the other day i texted portia i was going to get my can washed. obviously, i met my can polished.my car washed. so there's some websites now that are posting the auto-corrects. over the summer, a lot of my viewers sent me theirs. i want to share some of them with you. these are actually things that people sent to us that happened to them. it starts off sweet, this one. i just wanted to say i love you. and then the person writes back. oh, babe, i love you too so much. if i could, i'd buy you a casket. [laughter] then, a casket. damn auto-correct. way to ruin a moment. i definitely do not want you in a casket. hello? like they'd just gone. [applause] castle. not casket. all right. now, imagine you're just going about your day on this one and your dad, you get a text from your dad and it says this. your mom and i are going to divorce next month. and then the person says what? why? call me, please. and then i wrote disney and the phone changed it. we're going to disney. [laughter and applause] it's not divorce. no. this is from somebody who was texting their aunt. and it seems normal

texting during -- what's wrong with -- >> wow. >> ellen: it's crazy. it's a beautiful spot. portiand i were going to get married there, but the intersection was booked that weekend. what a lovely place to get married. hey, everybody, justin bieber is here today. [cheers and applause] exciting. so the video for his new song "mistletoe" just came out last week. already it has over 28 million views on youtube. i don't want to say it's because of me, but it's because of me. i was in the video. i didn't mean to be in the video, but he was shooting it on a street that i happened to be driving down. >> ♪ it's the most beautiful time of the year ♪ [horn honking] [singing continues] >> ellen: justin, get out of the street. get out of the street. go sing on the sidewalk if you want to. [horn honking] and pull up your pants. punk ass kid. [cheers and applause] so justin is here. i'm going to talk to him about selena gomez and his new album and selena gomez and his new dog and selena gomez and him and all kinds of things. that's today's show. next week i'm happy to say the entire cast of the n