you can let your ass get its own zip code, let your ears go unplucked, eat on the toilet. okay. that's a time saver. and a two-year commitment? that's a congressional term, which means you're really only married for one year because your second year you're campaigning to be reelected spouse. what if you face a primary challenger with more crowd-pleasing ambassador or a bolder vision for shared housework? your lawn would be cluttered with campaign posters, jose martinez will swiffer under the couch, jose martinez for husband. no way, mexico, marriage is called the ball and chain, not the ball and velcro strap. next up, folks, they get it. folks, i am super pumped for the upcoming release of "call of duty: modern warfare 3." it lets you bro blow up the streets of paris, london and berlin. you'll destroy so much of europe you'll think you're the greek economy. [laughter] but the big news, the big news is "call of duty's" promotion where just by buying mountain dew and dorito, players can redeem codes in the packaging for double experience time, which gives you more weapons, more pe