"where we like it smoking hot" -- >> steve: yeah! due to fire." [ laughter and applause ] they went for it. >> steve: oh, no! >> jimmy: they went for it, man. >> steve: come on, man! >> jimmy: that's all the time we have for "bad signs." [ cheers and applause ] if you see a funny bad sign, e-mail it to us at badsigns@tonightshow.com. we might put it on the show. stick around. we'll be right back with dr. phil, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm not the type to smushy garbages... you know what? i'm going for it. you are completely and utterly... awesome... i'm glad you showed up. in my life! i think i'm about to cry... you better not. every single time i... get down! you always have... my back! my back! it's really hard to describe. it's like... all these tiny little... things? yes. yes. things! are actually... friendship. ♪ no splashing! wait, so you got rid of verizon, just like that? uh huh. i switched to t-mobile, kept my phone everything on it oh, they even paid it off! wow! yeah, it's nice that every bad decision doesn't ha

steve: ooh! >> jimmy: yeah.bout his new comedy tour, one of the funniest dudes out there, mike birbiglia is joining us. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's got a special on netflix. he's got the movie, "don't think twice," which i know you love. you love "don't think" -- >> questlove: i love that film. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. i loved it, too. he's just -- he's just a great guy. and we have great, great music from clean bandit and zara larsson, you guys. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a fun show. you guys, today's friday, right? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox, i return some e-mails, and of course, i send out "thank you notes." and i was just run -- [ cheers and applause ] i was running a bit behind. i thought if you guys wouldn't mind, could i write out my weekly "thank you notes" right now? is that cool with you? [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the best, best in the biz. here we go. james,

>> steve: yeah. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: higgins? >> steve: >> jimmy: i love them.e gym or whatever you do, you're on the train, or the bus or whatever. what am i listening to? i'm listening to -- "s-town," i listen to. [ scattered applause ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: isn't that good? if you like "serial" -- >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i think it's the same makers of -- >> steve: it's good. >> jimmy: yeah, not cereal like cereal. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: but "serial." [ light laughter ] "s-town"'s great. "missing richard simmons," that was a great one. >> steve: mm-hmm. >> jimmy: is it? right? have you listened to that one? it's fantastic. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: oh, these are all great podcasts. well, anyway, i was looking through itunes, and i noticed that there's a lot of obscure podcasts that i never even heard of before. so, i thought we could check a a few of them out right now. it's time for "tonight show podcasts." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ tonight show podcasts yeah ♪ ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: now, this is -- >> steve: you better plug that in.

my buddy ethan hawke is here tonight. >> steve: yeah! nd applause ] >> jimmy: plus her highly anticipated new album "melodrama" comes out tomorrow. lorde is dropping in, you guys. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] lorde. >> jimmy: that's the album. later in the show, lorde is going to perform her single "perfect places" for us. so stick around for that. she's fantastic. and also, guys, the summer of 'stache. >> steve: is upon us. >> jimmy: it's happening -- it is upon us. [ light laughter ] >> steve: #stachetag. >> jimmy: #stachetag. summer of 'stache. tonight i'm getting a mustache. i'm actually -- i'm getting a a mustache. >> steve: right, you're going to buy one? >> jimmy: i'm getting a -- i'm not going to buy one. i'm actually -- i'm having, it's going to be a groomed mustache by the end of the show tonight. i'm getting some tips to help me decide which one and maintenance. [ laughter ] >> steve: right. summer of 'stache is right. >> jimmy: and the combs, there's probably waxes, oils. >> steve: yeah, perfumes. >> jimmy: yeah, perf

cart slammed into. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh, wow. >> jimmy: that's good luck. >> steve: yeahmy: i'll take a diet -- >> steve: i'm awake! >> jimmy: i'll take a a diet coke. next they said seat 35c is perfect if you like making direct eye contact with everyone going into the bathroom. [ laughter and applause ] good -- have fun in there. oh, boy. next up, seat 20f in the -- is in the exit row. it will give you one inch of additional leg room, in exchange for the pressure of possibly saving 150 lives. [ laughter and applause ] uh -- yeah, i can figure this out. yeah. throw it -- pull it in, and throw it out. yeah, i can do that. [ light laughter ] after that, seat 5c is perfect, if you want to see the gourmet meal being served in first class while you sip the melted ice cube from your one free drink. it's like -- [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: they've got silver ware! >> jimmy: chicken cordon bleu. [ light laughter ] here's the last one, seat 6d, is ideal if you're flying united, since they don't have to drag you that far to get to the door. [ laughter and applause ] right t

i remember that episode. >> steve: yeah. time. >> jimmy: that was a dark one. >> steve: that's why you grew the 'stache. >> jimmy: that was a dark time, man. [ laughter ] yeah, that was a weird episode. the next was sent in by molly larson in madison, wisconsin. she was watching cnn when she noticed this headline. "president's spokesman says he can't speak for the president." [ laughter and applause ] well, i can't -- i can't speak. he's the spokesman. >> steve: what? don't ask me. >> jimmy: not me, man. [ light laughter ] the next one was sent in by kevin morales in utica, new york. he was playing a game on his phone when he got this notification. "would you like to be automatically notified when your balls have been recharged?" >> steve: hey, oh! [ laughter and applause ] call cialis. >> jimmy: yeah, i would. i would. i would like to be notified. >> steve: please, just let me know. >> jimmy: please let me know, when that's happening. >> steve: if you don't know, nobody does. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i don't know,

steve: hey, oh! [ laughter and applause ] call cialis. >> jimmy: yeah, i would. i would. be notified. >> steve: please, just let me know. >> jimmy: please let me know, when that's happening. >> steve: if you don't know, nobody does. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i don't know, yeah. someone else is gonna tell me, i don't know. this next one was sent in by kris wilson in olathe, kansas. he was watching an old baseball game between royals and the yankees, and spotted a shot of two of the players names. look at this. "coke. cain." [ laughter and applause ] those two have a lot of energy. >> steve: they have a lot of energy, those guys. the balls got recharged. >> jimmy: that game was over in -- in ten minutes. [ laughter ] the fastest baseball game ever played. this next one was sent in by matthew mannix, in virginia beach. he was looking for a wi-fi network and this is the first one that came up. "i will eat your relatives." [ laughter and applause ] i will eat your relatives. >> steve: how did that happen -- you've got to set that wi-fi up for me. [ light laughter ] >>

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that's all part of my one-man show. >> steve: yeah. le. >> steve: when is that opening? >> jimmy: tickets are available. >> steve: and how much are tickets? >> jimmy: $3,000 a piece. [ laughter ] >> steve: but you've got -- but preorder of them, they're $8,000. >> jimmy: you can meet me back stage, and i will smash a a watermelon. >> steve: there you go, wow. gallagher six. >> jimmy: everybody, everybody, is talking about "despicable me 3." it comes out in theaters this friday. i'm telling you, go check it out. it's really fun. a lot of parents and kids are expected to see it this weekend. so that means, it is time for the "typical beef tree." yeah, this is where we send our writer, arthur, down to the 30 rock plaza to see how excited people are for the movie. and to see whether or not they notice that he's mispronouncing "despicable me 3." [ light laughter ] check this out. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ typical beef tree typical beef tree typical beef tree ♪ >> how excited are you for the "typical beef tree?" >> we're gonna go see it this

>> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: bannon said this. d because, quote, sean got fatter. [ light laughter ] you know you're in bad shape when steve bannon thinks you let yourself go. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: yeah. what? >> jimmy: and with the russia investigation getting bigger, i read that trump's lawyer has now hired his own lawyer. [ laughter ] when asked if he feels good about the case, trump's lawyer's lawyer said, talk to my lawyer. [ laughter and applause ] he's got a fourth lawyer. meanwhile, ivanka trump met with republican senators today to talk about paid family leave. the senators were like, "we'll totally pay for your family to leave, how much you want? we're in." [ cheers and applause ] i'll do it. but this is crazy, i read that flights in arizona had to be canceled today because of extreme heat. [ audience ohs ] yeah. it was so hot on the planes, united was dragging passengers down a slip-n-slide. [ laughter and applause ] that's how hot it was. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. guys i saw that "the bac

steve: on a dare. maybe if you lost a bet. >> jimmy: i guess if i have to, yeah. >> steve: i love 'em, man. in a burger form. >> jimmy: yeah, if you -- if you take jeremie lynch. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: plus a how-to book. >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: plus cynthia nixon. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: you get lin-manuel miranda. [ laughter and applause ] man -- manuel. >> steve: manuel. >> jimmy: manuel. lin manuel. >> steve: manuel. >> jimmy: whatever, give me a a little bit. you know -- >> steve: you know, just help me out here. >> jimmy: just help me out. here's another one. kevin spacey. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: plus a church pew. >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: equals kevin nealon. get it? [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh, kneeling. >> jimmy: get it? 'cause kneeling -- >> steve: kneeling. guy sat in his own pew. >> jimmy: finally, if you take ben affleck plus rihanna, it equals benihana. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go, that's all we have for "popular mathematics." we're playing "secret ingredient" after the break. stick around, everybod

. >> steve: wow. [ cheers and applause ] really? >> jimmy: yeah. what they -- they changed it. >> steve: meow. that's catty. >> jimmy: next up for "house of cards" they changed it from a a drama to a reality show. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] and finally for the page on the number zero, they added how many fs james comey gives right now. and you -- >> steve: comey -- what? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: zero. >> steve: zero. >> jimmy: one of the big takeaways from the hearing was that trump tried to get comey to pledge his loyalty to him, which as a lot of people said is inappropriate. well, trump's not backing down. in fact, he just released this video about it. >> hello, this is donald j. trump. if you're in my administration, i need loyalty. i expect loyalty. and in return, you'll get something very, very special. the trump loyalty card. [ laughter ] it gives you all kinds of benefits in all kinds of places like free tickets to amazing ted nugent concerts. a one on one dinner with me that's so fantastic you'll want

steve: yeah. of course, 'cause i've got more experience and i've been working in this industry for many years. i should be design, you be lead sales, hospitality. ana: i mean, i'm going to disagree. i am a designer, i'm a furniture designer, but, i mean, i think it should be a team effort, definitely. i mean, i would like to run things by you. steve: well, it -- it -- okay. lemonis: are you pissed off right now? you look a little fired up right now. steve: i am. i am fired up. i do think it's fresh and it's clean.

. >> steve: yeah! the show, man. [ laughter ] good luck with the all-star game. july 11th on fox. >> oh! ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: no, no, no we're good. we're good. we're good. we're good. ♪ >> oh, all right. >> jimmy: i'm still in it. >> all right. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy, i just want to say you're a great host. >> jimmy: thank you. >> thanks for inviting me and making a fool out of me. here we go. one. two. three. ahh! [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i got the win. i got the win! >> oh! >> jimmy: i won! ♪ i won! [ cheers and applause ] love you, man. >> yeah! >> jimmy: alex rodriguez, everybody! nick kroll joins us after the break. stick around, everybody! i'm the champ! oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this is lynchburg, tennessee. this is how many people were born here. this many are fifth generation. this is how many are named hiawatha kitty mcgee. he keeps the town dry. they'd prefer it a little wet. this many are