are you getting excited for halloween, stewie?p this, all right? it's what puts candy in the bag. oh, look, chris, here's your costume from the year you went as a condom. what the hell are you supposed to be? [gasps] oh, stewie, look! it's your very first teddy bear! oscar? wow, i remember that bear. that's the one grandma and grandpa brought stewie when he was still in the hospital. oh, and here's the card they sent me. "three kids on $40,000? have fun with your crap life." i guess he got tucked away up here. you want him back, sweetie? what, this old thing? no, no, thank you. i've grown. i've changed. -you sure you don't want him? -i said no, okay? don't you have a wedding dress to try halfway on and then cry about? [phone rings] hello? oh, hey, quagmire. what's up? hey, peter, i need some help with my computer. i can't find my photos. did you look under "photos"? what is that? it's a folder called "photos." yeah, i-i don't have that. i just have 40 folders all called "new folder." okay. you know what? click on your hard drive.

so, what do you think of your first tailgate, stewie? it's so great. dad gave me a sip of beer. so much fun at these things. hey, bonnie, who's on first? who, the person's name or the pronoun? ha! and it goes on like this. hey, joe, how's it going? sorry, peter, no time to talk. -it's my day to shine. -what? [chuckles] yeah. handicapped person at the ballpark-- ramps, private escort, meet the team. [crew] is there a joe swanson? -[grunts] -right here! meet me at that sad balcony! [♪ organ playing "charge"] well, here it is. what do you think? wow, daddy, it's beautiful! yeah, it's really great up here. there's free food, a bar, and you can drop a plastic spider on a string on your friends below. really? go, quahog! -[thuds] -[shouts] i fell trying to lower a spider. good afternoon, fans, and welcome to minor league baseball.

thanks, stewie. you never gave up on me. you knew that wasn't really me. yeah, well, it's no big-- i mean, i was having fun, making new friends, getting laid all the time, sleeping like a rock, but you made the call. you unilaterally decided i was better off a bitter alcoholic failure who can only hang out with a baby. hey. we have fun. hey, lois, guess what. i had them do that two-wiener operation on me. you what? [singsong-y] double trouble. -[thuds] -uh-oh. that was the original. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> desi: oh, welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. we say rip to dei. a senator wants to fertilize the wrong kind of egg, and the inventor of the cybertruck thinks our government looks stupid! so let's get into the latest in another installment of "the second coming of donald j. trump." ♪ ♪ >> i'm gonna come. >> desi: we all know donald trum