and i struck up a close friendship with the theologian worry teich, doug christie has expert pieces on first century. and i asked him, you know, i was so paranoid. not mine in for a zombie was going to come out from behind the boulder and bash my head at what the rock. is that the same thing the christian mystics were feeling? is alike hardwired in a somehow? he said totally. like that paranoia is both contact with radical otherness for city boys on the one hand, but it's also something embedded, kind of like when you're in the wilderness is hardwired in us. there are snakes out there and i don't like snakes. so, but then of course i settled in for the night and did my little centering prayer thing and ultimately, there'd been a little bit of cloud cover. the stars came out. i mean, this is on the road to death valley, which is the strongest sky on the mainland. okay? and when the stars came out i just looked up into that, saw god's face and i went to a very peaceful sleep and that's -- that is the desert, too. so yeah, i'm going to be going. [speaking in spanish] maybe. me out there.