the 12-foot hole i dug in temecula with a backhoe, on the third day i would have put her in it, buried the whole, put all her stuff in it and that would have been it. to you guys, becky's dead. for me she isn't. when i feel depressed and want to end it, i feel a tug on my heart, and i hear a voice, you know, get up, i haven't left you.