> fleetwood mac is coming to town. >>> we have partly cloudies, partly sunnies. there is a little bit, a little bit of light rain. i doubt much is happening. i'm not getting any reports of it. some of the rainfall totals. oakmont, 1.92. danville, 1.44. .93 fell in a half-hour between 4:45 and 5:15. near calistoga, 1.05. sfo, .95. napa, .91. the hills are beautiful. i -- i want to amend this michael sent me a funny e-mail saying we're not 53%. we're 50.1%. maybe i messed up a little bit. 1.67 storm total. 1.80 where he lives. so to date, 11.86. we would need 11.79 by june 30th to get to normal. everyone and their brother i how do you spell fat chance? it's not gonna happen. we'll see. you never know. january had 18 days of record highs and nobody thought that would happen. things are crazy. they are just topsy-turvy. the system is moving fast down to southern california. it's hanging out at big sur for breakfast. for us it's long gone. it will be cool and breezy

[ applause ] >> steve: cammie d. >> jimmy: she's the best.s new game called roller golf. [ laughter ] it will be fun. i might break something. we'll see what happens. okay, good. also, he is a hilarious standup comic. with a new comedy central special. and he's got a cd coming out. he always kills, every time he comes on the show. he's one of the funniest guys out there. jim gaffigan is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] the one and only jim gaffigan is here. and we have great music tonight. oh, he's awesome too. we love him. we have music from future, featuring pusha-t! [ cheers and applause ] future! thanks again for watching, everybody. i appreciate it. this is gonna be fun tonight. as you guys know we're always striving to get better here at "the tonight show." ♪ harder better faster stronger ♪ [ laughter ] so, before every show, we put out a suggestion box for the audience. just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show. things you would like to see us do, that kind of stuff. so tonight let's look inside the "audien

steve will explain.e will give you drive times for the key bay area routes. >> this afternoon will be much better. this morning is a little tough for some. no doubt about it we will have rain totals to show you. >>> members of the california air national guard from moffett field are with her on the boat right now. ktvu janine de la vega has been following this story from moffett field. janine. >> reporter: right now the crew from the 129th rescue wing is getting ready. they know a baby on board a boat greatly needs medical care. the rescuing will help the family. that is in the pacific ocean 900 knot call miles off the coast of mexico. at 8:00 this morning an mc130p aircraft will depart moffett field with the crew with the air national guard to join the rescue mission. another aircraft like it is already out there. last night four of its rescue men broke into the ocean by parachute and boarded the boat. they reported the parents are on board with another subling and their boat does not -- sibling and the

>> you mow, i'm with steve, though.'t think renewables will power the chinese economy and certainly fukushima was a disastrous event but fracking power will get us there. the sunshine and wind aren't going to be sift for the growing economies of the world. those are certainly going to be better for our air. >> let's get to your picks, mark, because you like names that have nothing to do with that kind of stuff. you like a western union, amdocks, teleco-and a fan of mobile payments but let's put up your picks. i think the first and foremost is we like an unencumbered balance sheet. we have nobody in the capital structure in front of us. in simple terms that means they don't owe anybody anything. many have net cash. the second thing we look for is what i call undemanding valuation, meaning many times you can buy the enterprise which is the equity, debt and minus the cash and divided by the income in less than eight times. so low multiples of operating income, which again, in a world where the trailing 12-month number is p

jon, josh, steve, and steph are trading. steve liesman is right next to me on the desk here. we begin with the dow briefly hitting a new record high. stocks are going for their first five-day winning streak of the year. that run comes as rates remain on the move as well. pushing their highest levels of 2014 over the last couple of days. we asked the panel this, can stocks and rates rise together? doc, can they? >> they sure can. i don't think they're going to, though. i think stocks will continue to go up because i don't think rates will be up dramatically, scott. i think out of europe today basically the inflation was only half a percent, i think, steven, something like that? >> 0.5%. >> 0.5%. even the hawks in germany are basically being pushed more towards the middle if not on the dovish side over in europe which means to me that competition for interest rates, scott, will make the united states interest rate at 2.7%, 2.8% look very attractive. so rather than running away to 3 1/4%, 3 1/2%, i think we put a top on it until europe starts coming out of this. year not going t

but they need steve's permission. >> i said, absolutely not.hat thing being floating around on the internet somewhere. >> steve's friend, brian wink r winkler, convinces him they should purchase one copy for themselves. but brian has no intention of keeping this gem a secret. >> we thought the video went missing. but apparently, brian stuck the video in his suitcase and took it home and then posted it on youtube. >> ahh! >> to steve's dismay, the video spread around their hometown in illinois. then over the course of a year, it goes viral. steve's captivating performance gets more than 2 million hits on youtube. >> one morning, the "today" show called. >> my biggest fear is heights, so that didn't help a lot. >> have you ever seen him like that before? >> no, not really. >> grace elizabeth, i have two words for you for this summer, all right? bunge jumping. >> all the attention the video has generated for the family has been really cool and fun. wherever we go, we get recognized and people want to talk about it. all three of my kids just think

that's -- that's what steve-o does. >> not surprised steve-o did this.ot surprising at all. >> that's exactly right, i think you can predict i have the 2015 calendar shoot of the miami dolphins cheerleaders. >> do we have to? just kidding. >> off to mariah carey's fantasy. >> classic tune. miami dolphins cheerleaders are sort of the ones who started this. set the bar way up here. and then many others who have done other cheerleading squads and a beautiful job. but no one can touch the miami dolphins. >> i agree. these videos are the best things to happen. >> way to lean in, ladies. way to lean in. it is not the only reason people talk about the miami dolphins. >> they did a good job putting this together. >> hard to mess this up. cheerleaders in bikinis dancing around with a great background, the ocean, with a hit song and all they have to do is lip-synch the words. >>> a popular youtuber is about to see something very personal. >> is it graphic? >> yes. >> he is going to watch his own birth. >> see what happens when he catches a glimpse. >> no. >> yes.

is there i would like to introduce steve youn. [ applause ] >> i just want to thank the board, for the amazing educators here in the room, and kim coats and donna and i just want to say that i am truly humbled by this award and i want to thank many of the board members and also my amazing team and linda, and our amazing school nurse and also, ed markuis an amazing math teacher who is a hero of mine to nominate me. i want to thank my wife and amazing mom and dad and my daughter and please, continue to support the wellness initiative, all of the amazing cbos in the city and also all of our educators and because without your support, we can't do what we are doing now and thank you for this award i am truly humbled. >> item d. item d. students delegates' report, thank you. >> this past a long time, actually, the fac has been committed to creating a policy to prevent the use of ecigarette on sfusd buildings or surrounding areas, where the students may observe this or the youth of the ecigarettes so we want to give out a couple of special thank yous for all of the support for the sac, and fi

i always tell them, steve did his time. he's on a parole. he's doing -- he's on parole. he's doing great. that was a joke. the traffic is moderate up to the calldy tut tunnel. bay bridge toll plaza traffic -- -- caldecott tunnel. bay bridge toll plaza traffic doing well. 101, i'm not that pleased with. not looking that great. first in san mateo, then palo alto. 280 looks good. that would be a decent route across the bay if you are driving into the area, it looks okay here as i look over to 80 westbound. the eastshore freeway is busy

. >>> steve, we are looking at a commute that looks pretty good around the bay area. here's a look at the westbound bay bridge. it has been a very nice drive with no major problems getting into san francisco. also the morning drive on the san mateo bridge looks good from hayward to foster city. the drive time here is 12 minutes. drive time for the bay bridge is less than 10. as we look at the commute here on 580, we have a decent drive time from grant line road to 680, 24 and that will billion about 25 minutes. let's go back to the desk. >>> we begin with a surprising story. vandals are targeting a certain make of car in san francisco. ktvu tara moriarty is joining us from the area where three separate incidents happened over night. tara. >> reporter: we are in the power tell low district where we saw a couple of officers leave about a half hour ago. they were investigating an incident with a car similar to this one. it was the third time that vandals struck this morning. this all started around 1:00 when a witness says a group of eight people came out of the dark and

i'm steve kornacki in for chris hayes tonight. today, president obama went before a cheering crowd of lawmakers and supporters in the white house rose garden and he declared a victory in what has been and continues to be a very long battle over the affordable care act. >> last night, the first open enrollment period under this law came to an end. 7.1 million americans have now signed up for private insurance plans through these marketplaces. 7.1 million. 7.1 million. that's on top of the more than 3 million young adults who've gained insurance under this law by staying on their family's plan. that's on top of the millions more who've gained access through medicaid expansion and the children's health insurance program. >> 7 million enrollees was a landmark worth celebrating for the white house. there was actually a celebration that began last night when the u.s. chief technology officer todd park rang in the midnight deadline outside the maryland headquarters of the tech company that had been hired to fix the obamacare website. >>

and then stormed out." [ laughter ] >> steve: what? ] last one's from @aagreeableamir. he says, "for the wedding dance at our wedding, the deejay put on the song "sexual healing."" no, no. [ laughter and applause ] there you have it. those are our "tonight show" hah tags. check out more of our favorites go to tonightshow.com/hashtags or submit yours by downloading our "tonight show" app available on itunes and available for android. stick around we'll be right back with more "tonight show" everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ nobody ever stomped their foot and asked for less. because what we all really want... ...is more. there's a reason it's called an "all you can eat" buffet. and not a "have just a little buffet". that's the idea behind the more everything plan. it's more of everything you want, for less. because, c'mon. no one ever takes the second biggest cookie. get more with our best plans on the best network. for best results, use verizon. it's a cheez-it, but it's light and crispy like a chip, kind of the best of both worlds.

read their -- >> steve: can you really?jimmy: what i'm saying is, i don't like to brag, but i can tell what they are thinking just by looking at that photo. >> steve: really? yes? >> jimmy: the guy at the bottom -- >> steve: yes? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: he's thinking, "i'm so excited to be competing in the olympics." [ laughter ] >> steve: that's what he's thinking. >> jimmy: that's correct. and the guy on top is thinking, "yeah, i can tell." [ laughter ] it's the breath, the heart rate, i don't know what -- but he can feel it. it is a once in a lifetime experience. >> steve: exactly. >> jimmy: let's keep going. here we have a speedskater moments after a race. i can tell that he's thinking, "i can't believe i forgot to dvr 'scandal!'" [ laughter ] that's a great show. here's the last one here. this is two figure skaters mid-routine. i can tell the woman is thinking, "i see judges from england and france." [ laughter ] the man is thinking, "i see someone's underpants." [ laughter ] hey, grow up! grow up! immature. [ lau