steve: sure and no. have the comfort of knowing what i did, feeling good about myself and everything else doesn't really matter. emily: where did you want to take the company and where did he want to take the company? steve: i think is a fundamental disagreement about how to be in -- how important it was to be in the hardware business. i pushed for surface, and the ard was luctant. then it came to what to do about the phone business. emily: satya nadella said recently on stage that missing the mobile phone was one of the big mistakes in microsoft's history. what would you have done? steve: i would have moved into the hardware business faster. what we had in the pc where there is a separation of chips, systems and software was not going to largely reproduce it self in the mobile world. i wish i had thought about the model of subsidizing phones through the operators. people like to point to the quote where i said the iphone would never sell because $700 was too high and there was business model innovation

>> steve: viagra!llar game we're playing. >> oh, yeah. >> i panicked. >> jimmy: you keep drawing the word poop in 3d. >> i know right? >> i panicked and just wrote "poop." i didn't know what to do. >> jimmy: what was it? >> pickpocket. >> steve: oh. >> i like that you just went to -- prostitute, pimp. >> jimmy: i don't know what reality you were living in. but i'll stick to my real reality. [ talking over each other ] >> what do you guys want? [ cheers ] >> steve: a character from "lady and the tramp." >> could be. >> one? >> steve: number one. we won. we won. >> jimmy: no, number one. >> steve: oh, sorry. number, two. poop. [ light laughter ] okay, what is it che? >> all right, this is an object. >> steve: an object. >> it's an object. ready? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i'm ready. i love -- >> steve: a lemon. >> jimmy: everyone's so calm using this thing. this is the future of game play. >> steve: oh my god, viagra. >> jimmy: michael, you don't have to lean against the wall. you can walk around. >> stev

steve: hi, ana. ana: hi, steve.nce communication, i linked up pacific hospitality and grafton furniture with at&t collaborate. ana: did you get the files i sent you about the simple greek project? steve: yes, i did. lemonis: ana and steve will be able to make calls, hold conferences, and even share designs with one easy-to-use platform. and with simple greek franchises set to open all across the country, it's imperative that pacific and grafton stay connected and communicate. ana, i mean, the reason that this business is successful and will be successful is because you're a big driver. ana: you kind of brought this out of me, which i knew was there, but i never really applied it. you like, kicked my butt and woke me up and in a way. lemonis: you should be very proud because she is who she is because of her, but also because of you. gilbert: i don't think that i can live without this. lemonis: yeah, i know. we can't be without you. ana: he's like a different man. he's not as stressed anymore. and, i mean, he went on

steve: i wanted to. the board disagreed with it and said, coming back, that the company should go ahead, even though i had decided to leave. i think, is executed in a certain way, it made a lot of sense. the company chose to go another direction, and that is the decision the company made. i see the stock price flying sky high, and all you can say is the market agrees with the direction he's taking the company in, and i'm excited. emily: how you think the new ceo is doing? steve: he's doing great. he's built on machine learning and artificial intelligence. revenues and profits have not been down, they have been pretty flat, actually. that's important to maintain as threeairs the place, -- -- regears the place, and that's great. emily: he's more open to partnerships then you were, do you like that strategy? steve: should he run open source software? absolutely. i was identified as a competitor. he is taking advantage of it and he is doing the right stuff. how does life is the owner of a basketball team com

steve, thank you so much for joining us. steve: thanks, emily.d a rumor about you that i possibly -- cannot possibly believe to be true, which is that you were shy growing up? steve: that's a true rumor. emily: tell me about this. steve: when i was a little kid and somebody's dad was at home and i did not know the people, literally i would sit in the car sometimes because i would be so nervous and shy. got to college, a friend of mine describes it this way, "hi, i'm steve ballmer, and my hand is sweaty because i'm so ervous to meet you." over time, that has changed. emily: it has changed considerably. you brought life to suffer conferences that will never be seen again. where did that guy come from? steve: that's a very good question. a breakthrough came when i was football manager of harvard. that is intimidating, take it up in front of 100 football players , hey, listen up a minute, and you have to speak before a pretty unruly group of 100 guys. that's where i kind of broke three. detroit,u were born in your dad worked at ford, you excelled in

>> steve: almost. >> jimmy: if you take mitt romney -- >> steve: mitt romney!s two sips of beer. >> steve: two sips of beer! >> jimmy: it equals lit romney. [ laughter and applause ] whoa, whoa, whoa. [ applause ] >> steve: macarena? i understand the macarena. >> jimmy: if you take an office party -- >> steve: office party. >> jimmy: plus mistletoe. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: it equals the hr department. [ laughter ] it's just a bad idea. just don't do it. it's a bad idea. no. here's another one. if you take ron weasley -- >> steve: ron weasley, yes. >> jimmy: plus a bakery. >> steve: ron weasley, bakery. >> jimmy: it equals a ginger bread man. [ laughter ] a gingerbread man. >> steve: that's making a a little more sense. the fog is lifting. >> jimmy: if you take kevin james >> steve: kevin james. >> jimmy: plus snoop dogg. >> steve: snoop dogg. >> jimmy: it equals james blunt. do you see what i'm saying? [ cheers ] do you get the idea of it, at least? >> steve: i at least get it's some sort of mathematics without numbers. >> jimmy: if you take neil armstrong --

>> steve: oh!ause ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: be sure to tune in for that. plus, we have michael shannon and miranda lambert will be joining us. it's a big show. [ cheers and applause ] then on friday, we have megyn kelly. she and i are playing a game of "box of lies." >> steve: ooh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: but first, we have a a fantastic show tonight. he stars in the upcoming new hbo series, "the young pope." he's fantastic, i love that dude. >> steve: love him. >> jimmy: jude law is here ladies and gentlemen! >> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he knows how to do it. >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: speaking of knows how to do it. from the number one new show of the season "this is us," sterling k. brown is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] plays chris -- chris darden. and we got great new music from macklemore -- >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: featuring ariana deboo! [ cheers and applause ] big show tonight. and the last two nights i've been -- i can't ge

>> steve: hey-oh! don't kneel on de' grass. >> jimmy: finally -- >> steve: one more example and i think i'll have it. >> jimmy: if you take mr. t -- >> steve: mr. t! >> jimmy: plus an animated gif, it equals tgif. there you go right there! [ cheers and applause ] that's all the time we have for popular mathematics. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] liberty mutual stood with me when i was too busy with the kids to get a repair estimate. i just snapped a photo and got an estimate in 24 hours. my insurance company definitely doesn't have that... you can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you? liberty mutual insurance you know, in any job, any profession, image matters. i want some gray...but not too much. but not all for that perfect salt and pepper look. satisfaction guaranteed. just you and the look you want. just for men touch of gray applebee's buy one get one free menu means you can try this combination for just $12.49. or this one. or this one. or,

>> steve: hey! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wake up! >> steve: hey yo! >> jimmy: i guess hillary clinton's campaign chairman, john podesta, also clicked on a link that gave russia his e-mail password. [ light laughter ] he knew he made a big mistake when this popped up on his screen. ?? [ laughter and applause ] putin cat. putin cat. it turns out that two separate "cozy bear" and "fancy bear" were targeting -- [ laughter ] i know. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: cozy bear and fancy bear. they were targeting the dnc. it's confusing, because "cozy bear" and "fancy bear" are also trump and putin's nicknames for each other. [ laughter and applause ] [ as trump ] "what you up to, cozy bear?" [ light laughter ] [ as putin ] "just thinking about you, fancy bear." [ laughter and applause ] you hang up. no, you hang up. you hang up. get this, when an fbi agent first contacted the dnc to tell them they had been hacked, the person who took the call thought it was a prank. yeah. it happens more than you think, said fbi agent seymour butz. [ laughter ] >> steve: agent i

>> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ? ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much! thank you. oh! that is a hot crowd! [ cheers and applause ] that's amazing right there. hey! right back at you, man. welcome. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, to "the tonight show." this is it, baby! this is it! [ cheers and applause ] this is the show. all right. welcome, everybody. here's what people are talking about, you guys. tonight was the lighting of the rockefeller center christmas tree. [ cheers and applause ] that's right. thousands of people waited for hours in the cold just to go, "cool. back to the hotel, let's go back to the hotel." [ cheers and applause ] "that was good. that was good." [ applause ] that's -- actually the rockefeller tree lighting was like any other tree lighting. everyone helped for about five minutes, and one mom had to finish the rest by herself. [ laughter ] "don't eat the popcorn! forget it." meanwhile, the obamas just had the white house decorated for their final christmas before

>> steve: really? wow. >> jimmy: you wouldn't think that he's -- >> steve: multitalented. >> jimmy: well, listen to this. a real estate agency that sells apartments inside trump tower, is advertising the new 24-hour presence of secret service agents as a, quote, new amenity. [ laughter ] while they're advertising the eggs that hit your windows as free grocery delivery. [ laughter and applause ] impressed with trump. in fact yesterday, chinese state media called donald trump a diplomatic rookie, who has an inability to keep his mouth shut. or as trump reported it, "they just called me young and outgoing. thank you, china. thank you, china." [ laughter and applause ] well guys, anthony weiner is back in the news. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] as the "new york post" is reporting that he's been restaurant industry for advice and job leads. [ light laughter ] actually, i think there are many opportunities for an anthony weiner owned restaurant. for -- for example, he could open up "p.f. wang's." [ laughter ] i me

steamy, steamy stuff. >> steve: whoo! >> jimmy: guys, yesterday, president obama lit the national christmas tree for the last time. [ audience aws ] well, actually, he doused it in kerosene and flicked his cigarette while he walked out. [ cheers and applause ] but still, it's very -- [ as obama ] "i'm out. i'm outie 5000." he said "i'm outie 5000." >> steve: that's what he said. "i'm outie 5000." >> jimmy: i don't know. that's what he said. [ light laughter ] gift, but was surprised to find four pounds of marijuana that was accidentally sent to her house. [ cheers and applause ] while somewhere, snoop dogg sent the day trying to smoke a a fruitcake. [ laughter and applause ] trying to smoke a fruitcake. snoop dogg is trying to smoke a a fruitcake. [ laughter ] and finally, i saw that cbs's annual telecast of "rudolph the night. and that -- [ cheers ] yeah. that show's been airing for over 50 years. but somehow, it's remained incredibly popular. i think this year, it's because they updated it a little bit. they updated it.

>> steve: whom is it?ghter ] >> jimmy: because he's the chef from 11th -- eleven madison park, and the nomad, chef daniel humm is here. >> steve: yeah! [ chrs and applause ] >> jimmy: daniel humm. eleven madison park. the nomad. that guy's amazing. guys, we have exactly three shows left before we go on christmas break, which means it's time for that beloved "tonight show" tradition. it's time for 12 days of christmas sweaters. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ twelve days of christmas sweaters three days left ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that's right! every show between now and christmas, we're giving one lucky audience member a a marvelous christmas sweater from the countdown to christmas cabinet. [ cheers ] now, since our -- and the -- the sweaters keep getting better and better and better. but since there are three shows left, let's open door number three. [ cheers and applause ] oh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> steve: oh, my. >> jimmy: now, let's -- now let's see who's going home with to

steve: sure, and no.end of the day i have the comfort of knowing what i did and feeling good about myself and everything else is not really matter. emily: where did you want to take the company, where did he want to take the company? steve: there was a fundamental difference in what it meant to be in the hardware business. aroundcame to a climax what to do about the phone business. stage sasha was on recently and said that mobile phones were one of the biggest mistakes in microsoft history. steve: i would've moved into hardware faster and recognized chips,as a separation of systems and software that was not going to reproduce itself in d.e mobile worl i wish i'd thought about subsidizing phones through the operators. people thought iphones were never going to sell. it was business model innovation i apple to get it built into the monthly cell phone bill. we should of been in the hardware business sooner. we were still suffering what i would call some of the effects of our vista release of windows, which s

he's already -- already in the car. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, he's out. >> steve: the clapper.mmy: some celebrity news. ricky martin announced that he is engaged to his boyfriend, who happens to be syrian. yeah, that's right. ricky got down on one knee and said, "will you help me make donald trump's head explode?" [ laughter and applause ] i'm not sure what to make of this, guys. there's a new workout where people -- have you heard of this? people crawl like a baby. [ light laughter ] it's a new thing, yes, because it strengthens your core while working your shoulders and hips. [ light laughter ] yeah, in response, babies were like, "have you seen our bodies?" [ laughter ] wrists don't normally have dimples. but, i'm just saying. you want us to be -- well, this seems kind of silly. a man is suing krispy kreme donuts for $5 million because its raspberry-filled donuts don't contain any real fruit. [ laughter ] while the judge said, "do you really want to be involved with another lawsuit, governor christie?" [ cheers and applause ] pick your battles. pick your battles." >> steve:

the season. >> steve: yeah, during. not after the season. >> jimmy: no, yeah. next up from the cowboys, chaz green. [ cheers ] he was voted "most likely to flip his beard around and use it as a neck pillow on a a flight." [ laughter and applause ] annoying. [ squeaking noise ] yeah. [ squeaking noise ] >> jimmy: it's a rare award. they rarely give it. >> steve: a rare award? a rare gift. [ laughter ] it's a gift. >> jimmy: it's rare to give. >> steve: it's a blessing and a a curse. >> jimmy: it's a gift. it's a gift. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: the next player is kavon frazier. he was voted "most likely to be the character in a horror movie when he's like, 'guys, i don't think we should split up.'" [ laughter and applause ] "'i'm serious. i'll go with you.'" next up is vikings quarterback sam bradford. [ laughter ] he was voted "most likely to corner youa [ laughter and applause ] "you think there's seven layers in there? eight layers?" >> steve: "go easy on us, it's called dip not soup." >> jimmy: "what if it's not nine

>> jimmy: now i want to google it. >> steve: yeah. >> steve: i don't know, it sounds funny. >> steve: football playing spider? >> jimmy: i don't know. this one's from @halloranpj. he says, "wife sent out a pic of new outfit, asked if it made her look big. i tried to reply nooo, got auto corrected to moo." how do you explain that one, man. >> steve: no, i didn't mean -- >> jimmy: this one is from @themoviechair. he says, "i texted missing you to my wife when she was at work. she texted back, ok." [ light laughter ] >> steve: glad to know. >> jimmy: last one is from @hollynheron. she said, "i texted the wrong number trying to buy weed. the fourth time, they replied, wrong number, but if you get weed, hit me up." there you have it, those are "tonight show" hashtags. to check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. we'll be right back with robert de niro ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] ?? ?? the itsy bitsy spidewent up the waterspout. luckily the spider recently had geico help him with homeowners insurance. water completely destroyed his swedish foam mattr

. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: no, that's james from the roots. >> steve: who? [ laughter ] cute jimmy baseball? >> jimmy: you thought his head was going to hatch and an animal was going to come out? [ laughter ] we should do that next week. that's a good idea. he thought it was a hatchimal. ?? thank you, donald trump, for getting a dog when you move into the white house. that will make two things in the white house going after crotches without permission. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: whoa! whoa. >> jimmy: hey, whoa, whoa. >> steve: hey! whoa! hey! ho-hey! >> jimmy: hey. whoa, whoa, whoa. hey, come on! >> steve: hey, forget about it. [ light laughter ] ?? thank you, picture of shaq being sworn in as shf' like it was taken on "take your son to work day." [ laughter and applause ] he's big dude. he's a big guy. >> steve: and topping 7'2." >> jimmy: congrats bud, yeah. exactly. >> steve: tallest man on the force. thank you, patting your back pocket to feel for your wallet, for being an acceptable way to spank yourself. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: what is that mus

>> steve: hulu it. >> jimmy: snapchat it. >> steve: seeso it. >> steve: you are so see if you don't -e a fun show tonight. this is the one. [ cheers and applause ] this is the one to be at. he's a giant movie star. he is the sexiest man alive. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: hey! come on! >> jimmy: he's also doing this really cool thing. he's the host of the upcoming "rock the troops" special, saluting the brave men and women of america's armed forces. the one and only dwayne johnson is here. [ cheers and applause ] we love him. i love that dude. >> steve: a delight. >> jimmy: i love him. yeah. plus we love this guy too. very funny man. he stars with matt leblanc in the new comedy series "man with a plan." kevin nealon is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] and if you like good music -- you guys enjoy good music? [ cheers ] this guy is one of the -- kirk? he's your favori? i love this guy. gary clark, jr. is here! [ cheers and applause ] "the story of sonny boy slim." he can jam. oh, my gosh. he's just amazing. i just love how -- he's one of the best guitarists out there. guys, we

him. >> steve: come on!ll right, all right. >> jimmy: who doesn't love matthew mcconaughey? he's the best. matthew and i are going to talk about his big new animated movie "sing", which hits theaters tomorrow. and his new drama called "gold", which is opening limited release christmas day. and then we're going to perform some kid theater. [ applause ] he's a good dude. yeah, he's a gooy. >> jimmy: i love him. he's a good actor. plus, she stars in the critically-acclaimed new movie, "hidden figures", janelle monae is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] she's great. >> steve: she is fantastic. >> jimmy: she's great in it. and we have great music from sylvan esso, you guys. there you go. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: ooh, shiny. >> jimmy: guys, as i said, matthew's new movie "sing" comes out tomorrow. looks to be like the biggest thing. very, very awesome. it's got great music. it's an animated movie, and all these songs sung by some of the biggest stars. not just matthew mcconaughey, but reese witherspoon

all right, yeah. >> steve: denial. >> jimmy: that is close enough. >> steve: good enough. >> jimmy: thiss sent in by kimberly porch in irving, texas. she was searching online to find a good doctor. let's see who she found. meet the most progressive tool in health care. [ laughter and applause ] come on, man. >> steve: come on. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i can't -- give me a a break. >> steve: that's not a tool. >> jimmy: the good news is, you're on the front of the website. >> steve: yeah, right. and you're progressive. >> jimmy: okay, and you're progressive. but we asked and they called you a tool. [ light laughter ] this next one was sent in by krysten miller in punta gorda, florida. she got an alert on her phone. >> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: yeah, it says, "you currently have no friends." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: why? why? do you mean -- she knows that. >> jimmy: i know. i think the worst part is that she's forced to click "ok." [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: i'm okay with it. i'm a -- i'm okay with it. >> steve: you're good with it? >> j

[ laughter ] >> steve: "bigly." finally, if you're looking for a cool christmas gift, you guys, a swiss company just released a new $250 drone that's actually attached to a a rope that you hold in your hand. they say it helps to control the drone. it's great for first-time users and it's a kite. it's a really expensive -- [ cheers and applause ] we have great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ? ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] [ coughing ] it has been great week so far. [ laughter ] did you notice that i had a a little -- >> steve: vampire cough? >> jimmy: i had a little tickle in my throat. yeah. and i coughed a little. that's how i cough. [ coughing ] [ laughter ] it's been a great week so far. there's more ahead. tomorrow night, our pal emma stone wille be here. >> steve: yes! >> steve: stone bone. >> jimmy: stone bone, man. she's gonna be here, and we're gonna do a special singing edition of "the whisper challenge." it's going to be