it was so unacknowledged. i observed that as a sensitive child. the conversation i would have with them. is my way of i knew she would be so sacred. that guided me for many years. are there any other questions? you clearly right with this. for the amount of suffering that your family is. i'm curious if you have any sense of survivor's guilt. what an interesting question an important one. i think i'm hearing this from some the people. our stories are the same. it's not static. escaping as we say the same outcomes that their beloved family members experience. i think that when i was a student at ku i was kind of the defining moment. as i described in this book for some kids supposedly those are like the wildest and most fun years of abandonment. i love being a student and academic. as i said in the book there is a reason with this perceived divide in any lasting way it's because it is a very painful crossing. it means that you are accomplishing the goal that are essential to your own survival and well-being good news, but then by definition you are

i do not believe that the current system where there is an ordinate pressure often unacknowledged upon commanders that they will never get in trouble by referring a case to the jury or court-martial and let the members sorted out. increased fortitude on the part of the commanders i think what we need to do is allow them what they say is the top cover to say i disagree with the findings but i want to check with someone with more experience right now unless the case is extraordinarily serious it's goes first to a captain or a reservist sometimes a reservist with the family court practice they are not that familiar with criminal law but if we say you feel strongly about that commander, let's run this up the flagpole to see what the service military judge says then that is the failsafe. and i believe that is one answer to the problem. >> then you're creating problems with the decisions about charges quick. >> i don't disagree but i also understand there could be merits of article 32 that has finding no probable cause for some other change in the underlying factors and i also agree with the

not believe that the current system, where there is inordinate pressure, social pressure, often unacknowledged among commanders that they are never going to get in trouble by referring a case to a jury or a court martial and allowing the members to sort it out. absent increased intestinal fortitude on the part of our commanders, i think what we need to do is allow them the, if you will -- that is a word. top cover is what they say in the marine corps of okay i entry with this finding but my gut says go forward. i want to gut check with number with more experience. right now -- i mean, unless the case is extraordinarily serious the fauxes tep to be first -- captains, reservists, sometimes reservists with a family core practice or the wills and trusts practice, so they are not conversant with criminal law. if we instead say okay you feel strongly about that commander, let's run this up the flag pole and see what a very experienced military judge says. and then allow that to be the fail-safe. and i believe that that would answer the problem. >> does that create, in your mind, problems between now

to do and that was a weight-- well, i was in the context of a world where my own value was so unacknowledged in this capitalist society that my family appeared to be on the losing end up and for meritocracy that suggest we are losers, doesn't it? i'd read that as as a sensitive childer and so this conversatioi would have with the daughter was my way of like i knew that she would be so sacred that i would do anything to do right by her and i could write to that challenge more reliably than i could rise to the challenge of doing right by myself and that guided me for many years and that ended up as the framework for the book and then i felt like, yes, i would throw up if people read this. [laughter] mission accomplished. any other questions? >> hello, sarah. i'm about a hundred pages into your book right now and it's definitely moving. you clearly right-- you clearly have some much sympathy for the suffering yourin family and peoe who grew up in your situation have been through.m i'm curious if you have any sense of like survivor guilt? >> whatr' an interesting questin and important one becaus

the unacknowledged privileges of being a historian is the option if you don't like the present to live in the past. and i'm doing that right now. very happily. you know sh it, it's funny. i look at this differently. that is the relationship between journalists and historians. it's sort of like in oklahoma, musical, the song with the farmers and the cowboy "should be friends." i'm not sure -- ironically, some of our best historians are journalists. maybe vice versa. there's a reason though thafr it said that journalists write the first draft of history. the classic example in modern times is dwight eisenhower who at the first poll after a presidential historian after he left office, he finished below chester arthur, that doesn't happen anymore. and so i raise the question, what did we get wrong? dwight eisenhower was along with george washington was one of maybe the only men in our history for whom the presidency was a demotion. you know? there is that wonderful story that involving milton, ike's brother who is president of the university of pennsylvania and they were getting ready. he

>> it's interesting, one of the wonderful unacknowledged privileges of being a historian is the option if you don't like the president to live in the past. i am doing that right now and happily. it's funny, i look at things differently. that is the relationship between journalists and historians. in oklahoma, the musical, the song with the farmers and the cowboys, should be friends. i am not sure, ironically some of our best historians are journalists. maybe vice versa. there is a reason that it said that journalists write the first draft of history. the classic example is dwight eisenhower. who at the first pole, after presidential historian left office he finished below chester arthur, that doesn't happen anymore. what did we get wrong, they wanted us to get it wrong. along with george washington, one of maybe the only men in history for whom the presidency was a demotion. there was the wonderful story that involving milton, he was a president of the university of virginia, it was outdoors and the weather was threatening and they were making small talk and milton said to kill the tim