gretchen, steve? >> steve: thank you very much. hall of famer joe montana right there known as one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time playing for 14 seasons with the san francisco 49ers and two with my beloved kansas city chiefs. >> gretchen: he's not adjust football player, he's a businessman. he got approval to build motels near the new 9ers stadium. joe montana joins us now. good to see you again. >> good morning. >> steve: you're in hotels now? >> it's a whole development right next to the stadium we've been working on. >> steve: part of a complex? >> yeah, part of a big complex. hotel is just one little part of it. have a little fun with that. >> gretchen: what do you make of the business climate right now? you're obviously in the middle of a huge venture out in california. do you think it's good time to be starting business? >> that's what everybody keeps saying. and everybody talks about the economy and the issues we're all having and i see it and i hear it, but try to get on an airplane, try to get in your hotel, some

>> steve: yep.and then when you get it you get the point. i didn't make the rules up. anyway, no part or form of the word can be used. and if a clue is determined illegal you will hear this sound. [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> steve: team with the most points wins. any questions? let's move on. >> jimmy: i was wondering if -- [ laughter ] >> steve: first one's going to jimmy and roseanne. >> jimmy: okay, here -- >> oh, you turn it over, right? >> steve: you look in there. it's in the envelope. roseanne, we'll start with you. >> how do i open this. [ laughter ] >> steve: here you go. ready? here, go like this. >> jimmy: they're already open, kind of. >> steve: there you go. >> okay, wait. >> jimmy: willie nelson gave her a ride over. yeah, it's all right. [ laughter ] >> i can't see anything anymore. >> jimmy: did you see it? you got it? >> okay, from now on give him the -- >> steve: you go. for six -- you give kyle a clue. >> oh. [ laughter ] um, fruit. >> uh, pineapple. >> yeah! >> steve: what!

[ laughter ] steve, give me that joke. i don't know why -- >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: nominated for an emmy and that's what we give these people. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] my mom and dad right there, you guys. my mom and dad. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ aw, there you go. >> steve: your mom and dad? >> jimmy: yeah, that was my mom and dad up there in the audience, you guys. sitting there. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, they come to the show. they watch me bomb a joke about goats and chickens. >> steve: that was a -- that was a fine joke. >> jimmy: it was a good joke. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it was a clean joke. it was a clean joke. >> steve: you could watch it with your grandmother or your -- or your children. that kind of joke never gets old. >> jimmy: yes. it was a joke that you could just take anywhere. >> steve: to a picnic? >> jimmy: yes. >> steve: perhaps a convention? a bar? >> jimmy: a carnival. >> steve: carnival. a real river cruise. [ laughter ]

. >> steve: that's right. there was a witness there said he was watchinglet -- watching the movie and he said people ran from the theator and police shouted get down. police were already stationed at that particular event, peter and percent there was a promotion and midnight. >> peter: many movie theaters have police officers that are made to do so. >> gretchen: we'll bring a woman from the swedish medical center. and we'll show phone numbers as well . obviously a lot of kids going to the movie and parents may not know their kids haven't come home. we'll bring audra. good morning. good morning. >> steve: you got the call from the police to be ready for incoming and how did they describe what happened in the century 16 movie theater. >> we were notified after the incident to be ready for mass casulties here in denver. we received three patients in critical condition. we had a male, 18. one 29 and a female 20. since upon arrival the 18 year old was treated in released and we currently have two patients in crituc

>> steve: yeah.you just kind of talk like that." >> steve: cheney. >> jimmy: thank you. >> steve: you're welcome. >> jimmy: [ as cheney ] "i'm jack nicholson." >> steve: oh my god, jack nicholson. i thought it was christian slater. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, guys, finally, i read that the first woman to receive silicone breast implants back in 1962 recently turned 80 years old. >> yeah! >> jimmy: watch it, eharmony. watch it, eharmony. you don't want that, eharmony. no. [ laughter ] by now her breast implants are down by her knee implants. we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight! hey guys, quick reminder, our new comedy album "blow your pants off" comes out this tuesday! ♪ very excited about this. very excited. this is our first album. but it's like -- it's kind of like a greatest hits of what we've done on the show. all of the fun songs we've done on the show and then add a couple new songs. they're all comedy songs

>> steve: yeah.merica. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one's from @nickm2192. "he says, for my 7th grade soccer banquet i got the comedy relief award." [ laughter ] and the worst player -- i mean, comedy relief award goes to -- >> steve: whenever nick was out on that field we'd just laugh. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i see your son definitely comes to the game. he's just so funny. >> steve: he's a funny kid. >> jimmy: he's just a funny, funny kid. [ laughter ] this one's from @loveandceleste. she says, "i was playing basketball and i shot at our own basket, but my team wasn't worried. they knew i'd miss." [ laughter ] >> steve: wait, she's shooting at the wrong -- aw, it doesn't matter it's her. yeah. >> jimmy: it's just celeste. no big deal. >> steve: it's celeste man. >> jimmy: this one's from @poppinsmj. he says, "i rarely wake up before noon, i eat at least one entire stick of pepperoni a day and i can't swim." [ laughter and applause ] definitely not an olympian. i have a feeling he might be single

>> steve: who's that guy?loose -- that's why he should run for president. 'cause i'm just too loose, man. [ laughter ] just can't take it no more. tonight on the show, you guys, we have matt lauer and mike tyson. whoa! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: it's going to be an exciting show. especially when they find out they're boxing each other. [ laughter ] that's just going to be so fun. guys, this is cool. researchers in italy believe that they have found the remains of the woman who inspired the mona lisa. yeah, the guy who found her was so excited. he was like -- [ laughter ] [ laughter ] here, i'm going to do an impressions of painting. >> steve: yeah, you do very great impressions of painting. >> jimmy: impressions of impressions. here's a crazy story, you guys. this week, officials in connecticut -- they found 2 goats and 25 chickens living in an apartment. or that's also known as the weirdest "real world" ever. [ light laughter ] that's right. they found 2 goats and 25 chickens living in a

steve stove just a -- >> steve: just a crazy night. >> absolutely. i don't think anybody expected it >> peter: dodid you know any of the folks in the hospital? and did you speak to the police? >> we had a police officer question us which theater why were at and things like that. i actually heard that one of my - not my friend but a guy going to the hospital, but they said he was in stable condition ask doing fine. >> did the police take contact information from you and the people that you were with to try to contact you on down the line and get more first hand accounts. >> no, they didn't. they were actually just trying to see if there is anything out of the ordinary. there was a lot of cars. >> peter: how old are you. >> i am 18. >> peter: was it mostly 15, 16 year old or older people. who was in the theater. >> it was a good variety if i had to guess 15-25 that was probably the majority. >> steve: when you were evacated from the theater. police were concerned that the guy might have explosive devises in the car. where did they have you go when you

>> steve: yeah.right. >> jimmy: hey, next week, president obama will celebrate his 51st birthday. obama already got one really nice gift, mitt romney's trip to london. [ laughter ] so -- he's happy. [ cheers and applause ] he couldn't be happier. get this, you guys. yesterday, a truck in maryland overturned and spilled almost 80,000 pounds of budweiser on the highway. [ audience ohs ] which explains why, instead of flashing "traffic ahead," road signs are just flashing "seriously, i love you guys." [ laughter ] you guys are my best friends. [ laughter ] phew. here's a crazy story. a man in new york survived a 40 foot fall with minor injuries after he tried to sneak into a nickelback concert. [ laughter ] concert goers said it was a traumatic experience. and then, they heard about the guy who fell 40 feet and they go -- [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: wait, what, no. >> jimmy: this is too much. i said, this is too much. some tech news. yesterday, google unveiled a high-speed internet service calle

speaking of patriots, go ahead, steve. >> steve: thank you. mitt romney over his refusal to release a bunch of past tax returns. in the latest attack, press secretary likened the gop candidate to a controversial past president. >> mitt romney is the most secretive candidate we've seen since richard nixon. mitt romney's own father released 12 years worth of tax returns. he provided john mccain 23 years when running for vice president. but only shared with the american people one year worth of returns. >> steve: and another one is supposed to be forth coming. is this a fair comparison given the president's own shaky track record on transparency? we are rejoined by our political panel. we've got a graphic. the president came in and promised the most transparent administration in history and yet you look at how many times he's used executive privilege, the espionage act used six times, the lobbyist, meeting across the street rather than releasing the logs and stuff like that. obamacare hashed out in private, transparencies are abolished. julie? yo

>> steve: 420. >> jimmy: 420, oh, my god. yeah, yeah. >> steve: come on. ♪ >> jimmy: of course.my: yeah. ♪ thank you, sonograms, or, as i like to call you, baby spoiler alerts. [ laughter ] it basically is, right? >> steve: exactly. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, sunset, for being nature's way of setting the mood. thank you, sunrise, for being nature's way of turning on all the lights at last call and saying, "if it hasn't happened yet, it ain't happening. time to go home, you guys." [ laughter ] "wrap it up." [ applause ] "you don't got to go home, but you got to get the hell out of here." ♪ thank you, people who order a salad with extra ranch dressing, for basically saying, "i didn't want a salad in the first place." [ laughter ] i want a grilled cheese or something. >> steve: yeah, come on. >> jimmy: got to eat healthy. put some more on there, man. >> steve: come on. i'm not a fool. >> jimmy: yeah. ♪ thank you, passive aggressiveness. no, really. thank you. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, guy who gets on the elevator and then stands on the same side as me even though no one else is in here

steve? >> steve: thanks.pert outsourcer, claiming he shipped jobs overseas when he headed up bain capital. there might be some serious problems with their facts. fox news legal analyst and attorney peter johnson, jr. has reviewed mitt romney's record at bain capital and is here, he put on his lawyer hat to set the record straight. >> i approached this as if i had been retained by corporate client to review some records and make a determination and recommendation about what i had seen. so i spent a good part of saturday and yesterday looking at the available records on-line, the available news reports with regard to mitt romney's involvement with bain capital and whether he left in early 1999 to go to the salt lake olympics. my review of the documents shows that yes, he did leave in 1999 and no, the sec documents do not, do not confirm the allegations made by stephanie cutter, the president's top aide, that somehow mitt romney committed a felony. so let's look at so of the conclusions. the evidence shows romne

i mean -- >> steve: come on!n thing to do. >> jimmy: whatever you want on the burger. i don't care. it's more about us getting together. fallon-romney, burger time. burger summit, it's going to be super fun. i promise. you guys, it's time to look at the stories making headlines today, and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight we'll be talking a look at the pros and cons of "summer heat waves." yeah. last week saw record temperatures all over the country last week. it was hot as a mutha. [ light laughter ] so let's take a look at the pros and cons. [ laughter ] >> steve: how hot was it? >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: how hot was it? >> jimmy: i don't know. it was pretty hot, apparently. >> steve: i said, what? hot as a what? >> jimmy: let's take a look at the pros and cons of summer heat waves, here we go. pro, it's sweaty, sticky, and nearly 100. con, so is larry king in a steam room. [ as la

steve stove mr.rs, dog gone it he was going to fix things and it hasn't worked out that way. >> this campaign is still about hope. it is still about change. washington feels as broken as it did four years ago. and you know, if you ask me what is it the one thing that has frustrated me most over the last four yoors, it's not the hard work, it's not, you know, the enormity of the decision or the pace. it is it that i haven't been able to change the atmosphere here in wash wish to reflect the decency and common sense of ordinary people. democrats and republicans and independents who want to see their leadership solve problems. there is enough blame to go around for that. >> steve: mike, you know, the president said he hasn't achieved what he wanted tompt are you better off today than four years ago, mitt romney would win. but instead the obama administration and come pain rather than talking about economy is talking about outsourcing and what romney did twen years ago. a lot of distractions. >> there is

hair. >> steve: no.truth? >> steve: you can't handle it. ♪ >> jimmy: i'm sorry. [ laughter and applause ] [ coughing ] >> steve: i had something in my throat. go ahead. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: do it again. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, alarm clocks, for being like the guy who's like, oh my god, we're going to be late! and thank you, snooze button, for being the guy who's like, "dude, chill your grill, flip that pillow to the cool side and squeeze in a few more zs." [ laughter and applause ] who's that guy? >> steve: who's that guy? ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, kinko's, for sounding less like a copy center and more like a cereal for perverts. [laughter and applause ] ♪ prometheus. last one right here. the last un. [ audience aws ] yeah. >> steve: it's the last one. >> jimmy: i love you guys. each and every one of you. ♪ thank you, people who say i love taking baths, for basically saying, i love relaxing in human dirt soup. [ laughter ] there you go, guys. those are our thank you notes. we'll be right back with ben

>> steve: what?hat? >> jimmy: i don't know what -- >> steve: what did you -- i didn't know you seen -- >> jimmy: i thought i'd write a thank you note today 'cause i do. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, monkey bars, for being a fun playground activity and not a place where primates go to get trashed. [ laughter ] [ applause ] they should have bars for monkeys. >> steve: they should. when i was little, monkeys were bartenders all the time. freaking bloomberg. ruining everything in the city. i wish there were monkey bars where a simian could go get a drink. [ light laughter ] i could order a -- >> jimmy: back in the '70s -- back in the '70s, you go down the street, you buy drugs, you go into a bar, there's a bunch of monkeys running around. >> steve: yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] it was like "planet of the apes." >> jimmy: -- the whole city. >> steve: guys would assault you on the street. you walk into a bar, you see a monkey drinking, like, a beer, or gin and tonic, or -- >> jimmy: all right, all right. got it, bu

really strong. >> steve: really.ce cube is good enough. this guy, like, he mixes stuff in. he'll put, like, a coffee bean in your drink or something. or a -- he's just nuts. and you go, "this is going to be awful." and then you go, "this is the best thing i've ever had in my life." and then you try to make it, you can't do it. >> steve: it's awful, yeah. >> jimmy: well, he'll teach you how to do it. he's got good tips. he's a good man. hey, you guys know, there's a lot of bad news out there in the world but here at "late night" we always try to find the silver lining. so with that in mind, it's time for a segment we call "on the bright side." ♪ on the bright side on the bright side on the bright side ♪ >> jimmy: here's how it works. i'm going to give you the cold, hard facts we pulled from some of the world's top news sources. and then, we're going to look at the bright side and give you the silver lining. here we go. ♪ tom cruise and katie holmes are getting divorced after five years of marriage. on the bright side,

steve? >> steve: thanks, brian.ant to make sure that their male clients get a fair shake in a system which traditionally favors women. do men really need extra protection in the courtroom during divorce proceedings? let's talk to divorce attorney joseph cordell. his firm specializes in representing men and joining us here in new york is divorce attorney nicky ziegler, the author of "the premarital planner. good morning. >> good morning. >> steve: joe, let's start with you. why do men need extra protection in the courtroom? >> well, you can look at simply the statistics and they're overwhelming. the fact is that the quarter of the room among civil rights causes in america that, is neglected still, is that of the rights of men in domestic relations cases. >> steve: sure. and vicky, historically, men have, if you look at the stats, been the underdog when it comes to things like custody hearings and battles and stuff like that. >> certainly. but you don't need a male attorney to zealously advocate on behalf of a climate

>> steve: who knew?nk aaron couldn't be reached for comment. >> steve: he could not. meanwhile, 27 minutes before the top of the hour and switching gears. the suspect in the colorado massacre, james holmes, faces up to 142 charges for the massacre that killed 12 people and wounded 58 others. brian. >> brian: elizabeth prann joins us live from centennial, colorado with details. when will we see holmes in court again, if ever? >> right. well, it could be as early as next week, thursday, august 9, is the date set where the judge will hear the media's motion in regards to releasing those sealed documents. and as a defendant in this case, holmes does have the right to be in court, although the courthouse p.i.o. tells us he doesn't have any indication at this point that he will be present and of course, there will be no cameras in the courtroom. as far as charges are concerned, the district attorney in arapaho county, who is an outspoken supporter of the death penalty, seemingly focused her attention on the mo

give him a watch." >> steve: thank you. >> jimmy: don't fix my plane. >> steve: no, enough is enough.ey, this is really fun news. i just read that pixar is planning to release a sequel to "finding nemo" in 2016. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yep. it's called "you guys really need to keep a better eye on nemo." [ laughter ] lost again. check this out. a new study found that facebook games can cause kids to develop gambling problems. that is not good, no. you'd hate to see a kid's gambling addiction get in the way of their facebook addiction. [ laughter ] 'cause that's what you want them to -- >> steve: yeah, that's the real -- >> jimmy: and finally -- this is crazy. a man in tennessee was arrested for operating a chainsaw while he was in the nude. [ laughter ] apparently, the police got a 911 call from a very nervous couple -- his testicles. we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you for watching, guys. big show tonight. hey, guys, we get to do so much great music on our show, as shown on our very first album,

. >> steve: come on!eve: come on. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ audience claps to beat ] >> jimmy: secret meat. >> steve: secret meat. >> jimmy: sorry about that, guys. i got some local news. this week in queens, a man wearing a postal service uniform robbed two banks in ten minutes. officials knew he wasn't a real mailman because he actually made it to two different places in ten minutes. [ laughter and applause ] i heard that the airline virgin atlantic is planning to offer "fifty shades of grey" as an audio book on certain flights -- [ cheers ] -- marking the first time women on board are actually asking for turbulence. [ laughter ] yes, virgin atlantic is offering "fifty shades of grey" as an audio book, which gets weird when the old woman sitting next to you goes "i think i just joined the mile high club." [ laughter ] we got a great show tonight, guys. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a fun, fun show tonight. she is the best. oh, i love her

. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: why would you tell people that? >> steve: why would you?. scientists have discovered a new planet that is smaller and hotter than earth. and of course, later, they tried to console earth by telling her she has a great personality. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: a woman in pennsylvania was arrested for hacking into a school's computer system to change her children's grades. not to be outdone, my mom stopped writing all of her e-mails to me with the caps lock on. "hi jimmy, how was your weekend? we went to the olive garden. dad got the usual!" yelling mom, you're yelling. [ laughter and applause ] check this out, a company in china unveiled a 30 foot long bottle of wine that was created for a wine expo. or as kathie lee and hoda put it. "ni hao." [ laughter ] get this, a company in minnesota is installing a pregnancy test dispenser inside a bar. here's how it works, if you buy a pregnancy test inside a bar, you're pregnant. [ laughter ] why would you? [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: someone's gotta know. >> jimmy: ho bo

that entire brew came together in steve jobs.s sort of a hippie-ish rebel kid, loved listening to dylan music, dropped acid. but also, he loved electronics. >> kroft: jobs would eventually cross paths with a computer wizard at berkeley five years his senior named steve wozniak. they became fast friends, sharing a love of high-tech pranks and a disdain for authority. one of the things they did was to copy and improve an illicit device called a "blue box", which reproduced the tones that the phone company used and allowed users to make free long distance phone calls. >> isaacson: wozniak loves the blue box. he's doing it as a prank. steve says, "we can sell them. we can market them." and they sold about 100 of them, and jobs said to me, "that's the beginning of apple. when we started doing that blue box, i knew that, with wozniak's brilliant designs and my marketing skills, we could sell anything." >> kroft: that was still a few years off. jobs enrolled at reed college in oregon at a time when timothy leary was telling students acr