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May 7, 2015
05/15
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>> steve: no.er than the other dude. >> jimmy: well, maybe it's a a before and after. >> steve: yeah, maybe. >> jimmy: like maybe he -- this is after he went to subway. [ laughter ] >> steve: right. like jared. >> jimmy: this is jared. >> steve: yeah that's the jared of the family. >> jimmy: jared. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> steve: five dollar. >> jimmy: noel gallagher's high flying birds and special guest jared. [ laughter ] guys, i'm so excited. the nhl playoffs are in full swing. we're down to eight teams competing for the stanley cup. it's very exciting. as you know, at the -- yeah, it's great. [ cheers and applause ] i love sports. you know, at the end of every season, they give out awards like most valuable player. they also give out awards, though, during the season. did you know that? >> steve: no, i didn't know that. >> jimmy: that's right. they do. sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. so with that i
>> steve: no.er than the other dude. >> jimmy: well, maybe it's a a before and after. >> steve: yeah, maybe. >> jimmy: like maybe he -- this is after he went to subway. [ laughter ] >> steve: right. like jared. >> jimmy: this is jared. >> steve: yeah that's the jared of the family. >> jimmy: jared. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> steve: five dollar. >> jimmy: noel gallagher's high flying birds and special guest jared. [ laughter ] guys, i'm so...
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May 14, 2015
05/15
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like 300 feet. >> steve: yeah. sticks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, just get a a drone. >> steve: a dronie stick. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: yeah get the selfie drone. the next entry is "zen proverb." the original definition for that is "if a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound?" the new definition for "zen proverb" is "if american idol goes off the air and no one was watching it anyway, was it really canceled?" [ laughter and applause ] it's a thinker. we'll never know. >> steve: yeah. never know. something to think about. >> jimmy: finally the last enter is "spring." the original definition is "the season that follows winter and precedes summer." the new definition is "the 5 days between when it's bone-chillingly cold and junk-sweatingly hot." [ cheers and applause ] we lost spring. that's all for "tonight show" dictionary. we'll be right back with rebel wilson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what's the special? hand agitated baltic sea foam. these are the rain boot
like 300 feet. >> steve: yeah. sticks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, just get a a drone. >> steve: a dronie stick. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: yeah get the selfie drone. the next entry is "zen proverb." the original definition for that is "if a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound?" the new definition for "zen proverb" is "if american idol goes off the air and no one was watching it...
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May 10, 2015
05/15
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at steve's house.you draw such an incredible contrast between the two of them. in 1991 player in very different positions in their careers. he still seen as the revolutionary but not a revolution happening for him. i am on the evolutionary path. talk about that interview and your judgment writing about the two of them. >> first in general i was surprised how cordial how playful the conversation was because these guys obviously respected each other. they are very different in temperament and different in personality, but they have great respect for each other's success. back then, steve is really fighting the image of perhaps being that has been worth a lot that point 1991 is almost as if he had one. he was going to be worth a billion dollars a little bit later that year. he was already worth a billion dollars now that i think about it. but his notion about the standardizing windows computer really opened up possibilities of turning the personal computer into something even more than something merely pe
at steve's house.you draw such an incredible contrast between the two of them. in 1991 player in very different positions in their careers. he still seen as the revolutionary but not a revolution happening for him. i am on the evolutionary path. talk about that interview and your judgment writing about the two of them. >> first in general i was surprised how cordial how playful the conversation was because these guys obviously respected each other. they are very different in temperament...
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May 5, 2015
05/15
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>> steve: yeah. a portable bidet?arching amazon -- >> jimmy: this is like the european thing where they clean you down there. >> steve: yeah, they clean you down there. >> jimmy: with water. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it's a portable water gun? >> steve: i don't know. >> jimmy: can't you just buy a a water gun? why not just buy a water gun? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and just have good aim. [ laughter ] don't buy a super soaker. >> steve: no, don't, that would hurt. >> jimmy: that's a different thing. >> steve: that would be a poor choice. >> jimmy: that's a portable enema. [ laughter ] do not make full contact with the nozzle. >> steve: no, definitely not. a couple of pumps. >> jimmy: all right. oh, he's all right! >> steve: i'm good! >> jimmy: sacrebleu! sacrebleu. my goodness gracious, oh my god. i've never been so clean. i cannot believe it. see if you can clean me from 50 feet away. [ laughter ] >> steve: all right, let's go. un, deux, trois! >> jimmy: only the deux! no trois! >> steve: number deux? >> jimmy: yeah,
>> steve: yeah. a portable bidet?arching amazon -- >> jimmy: this is like the european thing where they clean you down there. >> steve: yeah, they clean you down there. >> jimmy: with water. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it's a portable water gun? >> steve: i don't know. >> jimmy: can't you just buy a a water gun? why not just buy a water gun? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and just have good aim. [ laughter ] don't buy a super soaker. >>...
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May 9, 2015
05/15
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at steve's house.you draw such an incredible contrast between the two of them. in 1991 they are in very different positions in their career. you describe the revolutionary but there is not a revolutionary happen and gates says he is on the evolutionary path. talk about that interview and your judgment about writing about the two of them. >> well first, in general, i was surprised at how playoff the conversation was. these guys are obviously respectful of each other and very different temperament and personality but they have great respect for each other's success. back then steve was kind of fighting the image of perhaps being a has been where bill at that point, this was 1991 it is almost as if he had won. he was going to be worth a billion dollars a little later that year. actually he was already worth a billion now that i think about it. but his notion about the standardizing the computer opened up the possibilities of turning the personal computer something into more than personal. there was a but
at steve's house.you draw such an incredible contrast between the two of them. in 1991 they are in very different positions in their career. you describe the revolutionary but there is not a revolutionary happen and gates says he is on the evolutionary path. talk about that interview and your judgment about writing about the two of them. >> well first, in general, i was surprised at how playoff the conversation was. these guys are obviously respectful of each other and very different...
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May 6, 2015
05/15
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>> steve: okay.ang up the phone and he's gonna talk to me through my watch. >> jimmy: don't hang up the watch, though, mom. >> steve: he's gonna say something i can't hear -- >> jimmy: mom, don't hang up the watch. >> steve: i gotta hang up the watch. >> jimmy: mom, no. don't hang up the watch. >> steve: hello? >> jimmy: don't hang up -- >> steve: hello. >> jimmy: mom? >> steve: hello? >> jimmy: dad? [ laughter ] dad -- >> steve: huh? >> jimmy: put the watch back on mom's -- >> steve: he said i'm supposed to watch mom. >> jimmy: no, no. [ beep ] >> steve: hey, hello. >> jimmy: hi, who's this? >> hey, what's -- who's this? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you called my watch, man. >> steve: oh, yeah. did you know there's tubs of mayonnaise at 7-eleven? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i heard that. talk to you later, bye. mom, i love you. >> steve: woo! [ applause ] >> jimmy: pro -- you'll never see so many happy, smiling moms in one day. con -- unless you go to a a michael buble concert. [ light laughter ] there you
>> steve: okay.ang up the phone and he's gonna talk to me through my watch. >> jimmy: don't hang up the watch, though, mom. >> steve: he's gonna say something i can't hear -- >> jimmy: mom, don't hang up the watch. >> steve: i gotta hang up the watch. >> jimmy: mom, no. don't hang up the watch. >> steve: hello? >> jimmy: don't hang up -- >> steve: hello. >> jimmy: mom? >> steve: hello? >> jimmy: dad? [ laughter ] dad --...
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May 8, 2015
05/15
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yeah. >> steve: crisp?sp, yeah. >> steve: fresh. >> jimmy: fresh, yeah. >> steve: 3 a.m.? >> jimmy: it's 3 a.m., man. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. want some? >> steve: yeah, style me some. style some of that 3 a.m., i'll walk into it. >> jimmy: ready? >> steve: oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] wow. that's nice. that's fresh. >> jimmy: that's a spicy meatball right there. >> steve: gosh dangit. i can't believe i ate the whole thing. [ laughter ] nice job. >> jimmy: yeah, that's pretty good. >> steve: that's good. >> jimmy: i like it. we've got great music too. oh, they're gonna rock out. the vaccines are here, guys. [ cheers and applause ] the vaccines! want to hear a little bit of the vaccines? ♪ >> steve: that doesn't sound like the vaccines. >> jimmy: that's u2. [ laughter ] the song they are going to do on the show tomorrow. [ laughter ] >> steve: tomorrow. >> jimmy: yeah. let's hear the vaccines. ♪ >> jimmy: too much for tv! that's too hot for tv. >> steve: it's going t
yeah. >> steve: crisp?sp, yeah. >> steve: fresh. >> jimmy: fresh, yeah. >> steve: 3 a.m.? >> jimmy: it's 3 a.m., man. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. want some? >> steve: yeah, style me some. style some of that 3 a.m., i'll walk into it. >> jimmy: ready? >> steve: oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] wow. that's nice. that's fresh. >> jimmy: that's a spicy meatball right there. >> steve: gosh...
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May 2, 2015
05/15
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>> steve: yeah.er dad was an acting coach of mine. >> steve: oh yeah. >> jimmy: when i lived in l.a. i went to -- i took acting lessons. >> steve: from her dad? >> jimmy: yeah. you surprised by that? >> steve: that you took acting lessons? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: a little. >> jimmy: but he was the best and he was the most nicest guy and just a -- >> steve: gordon. >> jimmy: gordon hunt. and i went to his class -- anyways i can't wait to talk to helen about her dad. because i love -- he was a a great guy. i was the worst student ever. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: i will wait for helen and i'll tell her that story. also, i might challenge her to a game of beer pong if she's up for it. [ cheers and applause ] if she's up for it. >> steve: how will we know if you're not acting? >> jimmy: yeah. how will you know if i'm not acting. plus, this guy is super talented. oh my gosh. he wrote and stars in a new play called "the spoils," jesse eisenberg is here. [ cheers and applause ] he wrote it. >> steve: yeah.
>> steve: yeah.er dad was an acting coach of mine. >> steve: oh yeah. >> jimmy: when i lived in l.a. i went to -- i took acting lessons. >> steve: from her dad? >> jimmy: yeah. you surprised by that? >> steve: that you took acting lessons? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: a little. >> jimmy: but he was the best and he was the most nicest guy and just a -- >> steve: gordon. >> jimmy: gordon hunt. and i went to his class -- anyways i...
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May 21, 2015
05/15
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i'll eat it. >> steve: yeah.my: it's they take everything and just wrap it into one thing and call it a a different name and people just eat it. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it's a taco in a a burrito wrapped in a gordita. deep fried in a -- >> steve: we got this stuff hanging around anyway. >> jimmy: we don't care. we are going to throw some doritos on it. >> steve: we have a caulking gun of sour cream. you can eat whatever you want. >> jimmy: but it's fantastic. how do they make it taste so good. >> steve: no one knows. >> jimmy: if you guys, if you take peanuts, plus eminem, it equals trail mix. peanuts and m and m's. >> steve: i though it was going to be peanut m and m's. >> jimmy: you thought it would be peanut m and m's. >> steve: no but it wasn't. it was trail mix. >> jimmy: you're wrong. that would be too funny actually. should have been that, kind of, yeah. but it's too late. >> steve: it's too late. that's done 'cause its math. ♪ if i could turn back time if i could find a way i'd take back that joke that
i'll eat it. >> steve: yeah.my: it's they take everything and just wrap it into one thing and call it a a different name and people just eat it. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it's a taco in a a burrito wrapped in a gordita. deep fried in a -- >> steve: we got this stuff hanging around anyway. >> jimmy: we don't care. we are going to throw some doritos on it. >> steve: we have a caulking gun of sour cream. you can eat whatever you want. >> jimmy: but it's...
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May 28, 2015
05/15
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[ laughter ] >> steve: dvd!harold walked 6,000 miles yesterday. [ laughter ] >> steve: i'm going to have to get him some new shoes. >> jimmy: yeah, that's unbelievable. >> steve: get him those new balance. >> jimmy: he's exhausted. that's why he's so exhausted. >> steve: that's why he's tired all the time. he's surly. >> jimmy: pro -- no, i did that already. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] pro, there's a sport version for athletes. con, there's a giant version for flavor flav. there it is right there. >> steve: yeah, boy! >> jimmy: and finally, pro, i heard bruno mars already has one. con, don't believe me? just watch. [ laughter ] there you go. that's the pro and cons. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ american express for travel and entertainment worldwide. just show them this - the american express card. don't leave home without it! and someday, i may even use it on the moon. it's a marvelous thing! oh! haha! so you can replace plane tickets, travel
[ laughter ] >> steve: dvd!harold walked 6,000 miles yesterday. [ laughter ] >> steve: i'm going to have to get him some new shoes. >> jimmy: yeah, that's unbelievable. >> steve: get him those new balance. >> jimmy: he's exhausted. that's why he's so exhausted. >> steve: that's why he's tired all the time. he's surly. >> jimmy: pro -- no, i did that already. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] pro, there's a sport version for athletes. con, there's a...
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May 1, 2015
05/15
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." >> steve: live. >> jimmy: with wiz kahlifa. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: we love wiz khalifa. >> stevething is good times upstairs. >> jimmy: good times. thank you, higgins. plus, this guy is so funny. i mean gosh, comedian, director, now he's a talk show host. from showtime's "inside comedy", david steinberg is here on "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: on "the tonight show." >> jimmy: where he's been many times. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and i'm so excited for this. guys, i'm freaking out. i'm trying not to geek out too much. for the first time in 15 years on american tv, blur is performing, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] "the magic whip." >> steve: is that what it is? [ whipping ] >> jimmy: yeah, it's the name of the record. yeah. guys, it's time for "the tonight show hashtags." here we go. ♪ hashtags hashtags ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you guys are on twitter, right? anyone out there on twitter? [ cheers and applause ] it's fun. well, we use twitter on our show every single week. so, if you watch our show and you want to play along, we do this thing e
." >> steve: live. >> jimmy: with wiz kahlifa. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: we love wiz khalifa. >> stevething is good times upstairs. >> jimmy: good times. thank you, higgins. plus, this guy is so funny. i mean gosh, comedian, director, now he's a talk show host. from showtime's "inside comedy", david steinberg is here on "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: on "the tonight show." >> jimmy: where...
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May 26, 2015
05/15
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good for him. >> steve: yeah.mber 99, it's "ymca" by the village idiot people. [ light laughter ] >> steve: really? now, wait a second. >> jimmy: i know the hit by the village people. >> steve: yes, i know that one. >> jimmy: village idiot -- the village idiot people. >> steve: the village idiot people. >> jimmy: you ever heard of those guys? >> steve: no. i have not heard of the village idiot people. >> jimmy: the village idiot people. let's here's a clip of "ymca." ♪ ♪ it's fun to say at the a-m-c-y! it's fun to stay at the c-y-m-j ♪ >> jimmy: forget it. stop it. i can't even listen to it. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] i'm happy it's on it's way out. i can't do the dance. >> steve: no. why would they cover that song if they can't spell? >> jimmy: finally, at number 100, all the way at the bottom of the charts, here's "my own worst enemy" by pee-wee herman. here we go. let's take a listen. ♪ ♪ can we forget about the things i said when i was drunk ♪ ♪ i didn't mean to call you that ♪ ♪ i can't remember what was
good for him. >> steve: yeah.mber 99, it's "ymca" by the village idiot people. [ light laughter ] >> steve: really? now, wait a second. >> jimmy: i know the hit by the village people. >> steve: yes, i know that one. >> jimmy: village idiot -- the village idiot people. >> steve: the village idiot people. >> jimmy: you ever heard of those guys? >> steve: no. i have not heard of the village idiot people. >> jimmy: the village idiot...
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May 18, 2015
05/15
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steve changed said campbell. yes, he had been charismatic and passionate and brilliant, but i watch and become a great manager. he so things others couldn't see. he dismissed as arrogant a tech leaders of the world who thought we were all stupid because we couldn't use of these devices. he said we are stupid if they can't use of these devices. and then campbell went on to address this deep yet known personally. in the last seven and a half years as he became more vulnerable, he made sure that those he loved, those who were closest to him, knew it. to those people he exuded the phenomenal warmth and humor he shared. he was a true friend. speaking later i too talked about friendship it he was my closest and most loyal friend. we worked together for 15 years, and he still laugh at the way i said -- but mostly i talk about work, the pleasures of work and the pleasures of working specifically with steve. steve love ideas and love making stuff, and he treated the process of creativity with a rare and wonderful referenc
steve changed said campbell. yes, he had been charismatic and passionate and brilliant, but i watch and become a great manager. he so things others couldn't see. he dismissed as arrogant a tech leaders of the world who thought we were all stupid because we couldn't use of these devices. he said we are stupid if they can't use of these devices. and then campbell went on to address this deep yet known personally. in the last seven and a half years as he became more vulnerable, he made sure that...
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May 30, 2015
05/15
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steve: right.re. hey, where'd you learn that? get back to your room. go back to -- go back to your treehouse. >> steve: put on your ac/dc shirt. >> jimmy: put on the ac/dc shirt. >> steve: and the doc martin tiny boots. [ laughter ] and the tight jeans and the chain. get out of here. >> jimmy: get out of here. with the baby wallet. baby wallet attached to a chain attached to your jeans. go up back to your room in the treehouse. why does he live in a a treehouse? >> steve: because we're cool. >> jimmy: we're cool parents. ♪ thank you, paint ball, for being great for people who love painting but wish it could hurt more. [ cheers and applause ] there you guys have it right there! those are my thank you notes! [ cheers and applause ] i'm so excited. u2 is here! they're here. [ cheers and applause ] oh. white vinyl. yeah. last time u2 was set to come on our show they were going to come in november for a week of shows. i don't know if you guys know this, bono had a bike accident in central park and it wa
steve: right.re. hey, where'd you learn that? get back to your room. go back to -- go back to your treehouse. >> steve: put on your ac/dc shirt. >> jimmy: put on the ac/dc shirt. >> steve: and the doc martin tiny boots. [ laughter ] and the tight jeans and the chain. get out of here. >> jimmy: get out of here. with the baby wallet. baby wallet attached to a chain attached to your jeans. go up back to your room in the treehouse. why does he live in a a treehouse? >>...
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May 12, 2015
05/15
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[ applause ] >> steve: oh, so good. >> jimmy: i saw that! i saw that! >> steve: what?r tooth fell out. [ laughter ] >> how is my gingivitis? >> jimmy: no, it's bad. [ laughter ] you should go see a dentist immediately. what did it taste like? what's it taste like, man? >> steve: oh god. >> jimmy: it was not what you expect? >> steve: i think it's not for the american palate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you think it's just for australia. >> steve: well, i think it's like, you know, apparently french people think root beer tastes weird. because they've never tasted it before. this is like, i'm sure it is delicious in australia. >> jimmy: let me try a little. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: i'm going to give you the thinnest amount. >> jimmy: it looks great. [ laughter ] it looks like something you want to eat. >> steve: it looks like nutella gone bad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh yeah, yeah. >> steve: smells like beer. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: it's not for the american palate. >> jimmy: it's okay. i mean, it's like waves. it comes in waves. not bad. >> steve: this i
[ applause ] >> steve: oh, so good. >> jimmy: i saw that! i saw that! >> steve: what?r tooth fell out. [ laughter ] >> how is my gingivitis? >> jimmy: no, it's bad. [ laughter ] you should go see a dentist immediately. what did it taste like? what's it taste like, man? >> steve: oh god. >> jimmy: it was not what you expect? >> steve: i think it's not for the american palate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you think it's just for australia. >>...
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May 22, 2015
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>> steve: four fours. >> jimmy: 8-4444. >> steve: four, yep. >> jimmy: six, six, six. >> steve: six,mmy: 73. >> steve: 73. >> jimmy: that's it. ♪ empire >> jimmy: simple as that. [ light laughter ] simple as that. just call 1-844-446-66 -- 67. >> steve: 67-3. >> jimmy: three, yeah. >> steve: or 84 -- >> jimmy: the phone lines are open right now. >> steve: or -- >> jimmy: well, i think they're -- no, they are definitely open right now. this really is for a good cause. [ laughter ] but, that is the number. that's not a joke. if you call that, someone will answer. >> steve: the number that's written on the screen. >> jimmy: yeah. there is another way to do it. >> steve: 1-844-446-6673. >> jimmy: can you sing a song? ♪ 1-844-446-6673 [ applause ] >> jimmy: simple as that. it's sticks in your ear. >> steve: it's an ear wig. >> jimmy: it's an ear worm. >> steve: ear worm? i said ear wig. that's a different thing. >> jimmy: you wrote another one man. you wrote another one dude, another classic ear worm for us. >> steve: exactly. >> jimmy: you know what? i'll tell you what you do, go to redn
>> steve: four fours. >> jimmy: 8-4444. >> steve: four, yep. >> jimmy: six, six, six. >> steve: six,mmy: 73. >> steve: 73. >> jimmy: that's it. ♪ empire >> jimmy: simple as that. [ light laughter ] simple as that. just call 1-844-446-66 -- 67. >> steve: 67-3. >> jimmy: three, yeah. >> steve: or 84 -- >> jimmy: the phone lines are open right now. >> steve: or -- >> jimmy: well, i think they're -- no, they are...
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May 20, 2015
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steve higgins right there. good to see you steve. everything great? good to see you. >> jimmy: it is fleet week here in new york city, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] we're very excited. and in honor of that, tonight's audience is made up entirely of service men and women from the army, navy, air force, marine corps and coast guard. thank you all! [ cheers and applause ] looking great. look at that shot. beautiful. amazing. thank you all for being here, and from all of us, thank you for your service to our country, both here and abroad. it's an honor to have you all here. thank you so much. let's have a good time tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we've got a big week of shows ahead. tomorrow night, david duchovny will be here. jeff foxworthy will be here. pitbull will be here tomorrow night. pitbull. i'm going to see if i can convince jeff to host a special "tonight show" edition of "are you smarter than a fifth grader." you ever seen that show? >> steve: it's hard. >> jimmy: it's a hard show. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i am not smarter than a fifth g
steve higgins right there. good to see you steve. everything great? good to see you. >> jimmy: it is fleet week here in new york city, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] we're very excited. and in honor of that, tonight's audience is made up entirely of service men and women from the army, navy, air force, marine corps and coast guard. thank you all! [ cheers and applause ] looking great. look at that shot. beautiful. amazing. thank you all for being here, and from all of us, thank you for...
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May 13, 2015
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>> steve: cracker barrel. >> jimmy: ooh. >> oh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: oh!on. >> jimmy: you are the champion and the best for playing this game. we love you. oh, my god, anna kendrick "perfect perfect 2" opens friday! terry crews joins us next. there he is in the xbox green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ call 1-800-royal caribbean or your travel agent today. you've all been waiting for... this is your mission. noo...this is an envelope. that's actually... we're all gonna die! ...not a movie. i don't know anything! do you think i'm an idiot?! ahhhhh! but, really, just a commercial... reminding people to eat m&m's. wait...what? this is just a commercial?? um...can someone shut off the missile? ♪ ♪ ♪ [dogs barking] ♪ kids this year are getting an average of $3.70 per lost tooth. ♪ ♪"i prefer your love" by st. vincent ♪ "é occupato questo posto?" ♪ bryce canyon is 29 minutes from your location. "i just want to tell you, it gets better." "i just want to tell you, it gets better." [crowd cheering] ♪ ♪ wheawhat are you,ake? a suspender---wearing hipster trying
>> steve: cracker barrel. >> jimmy: ooh. >> oh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: oh!on. >> jimmy: you are the champion and the best for playing this game. we love you. oh, my god, anna kendrick "perfect perfect 2" opens friday! terry crews joins us next. there he is in the xbox green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ call 1-800-royal caribbean or your travel agent today. you've all been waiting for... this is your mission. noo...this is an...
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May 15, 2015
05/15
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WCAU
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>> steve: yeah.for this week, for this topic. >> steve: on this specific topic. >> jimmy: that is correct. >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: this one's from from @knr106. she says, "i got caught smoking with my cousin. when her brother asked if we were smoking, smoke came out of her mouth when she said 'no.'" [ laughter ] she got busted. >> steve: she got busted. >> jimmy: this one's from @twic1214. she says, "i was facebooking in church and the usher passed by and whispered 'you better be texting jesus.'" [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: really? jesus will never unfriend you. >> steve: no. that's true. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this one is from besjana sadiku. she says, "my mom walked in on me standing in front of the mirror flipping myself off because i wanted to know what it looked like." [ laughter ] >> steve: i know what it looks like. >> jimmy: yeah. unfortunately, yeah, you do. this one's s from @rjdralle. he says, "i got busted yelling at myself in an arnold schwarzenegger voice du
>> steve: yeah.for this week, for this topic. >> steve: on this specific topic. >> jimmy: that is correct. >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: this one's from from @knr106. she says, "i got caught smoking with my cousin. when her brother asked if we were smoking, smoke came out of her mouth when she said 'no.'" [ laughter ] she got busted. >> steve: she got busted. >> jimmy: this one's from @twic1214. she says, "i was facebooking in church and the...
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May 19, 2015
05/15
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KNTV
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>> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: oh, my goodness.of you a a password. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> steve: then each of you are to give a one-word clue, that's one word only, to give to your partner to guess the clue. if a clue is illegal as determined by our judges, you will hear this sound -- [ buzzer ] -- and you'll forfeit your turn. the team with the most points after four words wins, any questions? >> jimmy: well, i was just wondering -- >> steve: that's great. [ laughter ] jimmy and hugh, we'll start with you. and hugh -- >> i go first. all right. >> the password is -- >> steve: okay, hugh. we'll start with you. this is the man team, offerman and jackman. that's the "on" team, fallon and sarandon. [ laughter ] >> i'm jack offerman. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. one word clue. >> steve: one word clue. >> flipper. >> dolphin. >> yo! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: whoa! wowy zafowy! >> they call him flipper, flipper. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: i was going to go -- [ imitates dolphin ] is that one word or is that hyphenated? >> the p
>> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: oh, my goodness.of you a a password. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> steve: then each of you are to give a one-word clue, that's one word only, to give to your partner to guess the clue. if a clue is illegal as determined by our judges, you will hear this sound -- [ buzzer ] -- and you'll forfeit your turn. the team with the most points after four words wins, any questions? >> jimmy: well, i was just wondering -- >>...
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May 23, 2015
05/15
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KNTV
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>> steve: oh, hey! oh!erything's deflated. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, senator lindsey graham, for looking less like a presidential candidate and more like a a ventriloquist dummy that came to life. [ laughter and applause ] i want to be your friend. >> steve: vote for me. vote for me. >> jimmy: one more. that was a little harsh. ♪ thank you, activia, for not being called go-gurt. [ laughter ] could be called that. >> steve: could. thank you. that was very nice of them. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, charcoal briquettes, for being the devil's ravioli. [ light laughter ] >> steve: the devil's -- wait, what? >> jimmy: that's the weirdest joke we have ever written on this show. [ laughter ] >> steve: the devil's ravioli? >> jimmy: i kind of get it. >> steve: they're not filled with anything. >> jimmy: i know, but that's the -- >> steve: i guess they're hot? >> jimmy: but they get really hot and they look like raviolis. >> steve: they're the devil's gnocchi, maybe. >> jimmy: it's friday, have a a good time, dude. [ laughter
>> steve: oh, hey! oh!erything's deflated. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, senator lindsey graham, for looking less like a presidential candidate and more like a a ventriloquist dummy that came to life. [ laughter and applause ] i want to be your friend. >> steve: vote for me. vote for me. >> jimmy: one more. that was a little harsh. ♪ thank you, activia, for not being called go-gurt. [ laughter ] could be called that. >> steve: could. thank you. that was very nice of...
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May 27, 2015
05/15
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KNTV
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>> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: you don't say? >> steve: who was it?ay. [ laughter ] an old one, but i had to do it. yeah, yeah. >> steve: an oldie but a a goldie. >> jimmy: an oldie but a good one. >> steve: sitting right there. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. this last one's from @fivesecondsofamy. she says, "i added a keyboard shortcut on my mom's phone so when she wrote "no" it changed to the entire gettysburg address." [ laughter and applause ] that's the one to do right there. there you have it. those are "tonight show hashtags." to check out more of our favorites go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. stick around. we'll be right back with the first lady, michelle obama! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ correct, i have a life mate. is that consequential? mmm..ehh with whom are you communicating? jake, from planet state farm. jake, from planet state farm at o three hundred hours? state your identity. it is jake, from planet state farm, home of discount double check. describe your apparel "jake from planet state farm" uh, khakis... khakis...explain. a dull earthly garm
>> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: you don't say? >> steve: who was it?ay. [ laughter ] an old one, but i had to do it. yeah, yeah. >> steve: an oldie but a a goldie. >> jimmy: an oldie but a good one. >> steve: sitting right there. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. this last one's from @fivesecondsofamy. she says, "i added a keyboard shortcut on my mom's phone so when she wrote "no" it changed to the entire gettysburg address." [ laughter and...
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May 29, 2015
05/15
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KNTV
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[ laughter ] >> steve: come on! >> steve: that's just called good times. >> jimmy: that's pretty good. >> steve: that's good times. >> jimmy: that's just good times and great oldies, right there. >> steve: mom knows how to have fun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one's from @katiedell23. she says, "my dad moved the treadmill outside so he can get some fresh air while running." [ laughter ] or -- >> steve: no. no. >> jimmy: you know what, no, just let him do what he wants. [ laughter ] >> steve: i gotta get outside. >> jimmy: no, no, you're right, let's help dad move -- >> steve: i got him a beer right here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't spill the beer when you're moving the treadmill. [ laughter ] this one's from @auskarma. she says, "when my family watches jimmy fallon, we clap when the audience does." let's hear it for that family. there you go. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: i like that. >> steve: they're living. >> jimmy: this last one here is from @kamakalouise. she says "at my cousin's weddin
[ laughter ] >> steve: come on! >> steve: that's just called good times. >> jimmy: that's pretty good. >> steve: that's good times. >> jimmy: that's just good times and great oldies, right there. >> steve: mom knows how to have fun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one's from @katiedell23. she says, "my dad moved the treadmill outside so he can get some fresh air while running." [ laughter ] or -- >> steve: no. no. >> jimmy: you know...
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May 9, 2015
05/15
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CSPAN
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[applause] steve king: so often, there will be things come out in the press that says steve king is anti-immigrantatement i have ever made that would support that allegation. they are trying to get you not to be able to think straight. you do, they don't. you think straight, they don't think straight. there is a way i can make an accommodation. i did this in a debate when an opponent challenged me. i said i am for open borders. that did get their attention. i said every time letting immigrant in, we will deport a leftist. i will make that deal all day long. [applause] steve king: we can build an even greater country if we can do that. we will ruin a lot of others by shipping them out. but we can build an even greater country. here is what i'm going to ask you to do, what i do. this country needs its soul restored. it has been badly damaged over the past six years. my prayer is that god raises up a leader whom he will use to restore the soul of america. god bless you all. [applause] ♪ ♪ >> how about that steve king? [applause] >> our next speaker is someone who knows how to communicate our conserva
[applause] steve king: so often, there will be things come out in the press that says steve king is anti-immigrantatement i have ever made that would support that allegation. they are trying to get you not to be able to think straight. you do, they don't. you think straight, they don't think straight. there is a way i can make an accommodation. i did this in a debate when an opponent challenged me. i said i am for open borders. that did get their attention. i said every time letting immigrant...
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May 17, 2015
05/15
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KCSM
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steves: grazie.re in this great city of art, there's no shortage of treasures in need of a little tlc. this is beautiful. how old is this panting? woman: this is a 17th-century painting. steves: from florence? woman: we don't know. -maybe the area is genova. -steves: genova. each shop addresses a need with passion and expertise. fine instruments deserve the finest care. grand palaces sparkle with gold leaf, thanks to the delicate and exacting skills of craftspeople like this. a satisfying way to wrap up an oltrarno experience is to enjoy a florentine steakhouse, which any italian meat lover knows means chianina beef. the quality is proudly on display. steaks are sold by weight and generally shared. the standard serving is about a kilo for two, meaning about a pound per person. so, both of those for four people? woman: yes. steves: the preparation is simple and well established. good luck if you want it well done. man: i am hungry, yeah. oh, look at this. ah! steves: oh, beautiful. [ laughs ] man: wow
steves: grazie.re in this great city of art, there's no shortage of treasures in need of a little tlc. this is beautiful. how old is this panting? woman: this is a 17th-century painting. steves: from florence? woman: we don't know. -maybe the area is genova. -steves: genova. each shop addresses a need with passion and expertise. fine instruments deserve the finest care. grand palaces sparkle with gold leaf, thanks to the delicate and exacting skills of craftspeople like this. a satisfying way...
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May 10, 2015
05/15
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CSPAN
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. >> steve? steve: i'm going to spin it asteve: i am going to spin it a little. i will go to the front end of dad's presidency. it was unexpected. dad had been a congressman for 26 years. because agnew had to step down and he got appointed vice president, in 1974 when nixon stepped down, here, you had a man who was going to walk in -- as richard described beautifully, mom held the bible, the kids were all set theat there had not been elected by the american people. our experience to come in was different than any other family. probably will never happen again in history. we took a picture of the family behind the oval office desk. that night we did not get to move into the white house because nixon had left so quickly, so unexpectedly, they had left their daughter and son-in-law to pack all of their clothes and belongings. we had to go back to our little house in alexandria, virginia, suburbia the neighborhood surrounded by secret service. we have been living there as dad was vice president. i will never forget that. mom was cooking dinner. we were sitting around
. >> steve? steve: i'm going to spin it asteve: i am going to spin it a little. i will go to the front end of dad's presidency. it was unexpected. dad had been a congressman for 26 years. because agnew had to step down and he got appointed vice president, in 1974 when nixon stepped down, here, you had a man who was going to walk in -- as richard described beautifully, mom held the bible, the kids were all set theat there had not been elected by the american people. our experience to come...
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May 21, 2015
05/15
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BLOOMBERG
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steve: they are all bushes. on -- a lot of nice things said about marco rubio. they have never known it is sunday his age, with his experience, what is driving do you think based on the group and what does you have seen yucca what is driving this attraction to rubio? steve: it is really interesting i don't i will say this i am not try to marco rubio although it might have that effect i've will say that he is the barack obama of the republican party right now. his life story is captivating to people when he stands in front of a room and he talks about his immigrant parents and his father came from cuba and sit behind a bar in the back of the room so that marco rubio could stand in front of the podium on a stage in front of the room, that just notes are hard, and notes my heart. so i mean, i think, he has a compelling story and people are jon to him and i would say marco rubio is a rocket ship on the lifespan and iowa mark: do know what impresses me? people sort of steve: mark: i think he is going to making an us
steve: they are all bushes. on -- a lot of nice things said about marco rubio. they have never known it is sunday his age, with his experience, what is driving do you think based on the group and what does you have seen yucca what is driving this attraction to rubio? steve: it is really interesting i don't i will say this i am not try to marco rubio although it might have that effect i've will say that he is the barack obama of the republican party right now. his life story is captivating to...
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May 3, 2015
05/15
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BLOOMBERG
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with a steve jobs biopic coming soon. joining me today on "studio 1.0," emmy, golden globe, and academy award winner, aaron sorkin. aaron, thank you so much for being here. aaron: it's my pleasure. emily: it's great to have you. it's no pressure to write an intro for one of the most famous writers in the world, by the way. aaron: it's a nice intro. i appreciate it. emily: thank you. you just wrapped the last, the third and final season of "the newsroom." how do you feel? aaron: i feel great. this third season i think is the best of the three by far. i think it took me a while to learn how to write the show. it started to feel good in the third season. emily: talk to me about that process. aaron: i love series television. but the thing about it is that the schedule is ferocious and you have no time. so the worst part about it is that you have to write even when you're not writing well. and then you have to point a camera at it, and then you have to broadcast it to a lot of people. emily: "newsroom" has had its share of fan
with a steve jobs biopic coming soon. joining me today on "studio 1.0," emmy, golden globe, and academy award winner, aaron sorkin. aaron, thank you so much for being here. aaron: it's my pleasure. emily: it's great to have you. it's no pressure to write an intro for one of the most famous writers in the world, by the way. aaron: it's a nice intro. i appreciate it. emily: thank you. you just wrapped the last, the third and final season of "the newsroom." how do you feel?...
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May 3, 2015
05/15
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KNTV
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firm and worked with steve at next. in fact, andy and steve jobs are so intertwined, she'll be depicted in the upcoming movie based on his biography. she'll be portrayed by australian actress there on the left. a quick inside i want to point out this jobs movie is from universal studios, which nbc owns. so it's within the family. i'm not trying to promote the movie, i just thought it would be interesting to talk to andy cunningham. so let me talk to you about this moment in which he's revealing the mac. where are you at the flint center? >> i am walking around the audience, inside and out, in between the rows with the press. >> pacing. >> pacing worrying, i think i mentioned earlier there was no security back then no security in the building. >> mac's under a blanket. >> mac's under a blanket, steve is standing up there raw to the world and there's not a single security person anywhere and i was very worried about that. i was keeping my eyes peeled really for any kind of problem. >> sure. steve would have been really in
firm and worked with steve at next. in fact, andy and steve jobs are so intertwined, she'll be depicted in the upcoming movie based on his biography. she'll be portrayed by australian actress there on the left. a quick inside i want to point out this jobs movie is from universal studios, which nbc owns. so it's within the family. i'm not trying to promote the movie, i just thought it would be interesting to talk to andy cunningham. so let me talk to you about this moment in which he's revealing...
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May 22, 2015
05/15
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BLOOMBERG
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steve: that is exactly right.ets of problems, two different groups of voters, they are all bad. by the way, if you went to new hampshire and started talking about, ken bush when? -- can bush win? i think he would've for those same things and likewise with the iowa voters some of them didn't really know what common core was but if you explain it to them and understood it better, i think it would -- of the voters everywhere. remember, the iowa caucus attendees on the republican side is very conservative, the caucus produces winners like rick santorum and mike huckabee, not exactly people who are mainstream republicans or who can win a general election. so they would all be troubled by george bush's record as a governor. mark: a lot of nice things, i think -- a lot of nice things -- steve: a lot of nice things said about marco rubio. mark a lot of nice things said : about marco rubio. they have never known somebody his age, with his experience what is driving, do you think, based on the group, and what is driving thi
steve: that is exactly right.ets of problems, two different groups of voters, they are all bad. by the way, if you went to new hampshire and started talking about, ken bush when? -- can bush win? i think he would've for those same things and likewise with the iowa voters some of them didn't really know what common core was but if you explain it to them and understood it better, i think it would -- of the voters everywhere. remember, the iowa caucus attendees on the republican side is very...