>>teve: uhuh. >>immy: qus krisps porzingis. [ laughter ] 's theing of new york. >> sve: he's t king of new york, i ow. >>my: eat player, great name. >> steve: he's theing -- he' thkorningi >> jimmy: he theorus >> steve: yeah, he the korningus ofew york. jim: i just officlly crowd hikorngis of new york >> steve: aryou ous? >>myah, porzis the korningis. [ laughter ] here -- re's another one re, you ys. >> steve: let me s it. >> jimmy: donald duck. >> steve: ye >> jim: plus uncle scroo equals donald trump. yosee. ry -- [ laughter ] youndersnd. >> steve: th i see ectly. [ apause ] >>immy: if y takrila -- [ lahter ]plus drake, it equals akeula. drakea [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: i want to suckour bling. >> steve: no, he should say it. jimmy: but he cou. that's what i'saying steve: he started from e bottom. >>immy: it's an option for him toayt. >> ste: ye. >> jmy: doesn' to do anhing. >>teve: he doesn d nothing. he's drake, man. [ ughter ] jimmy: 's -- teve: drakeula man j: here ather here. if you te

>>teve: that's taped. >> jimmy: i dot know. like it, but i wouldt put a a wing on it. [ laughter ] >> steve: hey, oh. f you like it th y put a ring on it >> jimmy: our next albums om an '80s r&b artist i've never hear called paul laurence. [ laughter ] thhe ithere. there's paul. he's in his gold paisley cket, no shirt. classic look. no shirt. if you've got a gold paisley jacket -- >> questlove: why would wearhirt? >> jimmy: you n'ed to wear one[ laughter ] here he is oe he's butneup h he has shi o it's up to him. >>teve: it's up to him. >> jimmy: heff. yean take it off or ays, iys over he. re it says"paul laurs quiet ung n. full room, heally stds othe de, ying ttle. you mit sahe shy." maybe he's just a eet, sensitivguy. [ light lauger ] let's listen to a song by his ca "she'not sleaze." >> ste: oh, theryou go. [ laughter ] weli can'go forhat theyay that she's a slea no can't gthat s's dving me crazy bum sure that e's not sleaze jimmy: that's good. see? isn't at swe? he'sefending h. [ apause ] >> steve: he's defding the honor of

the sheriff says teves's body camera was key in the investigation. ((stop)) 3 11:22 "absolutely, for an internal affairs investigation or any kind of complaint from the public it's invaluable to be able to see what took place" 3 teves was hired in 2007. the sheriff's office says there are no other complaints against him on file. 3 3 a woman is accused of abusing dogs in polk county. 38-year-old sabrina painter is felony animal cruelty. three dogs were seized from a home she was staying in on landrum road last week. one of the dogs "snoozy" was found with a telephone cord tightly wrapped around her leg. that leg may now have to be amputated. 3 i guess there's a perception sometimes that people think that just because they have a pet dog or a pet cat or horse or whatever, that's their property they can do whatever they want with it - well that's not the way i look at it3 sheriff hill is asking for the public's help in paying for snoozy's vet bills... if you'u'like donate, contact his office. 3 3 3 two upstate lawmakers file a bill to ban same-sex marri

>>teve: pet paher. o,ome of theefers inclclete ak, y yn aorhe. n,n other wo n,otrds,er bowl 50 is ing reffed by a jug band from 31. [ applse ] ay it,lete. >> steve: ba dinding ding. >> jim: comen, rusty! you were late thaone, clete. [ laughter ] hps if you got teeth. ! comen,usty! pro,hingwill getmo between the oncoand panthe. n, espllwhen both et a fl ov in a bis ad. [ lauger a alause ] woo, woo! o! wo >> steve: steveat how you kee [ light laughter ] pro,he p wi dtheir rite d dab. coroncos wdo their faance, the neigh neh. [ laughter ] oh, come on. >> stevecome o >> jthneigh h. >> steve: like theorse a hors ighs >>: neighs, you, ye.'s f the kids! >> steve: it's for the kids. you know what? jimmy: th get danoo. everne gets a dance. and y, pro, peon manningeeds one m g win to catch up to his brotr. con, jeb busis like, "jo the ub." ere you go. that'sros anco wel be right back with josh brolin, everybody. [ ch and ae ] dear, why dot we switch to directv? now mother, we are settls. i've settled cable all mylife. er cle for 15 ye we four acon where. t

sheriff van duncan says the complaint against now former deputy tim teves stemmed from a child custody call on new year's eve. the sheriff says the deputy's body camera was key in the investigation. 3 11:22 "absolutely, for an internal affairs investigation or any kind of complaint from the public it's invaluable to be able to see what took place" 3 teves was hired in 2007. the sheriff's office says there are no other complaints against him on file. 3 3 a woman is accused of abusing dogs in polk county. 38-year-old sabrina painter is charged with abandonment and felony animal cruelty. three dogs were seized from a home she was staying in on landrum road last week. one of the dogs "snoozy" was found with a telephone cord tightly wrapped around her leg. that leg may now have to be amputated. 3 i guess there's a perception sometimes that people think that just because they have a pet dog or a pet cat or horse or whatever, that's their property they can do whatever that's not the way i look at it3 sheriff hill is asking for the public's help in paying for snoozy's vet bills... if you'd lik

>>teve: oh, okay jimmy: i thinthat's the idea of the song. light laht ] yeahlike -it's like -- three, two, one, safety nce. an dancing on the ilin guys, tois friday, a th's usually when i catch up with some personaltuff. [ cheers and applaus] i check my inbox, i return some e-mails, and i send t some thank you note so i was running a bit behind. [ cheers and aus you gu don mind? ank yovery much. i precte it. i have to write some thank you notes right now. james, james, james, do you have any -- do o yohave som ank u note ing sic perfect. cheers and applause ] that's perfect. perfect. fo to put his tie on. >> yh. >> jimmy: someone stole s tie. >> steve: he w theame because of his tie. jimmy: poet sare is gone yep. light laughter he's dressed likharry stes. ing on collection. [ light laughter ] jimmy: yeah. >> steve: he's cute, though. [ light laer ] >> jimmyye. youric on. thank you, bernie nders, for releasing a new caaignd using the simon & garfunkel song "america" not to be confusedith the songeb bush uses at s rallie"the sound of sence." [

he he's rl. teve: wa. >>myrndersave her ee here ework tyesrd and eedp spng f almost anou we c't su e whol spee, t we condensed it wn to what bnie really wanted to say. [le ] big ban a eell str[ laughter [ cheers andppla] >> jimsimple. in and out. s: , t, boom. >>imtesecond >>: ah.>>th >>immythe otr ws is actually kin sry north koreunced yester thatt hasuccessfully carrying out it's first hydrogen bb test eier tha or thust thr firschipotle. but ther way, doesn't matt. ing pp. i don'remeer. i didn reait. dn't rd the ole e. >> stevehow is that en a in jimmyi dn rthe ole ar so me newsrom ovas. membs of the bti iame a go et later this mtho dete whetr oro ban onmember oparliant sai "loo enoh guysit ridiculous looking things on thr heads making se nobody gets over a fence. d that's right [ laught applause ] u can ke t the ban ce, we' a winto thw ana lot of us haveew year's resolutions. enk zuckrg posteon facebook that one his new year's rolutio is run 36s 6. yeah, at's rig. had a baby d 's ttg to runng. so if the

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>>teve: used to be like a a salvador dali. >> jimmy: long time ago. yeah, yeah. >> steve: ck in the day. >> jimmy: anyway, good sff. you want to hear a little bit of wet here you go. this is "weak." oh baby baby baby if you're -- that's it. that's all youet. yore gng to t that tonit. plau ] wet ere ght,s.hey,s fornigh show" hashtags. here we go. hashtags tags >> jimmy: oh, th's right. you ys are on twitter? anyone usewitter? [ cheers ] 's fun. we usewitter on our show watch r show and you want to ay alongwe do this thing every eswhe i t a hashtag and a you gu to tweeout things based on that topic. so since there's a huge winter std to hit the nohet this weekend, i went on twitter and started aa hashtag, #awwhellsnow. [ laughter ] i asked you gu to tweet a funny, weird or embasing story about winter. we g thousands of tweets. within 30 minutes, it s a trendi topic in the u.s., so thank you for thoseweet [ applause ] i appreciate that, for playing alon now i thought i'd share some of my favore "aww hell snow" tweets from you guys. this fst one's from ky

>>teve on. >> jim: why did sta that r back? >> steve: i'm gonna starfrom back here. >> jim: you sure you don't want to start closer? you re you don't -- no, no, i go-- yeah. it's perfect. >> steve: are you sure? that seems kind of far. and now the atnion response. [ cheers and applae ] >> jimmy: good eveni, and happy mardi gras. [ laughter ] >>teveyou don'want to slidin? lauger ] >> jimmy: u think jindal's entrance was bad, look at his ex. watch this. [ laughter ] that's how hlees. [ cheers and applause ] he moonwalks. moonwalked off. >> sve: moonwalking. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: oh, my goodns. [ chrs and aus >> jimmy >>immyi can't. i can't. obby jindal >> jimmy: hey, this is a big story today. the prident of mexico drug lord,l apo has be caught. [ audience os ] soood news, everybod meco icompletely se agai [ laughter and applae yeah wean allo to hg out . got it. don't worry about it. there's this video that went viral, i don't know if you s this. it mad laugh. it's a kid at disneyland, he s on stage taking part in the park's

>>teve: kids love . that's the wayhey act. >> jimmy: you ys, if you're lookg r some valenti's das, you might want to list to this. e "harry potter"tuo to hosting a valentine's day dinner in the great hall from hogwarts. [ audience oohs ] it's great for couples or r single guys who aim their date is wearing an invisibility clk. [ laught and applause ] normally y c't s her, she's from canada. she doesn't --er friends aren friends with your friends. [ laughter i thought this wasretty cool the airpne manture airbus recentlannound it's partnering with ubero offer helicopter rn a new seice called urchopper. [ lauger ] and you ght it was annoying when your uber driver tried to talk to you before. >> h's the temrature back there, gd? you want anyater? i said, you want a water? why don't yogive me your iphone and i can play atever music you like. [ cheersnd applause ] leave melone. and finally, jt read abo a man in california who is making news for having ove 1,000 different credit cds and a ne perfe credit scor

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teve steve: ted cruz life. cruz: we have 53 hours to the caucuses. this is the men and iowa -- women of iowa to make a decision. steve: marco rubio closing in. rubio: this is where desperation climbs in. steve: the frontrunner flew back to iowa. trump: we have a thumping to celebrate. steve: the numbers are reverting. what can he say to the trump backers that used about you but now back me? rubio: they back me once again. steve: hillary clinton is under investigation with the e-mails. clinton: i really am not concerned. it is the same story that has been going on for months now. please go out and stand up for me on monday night. steve: bernie sanders has campaigned harder, 130 events. if iowa voters caucus, they can take powerback on the billionaires. sanders: if we have that courage, not only will we win the nomination, but more importantly, we will transform america. steve: but first, a big effort to get out the vote. caucus turnout is usually so' s difference. that means they will push hard until monday night. adrian: and make wesh 2 your 2016 cov

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>> i think teve tere two pivotal moments in my career, actually. further back when i was in high school, i was 13, i moved to lakeville, nnecticut, to go to boarding school for high school. and that was there wst time i got to see how the other half lived, right. i went to school with rockefellers and fords, and i got to really understand what wealth he firmeant. stanford was instrumental in really kind of my development in my career. just having me be exposed to silicon valley, a place i didn't thank goodness i did because it was one of the best decisions i've ever made in my life. >> do you think you could have built your company without the network that you created in silicon valley? >> there is no way i could have built the company without that network. and i say this because, you know, building the company requires us to raise capital. that capital requires my having the network to acquire that capital. my ability to recruit engineers and other talent, righgh w you have that network effect in silicon valley of the engineers, et cetera, instrum

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. >> rose: stillhead,teve hartman on the road, but up next, a grandmother's labor of love. you do all this research on the perfect car. gas mileage, horse power, torque ratios... three spreadsheets later, you finally bring home the one... then smash it into a tree. your insurance company is all too happy to raise your rates... for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insuran. it's the little things in life that makakme smile. spending the day with my niece. i don't use super poligrip for hold, because my dentures fit well. before those little pieces would get in between my dentures and my gum and it was uncomfortable. even well fitting dedeures let in food papaicles. just a few dabs of super poligrip free is clinically proven to seal out more food particles so you're more comfortable and confident while you eat. so it's not about keeping my dentures in, it's about keepingnghe food particles out. hey i'm here on the red carpet where our next arrival is... wh

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so you were both interest and then do you send an e-mail or make a phone call -- or how does that teve and i knew each other for several years and then i let somehow, and i thought, this is amazing and now we are here in the principal's office talking about it and the character is a like to think of myself that role where you say, i need to be as honest as possible, and i think that this is one of >> reporter: i walked into the principal's office today which with, and when you were younger, know about? >> i spent some time in the school. >> i wrote a newspaper that called the teachers byn names and fell into the wrong hands, and i was called to apologize to certain old teacher s >> did you do it? >> i i did, because i didn't want to get suspended. >> reporter: if you had a rabbit hole in your life that you could go back, have you vig that you would go pack and change. >> at one point, i would go back and say, yeah, i would not do that movie, but in hindsight, life changed because of that. >> reporter: and not to give away the ending, but you published an alternate ending on the interne

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. >> jimmy: i'm jewish, dude. [ laughter ] i'll talk to you later, though. [ cheers and applause ]teve: bag of hot dogs. >> jimmy: this one's from @brewergirl610. she says, "my first date was obsessed with trains. he s went by and would stare at it." [ laughter ] [ laughter ] "i know you can, i know you can." [ laughter ] one's from @jheart. she says, "home boy wouldn't stop putting the chop sticks in his mouth pretending to be a a walrus." and applause ] >> steve: come on, homeboy. it. that's funny. i'd do that. >> steve: come on, yeah. >> jimmy: i have done it. stic gag. >> jimmy: that's a good gag. this one is from @southpaw77. she says, "i once had a date tell me i looked sturdy." >> steve: ooh. >> steve: that's not good. that's not good in anyway. >> jimmy: that's not a good compliment. no. this one's from @aliteraryspin.ay through the date he looks at me and goes, 'are you having a good time, 'cause your face, it looks like you aren't.'"pplause ] you aren't having a good -- wrong with my face? it's like an aren't. >> jimmy: looks like you aren't. oh, yeah. that's a good one. this

. >> jimmy: i didn't know what i was doing. [ laughter ]teve: mrs. sandler. >> jimmy: we risked our lives looking for this jewel. you could have said something. oh, i didn't know. i thought -- near far wherever you are [ applause ] h ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guys, finally, this is pretty cool here. several companies are working together to replace thousands of pay phones here in new york i-fi hotspots. [ cheers and applause ] officials say that new yorkers need a more modern, more advanced thing to pee on when they're drunk. [ laughter and applause ] that's right. we have a great show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we really do. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: get ready for some fun tonight. >> steve: yeah. oh, it's going to be fun. >> jimmy: guys, i'm just so night. i mean this is good. right? you feel it? [ cheers and applause ] this guy is just fun. you feel it, you know when it's happening. mean. he's one of the greatest musicians of all time. ovation happening now. he's a great new yorker. a great performer. the hou

sheriff van duncan says the complaint against tim teves stems from a child custody the sheriff says teves' body camera was key this the investigation. the sheriff's office says there are no other complaints against him on file. >> a woman is accused of abusing dogs in polk county. 38-year-old sabrina painter is charged with abandonment and felony animal cruelty. three dogs were seized from a home she was staying in on landrum road. one of the dogs was found with a telephone cord tightly wrapped around her leg. that leg may have to be amputated. >> and dss is looking into allegations of abuse in the foster system. a teenager ran away last month claiming he was abused because of his sexuality. he has since been found. friends and family members of the boy gathered at the county courthouse last night to rally against homophobia. >> here is zach with your skywatch forecast. >> looking at some wet roads across the region. we're going to continue with morning hours and later this afternoon things are going to be breaking up and the rain dissipating. this is just the first round and you are seei

in other words, super bowl 50 is being reffed by a jug band from 1931. [ applause ] play it, clete. teve: ba ding ding ding. >> jimmy: come on, rusty! you were late on that one, clete. [ laughter ]f you got no teeth. between the broncos and panthers. con, especially when both animals meet and fall in love in a budweiser ad. [ laughter and applause ] tears back. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: pro, the panthers will do their favorite dance, the dab. will do their favorite dance, the neigh neigh. [ laughter ] >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: the neigh neigh. the horse! a horse. neighs. >> jimmy: neighs, thank you, yeah. it's for the kids! >> steve: it's for the kids. you know what?et a dance too. everyone gets a dance. and finally, pro, peyton manning needs one more big win to catch up to his brother. con, jeb bush is like, "join the club." there you go.s and cons. we'll be right back with josh brolin, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] dear, why don't we switch to directv? i've settled for cable all my life. but directv has been number one in customer satisfactionars. we find our satisfaction el

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mustard, for being the only things that come in mild, spicy, brown, and yellow. [ laughter and applause ]teve: yeah, come on. >> jimmy: just thought of that. yeah. thank you, man accused of robbing an art museum in aling a a sculpture of abraham lincoln's hands. the suspect is described as >> steve: oh.pplause ] yeah. somebody's thinking it. >> jimmy: that one got laughter s. >> steve: boos. yeah. [ laughter ] a couple. just a couple. >> jimmy: just a couple. >> steve: just a couple boos. not a lot. >> jimmy: i'll take em. i'll take em. that's nice. thank you, wall street investors, for worrying about how low apple stock is dropping. or as apple put it, "it's lighter and thinner than ever?" good thing, right? [ laughter ] ry clinton, for saying this week that we may have already been visited by aliens from space. and raising the question, if o say that out loud, what the hell were you hiding in those e-mails? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: aliens?mething was in there. >> steve: weird. >> jimmy: guys, this is the tonight. and i don't know if you guys ay, david bowie released a

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divide by two. [ applause ] >>teve: a little few numbers in there. your kid still -- >> jimmy: finally if you take one dollar minus 95 cents, it equals nickelback. there you go. that's -- that's some good math. that's all the time we have for popular mathematics. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." it's super fun! come on back. [ cheers and applause ] [ scanner beeping ] sir, could you step aside? "sir"? come on. you know who i am. progressive insurance? uh, i save people an average of over $500 when they switch? oh! right -- the name your price tool. it shows people policy options to help fit their budget. [ scanner warbling ] crazy that a big shot like me would pack his own bags, right? [ chuckles ] so, do i have the right to remain handsome? [ chuckles ] wait. uh-oh. we love, love, chocolaty, creamy, with a little something extra. mmm deliliousness. cookies or almonds. yumminess. hershey's is mine, yours, our chocolate. this is henry's hard orange. it's a delicious, refreshing and easy to drink hard soda. but not too hard- you've

>>>>teve: no, i can't believe this. >> jimmy: look at this. poem. "some voters think i'm too old they call my ideas too bold but i'm what you need 'cause i am pro weed, rolled." [ cheers and applause ] that's bernie. >> steve: wow. feel the bern. >> jimmy: he wrote that. i think we have -- [ laughter ] i'm getting word in we have time for one more. >> steve: are you serious? who else wrote a poem? >> jimmy: i don't know. look, this was just handed to us just now. i don't know. >> steve: who was it? >> jimmy: apparently chris christie wrote a poem. >> steve: really? chris christie wrote a poem? >> jimmy: yeah, i don't know. yeah. >> steve: all right, well, let's hear it. >> jimmy: "for breakfast i love eating ham, for lunch i love eating lamb, for dinner falafel wrapped in a waffle top it all off with some jam and butter and syrup." [ cheers and applause ] i mean, he added an extra line. more of a haiku. it's a haiku. >> steve: was a haiku, yeah. not about the election. >> jimmy: a limerick beginning with a haiku ending. very tricky. or something. >>

. >> teve: how weird. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: check riis out. "in 2016 i am grinning, because this is just the beginning. you've heard what said, you've looked at my head. i still can't believe that i'm winning." [ cheers and applause ] he wrote it. >> steve: he wrote that limerick. >> jimmy i think he wrote it, yeah. >> steve: he's a poet as well. >> jimmy: bernie sanders. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: also did a poem of his own. [ laughter ] do you believe this? >> steve: no, i can't believe this. >> jimmy: look at this. look at this bernie sanders poem. "some voters think i'm too old they call my deas too bold but i'm what you need 'cause i am pr paweedk my suit pocket has a joint rolled." [ cheers and applause ] that's bernie. >> steve: wow. feel the bern. >> jimmy: he wrote that. i think we have -- [ laughter ] i'm getting word in we have time for one more. >> steve: are you serious? who else wrote a poe g >> jimmy: i don't know. look, this was just handed to us just now. i don't know. >> steve: whi o sss it? >> jimmy: apparently chris christie

this one, , teve jobs," what was hard was that i knew what i didn't want to do, which was ite a biopic, a traditional biopic, a cradle to grave story where you land on the character's greatest hits along the way. that i wanted to do something else. was frankly a lot of dialogue. and -- which if you are a little familiar with my work it's not that surprising. when i grew up, in my family, at my family's dinner tabab, anybody who used one word when they could have used ten just wasn't trying hard enough. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. people are talking over each other -- >> yeah. when i really -- and i really -- like everybody in my family is smarter than i am. all of my fries are smarter than i am. all of my friends growing up were smarter than i was. and i really started to enjoy the sound of smart people arguing with each other. and i wanted to imitate that sound. >> jimmy: when you hear people talking in public, do you make mental notes? do you think oh, that might be something i work into -- >> yeah. i love when i come in on the middle of a conversation, if i'm having a sandwich in

ne teve:: theholid. ja swer.her up later in the week. wait by the middl reaf j raibec theback eorethat is er:nging and i think when that eventually does happebec mit:le to end next of mwhixculd we get cold and stay cold and have threats november around hemn we'll see. today, 36. 17. 17s the temperature. ag beaimw average here: 6 for the record high. minus 3 for the record low. stay beiti to36row. 7:20 sunrise. enjoy that later daylight that ises, tohg on. 17 nu and humidity 46%. pressure is 30-32 and stenr. not truh g all ng with. that clear sky. a few scattered cloud andakt offshore. foxning isf ancking up a couple of snow showers off here. that is. i d notes, tohg orwer.y. anuyouankled at the highs her to day. a little deceiici'l truh earlier in thep>> wy. the nperatures started tumbling in the afternoon. s n we the do itif rlih e 37 . sokeepsie. 40 montauk. 32 bellmawr. nrat see wherea s're. it is 22 still with the east end. only 17 islip. 15 bridgeport. aitasher,3 3ed dowas to withe. 10 sussex. 16 at the jersey shore and talkingte3 u

. >> jimmy: oh, mary kennedy. [ barking ] >>>>teve: the score two pups to zero. oh, that sound means it's time for double puppardy. [ laughter ] questions are now worth two puppies. >> yes. >> steve: and the next question is for you, tracy. >> jimmy: i'm not even comfortable in the seat. >> steve: you look very comfortable. >> jimmy: if you ask him about the biggest snake -- >> steve: this is a hard one.. [ light laughter ] what type of animal does mohair come from? a, chinchilla. b, goat. or c, sheep. >> what kind of hair? >> steve: mohair. >> mohair? >> steve: mm-hmm. [ light laughter ] a, chinchilla. b, goat, or c, sheep? >> jimmy: this one puppy is winking at me. [ light laughter ] >> i'm going to go b. >> steve: b, goat. you are corrt. [ cheers and applause ] tracy receives kyle mcadams and lisa armstrong. come on out, puppies. [ cheers and applause ] [ barking ] [ applause ] >> steve: okay. all right, jimmy. next question goes to you. [ light laughter ] that's a calendar picture right there. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: the golden retriever -- the golden retri

it's all part of their plan to totally cut out the middleman, you know, girl scouts. [ laughter ] >>>>teve: yeah. >> jimmy: just to get them right out of there. why bother? >> steve: yeah. directly to the consumer. >> jimmy: you don't needs the badge? [ laughter ] yeah. yeah. ooh, a little controversy here, guys. some people are upset about a a billboard in utah. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: uh-huh. that advertises a dating site called wherewhitepeoplemeet.com. [ laughter ] even more controversial, it's now utah's state motto. [ applause ] isn't that unbelievable. they took the whole thing. they like it. >> steve: they have to. >> jimmy: here's a local story. a street here in new york city once known as music row lost its last music shop when an when asked how the accordion store was able to stay open for so long, the owner said, "because we were selling weed [ laughter and applause ] it was a front. you weren't really selling accordions. finally, some international news here. china's new law allowing couples to have two children instead of just one went into effect in the new year. [ cheer

teve: if candy had nuts in them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's true. hey, here's some tech news. [ laughter ] segue. yeah. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: over at the consumer electronics show in las vegas a drone that can carry a a person. people were like, "wow, a a helicopter?" [ laughter and applause ] that's already been invented years ago. we're good. >> steve: got it. >> jimmy: shoulda googled that. yeah. one of the big gadgets this year is the virtual reality headset. everyone's talking about that. one company is actually coming out with a virtual reality porn. it's supposed to be pretty realistic, so check out this guy trying it out for the very -- [ laughter ] for the very first time. watch this. >> there's some naughty america v.r. porn content in here. i'm gonna go check it out. here's your first threesome. whoa, whoa. [ laughter ] i am a porn star. i am a male porn star. oh, my -- oh, my god. they're right there. they are really right there. what do you want? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i just hope he's not like that with actual women. he's like, "st

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>>>>teve: all right. there you go. double the fun. >> jimmy: guys, this next one was sent in by derek timm in philadelphia. he was filling out a health questionnaire wnline and came across#this question. "how many fatal heart t tacks have you had in the past year?" [ laughter ] >> steve: oh. last year? >> jimmy: fatal. >> steve: last year? >> jimmy: i'm not sure that one unts. >> s sve: that was more of a a stroke. >> jimmy: i'm gonna say zero. yeah. next one was sent in by tyler dyemint, in south portland, maine. he was srching netflix for something to watch. let's see what he found.d. oh, cool. "the legend of frosty the snowman." >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: let's take a look at the description here. [ laughter ] "20 years behind bars for a a crime he didn't commit. life as a free man is hard, especially when no one believes you." [ applause ] >> steve: i murdered a man. i tore his face off. >> jimmy: all right. hey, hey, hey. frosty, frosty. >> steve: then i wore his skin. >> jimmy: the next one was sent in by kristin ni

>>>>teve: come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love michael shannon. >> steve: very dry. >> jimmy: very dry sense of humor. very very, clever, very funny human being. and we have great music from, gosh, you're going to love these guys, cage the elephant is here tonight. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they're a great, great band. listen to this jam. u wanna hear this jam out? ahh ahh no she don't mess around >> jimmy: that's it. steve: oh, that's i i >> jimmy: "don't mess around." that's it. cage the elephant is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] guys, it is time to take a look at the stories makg headlines today and weigh the good wh the bad. 's time for "pros and cons." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] pros and cons and pros and cons and pros >> jmy: tonight, we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of f king a new year's resolution. we all make them. so let's take a look at the pros and cons of making a new year's resolution. heree go. >> jimmy: pro, resolving to be smarter with your money. a gym membership and going once. [ applause ] it's what happens

. >> sf teve: really >> jimmy: i don't know. we're not sure. or maybe i won't. you can just try to throw him off the trail. >> questlove: yeah, rope-a-dope it. >> jimmy: i just don't want him to immediately just go with whatever mario does. >> steve: because watch what he does, you might be able to switch. >> jimmy: he's the type of same ingredients and you end up with two totally -- if i make something and he makes something, it's unbelievable how different it is. >> steve: his will be a a thousand times -- >> jt?my: ll, that's why he is who he is. it's like when you have an athlete on the show. and you go, "oh, throw a a football." and i was throwing it like -- [ laughter ] like, that's how i cook. i cook and i go -- >> steve: and you get scared. >> jimmy: mario batali -- yeah, he does -- >> steve: you get scared a lot, too. >> jimmy: he's a genius. we love that guy. guys, time to take a look at stngories and weigh the good with the baa d. it's time here we go. [ cheers and applause ] pros and cons and pros and cons and pros >> jimmy: tonight, we'll be taking

>>>>teve: so there's a ballroom at the mansion? >> jimmy: pro, the front door features two new doorbells. con, and a pair of old knockers. [ laughter and applause ] very classic. >> steve: classy. >> jimmy: all the doors have them. >> steve: so, 100%, top shelf. >> jimmy: and finally, pro, throwing a house warming party and inviting all your friends. con, knowing it's the lamest party that's ever been thrown there. that's the pros and cons. thank you, everybody. we'll be right back with chelsea handler. we sent two women into a real guys night out to see if they could find the guy who uses just for men. it's me. >>no way. just for men gives you a natural gray-free look. just lather in. in just five minutes. great-looking hair, made easy. brandon thinks hellmann's is heaven in a jar. that's because our ingredients come from... farmers committed to responsibly sourced oils... blended with ingredients like cage-free eggs. mmm. heaven. real ingredients. that's how we're working to bring out the best. (burke) at farmers, we've seen almo