to america and see if we can't wipe that peaceful smile off your face with something we call the threatdown. number 5. the avian flu. sir, you've heard a lot about it. but you haven't heard what's really at risk. koch fighting. the sport of kings where thousands of potential warriors buried in mass graves the sport is bound to suffer its greatest loss since the manila mcnugget riots of '98. i am partial to cock fitted with the mexican straight blade. he's a quicker kill. the filipino curve blade is cruel. but until fears of an epidemic pass me and my fellow cock- thusists will have to contend ourselves with bear baiting. apparently the nba's toronto raptors were beaten last night by an israeli basketball team. where's the threat? the last time i checked toronto was in canada. what's a canadian team doing in our national basketball association? can't believe no one has noticed this before. shouldn't they be playing edmonton or moose jaw? i say unless the canadians get out of the nba before they sully our round ball dominance just like they did to hockey. canada, you're on notice. on to numbe

"threatdown," "cheating death," "where are my glasses?" we only did that segment once.hey were in my car. welcome to obama's america. (laughter) tonight, i present the last better know a district. (cheers and applause) over the years, i've interviewed only 81 members of congress. still, 81 out of 434 is pretty good. i think that's every remaining democrat. over the years, i've fenced with marcia fudge, skate boarded with jackie speier, leg-wrestled jason chaffetz, tossed salmon with jim mcdermott, drank beer with russ carnahan, shotgunned beer with dan maffei, funneled beer with jared polis, and dropped acid with maurice hinchey. (laughter) (applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: i don't see why congress can't get anything done. and tonight, we end by returning to the first congressman i ever republican jack kingston of georgia's first district. jim? congressman. thanks for talking to me today. it's good to see you again. >> it's good to be back. >> stephen: for those who may not know, in 2005, you were the very first member of the house of representatives to be be

this is the threatdown. [siren sounds] threat number three, bedbugs. [audience reacts] jim? >> pest control companies say they've never seen anything like it. by some estimates 500% increase in the bedbug population. in the u.s., 95% of pest control companies reported bedbug infestations in the last year. >> it's a pandemic proportion. >> smaller than an apple seed. resilient as a cockroach, blood thirsty as a vampire. >> stephen: tiny vampires. can tiny attractive werewolves be far behind? folks, we are literally sleeping with the enemy, a ravenous, nearly invisible monster that can inject an anaesthetic while it bites so we don't feel it drinking up to three times its body weight in blood. which i say proves they are american bugs. who else could eat three times their body weight in one sitting really? and these... [cheers and applause] yes. and these monsters can be lurking anywhere. >> you knew they were in hotels, homes, subway, but now these blood-sucking creatures have spread to offices. -bloodsuckers have spread far beyond beds, crawling into some ritzy addresses in

this is the threatdown. first up long time viewers know that i am a person. that's why my favorite magazine is people and each year it determines the sexiest man alive. it's a formula that takes into account jawline ruggedness, abs back quantity. this year the reputation has the preeminent supermarket impulse buy. >> people magazine has named its sexiest man alive for 2014 and the winner goes to australian actor chris hemsworth. he was known to movie fans as the hammer wielding -- >> stephen: chris hemsworth. how is he the sexiest man alive. he's not even the sexiest hemsworth alive. which brings me to number three, america's decline of standards of sexiness. this has to be said. first of all an australian. there's nothing sexy about the aussies. you can't see their abs because of the pouch they have in front. this isn't about the title goings to chris hemsworth, it's about it not going to mathew mcconaughey. folks, the last time i checked, he's still alive and as god is my witness, he is a man. and yet somehow he hasn't been the sexiest man alive since 2009.